we all huddle under the bit of roof for shelter
gathering in the seemingly dry area
our footsteps leaving paths in the dry concrete
we all talk hoping to pass the time
and after awhile I give into my weak legs
sliding my back against the rough wall
slowly approaching the ground
as I hug my knees in shivering
trying to dodge the water like it were acid
as if  I wasn't already soaked
and I looked around and notice one by one
everyone left... except you
you who is sitting closer than you have to
you who I'd like sitting even closer
acting as though I couldn't go inside like everyone else
because I don't want to stop talking to you
and I wonder... if you know
and maybe... your staying for me
I was hoping you were
as my words tumbled out
never exactly right
yet you didn't seem to care
I even said things you didn't agree with
and you didn't fight me
you didn't force me to think like you
you listened
and you didn't get angry
and my mouth feels funny
the corners are lifting
whats that called again?
a smile?
I can still smile?
and this funny feeling in my chest
I think... I like you
but is that possible?
after that monster broke my heart
I thought I couldn't like any other
and yet as the rain clears
and we go separate ways
my mind is flooded with thoughts of this new boy
and for some reason I can't really remember what the monster looks like
and for some reason that makes me so much happier

I get it now
I'm sorry it took me so long
Maybe it was just my denial
A small suppressed hope
That even if for just a second
You cared for me
I always thought our feelings were just unequal
Yet I was so wrong
Because I loved you
And you never felt anything for me
nothing other than convenience
You were selfish
not like a man with the greed of money
But more of a child unwilling to share his toys
I'm just a toy to you
One you don't care about anymore
Yet one you're not willing to give up
I don't regret loving you
It was an experience
One I would not repeat
But necessary life experience
But that is why you don't understand
Why I still care if you get hurt
And why I took so long to understand why you were so willing to hurt me
Believing you hated me
And enjoyed causing me pain
Yet that was my own over thinking
In the end it was quite simple
I loved you and still want good things for you
You saw me as an object
you would rather see me broken
before seeing me happy without you
It's okay
You'll learn
Everyone can be happy

Mysterious        and misleading
Hard to follow and impossible to trust
We build walls to protect them
Yet they still fall apart
and we wonder
why?

You’re like some new kind of perfection
And I can’t stop from thinking about you
And it’s driving me insane

Because I can’t
But I want too
It’s just impossible

Yet I think about you
And my heart is a puddle
And I want to know if you feel the same

But I can’t
Because I like you too much
To hurt you

hit me
stab me
shoot me

I feel the tears
I feel my heart crashing
I feel pain

I'm numb to all else
I gave him my heart
I let him rip it apart

he pushed me under as I drowned
he lit a match as I burned
he smiled as I fell so slowly to the ground

I tried to reach out as I slipped further down
and he looked away
as I hit the ground

and as I cried
he didn't even care
that he was the reason why

I care about you
      And I've never felt this way before

      And I hate it
      Because u don't feel the same

      I wanna believe that you do
      But you've been quite clear 

      And all I want
      Is to tell you...

      How hard my heart pounds when you smile
      How stupid I feel when you walk away

      Mostly how much 
      How extremely much  

      When we're close and I'm looking at you
      And all I want is to lean in

      Close the space
      Our lips touch and its like heaven

      Than I wake up from my dream
      To see your looking at me from across the room

      And before I can even catch my breathe
      You've looked away
    
      Like your just out of reach
      Teasing me

      Your a dream
      Your my dream
    
      I just wish...
you could be reality

I loved the stars
But thought I had to be away to find them
You told me I was wrong
I already had them
I just needed to look
I asked for you to help me
You said you'd try
But I came to a new place
And I feared I'd lose the stars
So I ask can you find the stars tonight?
You never answered
I feared I'd lost them forever
But than I looked up
They sparkled in the new sky
And I felt happy
Because you helped me find stars
but with or with out you I can keep them