society the suicide disease
aware of proliferation
following the reaper
abused substance
synthetic chemicals

trailing behind god
melodic tone perceptions
tears high
value low
long will it hurt
loved ones go
drapery over eyes
shadow plays

youth is growing old
give something to behave
only here is now

find the dead
hanging around the head
lidless crossed eye
it's okay
reaching so high
falling so deep
precious human soul

you walk ever closer
taste the doubt
dying on your blade
subject to be aware
visage of pain

You told me not to sell myself short.
What were you trying to say?
How do I "simply" break these chains?
It's too hard.

What's the purpose?
I have walked full circle.
The longer I stay in my head;
the more things start to disappear.
Where are you?

Whose side are you really on?
Are you trying to elevate me?
Maybe, it's all an elaborate scheme.
You're made up.
I'm trying to end this.

Now, I am doing what you said.
The longer I fade;
the more abstract it all concerns.
You're just a ******* hypnosis.
Dazing me into hurting myself.

Before the idea of being "trapped";
there was only me.
You seem to forget my guilt,
the weight of shame.

After you, there will be me.
I'm having a change of heart.
And, the fear is coming true.
How can you just disappear?
I am disappointed.

Beauty marks across an ocean of skin.
Hence a time, I adored to drown in.
For once, I would love to be lost,
and always; forgotten within you.

Those eyes constantly blooming,
always consuming.

The things I would do,
the words I would say,
just to hold you another day.

The Sun arise, our time calls.
I want to be a fixture in your eyes,
a breath, even a heartfelt pause.

Always dear,
and yet mindfully clear;
I will always be, such a delicate friend.
So lucky, yet special.
I will always forgive,
and yet profess, you within me.

Our path, long.
Your mind stays.
Our hearts, they convey,
just to hold you another day.

Before you, I always knew;
those eyes, confined a warm place.
Like a time lost, across the ocean of skin.
Where our beauty marks are sprawled within.

Underneath a shadow.
Crawling upon sterile cold floors.
Sharply inhaling onerous empty skies.
Eyes bent by a tainted sorrow abyss.

Imbuing the aura.
Asphyxiating the weight.
An arduous defence.
Certain only to crumble.
Who to be blamed?

Cascading the dark.
Observing cosmic strain.
Holistic transmutation.
Solar waves collide.
Night becomes grey.
Day is rebuked.
Alive.

In this segmentation I am idle
I see the blossoming of the Sun
The regret to change is right in front of my eyes
I recall this trance and it's not a dream
A different place unable to relate a specific time

I see the insanity of my actions
The reason why I am lost
The purpose of my animosity
A  delegation to self loathing
And then I see you

You are a mirror
Gazing into my eyes
With a bubbling caress
You boil my blood
Tightening my chest
Glaring into my shallowness

I gave it all up
Because i'm some ******* fool
And playing coy is simple
You sit next to me
And I have little to say
But the feeling remains

I disapprove of this acceptance
But cannot reject the offer
So I wallow in my jaded destiny
Crying with the sadness of desperation
Accepting every reason why

You gave me what I wanted
And only provoked the taste
I was hungry and you didn't care
Now I feed myself upon the emptiness
And question all of the actions
Only to be conflicted

You sit with the Moon at your back
And I never understood why
But now it's so clear
Because the Sun never bloomed
And a piece of me will always be lost
Just a reminder of who I was

We are born into this mortal coil.
You, and I.
Sharpening rocks,
breaking bone.

Our transgressions are destined.
You carry the cure,
swallowing the sea.
I am the cause,
the bringer of tears.

Architect of this endless cycle.
When you lecture me,
it's with a blank stare.
I don't want to hear it,
I only want you there.

A revelation, just think clearly.
I am not delegated to profane this existence.
I sharpen rocks that break bones.
I have transgressions out of my power.
Purpose is elsewhere, and time the reminder.
You are here beside me.

My identity is in question;
for as long I am to sit.
And; long will I sit.
Not a single murmur.
Just as I wish.
Nothing more, not a thing less.

I provoke answers.
And, **** for them fearfully.
I question; why?
Empathy or compassion?
Acceptance over judgment?
Turbulent or assertive?
What is correct in the end of all things?

