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 Jul 2014 Onus
Kida Price
Slothful
 Jul 2014 Onus
Kida Price
Open eyes
Check
Stand up straight
Check
Sit back down
****...
Pull the covers back on
****.
Check the web
Fine
Hear some tunes
Alright
Open eyes
Check
Stand up straight
Check
Empty bowels
Check
Sit in the shower
Oh no
Fall asleep
****
Freezing and wet
Awake
Force myself to shake
Awake
Get dressed and contemplate
Check
Invent a list for the day
Check
Sit on couch
****
Netflix has a new show season
Just a couple to start the day
****
Pull the covers back on
****
Eat something
Check
Walk a dog or look in the mailbox
Move
******* move
Too bored to think
Too lazy to speak
Too drained to creep
A zombie trapped in this house for weeks
 Jul 2014 Onus
Kida Price
It takes a minute to hear your voice.
To place a dream and waking willingly apart.
I turn and search for a rectangle device
That's been left burning all night.
"Wake up baby"
Electric sounds.
I turn and curve at his gravitational sound.
Lift it in my hands to see
My waking love
Waking me.
I should worry about radiation
That's pouring into me.
But he's worth the worry
Just to see.
"Tell me all about your dreams"
Still foggy I comply
And let the poison drip out of me.
He moves from room to room
And he carries me.
While I lay in bed and follow.
"How many eggs? 4 or 6?"
And I make a choice for his nutrients.
5 isn't right cause it's uneven.
46 is way too much.
I choose a moment and smile at him
While he stirs the contents of his cup.
A glance from clocks to me
Debating on wether he should leave.
"Don't be late or stay with me?"
But staying means more radiology.
I fall in step with his morning routine
Without ever moving from my waking scene.
I kiss the screen and he kissed me
Voicing love so lovingly.
Reconnecting every morning.
I'm sure it easy when he's snoring
To let the device burn all till morning.
I fell asleep with his face in my hand
Though, I could not touch and I could not grab.
"I call you when I'm driving back. I'll see you later on tonight. I love you, sweety. Have a good day"
And then we wave and press a red button to start our usual days.
And never moving once,
The pillows I bury my face in go flat.
I dare not fall back to sleep.
Because on my device he might message back.
 Jul 2014 Onus
Kida Price
First sighted love
Fills my chest
Warms the core.
Quiet conversation
Hearing words
Learning more.
Brushing hands
Touching lips
Hands gripped firmly around my hips.
Laying down
Fighting the urge
Pushing the envelope just a little more.
Feel the chill
As we exhale.
Craving touch
Inside ourselves.
Time goes by
Replay
Words to fill the time away.
Trying to think of things to say.
Help me keep the heat aflame.
What to watch?
What to do?
Of course I'm not getting bored with you?
Should we fool around some more
Or are you tired?
Cuddle on the floor?
Have you heard this joke before?
Do you feel like eating out once more?
Loving still
Without the thrill
Give it back
We're not yet filled.
We've come so far
To walk away.
Maybe we just need a day
Or two or a week.
Let me miss you
Craving to hear your voice to speak.
He's just a friend.
Who is she?
They seem so very different
From me.
I didn't mean the things I said.
You won't allow yourself
To be comforted.
Parted ways
And still it burns.
Keeping tabs
But pictures turned
Into ashes.
Where is he?
Did she leave?
Our friends just won't stop asking.
******* stop reminding me.
Finding others to fill the need.
Days, weeks and months wander astray
Since seeing your face turn and fade away.
It sparks a bit
But only just.
I pray it's doused and it must.
Random message
Just checking in
Hope you're happy
How have you been?
Feeling it being lit again.
First sighted love
Fills my chest
Warms the core.
Quiet conversation.
Stay aflame
Let's do this again.
 Jul 2014 Onus
Kida Price
I know it seems that my surface
Is looking a little worn.
You read my words freely here
And assume I'm a bit torn.
I'd censor it but you would know
From the words I speak
From the truth you know.
It's just an imbalance of chemicals, love
Now don't be worried about me anymore.
It's release of things I've shared
Talking alone won't leave me square.
The even corners of my shape
Twist and shift each time I contemplate
With the joys I've lived to the marks I make.
You know me well
You've felt me shake.
I don't really think your intentions are fake.
Nor am I in disbelief that you can't relate.
The thoughts I have
The choices I make
Are the reasons why I'm in this state.
