Your lips are slick with tales of shame
And I can taste your bitter lies
Little trails of kisses
Like Poison to my mind

The desire to purge
The desire to destroy
If it’s already broken
Can it still be enjoyed?

then why even tell me
if your plan wasn't to rip out my
(insert worthless metaphor)
just once
why cant our souls speak
tan pants and butterfly clips
lakeside conversations and moments of eternity
succumb to a starvation like lust
leave it alone
take another sip from a cup full of memories
drowning in another diluted moment
ill never surface for air
and my body will never float to the surface
of lies and deceit
you can bury me in the honesty of this moment
headlines and headstones
ive already been erased
you cant revive love
dead is gone and gone is dead
incoherent?
hardly
you know how i think
i dont pretend to know me
youll never understand me
suffocating even as you try
asphyxiation alluding to inner clarity
don't be fooled by my lack of reality
trust me
and take heed
no swimming allowed
in my head
that could have been the perfect ending to this
but ive been wrong before
maybe its another begi....
no don't say it
that phrase is overused
my heart is overused
wretched and heaving
vomiting past indiscretions
volatile projections of regret
limitless wandering of the eternal enmities of my life
smile
i just did

How do I explain
The 37 years
of rejection
That I have carried
Alone
In my heart
And now that I know who you are
I don't want to know you
-
A lifetime has passed
In a single moment
There's nothing left to rhyme

I’ve traveled further in a night
Than most have a right
Beholden to a darker shade of green
Dare you bask, In a midnight stream
Or expose what these lies have dreamed
Deep in mind, dilapidation or rhyme
In the recesses and dark confines
Splintered fractures and shadows in-kind
Or in tow, or in line
Or exploding in time
I can’t seem to wake up, though I know that I've tried

But the truth is in the lust, she said
Or at least that’s what they’re selling
Will you run away with me?
Far beneath the midnight
Nothing between us
Our bodies
Blushing,  moonlight
We could hide away, for a while
While the judgments of a world, in love with itself, quietly pass us by

The darkness just creeps and creeps
And bleeds and blinks
My poor memories can’t catch a wink
When I sleep, at the bottom in the deep
He never even tried to climb back out
Just built a house and settled down with a mouse
Does your headspace dream
Are those your screams
Both reds and blues in these vivid dreams

Somewhere*, I swear it
In the veiled twilight
Or the shadowy moonlight
At the ****** of the hottest summer day
Or the deepest, coldest winter night
The world is torn asunder, and
Love is given a new meaning, as
Your burning heart, consumes my fiery passion

A respite from the din
Deliberately placed upon my head
Soundly invading my mind
The battle is forced out in waves
A temporary reprieve from a losing war
I may succumb to myself yet
But I bide my time
Patiently waiting for a promise
Quietly riding a cyclone
Perusing the windy sands of an exalted sky
Watching the little dreams float by

The yearning for Escape, a misinterpretation
Conception instigated from understanding
Unobtrusive acquiescence of unending comprehension
Thoughts explode in the blue and rain down
Lovely eruptions submerged in moonlight
Showering the spheres with a dazzling gleam
Deluging them with adoration and consideration
Illuminating the path to eternity

Tangled webs of mischief
Subtly entrance our minds
Silvery strands of passion
Quietly entangle our hearts
Searing flames of lust
Violently twist our bodies
Incessant vines of fate
Eternally bind our souls

The depths
I despair
One more sip
And I'm alone
So close
But I'm not proud
It could end
Right now
But I don't want that
And that's not what this is about
So I breathe
Even though I can't
Anymore
I'm deep enough now
And the emotions are confusing
And I love you
And that blurs into her, mom
I can't reconcile this
And here we are on the precipice
Of a child's love
This is painful and my burden should be yours
Yet here I am carrying it
I hope you've reconciled our distance
Cause I'll just keep driving
I just don't know any direction but forwards
And then the song changes
And I can't live without you
In my mind
When I die
You two become one
And my love is justified

the warmth that escapes your lips
slowly melts my resolve
caressesing my face like little tendrils of watery vapor
dainty, lustful fingers slowly pulling me closer
inching towards eternity
passion on standby
poised to explode
so close to the end
the heat from your mouth sets my body on fire

And so I stand on a mountain top
And bathe in triumphant glory
A witness to the birth of love
A true believer, as they say
But I share this dream alone
But I’ve shared this dream, alone
Two hearts diverged in the woods
And I, I took the one most fragmented
And that has made all the difference

