a butterfly that would represent
my suicide; is the butterfly effect
that will affect so many people in my life.

🦋🦋🦋🦋🦋🦋

I'd hate to shout to be listened to
hate to fight for my hurt to be felt
hate to steal to show how robbed of life I am
hate to start a war just to win an argument
hate to cry all through the night just to smile all day
hate to put on a face just to face another day
hate to thank God for one thing with so much to be thankful for
hate to get so much money if it meant I'd have to be famous
hate to tell a harsh truth if it meant I'd sound like a villain
hate to tip-toe around death and afraid to run to opportunities
  and hate to be hated by so many people, but I'll love them all,
                            as much as I'm in love with my every flaw.

sweet dream melody,
i knew of a love sweet as an angel
but also a quiet mistress with a broken halo
all of the flashing red lights were singing xoxo,
but they should have been singing in my
eyes SOS.

the quiet ones are the lonely
the humble ones are usually the broken
the brightest smiles have the darkest shadows
the loudest laughs make the silence of their nights
as the ones you build up as having everything in order,
are the lives of people slowly falling apart.

The solid dreams on a liquid mind,
My sober thoughts captive me into change
I'm no far better than my past self, and my current
self grows jealous of it's future self
Still,- I'd like the in between of my life,
To find the very peace of mind, to piece together
the achievements I hope for:

1. To build my life on a better foundation;
as found on the steps of what it takes to start afresh

2. To work at a better job, while I get to use
such that are my talents
Whether employed or self employed;
clearing all my deafening debts, and always the
dream of my poetry being published.

I'm ready to start self publishing my work.

3. I want to take better care of my parents,
and be able to get them on medical aid, and a
funeral policy and in a good old age home. For from
the life that they gave me, a fulfilling life for them is
what I will return.


4. I want to find my partner that will one day be my wife.
But I want to be the right person for the right person I need.
For we seek often many times something we do not have.
Still find that still unfound, and wait as it attracts
what you need.

The blessings of peace, are of course
written in these comforting words.
And to all, I speak a blessing of peace to you.

Tell me the difference between loving you and loving myself,
The answer:
I'd tend to love one of them more
Though an addiction to myself is really a lead into self pleasure, and an addiction to someone else is just lust
tell me what's the difference between loving you and loving myself,
The answer:
I'd tend to love one of them more
I'd probably hate my right hand, cos my left hand tends to do me better, but is that the right to cut off who I hate more in the end, if it's attached to my being?
Same as loving you; I'm left with no right to claim that I own you; but aren't we attached by the hip if your hips had swayed me into being inside of you.
tell me what's the difference between loving you and loving myself,
The answer:
I'd tend to love one of them more.
In the emptiness of my eyes, I see a fuller picture,
so picture me as someone you force yourself to like
What if I seemed like a nice guy in your eyes, and while they're shut, you pictured me as someone else, so vile
tell me what's the difference between loving yourself and loving my self.
The answer:
you could die for both of us,  but only one would truly be willing to do both.

Sleep is an endless journey,
only the dead can complete
Time is the fortune you can never
afford to have enough of
Love is the tie dye of the different
worn out emotions, of the shirt you say
Faith is the picture frame of the
final art piece, you hope will be portrayed
And sin is the spilled ink on a paper;
the more you try to wipe off yourself, the more
stains you're still left to see.

We live for any few more seconds of sleep,
constantly on this life's limited time to do it all
Trying to have a consistent abstract pattern  of our love
always picturing what our faith can paint in the end
Yet we are all stained by our born sin,
                    -we are truly humans till the end.

I'm a basket case,
with nothing more to eat, but just the chip on my shoulder
I feared never making it close to twenty one,
to now my biggest fear of getting anymore older
I live on borrowed time,
asking the many second favours from the clock on the wall
And to have myself to chin up,
counting all the hairs on it; feeling insecure when I count them all.

I'm no role model,
but know the act of a fool, smiling through their pain
At the awkward age,
of not being young or old enough to fit in adulthood's frame
But through the window of my eyes
you see I'm made of glass through hurt of my window pane
I had a brush with death,
but quickly swept the fear of dying under the rug of tomorrow
As if I live for all of today,
yesterday's always feel much simpler, knowing what to follow

I'm no leader,
when I feel battered on my social battery made out of led
I'm a foe to myself,
overthinking most times, as anxiety tends to be a friend.
I'm a double entendre,
humorous as an awkward smile much brighter in the dark
I'm an oxymoron,
double checking every meaning to anything closest to my heart

              I'm a calm demeanor, with a messy mind,
                 tidying my words before speaking something foul
                       at most, more of a human's human inside
                             born of the birds and the bees,
                          flying high in my dreams, as my mind is fowl.