.

Writing poetry is ******* me off lately

I'm just skipping around life right now asking why
at everything

And I mean that sounds potentially poetic and **** but I am having the hardest time articulating
     And It is ******* me off

I usally end up with questions like
Why can't I write poetry
Why won't my English teacher love me

I can tell I am stopping myself from becoming greater
Mr.Owens can tell too
why do I fear becoming grater

I fear loosing balance
I fear this going to fast
This?

I worry I don't read the empty spaces well enough
I worry I forget to breathe

weather it be in poetry or clouds I can not tell you why those empty spaces are there
Or why I need them to have a purpose

Weather it be in loving to much (not Mr. Owens) or getting too exicited about eating I lose my breath alot.
        Time not spent eating or with people you love is time that could have been better spent

And after an eating disorder and a lack of (confidence) for the first some odd years I am happy to give my breath to things I love

I am happy to share my energy with people who want it

I want to write poems about everything
about my love for every thing
         A space to grow is important
and where if not poems or secret conversations

And I'm not doing very well with poems right now
So let's make this a secret conversation

Please by all means give your attention to someone else who needs it or maybe yourself  But if you're just sitting around with it
yes, Ill take some. Thank you.

On a side note: Everyone needs attention it's a living being thing. So it's dumb that we shame people about that and we are gonna stop

If I want to talk about my eating disorder while I have you all captive i will
if I want to talk about the stupid hair at the bottom of my ankles I always miss shaving
I will
And you will sit here and listen

But fortunately I've eaten a good amout today and got so mad at my ankle hairs last night I took the time to shave them

So here we are me talking about what I can talk about and how I can talk about it
You are listening
providing me a space where it is okay to be confused

Something I needed.  
Thank you.

@heyteacherman@gmail.com


Playing with the moldable minds
undeR
You


I know
You know
I didn't read the book.

This is for amir sofi

Because it took me a total of 30 seconds after he walked on stage to think
"where is he from"
because i'm probably still pronouncing his name wrong
Because he is a brown boy in a mistakenly white america
Amir i am sorry
I share a well known thought process when it comes to you
i think
"I wonder where his family lives"
"I wonder if they are all together"
"I wonder how he got here"
"I wonder what he believes in"
"I wonder if he is a citizen"
As if it is any of my ******* business whether or not you pay taxes
I am 17 years old, I don't really care about taxes
and i don't think they should determine your amount of freedom
So why is it when you walk on stage my biggest concern is your citizenship to this country.
Amir there is something we need to understand
I will not stand here to wallow in self pity about how i am not progressive enough
I will not let you stand there and listen to a poem about my underdeveloped thought process
We need to be proactive lets make a plan
how about we
Paint everybody brown We can assemble a street team, some very enthusiastic people with paint brushes who want to change the world
Oh Oh how about we assassinate the president that always seems to get a point across. wait, that would be counter productive
this president is a step for us
Oh i got it! petition to make every american constantly where a blindfold
you can't judge skin you can't see
petition to paint the white house purple!
Thats it!  Here me out!
You're a brown boy in a country managed by a black man in a white house.
This doesn't sound very balanced, people are being represented but you are not all people amir
I just think the place where our countries biggest decisions are made should be a color not designated to a certain race.
And i kinda like the color purple
Alright that's step one
Whats next?
More paint?
Making all of the skittles in the package one color so people don't have a chance to pick their favorites.
I heard you amir
to many people of color spend their lives painting things white
don't change your last name for me i will adapt
we will all adapt
you to the long and challenging process of acceptance from southern man
and us to the to changing our hearts to embracing every color
Thank you Amir for your patience
I am so sorry about your calluses
thank you for what you have become amir
I appreciate you amir

In the fifth grade
I was invited to to go to this party, a sleepover for these twins,
who i had been friends with for almost my entire existence
I arrive: Excited
I sit down: calm
I go into the kitchen: Absolutely horrified
     Welcome to my first experience with anxiety
crying in the bathroom, I call my mo to come pick me up
I leave: Calm, confused
The First day of 7th grade
I have class with this new teacher, miss scott,
Walk in: excited
sit down: horrified
Crying in the classroom i get excused to the nurse
I leave: embarrassed, confused

Freshman year first time
Inhale
1,2,3,4,5,6,7,8,9,10
Exhale
"Feel anything yet?"
" how am I supposed to know?"
"Try again"
Inhale
1,2,3,4,5,6,7. cough

As much as I like to think i did
I did not get high.