I hate myself for all the years I’ve wasted
Toxic clouds of regret for all the fears I’ve tasted
Symbols and lines that lash, vines or rhymes
So many indecipherable tries and lies
Or visions of my own demise
A recluse in my own mind, alive
So much time I’ve spent counting the hours that I’m breathing
Barely able to surmise, an inaudible sunrise
Or the cries of surprise, when I smell the truth
Of all these highs, as I rise
A glimpse, of another sleepless night
A hypnotic glimmer or an optical shimmer
A moment of peace, as I slip
Into that right, state of emptiness

When I was little

I would press my face

into the space

where your back touched the seat

and I would sleep

While you drove us home



I dont know if ive ever admitted to myself

how much I needed you

But these arent words of regret

because I know I told "you"

many times

so many times I shared my heart with you

I needed to know "you knew"

"I" needed to know

that this was one regret I woudn't carry

In your absense



I don't remember where we were coming from

and I don't remember arriving

all I remember

Is the weight of the empty

space in between

Loving you

and being me

And so I write
These lines, they leech
These feelings, they speak
And I just, need
A gentle caress
A love, not less
My heart, it breathes
My breath, it needs
And I mourn and bleed for these things that I need
I grasp at the wind as the restlessness sinks in
And I always come back
Around to this pen

Thoughts and a lonely man, dusky silhouettes
Candlelit reveries, faithful, fallen
Desperate words, pages wept
Winters breath and an empty world, rested on a knee
Pleasures failure, fallen leaves
Resentful verses, shattered sheets
Spring promises and a hopeful man, Romance roused
Life awakened, colorful sounds
Harmonious lyrics, printed passions
Summer Dreams and an expectant future, Inebriated senses
Memories lived, brightly burned
Hypnotizing texts, Unforgettable stories
Thoughts and a lonely man, dusky silhouettes

Halfway there
And you turn around
Walking right to me
Climbing to the top of your tippy-toes
Your lips grab mine
And erase my mind

Dripping need from a tired tongue
Thinned and exceeding my expectancy
Overflowing with reservation
Dying in the prison of my heart
Howling hollowed winds
Blasting through my mind
Exposing my indignities
Exploring my passion for love
My love for Passion
Senseless degradation
Of my invulnerabilities
Peculiar filaments of past experience
Insatiable excuses
Obliterating my courage
Desperate Cries
Igniting my curiosity
Searing my trust
Existing as half
*Where are you

All this sand beneath my tongue

I feel compelled to lie

I sent my hands an email

But all I got back was an out of office reply

Speech is so cumbersome

When your mouth is filled

Sandy sweating sweetness

As I climb back down

High from another epiphany

Bleeding righteousness

A pool of slippery lies

Honor is bound to exist

At the end of this meandering life

Help me to see you for who you are
To experience, unadulterated
Unhinge and free me
You could burn away this illusion
With a single kiss, tonight
The softest touch
Naked, deception
Please, that feeling
Points me nowhere
Who are you

The lies that light the tip
Of your cigarette on shame stained lips
You swore me to an oath of vengeful crass
Oh these cuts that bleed
On the broken glass
Can’t hide the sting
That I love you out of pity
And your death will only bring
Tears to hide my smile

I awaken to find myself dreaming
Palm pressed flat against my fingers
Pushing on the barriers of reality
Everything is sound
My own thoughts cannot keep my attention
Drifting between them
A superimposed facsimile
An impossible locale in a probable location
A passenger on the highway
Screaming for release
Hungry for abandon
Who are you
This female driver without a name
Why aren’t you bothered by the situation
But I barely have time to contemplate
Your unshakable determination
That peculiar knowing smile
The way the setting sun finds its comfort in your eyes
This direction, before I am climbing
known stairs to an unknown location
a wall where a door is supposed to be
I know where I am headed
Its just that its not here
Descent into familiarity
Friendly faces from the past
Unchanged and un-aged
Successful distraction
Unfinished

Wasted words
Almost spoken
But I bit my tongue
Almost

If Romeo had lived
And Juliet wasn’t cold
And the pages we turned
Weren’t the memories we sold
If the fire was lit
And the flames never died
And the channels we changed
Didn’t flicker with lies
...

