The feeling of being torn apart
On the inside
Is such a feeling underrated
Vicious thoughts boiling inside
With no outlet in site
Tears run down my face
Having the weight of my emotions
But these tears are not on the outside
They bleed into a cup i created
A cup made of elastic material
But even it has cracks
Cracks that form fissures
Fissures that form deep gorges
The more i bleed
The more my eyes become lifeless
I want to let it out
But i fear suffocating the ones closest to me
With these crushing ardor
I hold my younger self close
And look him in the eye
And whisper why are we so broken?
And he looks at me
And crimson tears fall from his face
With a face of utter ignorance
But he whispers back
“You have fixed us”
As he fades from my arms
He does so with a smile that speaks
“All will be well in due course”

Hey!?
Why are you sitting there like that??
I don’t know
I just feel alittle down in the dumbs
Oh!?why??
I just feel thar the core of my existence is vain
Why would you say that??
Think of it this way
A carpenter that can’t make smooth tables
An firefighter  who can’t put out fires
A singer that is mute
An artist with no art
What are you trying to tell me?
I’ll explain
I have always put my worth in how people respond to me!
I don’t quite get how that relates to the other sentences??!
I’ll continue
I treated my self as an occupation
A career
A position to occupy to be of use
Thinking like this got me to have expecations
And what do you expect from an imperfect being??
I don’t know mistakes i guess?
Your getting it lets continue
Expectations leading to disappointment
Over and over and over and over and over
To me to myself i didn’t know why this was happening
Am I not worthy of getting what I give?
Is something wrong with me?
Is my soul and body that ugly?
Is this face that i see in the mirror a facade
A construct of my broken psyche
Wait hold on a moment!??
So your saying your mad?
I don’t think your crazy though
You quite delightful
Hmm..I Shall proceed…
As I came to this conclusion
And shattering awakening
Despair befell my mind
I even made constructs to contain this shattered mind
What are the constructs you might ask
Pain,Anger,Vices,Will,Madness andEmotions
So Each was like an Espada on my grand table
Headed by a construct  I did not create
This kinda sounds like a movie man!!thats raddd!!
Shut up I am almost done anyway
So as the castle crumbled
The unseen constructs took control
And then the realization
Why do I feel pain?
Why do I have to feel this way?
Internal thoughts or feelings never reach the ones directed to them
The pain in my chest after this realisation
Deepened like a void
Why are you unworthy?
Maybe I have the face of a goblin?
The heart of a demon?
The actions of a greedy king?
No one answered my questions?
As i wailed in atmost silence
A chill befell my body
As if the kiss of death
And i saw the construct of the unseen
Ask me do you want it to stop?
I answered,”Yes make it stop”
He answered,”Very well but you won’t come back from this.”
The construct “feeling” was butchered infront of me
And he walked away!
But I remember clearly in its final moments
He smiled as If its thoughts flowed into my head
“Do not fear i do not hold it against you”
This made grief feel the heart of this weak being
Why?!
Do you think i made the righr decision?!
Do you?!
I don’t know
Lets go home now its late

When i was a boy i believed
Love could transcend all
I was absorbed by the idea of this
And believed that thats how its supposed to be
But little did i know that was an inflated idea
That would soon bring forth alot of pain
The feeling of assurance
Comfort
A mental link like non other
Is what i thought love was
But the crude reality of it
Is for love to be present
Conditions must be met
A certain question commonly asked
Why do you love me?
Ironically people want to know why
But what if i told you
Unconditional love cannot be explained in theory
This means you will know when you are loved when you have nothing to offer
Not materialistically by emotionally too
Coming to human connections
They might all be as finite as human existence itself
Because simple distance itself destroys alot of the so-called grand emotions we have
The question is why live this vain existence
Of temporary feelings which in truth
Are not real
But as we know
With humans there is always variation
There are exceptions of-course
But it is within my right to say
That its not easy to get this entity
Might I pose a few questions to you dear reader?
Do you think love is just a cocktail of hormones?
Or an idea human beings fabricated?
Or to make sense of how we should interact with one another?
That I do not know
I myself struggle to understand my species
Especially with how they interact with each other
We are cruel
We lie
We deceive
We take
We break
We fake
We are greedy
We are angry
We are scared
But thinking about it
These might be the things that are real
Or I dare say pure in comparison to Love
And conveniently we always find a way
To blame something else for how we behave
Sometimes I think it might not be worth it
Living in an ever growing facade
And yet will i still be human if i don’t live like one?
These are just the writings of an unknown poet
Or the rambling of a crazed individual
But an unpopular opinion will be
Emotions that are not authentic will always fade
Take for example
There are two men both widowers
One remarried the other did not
The one even had a new family
They both still take care of the tomb stones
Who do you think loved their wife more?
And yes you would bring the argument of
“Life goes on”
“One can love again”
But i am nor trying to force an ideal upon you
But these are questions just out there
Another question you might ask
What If I do not find this entity?
In friendship
In a spouse
In a family setting
Would you be disheartened  by this?
The answer is I don’t know
But I do know is
If you are willing to really to connect with people
Do not settle for scraps
Because i dare say
Due to the variation in human behaviour
You will find your people or that person
It might take your whole life time
It might never happen
And sadly we do not have infinite time
The choice is yours
Join the facade
Or have authentic connections
Or embrace solitude