You said listen
so I tried,
but I could not
distinguish
between river and sea,
when there was
judgement in my ears
and sand
in my eyes.

You threw
out words
like garbage
worthless,
and taking
up space

stomped them
in the ground
until you
were sure
they could
not be saved

how shameful
that I followed
after you,
scraping up
your thoughts
and desires

hoarding them
away
like treasure

hoping to
make gold
out of junk
and debris

hoping to
make sense
out of senseless.

I miss
the angry girl

the one fist fighting with shadows,
not playing well with others,
telling you no,
telling you no thanks,
speaking up for my life,

standing up for my wants,
my needs,
my desires,
all the things that make me moan in pleasure

I want to punch holes in walls,
scream in the solitary corners of every room,  

run
escape

use my words to take back my power
use my power to take back my words

I want to say not today,
not ever,
keep on walking.