Your fake
And your jealous
Why can't you be like her?
Lying on the floor crying
Why can't you feel like her?
Absorbing everything till it
hurts
Please explain
Why does nothing shake your heart
Like it used to?
How does the night not force you into hiding
Like it used to?

I want to go back to how it used to
Be

What do you do
When you can't
cry?
What do you do
When you can't
Help?
What do you do
When there's no place
to go?
Your not stuck with anyone
but your self.

The only kind of fight
That can numb pain
instead of causing more of it
Is a snow fight

All the tension
All the anger
All the exhaustion
All the self hatred

Just freeze in the air

And your surrounded with
screeming and laughter
Running and ducking
Aiming and throwing

I haven't had a snow fight
In a long time
It was a nice surprise.

I'll use the rain
To dry my face
My eyes are damp
Already
A little more water
Should hide the pain
I'll show them I'm still
Steady

We're all just people
Walking through life
imploding and exploding
Simultaneously
In every given moment

So this is what jealousy feels like?
Solid in my bones
Burning in my veins
Isn't this what you wanted?
To feel new kinds of pain?

So this is what connection feels like?
Deep in my heart
Messing up my brain
But this is what I wanted.
I'll forever need the pain.

I wish I could write
I'm sick of searching and finding nothing inside
I wish the words would actually cooperate
And not hide
I'm sick of saying the same things
over
and over
and over again