I stepped outside for a breath of fresh air.
Lit the cigarette, and just stood there.
The snow was falling,
the wind was blowing.
Off in the distance the sound of a train.
Just another morning in plain old Fort Wayne.

But the bitter bit back and took my breath away.
And something came over me in my nicotine haze.
I felt so real, yet so far away.
Like I was in another world,
some other place.

Then my breath came back
bringing me back with it.
A little disappointed, but slightly uplifted.
Close my eyes and feel the wind
and wait for it to take my breath again.

Like a thousand nights before I'll sit here
with music in my ears.
Thinking of you, what could have been...
What should have been?
No, if it should've than it would've but it wasn't, so **** it.
But I can pretend.
I can imagine,
I can dream.  
My thoughts drift away and suddenly I'm someone else
in a land far away, living a different life.
Slowly events unfold of stories untold
and I'm lost living a life inside.
Behind my eyes I've lived hundreds of lives
with no one to judge me but myself.
Yet you're here to make another appearance.
No matter how far I run,
I just can't get away.
So, here we are again.

These words just come into my head
and flow out through my fingertips.
I'm struggling to write it all down
in between these **** rips.
Like waves crashing
it's overwhelming.
And when your head is full
it feels like drowning.
So pass it around
and come join me in the clouds.
Get a bird's eye view
on the storm, looking down.
The thicker the clouds, the clearer the mind.
Just make sure to open your eyes
Look all around you and take it all in.
Because it isn't too long before you're drowning again.

Take a rip and pass it around
Because you know what's up
when this **** goes down.

They call me an *******.
But what's wrong with wanting to be the king of the castle?
So when I step into my zone
you better not get caught.
Because you know nothing
of the battles I've fought.
Blood and tears spilled over the years.
Scars.
Stitches.
Burning bridges.
All the result
of wrong decisions.

So take a rip and pass it around.
because it picks me up,
when I'm feeling down.

Headphones.
Always something
bumping loudly
Because I hate the sound
of myself breathing.

Nothing to do with living or dying
every time I say I quit, turns out I'm lying.

Smoke a pack a day.
And add some green in.
My breaths grow more shallow
because I've gone off the deep end.

Don't call it a relapse.
Because I'm just getting started.
This next bowl of green goes out to all the brokenhearted.
I've been where you are
staring into the abyss.
Anything to fill the void
Always looking for the scripts.
I take a yellow for the blues
it'll kick in soon.

Feel the pain just fade away
and leave my mind in a haze.
This has become my every day.
I wish you all could feel this way.