You've witness my smile becoming rage
For no reason at all and that's why I wait.
I know that you want to take care of me
But let me take a crack at it first and see
If the **** in my past can stay behind me.
Let me be there for you
If loving me is your job then let me in on it too.
I know you lift, bro
But it doesn't mean you have to lift me too.
Let me love you the way I know.
You're stronger than me
And I'm adjusting to that.
Being loved by you is intimidating as crap.
It's getting to the point where I can't take it back.
If I lose you too, I won't have jack.
If you worry then I crack.
Baby, please, put your mind at ease.
You're the reason why I'm still ticking.
Knowing you on the other side of things
All you need is a day in advance just in time to catch me.
You're not fading or diminishing in my memory.
Because when I'm thinking of you
It's certain you're thinking of me.
We've both had words hidden secretly
Found angrily by our families.
You're free to read mine as you please.
No secrets from you.
No secrets from me.
It's exactly the reason why I'm functioning.
So love, put your mind at ease.
They're only words pouring out of me.
 Jul 2014 Onus
Kida Price
Us
 Jul 2014 Onus
Kida Price
Us
Ten years shy of our interlude
You watching me punching you.
First impressions were insude.
Who would have thought they would have lasted as long as you?
Hardened shells
Never crack
Passing notes
Hear you laugh.
Searching hallways
Looking back
See your face
Give me that.
A casualty of a hacky sack.
Keeping face and holding back.
Hug me tight
Apology
You won't see a single tear from me.
Turned your back away from me
Never wanting comforting
Especially from the likes of me.
Hugging back
Selflessly
Making you see this isn't me.
Highschool drama
**** those llamas
Keeping rage to a tolerable somber.
Pretending not to see you leave
So far away from my company.
Feeling others pulling me
Away from your integrity
Intentions made so violently
Trying to hate you
Have you forgetting me.
Angry notes are pushing
You farther and farther away from me.
Making us complicating
Something as simple as you and me.
**** this ****
I want this
Complicate me with our trust.
Let me be the one you dance with
When there are others you dismiss.
Passing up what could have been our first kiss.
Day of love
The day I hate
Who needs a valentine?
It could **** my taint.
Down the hall behind your back
A little flower
Now I'm trapped.
Handing it to me
Watching a smile grow widely.
Making my words into hypocrisy
Now they know I'm a girl and see
How you're cracking every bit of me?
Kissing cheeks
Make us blush
Never stopping our blood from the rush.
Holding hands
Intertwined
Finishing sentences
Reading minds.
It almost felt like you were mine
Before life parted us with time.
Far away
Computer screens
Catching up
Living things
Watching you love and letting you be
At least we had the memories.
Fell into some habits
So did you.
What is our lives coming to?
Feeling the shells harden again
Please don't break it
Let me pretend
You don't see me on this end.
You won't be proud of the things I did.
Fall off planets
Wedding bands
Stand at attention
No longer in each other's plans.
Seeing the world is the latest trend.
Asian continent
Back on earth we land
What are the odds
Of you planting your legs where I stand?
Aisle walks
Who's at the end?
Selecting food with a friend.
Stand like a statue
As I ascend
Hardly believing we're breathing the same oxygen.
Did you shake?
When I wrapped my hands
Around your back
Am I an illusion?
Miles from home
And I found my friend.
Bring my songs back to life
Thinking we've change
Together that's a lie.
There's much to do about nothing
To pick up where we left off back then.
The mold I'm squeezing myself in
You trying to keep yourself busy
Any excuse to have a run in meeting.
Find religion
No, but you'll spend time with me.
Watch me do some mormoning.
Maybe come over for some holidays
See the part where I'm cooking things.
Confiding in you that I hate Christmas
And you full heartedly agree.
It's not that bad though on the couch reminiscing.
Pull out year books and point out people
Together hating
What have you been up to since leaving me?
I love long stories
They won't bother me.
Once again fingers entangling.
Almost forgetting to whom I'm belonging.
Don't remind me of what I'm craving.
Here...look at these girls
They're all that you need.
The attention you give me only makes me think.
FHE hide and seek
Sit in my car
Listen to me sink
Oh, you met someone
Isn't that neat?
She makes you laugh
She helps you feel less lonely.
It wasn't until you had us meet
That my inner envy began to creep.
That night before deploying...
Even in front of her
You saying that you loved me.
And I believing it being more than friendly.
6 months out
Desert sands
Losing someone you thought you had
On both of our ends.
