And so, here we are.
I assume that this is the point,
That precipice I’ve heard about.
The one where I’ll either jump,
Or turn back to look for you
Only to see you push me off the edge.
I suppose this is that point,
Where I’m left with no choice but to
Hate you
Because now you hate me.
I’d rather we weren’t but here we seem to be.

I make lists
Throughout the week
Each night before
I go to sleep
Monday is usually blue
Tuesday green
And Wednesday too
Thursday can be blue or red
Fridays purple
In my head
Saturday is a happy yellow
Sundays beige, calm and mellow
I make my lists
To get me through
So I remember what to do

You can’t just create a person
Then leave them alone.
I scream silently at
My father, my
Lover and
My life.
You can’t just make me like this
Then tell me that I’m crazy.
I scratch at the walls of
My apartment, my
Mind and my
Prison cell.
You can’t just love someone then
Treat them like they’re nothing
I whisper to my happy
Memories, my exes
And myself.

Silly girl
You did it again
You trusted the empty
Words of men
Stupid woman
Will you not ever learn?
That kisses from fire
Will never not burn
You ridiculous child
Must you feel this again?
Lonely and quiet and
Missing a friend
Silly old me
Though my gut always knew
I skipped and fell blindly
To be dropped by you

She just wanted to be loved
She just wanted a child
She just wanted a home
She just wanted to smile
She just wanted to be safe
She just wanted some calm
She just wanted to feel good
She just didn’t want harm
She just wanted to be happy
She’s just sick of the crimes but she knows
No’one has loved her in a very long time

Too tired to cry,
Too busy to die.
I’ll just say ‘see you later’
Because I don’t do goodbyes.
What a ****** liberty,
What a disease.
No shoes on
Inside the house please.

God I’m so angry
I’m never the one
I’m always just one
On a list.
Wow I am furious
It never works out
I just work hard
And end up with ****.
**** I am livid
Why isn’t it me?
Me who’s loved and lived for
and kissed?
Jesus Christ I have never been madder
At all the things I don’t have
And have missed.

They say that when you know
You know
And I know that with you I’m safe
I know
They say it’s too soon but with you
I know
When I say I could keep you forever
I know
If you’re not here I don’t feel like me now
I know
I know you want time all alone but
I know
And despite you not knowing it yet
I know, I know, I know

I don’t recognise real love,
And my father can’t see purple.
I say yes to pain and sickness,
And him? Well he just crumbles.
I am born of years of hurt,
And he is colourblind.
I am scribbled on a page but
Him? He is straight lines.
Now I’m not sure I’d accept it,
And he wouldn’t know it either way.
So I suppose the issue is that
Love is purple you could say.

I’ve tried being strong,
I’ve tried fearless and bad.
Chased love more than a few times,
But it’s all just a fad.
Because underneath it all,
I’m still a little girl who’s sad and
Who’s too scared to sleep,
Because she just needs her Dad.

Falling in love with you
Is like turning all of my senses upside down
The colour of your eyes is the smell of freshly cut grass,
The taste of an ice cold drink and the feeling of a dewy summer morning on my skin.
Your hands smell like smoke and feel like April sunshine warm on my back.
They’re strong like the old trees I used to climb and hold me up just like them.
Your voice is the sound of laughter from downstairs as I fell asleep as a child and it flows over me and touches me gently like fine raindrops on my cheeks.


Every part of you is art to me,
You are intricate but whole.
And I’m falling in love with the way you are made.

How perfectly sweet it is to be so newly in love with you.
Eyes meeting over coffee bars, and seeing stars and blushing.
Your hand brushing mine so lightly, just so subtly slightly.
My nightly screams of
‘I LOVE YOU’ silently sent,
into the abyss to warm you,
And follow you home.
How sweetly perfect it is to see you fall so newly in love with me.