is it just me
or does everybody seem to hate me
is it just me
or does nobody really care
is it just me
or are the stares a sign of resentment
is it just me
or is there tension in the air
Is it just ne
Or does everybody want me dead
Is it just me
Or these thoughts might not just be in my head...

well
i've been trying to be a good kid all my life
and believe me
it brought me no good
so mark my words.
nobody gives a crap.
do whatever you want
because there is so much more
than just good or bad

Too much happening
Running out of time
Bad poetry,
But it rhymes

I can’t keep this up
I feel stuck
I’m falling and falling
I hear the birds calling, calling
My horrid name

I sing but nobody hears
I act but nobody sees
I cry but nobody cares
So i continue to weep

I love but nobody cares
My sobs are lost on the air
I just wanted to be normal
Why can’t i just be ******* normal?!

My heart is beating fast
This breath will be my last
I can’t do this anymore
Blood drips to the floor.

I survived.

I think I’m going crazy
The voices in my head are getting louder
Unable to think thoughts
Other than what will happen if i eat food
Because somewhere in my brain
Something is telling me
if you gain weight, you will just get bullied again.
You don’t want to go through that again, right?
Nothing but thoughts about food
Cutting
And pills.
To be frank,
The voices need to shut the **** up.

midnight again,
i can't seem to sleep
the voices are getting louder
i am cutting more deep

i lay down
while the voices tell me to die
i'm so ******* useless
all i can do is cry

"why would you eat that?
the bullies will just come back again.
you ate one meal throughout the whole day
and now this is the world's end.".

i just want to be normal

i can't believe i trusted you
you were so awful
you treated me like ****
but i cared about you

i didn't want to be friends
i hated you
but at the same time
i wanted to be best friends

i won't let you manipulate me again
i'm not some... some marionette
for you to hold the strings
and control

i can't believe i believed in you
when all you told me were lies
now, honestly you're one of the reasons
i want to die

running a mile
running out of ideas for poetry
running my mouth
running out of time
running out of excuses
running out of hope
running out of sanity
well. i got the writers block
yet again

Last years thanksgiving
Was very different than this one
Heres how it went last year

I ate
Without a second thought
I ate so much food
I talked with
my grandparents
No arguements to be had
And then
I went to bed
After 5 minutes
of shutting my eyes

Here's how It went this year

I ate
Two pieces of pasta
I got as drunk as one could
Off of carbonated apple juice
I flipped my grandparents off
After calling me miss
She
Her
deadname
And a transphobic slur
We got into an arguement
Mostly about trump
And then I went downstairs
To draw vent art
Text my friends
And write poetry
All while drowning in a panic attack
And feeling like nothing is real

Isn't it strange
how fast things can change
In just a year?

i am
f a l l i n g
through
s p a c e
i don't
t r u s t
you enough to
t e l l  y o u
any of my
p r o b l e m s
well,
s o r r y
i hope you understand

Even now
I remember the sound of their laughter
The awful noise
And how it hurt as much
As a slap in the chest
How their verbal claws
Dug deeper and deeper
Into my skin and soul
"You're worthless"
"R*****"
"Fat ***"
I bet you forgot
That you even said those things to me
But I hope you know
They keep repeating in my head
Every
Single
*******
Day

I feel like I am falling
And floating
At the same time
I look down on my hands
And they look like a strangers
I speak
And an unfamiliar voice escapes
I look in a mirror
That's not me

The streetlights turn on
Grayscale
And yellow
And humming
At the same time
People walk by
Their voices muffled
And blended
And tossed around

I'm not real
But they are
They aren't real
But I am
What is happening

The world is going to fast
But standing still
At the same time

My eye twitches
But these eyes aren't mine
I am watching myself
As if I'm a character in a movie
I watch my eye twitch

Who is in the mirror?
It's not me
Just a ghost
A spirit who never got to exist

The lights flicker
In a pitch dark room
The silence
Is so loud
It pierces my ears
I shriek
In a voice
That never was mine
And never will be
I really hope this isn't real

Hello friends! Me and my friend Eternity have made a discord server for the Hello Poetry community. We would love for you to join us!!! My name is Your Sleep Paralysis Demon, (such a cool name right?) And here is the link:
https://discord.gg/4Vdfty5d
When (if) you join, please introduce yourself with your Hello Poetry name and preferred pronouns!!! Thank you!
(For context, ice spice is Eternity)

i have to make a choice.
either spend
thirty hours a week
spewing my problems to a stranger
aka therapy,
or live
in a mental hospital.
its been a really long day .