Conscious.
Bountiful.
Polarizing.
Silence.
The answers are clear.
The practice is destructive.

Will I ascend?
Or, I may never awaken.
Maybe no one is there.
Am I?

Pick up and trek on.
Spiraling in this loop downward.
Angst; feeding upon ego.
With only two eyes to mourn.
This identity is to forsake.
Peace be but a dream.
Long will I sit.

Stuck in my head with this sickle hanging low
Within the forest of music
Nestled empty under a cradle of nature
Empty chest choked with the guilt
Quivering lips forget the words
Left incomplete as you go
The tranquil grove is no more
As the stars rain down like tears often do
The light shining above me is nothing special
This razor extinguishes the pain
The swirling blue embers reminding me of you
But you are not here by me
And now I swim in the creek
The current is pulling me into the abyss
I see no reason to comply
And the sanctified caress of the grass is warming
All I ever knew was you, and now I don't know myself
I don't want to go
What choice is there in this grief
Surrounded by the maggots and butterfly
Shrouded in your vibration
Your shoulders are so strong
I wish this was all I had to be
The anger is so primal and unforgiving
You are coming to terms and resenting me
Why should I try at the cemetery
Crawling around I'm wasted in the undertow
What was it you had to say
I just want to feel normal
Now it's too late
I'll hang onto those murmured words
Even though in this twilight I am to blame

I feel ******* stagnant.
Words I "pretty-up," justified; as if anyone cares.
The addiction I feed slows me down.
I'm getting older, even dumber.
The more **** I learn, the less I know.
Romanticize about **** that will never happen,
or history overly glorified.

I want to reach out for help,
but this facade is supposed to be stoic.
How am I to relate,
when every ******* thing I see is dreamed up, "imaginary?"

I am a husk, a shell of the former me.
A happier man, sickened with ego.
Heightened on the pedestal, I carry myself.
Sometimes, I can't even see the ******* ground below my feet.
Prior to before, everything now revolves around me.

I care deeply about people.
I cannot function in the day to day reality.
So, I soak and sit alone, most nights I feel like a drone.
Wanting to be intelligent, wanting to be artistic.
Wanting to help people, wanting to be iconic.
Honestly, just a speckle in the **** we call life.

If I could harness anger,
I would be feared?

If I stood at the precipice,
I would be strong.

If I was related,
who would call home?

If this has meaning.
where do I go?

Jaded with loneliness.
I weep alone.

wake and go
strap-up and fix the razor blade
seize the day
work and get paid

**** up
no time to stop
just appreciate and fold
hang your head
"you can do it"
i'm offended

used to joke
now; who is dead?
yeah; yeah, yeah we are sad
i'm not woke

once a cutter, now only a janitor
no joke
no new years
only the past
the gums keep bleeding
my heart is intact

where is the strength in numbers?
here are zero
where is my hero
everyone here is a nero

the only god is minerva
i bet she smells like edelweiss
her hands are a vice
divide

I wake to the streaming of tears
don't think me down on my luck
I am only gently stuck

hands begging to be free
guided by sirens
who sound heavenly

the caress of yesterday's misery
with a cup halfway filled
sitting in the filth
waiting to be spilled

they aren't friendly
these imposters in my body
don't take them seriously

we used to be apes
hanging in the canopies
where the waves cannot reach

a shared home no more
but we climb around
getting stuck
while losing ground

a few less fingers
pointless to blame
the talking mind
completely inhumane

the swords hold us high
the sky kisses us gently
our lord and savior
humanity

In days of emergence and growth...
Hidden nestled confusion identity;
April blossoming evermore subtle.
The felled tree rooted staunchly.

Stuck within syllabus.
Bound by a soften hand,
gently caressed and unsure.
Phasing the conception of man.
Regardless of strength to endure.

Microcosm of macronutrients;
stunting the intellectual growth.
Ideally opinion held limbo.
Dreaming remaining upspoke.

Trees who are felled,
still crying the sap.
Forever stuck in this rut,
a calamity of traps.

Hence of alteration.
Out of this body,
with little mind.
Trickling down the web;
and upon my spine.

Addiction, headaches, sleep walking.
Cocktails of the past.
Stuck in relapse, with little to know.
Or how fast.