Sophomore year
More anexity no ****

Junior year

lungs
Consisting of elastic sacs with branching passages into which air is drawn so that oxygen can pass into the blood and carbon dioxide be removed

You planted flowers in mine and my body has not adjusted to breathe the different air.

I have forever felt at one with nature  and hold the desire to assimilate myself in to it
But Today my body is not ready
My body will not accepted that as nature  I will be stepped on
My body is A lot stronger then my heart is

I want my chest to be molded to hold all of which you want to give me
I want to say my carbon dioxide receptors will develope
like I can turn by body into something it is not
for you
but truthfully i know better

My body is resistant.
My muscles fight for me when i am on longer doing it on my own
When i don't understand that this is a battle to the death
I wanted to give you something and didn't even contemplate that you could to **** it

I don't think it was intentional
But you have uprooted all of my nourishment and put it in my lungs
and although it is beautiful I cannot digest from my lungs

My life as this is not yet over
I have drawn from my skin all of what it had and more
I have picked at my bones i have tried to push them closer together
I have tried to make my body pretty and artfull

upon finding out that beautiful starts with self acceptance
I worked on believing that i am beautiful
I was coming to peace with loving myself
I had become a garden of my own
flourishing off of what i had around me

When you arrived you began to dig up the roots I was using to cope
swinging your shovel around like you didn't know the importance of what you were doing
WHile you were teaching me that your acceptance of me was more important than that of my own

The mind of which i follow told me that this was okay.
My body called *******, not ready to be stepped on
You had felt me with the rest of your body
And planting the flowers in my lungs was so you could feel me under your feet

Your feet are not the ones i want to be underneath
When my body is ready i will go into the ground
And the bereaved and the grave diggers and distraught will walk across me and my body will become that of another nature

For the first time my body will feel completely solid.

To the strangers
* You wouldn't touch me if i wasn't pregnant
* if you see me everyday try to remember what my due date is
* If you see me once a week don't take it upon yourself to tell me how fat im getting
* don't tell me what not to do. i already know
unless you have MD behind your name leave me alone

Conversation with my 7 year old brother
"You sure are getting fat mom"
"Im not getting fat the baby is growing"
"the baby sure is getting big mom"

Comments from my daughter, you look like freddy kruger

don't tell me what could happen to my baby
if theres a best case scenario and a worst case scenario and you feel the need to inform me please tell me the better one

I like that people like to feed me more
* The bus stops for me
* "It was the baby" always works
* Hard to find clothes
     - only six outfits that me right now
carpal tunnel, diabetes, swollen feet Justiational


"That won't be good for the baby"
* "not to eat too much, dear"

To you, The kid who felt the need to cat call my best friend on halloween.

Hi! welcome to 2014!
A place where women and men, Fear on a regular basis because people like you feel the need to voice when they find something ****                    A place where we protest this diligently

maybe you missed out on the movement. Here ill help you
**** straight shes ****. I know, she knows . We do not need you to tell us

But if you ever do feel the overwhelming need to enlighten her, lets try using and actual compliment like, “Hey, You are really beautiful” or “You look great” these say something along the lines of, I noticed you, thought you looked good, thought you should know.Things she can appreciate

"hey baby fall so we can see your ****" screams YOU MAKE MY **** HARD. And I DON'T CARE IF YOU GET HURT.
In this case!
I promise she gives as many ***** about your **** as you do about her safety

okay so Now that we know how to compliment a woman, lets talk about when to perform this action.

Not when you need attention. not when Your **** needs attention but When you think she deserves it.
Hint
She deserves to be called beautiful simply because she is breathing. and She dose not need your approval to do so. Remember this its important

that being said Your actions do not go unnoticed just because she didn't respond dose not mean she didn't hear you.

Your cat calls come with claws
And leave horizontal marks
For her to pick at