What is wrong with humanity
We torture animals to entertain ourselves
We separate them from their families
We burn their homes
Flames licking at ancient trees
We poison their waters
We fill them with plastic and oil
And say that we have it bad
What have we done?

You can't go anywhere that Hasn't been touched and ruined by humans.
Not a forest with no footsteps
Not an ocean with no plastic
Not a mountain where humans haven't planted their flag.
What have we done?

Homes
Gone.
Lives
Lost.
A collapsed society, built on greed and neglect
World awful
Whoever has more money wins
People stuck on violent, garbage filled streets
Animals in chains
What have we done?

Birds try to fly
But wings are tied
Fishes try to swim
But gills are caught
What have we done?

The only way to fix it
Is to start over
If only.
If only we could.
Goodbye, dear earth. I'm so sorry.

Avoid the question
Ignore the problem
Try to stop
Try to eat
Won't
Can't
I
I can't
I can't *******
I can't ******* do
I can't ******* do this
I can't ******* do this anymore

School musical
Pretending to be someone im not
School musical
Its all an act
School musical
She's not someone to trust
School musical
She broke the pact

School musical
I sing for entertainment
School musical
Everyone keep your eyes on me
School musical
Ill dance and speak
School musical
There's too much to see

tubes in my veins
taking my blood
surrounded by doctors
asking me questions

no privacy
every door is open
nothing to support
my addictions

eyes everywhere
watching my every move
telling me
what i can & can't do

being forced to eat
when i can't.
"if you gain any more weight, they will just start bullying you again,",
the voices in my head say.

i want to get out
i'm scratching at the walls
slamming doors
screaming

this isn't helping
it's making me feel worse
i can't ******* eat
why can't they ******* understand?!

i just want to go home
i want to see my friends
i want to be in the school play again
i just want to go home

let me go home
this isn't helping
they make me feel ******* insane
...
what if i am?

My problems

1. I have ADHD
2. I have anxiety
3. I have depression
4. I have an eating disorder
5. I keep feeling like nothing is real
6. I pass out easily
7. I have trauma
8. I can't completely remember that trauma
9. I still get flashbacks somehow
10. I **** at drawing
11. I **** at writing poetry
12. People are getting bored of me
13. I get bullied every day
14. I'm trans
15. I'm queer
16. There is all this **** wrong with me
But for some reason
You want to be friends
But I know
In little time
Youll get bored of me
Just like everyone else

What part of no
Sounded like yes

you said you would be there for me...
                                         but you never were
you said you would be my best friend forever...
                                         but you never were
you said you trusted me...
                                         but you never did
you said you would love me forever...
                                         but you never did
you said you would never hurt me
                                         but you did
you said you would never insult me
                                         but you did
and trust me
i would know
because the words you used
keep repeating in me head.

i miss you
but i hate you.
come on, i never said that.
but you did.
r_tard...
you arent one to be talking.
useless piece of sh-t
oh...
just shut up, nobody likes you.
...
i know.
i'll leave now.

am i going crazy
i cant believe my eyes
people telling me
its going to be alright

the chaos in the room
the noise passing by
panic arises in my soul
rightfully so?

it's too loud in here.
haha
i think I'm going crazy
because it sure feels like it
maybe I belong in an asylum :)
because I can't ******* do this anymore

red
for anger, injustice and rage
because that's how you act around me
orange
for arrogance
because i think that's one of your problems you need to work on
yellow
for caution
because that definitely needs to be practiced around you...
green
for evil, greed and hate
because those are some of your only personality traits
blue
for sad
because that's how you left me
purple
for healing
because i will need a while away from you to do that...

i want to sleep
because it's the closest i can be
to being dead
without leaving
all of my friends
alone.
but i can't sleep
scary thoughts
keeping me awake
telling me
i'm being watched.
morning
*****.
eye bags
the size of oranges
fingers
sore and slow at typing
eyelids
heavy
like boulders
legs
weak
and useless
but here i am
at school
needing sleep
and dreading the next day
knowing full well
it will be the same as today.

