I drown down these thoughts
with alcohol
But the only one drowning is me
Sinking deeper— taking my toll
Though i know
i must not let this be
I've been trying to keep afloat
—for days
Planed my escape,
In many ways

Still, I end up at the bottom
With the bottom of a bottle above,
In the abyss all i could fathom
Is that everything I had have
— left,
The darkness and freezing cold felt
right,
As limbs stopped struggling,
These knees knelt

Hold it in
Afraid to bother anyone
Keep it in
Hoping the pain will soon be gone

So i held it
But found its way out my eyes,
I kept it
But not the whimpers and the cries

To hold it i tried
But my mind is now breaking,
Did my best to hide
But can't keep my heart from bursting

So my pen did the crying
When my eyes could not
It poured what I've been keeping
In scribbles and in blot

It expressed my pain
Like the tears on my pillow
Pouring like rain
In ink, that no one else know

On a sheet of paper
I laid pieces of my heart
Rearranging them together
Into a simple piece of art

Hoping this will be the start

I wrote to No one
- the cries of this aching heart.

Hoping . . .
this poem reaches everyone

Travelled to places
But never moved on

I hated my self more
But never loved you less

But I'm just glad
-that you've found someone
Displeased
- on how I overlooked you

And it's laughable
that it makes me cry
The one who knows me the most,
I am nothing more but a stranger now.

Brother
Feel that cold floor
Though it's nowhere near
Your heart's frozen core

Let your body rest
Let your broken parts scatter
Let your heart sink
As it grows heavier
Feel everything
-the world gives you
Take it all
Then let it go

Don't allow yourself
Be comforted by sorrow
Don't let the pain
be everything you know

Pick your self up
Piece by piece,
Collect your broken parts
Then put them back in place

People look at me and see a smiling face
As if everyday couldn't get any better
But they can't see the frown in my shadow
Its buckling knees tired and weary,
Slowly giving from supporting me for too long
Trying my best to stand strong
They can't see the every tear it sheds
Nor hear its voice as it cries out for forgiveness.
You may not hear it but look

Take a look at my shadow
You may see a blank image of me
But it will show you a different story.

She tries to walk
        with grace in every step
She tries to talk
        with kindness in every word
She tries to move
        with gentle and care
She tries to love
        with every ounce she can pour
She tries. . .
        Oh, how she tries.

She tries to walk
        tucking her knees to keep them from buckling
She tries to talk
        without spewing out parts of her broken heart
She tries to move
        freely while holding back the storm inside her
She tries to love
        even when she couldn't have it back the same weight
She tries. . .
        Oh, she tries.
        
Even with a storm
brewing in her heart
Leaving her thoughts into chaos
As her melting soul
Flows out her eyes

She wipes off her tears
She tries. . .
        One more

You may be surprised by what you see
Or by what you don't see . . . Anymore

How these lips can't smile as wide as yesterday
How the colors in my eyes faded,
Leaving only black, white and grey

You may be dumbfounded when you see how my feet that once was quick  to help out having arms wide open
Now have learned to step back and run away
With clenched fists beating on this heart.

You may have once heard me bursting in laughter even in the weirdest conditions,
But now a deafening silence even in the happiest moments.

But you don't need to extend a hand
Trying to pull my past back to the present.
Nor resuscitate this heart as if it has gone.
But try to understand that this heart has not died but only molted.
And that all of these,

All that you see is. . .
Still me.