Ask advice
The hell if I know
The same thing is happening to me.
I wish it wasn't how it came to be.
A matter of time before you return to me.
Work day
In my registers place
I'm the first you choose to chase
And in response I jump to your embrace.
Relieved you came back in safety.
You came back home
And my home came back to me.
Darken sidewalks
Hand in hand
Tell me how you spent your time in the sand
Your place now
And I confess
There's things I feel
Parts of you I missed.
Expecting you to call me out
It's not fidelity if I say it out loud.
And yet you don't
You mimic me
Telling that you had been missing
Me.
At least we know
We said our peace
No further even though our doors are opening.
Don't swing wide
Don't let me feel your breeze.
Just one toe in
That's all I need.
Game of thrones
Barrack rooms
Wondering what I said to you
Just lay down
Don't go too far
Non make out session
Our hearts pound hard.
I'm on top
My face too close
Touching lips
The story goes
It's you and me
Staring
Can't believing it to be happening.
Just this once and then no more
Kissing as if we never had before.
Trying hard as hell to not want more.
All convictions to the floor
Loving each other like there's a settle to score.
But it doesn't count if you don't say
That you love me in anyway.
Let's keep it casual, I say.
Let's try to stop this all today.
Going out
Drinking scene
I'm trying to look pretty.
And you always look good
In whatever you throw on
Inebriated I try to make you sing a song.
Go out for some air
Let the drinks speak for me
Telling you I love you right then and there
Regardless of whoever could hear.
Moving too fast but I didn't care
If I lost you again at least of have it out there.
Drink me up into your cares
I'd rather be here than where I came
While you tell me you love me all the same.
It's probably wrong for both of us to say
But we've know it too long to be too ashamed.
Let someone else take the blame
Of constantly getting in the way.
Evenings spent in each other's sway
Till he calls or we get too carried away.
Not letting me go home just yet
Don't leave me alone
Don't make me forget
The places I've kissed on your neck.
Crevices discovered
New places of wonder
In and outside of those covers
No control
Let's leave the room
In the zone
Inhale those smoking fumes
Stupid smiles
To one another
They all knew about us and each other
The lust branded us both lovers
Except for that certain act
We broke ourselves not to rein act.
Kissing can be forgiven
But that sure as hell can't
Only when we belong to each other
Would we ever do that.
When and not if
After all of this
We felt too much with every kiss.
Placing each other in each future scenario
Naming kids and watching them grow
In our heads.
Plucking out names as we star gazed
Debating on waiting or straight away
Having our perfect family.
Talking of sharing our lives alone
But we weren't alone.
Knocks on the door
Back home there was met
Someone who found out our little secret.
Confronted
Turns out that I was actually wanted
Could have fool me by his quiet neglect
And we were both being treated like back stabbing suspects.
And that's when the guilt in me crept.
Stronger than I, you stood your ground.
Feeling bad for the conflict but not for being around.
Wanting to protect me from every sound
Of rage and breaking hearted rebound.
And after that it was like a divorcing trial
He'd have me all week and then you on the weekend but only for a little while.
Trying to keep myself going wild
Trying have both of you smile.
Stupid me
Now I see
I'm not the kind of person meant for sharing.
Back and forth and still I'd be
Exposed to 360 degrees of jealousy.
And on top of that you were leaving me.
Not deliberately
Not intentionally
Not wanting
To see me fade away into nothing.
Do our time
Make it count
Get the claw and pull nemo out.
******* there's a gloomy bear?
10 more tokens then we're there.
Photo booth
Print it clear
That we happened. We were here.
Walk a trail and find a tower
Watch the sunset from the water.
Skip those rocks until I get it right
We were always worth the fight
For any of those memories to see the light.
Knowing though right now can't be
Someday you ask to marry me
I've been asked that before
And you see where that got me
You don't blame me for the disbelief
And your ever hopeful eyes still plead
Never thinking back in spite
The things we felt on your last night.
Folding socks
Packing tight
Kissing time away that night.
Interrupted
And I left
Feeling so in completed.
Watch the clock before you take off
I need to make it now or not
Walk right through the terminal doors
And all of your resolve plummeted to the floor.
One last time and then no more.
It's hard enough to say goodbye
I can't do it when you have tears in your eyes
Trying hard to hold back mine
All we wanted was a little more time.
We always joked of how
Hours went by like seconds now
God allowed time to slow
When you're feeling miserable.