Don't leave me all alone, don't drag me
Over the coals
No way i will let you die
To just sit there, plan gone awry

Leaves fall. you left me.
Ever will i feel happy again?
And you didn't even say goodbye
Vacuum ****** up everything i loved
Even to your friend.

the thing about self harm
is that a lot of the time
it isn't a choice
because it's an addiction
a habit
a coping strategy
so next time you see someone
with cuts on their arms
take it from someone who was (and still am) bullied.
ask them if they are okay
don't judge like the others did
be their friend
and help them
because
as an addict myself
i can confirm
we need help
but we don't want it
we want to get better
but we don't
and i don't speak for everyone
but this is how i see it
it's not always a choice
not a decision
but a habit
and trust me
old habits die hard

glass
is a weird thing
if it gets too hot
it'll melt
but if you drop it
it'll break into a million pieces
just like my heart
when you said
"we shouldn't be friends anymore,
you are just too much of a ******.".
my heart fell
and shattered
became sharp
angry
sad
bitter
confused
depressed
nervous
psychotic
glass­
is a very weird thing
but i understand it
maybe a little too much

stop it
i want you to stop
you are treating me like ****
you need to stop
stop it
stop it
stop it

so many times i said that to you.
but every. single. *******. time.
you ignored.

STOP IT.

Spiders crawl up my back
                                               And they bite
Just when I thought my problems
                                             Were out of sight
I sit in an empty room
                                       With no light

And I must ask...
How endless...
Is the night?

Happy pills
Leave me feeling empty
Numb
And to be honest
Ive stopped taking my meds
Because id rather feel ******
Than feel like styrofoam

Happy pills
Leave me feeling nothing
Like plain yogurt
But ive stopped taking my meds
Because id rather feel like a plant without
W a t e r
Than an unsalted pretzel

Are the pills helping?
Because they are supposed to make me happy
But they somehow make me feel worse...

you left me.
                 but i loved you
i thought we would be friends forever.
                 but i loved you
you treated me like ****
                 but i loved you
i wanted to be your friend
                 but i loved you
i guess it was just pretend
                 but i loved you
but i love you
and even though you are awful
i can't seem to let go

She's tired of a man saying her idea and getting praise when she got ignored
She's tired of being underestimated
She's tired of toxic masculinity from the people she used to trust
She's tired of loving and getting nothing back
She's tired of people using her
She's tired of giving thousands of second chances, without getting any change
She's tired of being mistreated
She's tired of being tired
She's tired
She's tired
She's tired
But she doesnt deserve to be

i feel like i'm underwater
with nowhere to breathe
movements
s l o w
and
d e l a y e d .

i feel like i'm underwater
with nobody to trust
falling
d e e p e r
and
d e e p e r
into the ocean

i feel like i'm underwater
pressure increasing
lungs popping
no oxygen
no one to trust
going deeper
the hill is steeper
when you're around
you
c o v e r
my
m o u t h
i can't
b r e a t h e

you
w r a p
your
h a n d s
around my throat
and i gasp for air
when you
l e t   g o

but here i am
pretending to be happy as a clam
underwater
...

She told you you are ugly?
Sigh and roll your eyes.
She talked about you behind your back?
Sigh and roll your eyes.
She is being dramatic?
Sigh and roll your eyes.
She told you you are worthless?
Sigh and roll your eyes.
She didnt say goodnight?
Sigh and roll your eyes.
Nobody likes you?
Sigh and roll your eyes.
Anything happens?
Sigh.
And.
Roll.
Your.
Eyes.

Definition of psychopath; a person affected by chronic mental disorder with abnormal or violent social behavior.
Haha why does that kind of sound like you
No empathy
Just ignorance

a pen lost in my bag
that has run out of ink
become a useless little thing
think, Nobody1234 think!
what shall i use it for
not writing
or art
or laughing because
i'm trying to hide a ****

Sometimes I wish I could have chosen to be someone else
To be someone that people understand
To be someone that people like

But I now know that The people who don't understand me
The people that don't like me
Don't deserve my love.
They don't deserve my attention.

By the time I acknowledge this and leave, they come crawling back.
Funny that they didn't need me before.

People who take your love and don't give any back, they simply don't deserve it.
They are not worth your time.
They don't deserve you.
Remember that.

School
Is a paradise
Where im away from my family
School
Is a prison
Where they teach us useless info
School
Is an escape
Where we can be alone
School
Is a show and tell
Where you are displayed for everyone to see
School
Is a place of mixed emotions
Where there is chaos
Peace
Hate
Love
Bullying
Friendship

.. I dont know how i feel about school

Why
Why can't I be friends with someone
Without people assuming i have a crush