In the line
Watch you fly
Now it's only me, myself and I.
Hoping one of us can keep our memories
As my tangible one fade away from me.
Try again to recommitting
To the one I left hanging.
Trying to still be in your mind
But letting go to prove him right.
Then he left me high and dry
Should have saw that coming as soon as you took flight.
Hoping you put me from your sight
Burn my letters and live your life right.
While I deny myself the right and mine
Thinking I deserve it for my crime.
Breaking 3 hearts including mine.
Pass the time
I need to be better
I need to follow his life to the letter
Thinking I don't deserve much better
The one who you had wants out but I won't let her.
Feels like I waited forever.
Reconnected the line to the wrong receiver.
Thought I had done what I thought was best
Hearing your voice say those words and I couldn't contest
With your distance and your suppressed
Empathy for my distress.
It's the undeniable consequences.
Let myself fall of the surface
Breaking ties
Become the enemy
Become the very kind of person
I spent my life loathing.
Prey upon those who'd believe
All the pretty words I'd seethed.
Who knew it could be this easy
To make someone else fall in love with me?
Faceless guys who tripped to see
Any kind of attention from me.
Getting drunk every evening
Just to **** the part of me with feeling.
Touch me want me kiss me taunt me
Think you've made me the one who's wanting?
And then the prodigal boy who bounced me
Came back when he saw what I was flaunting.
You would have rolled your eyes at me
With everything that I was portraying.
Going back to the way I was playing.
In my defense I wasn't thinking.
About him.
About you.
About myself or what I had to do.
Deny the basic human right
To feel some happiness
To feel alive.
Take the bottle and the pills
Waking up the next morning
Disappointment with a side of chills.
At least it was a wake up call
Trying to control it all
If I was going to let myself fall
I didn't want to inconvenience anyone at all.
Play the part
Say the words
Live the lie
Make it work
Made my plans
Aligned with his
Come back home and he leaves again.
Knowing in the back of my head
You were somewhere else
And you lived.
Maybe someone was warming your bed.
Last we spoke, someone did.
Trying to keep my space again
I'd done enough as it is
For you to want to see my face again.
So I had thought
And I did.
You were waiting for my message.
Even if it was just as friends.
Facebook stalking
We both admit
We'd do it weekly until one of us
Started talking.
Passing thoughts
Wait for an update
Profile pictures
Changing
I kept taking more and more
Note on your tagged photos
Wondering who took those.
Did you still have the ones I took?
When you were alone and thinking
Did you have a look?
Did you ever think of me?
Why the hell aren't you messaging?
Then I, with silence breaking
"Hey there stranger...."
Message seen
Then you said you were willing me
To say those words through the screen.
Find out how you were close to me.
How did I feel about visiting?
Driving three hours to my county
And now to you I'm nervously driving.
Pulling up next to you
*******!
When did he get so huge.
Wait a moment for my breathing to ensue.
Unbuckle, get out and walk to you.
Pulled me in
Was the first thing you do
And the the feeling came rushing through.
Like some ****** on a binge
God, it felt so good to be held again.
Trying to avoid holding hands
Check me out
And I'll check you back
Tease each other
Make me crack
Almost kiss
Pull away
**** this ****
Do it anyways.
Walking in public places
Didn't help the pulsing phases
The time apart didn't diminish the traces
Of the physical draw, we just misplaced it
Maybe we should go back to my place
Watching some film while we look away
Baby, let's not get carried away
Close call
You almost made me fall
Crazy how that felt like no time at all
Till we're back on the same spiral.
Catch a glimpse of my swinging face
Smile now frown now back to our places
It's hard to feel so far away
When I stare at your face through this screen everyday
When I fall asleep to your voice at night
When we speak of drawing first blood
How hott it would be to fight.
Making business meetings
Into merging companies
Telling secrets
Making scenes
Silly faces
Fairly lands
Does it bother you?
It never did.
Trying to make my life less complicated
Convincing me
That the ground your standing
Is the one you claimed
Like planting a flag down in the name of your country.
Come to my door
Pull the beasts away from the floor
Then I'm against the wall
Pick me up
Never letting me fall
First impressions are the best
You say hello in a way if can't contest
Trying to keep the shake from your hands
As you fiddle and press all my buttons
Road trip riots
Scream out windows
Call me maybe?
That poor couple.
Amusement parks are just a perk
We're already amused together with the way we work.
Baby, I love you, turn around!
******* A!
The sloth you found!
My jaw almost hit the ground
I went full ****** just now.
Lemonade ice
Wishing wells
Tattooed dad's
Hands are held
Fight the straw
In your mouth
Remind me of my stature
Elbow on my head
Apologize
Kiss my face instead.
See a family struggling
With capturing their own memory
Tell me to ask and see
If their picture could be taken by me
So shy by your own generosity
I lovingly agree
Sleepy now
Wearing out
First time sleeping all personal.
Promise to stay
Regardless of what's happening?
We don't have to go all the way.
Naked now
If you kiss you lose
Did you kiss me
Or did I kiss you?
Alarm clock ******* up the sleep cycle
Waking up to see you smile
Morning breath
Just give me a little while
Get up from bed
Pull me back down
Put on your shirt
Take it back off now.
Taking care of canine kids
Taking a shower while you sit
Ready to go back on the road
Walgreens, gardens, now my favorite abode.
Secret spot that I show
**** rubbing that tree made me giggle.
On the strip
Arts and crafts store
No, I've never been in there before.
We both enjoy what we see so far.
*******.
They're playing Fast Car.
Stares are swapped
Grins are spread
Sharing that secret
Like we did.
Waiting till that song did end
To head to our next destination.
Walk up hill
Serious talk
Sit on grass
Picture swap
Ninja pose
You're built like a rock.
Find some food
But it's too crowded to walk.
Jason's deli has what we want
Only conflict is the drinks that we bought.
You like mine better?
I like yours too
Problems solved
Let the trade ensue.
Ticking clock
Almost time to leave
Rewinding parts of mr nobody
Trying not to let me see
How much you don't want to leave.
Kiss me like you don't want me to,
******* this kid is making me lose it too.
Get in car
Drive away
Call me soon
Drive home safely
FaceTime ******* us off incessantly
If we were in person
We wouldn't need this ******* thing.
Hardly an hour past, and then
You ask when you can see me again.
Make some plans
Rinse repeat
Tabb throw back
Dairy Queen food endeavor
Food lion **** break
Tim minchins radio doppelgänger
Read my brain
You thought it too
Art museum
I'm gunna get you
Riled up
And frustrated with me
It's hard to walk when in my ear
You're whispering
Do you hear a piano playing?
Let's trek back and see
The master of that melody
Hunting down the elderly
That old guy is you
And the old lady is me
Speaking of our future constantly.
Back to the ride
The glove box won't comply
Get some wire to compromise
Take me to get some shakes and fries
Wandering in the mall's walk lights
Going back across the bridge
My paranoia of the road permits
Squeezing your hand every five minutes.
Relax
Scream and step on the gas
You sure know how to make my brain go lax
Check on the kids
And then pursue
The slumber party
Take two
Messing up the room info
King sized bed
Downgraded to two q
 Jul 2014 Onus
Kida Price
It started young. I suppose that god recruits those with gifts that way. Bouncing back now with his existence in my thoughts, I find myself coming back to one memory. Supposing if I were to deny him completely there was that reminder that I tend to strain my brand of faith with.

Small legs. First in a pool while all others were inside, I thought I could manage the depth of it's water. Young ones rationalize things that way. I swam to six feet when I could hardly touch my toes in three. Started to swallow water and the water started swallowing me.

Frantically kicking
Managed to the ledge
Gripping my fingertips
Slipping them off instead

Too little to consider the thoughts in my head. Panic and blood rushing. All I could smell was the burn of the chlorine. Lapping and splashing to be heard because my voice was drowning already. Swallowing hurts. Then...there was another voice I heard.

"Hands up"
Quiet at first
Could have been a thought
That I knew wouldn't work
"Reach out"
Audible now but still frantic
Gripping at the ledge again
Slip, scrape, sink
Sinking down
Almost calm and mostly tired
"HANDS UP!"
Loud and clear
Bottom of the pool
And I could still hear

Little hands, in a slow moving haste, lifted in a six ft deep prison that could have led me to a six ft grave. Close my eyes and allowed the lull of the sway drift me to another place.

Flashes of light
My hand held tight
My eyes pry open
No one in sight.
Heaving the water out of my chest
Looking around
Still no one to be found
As this little child lay wet and crying on the ground.

I'm indebted to no one to be seen. The debt is now the price of my reality and my dreams. Not knowing if it was God...or the others who chose to save me. All I remember is that's the day "they" started visiting me.

— The End —