I never wanted to let go
But I was at least a decade away
From loving you
You and me
Just weren't meant to be

A time spent in the clearing
And in the darkness…its thoughts
Rearing
And growing and moaning and…fear
Here they come
Visions of Monet
Do we run?
No, we stand our ground and hear what they say

I've always loved you, admired your free spirit
Please, for the love of all, just listen
Your soul is the most beautiful
Of everything I have seen
And I would have taken that from you
As it is written
The love I gave you *was freedom

Shhhh, I said, as I touched my finger to her lips

Let me share a secret, an impart, a tip

A gentle lie or a subtle truth

It’s a story about vanity, and youth

You see, there was you, and me

And in between, a life that could never be

An agreement between friends

And a pledge that we could not assail

But ultimately it was me, don’t you see?

I could never let go, I could never perceive

Oh how I tried though, I swam into the waves,

And you just smiled, when I returned, all out of brave

There were times when I would imagine you, watching me

And I would imagine myself, just standing there

Looking contemplative and alluring

I would dream you filled with desire, looking at me

My heart, my soul, my mind, my being

Drinking me in, biting your lip, anticipation

And then I imagined me, oblivious to your needs

Obscuring and hiding, even denying water, to those seeds

I must have died a thousand times, drowning in the vanity

How far we have strayed, from a time so near
When the path through this wilderness, was frequented
And free, when hearts bleed purposefully, and intentionally
And the weighted word was burdensome, yet welcomed
How I mourn for the soul, which danced openly in the eyes of love
But now worships in the blinds of ignorance and intolerance

And so I sit, listening
Music plays and I…
I feel
And I think, “This song is you”
And I wonder who you are now
I wonder if you were ever real
If the emotions were real
Why can’t I let go

Wake me up all pretty and neat
Just in time to take our seats
Pretending to be nothing, not even imagination
We blissfully enjoy an overactive stagnation
A parade of novelties passes us by
Provocative gestures masquerading as lies
Let’s play hide and seek while they pause
In the space between these words, I’ll bet there’s a cause
Hopefully we find some strange familiarity
Or at least a lack of sophistication or clarity
“Ladies and gentleman!” he says, with notable affliction
And we all turn and stare, entranced by the addiction
Meanwhile...
The computer desk protests munch greedily on their controls
And the Hybrid driving pseudos’ snort coal up their nose
“Send in the clowns!” he shouts
And the lollygags cheer
Then the homos and sapiens share in a beer

open sores and festering wounds
searing souls and mounds of bleached white bones
why are they bleached?
what, I don't know, that's just what you do with bones
you bleach them
oh he says
as he forces his ears inside my head
then he takes a garden hose
and thumbs his nose
at all my paper-thin relationships
like he knows
piles and piles of dripping wet has beens
hills and mountains of ended possibilites
opened and closed
my life was a story
you can take what you read
like wow this is boring

Circling around
Each other
So close
But never connected
Lost

To be crushed by the weight of a sunset
Astounded by the beauty of a single snowflake
Intoxicated by the aroma of a rainy day
Entranced by the sound of the merciless wind
Engulfed by the flame of a naked touch
To love, with reckless abandon

I have fixed the bathroom window and locked the bedroom doors
But these windows won’t hold
Still I can’t seem to lock them all
I take note of the filth and decay
but I’m not bothered by it
The bed is rotten
but I’ll be sleeping here tonight
I look through a hundred panes and into the darkness
And I can see right through you
And right through the others
Your feet pass by and I can feel your gaze
But thankfully, I am not in your sights
I dare only to steal a glance or two, and fearfully at that
The thought of catching your eyes is horrifying
The smell of mold and mildew seems to offend you
But the truth is
I can stomach it, easily
I want to tell you about that place
About how afraid I was when I explored it
About what’s really in there
But the words are not easy
And it’s so close now
Besides, I can feel that you are pleased with me, and I am at peace with that
So I say nothing
*And we are somewhere else

Pages turned, memory bound
Your life is resting in the lost and found
Uncertain, creation and evolution pound
Affirmations, sought and found
Bleeding questions, pulling you, southbound
Frantic scramble, run from the hellhound
Your body and soul, earthbound
Awaken from this nightmare, underground
Unadulterated Exploration, consciousness resounds
Absolute freedom, profound

Words could never express
All this breath, I waste
And those songs, they taste
Like heaven, as if
He sent a memory
For us to share, but where
Oh where have all the times gone
All those moments we shared
Ill forever bear, those midnight whispers
An unintended stare
That smile, without a care

I often wonder what to do with 5 million poker chips
Every time I cut down a tree, I end up with a stack of them 10 meters high
And what a strange forest anyway
Alice, with her bad little habit
Gnawing the foot off of the little white rabbit
That's now on a keychain and spray-painted red
They say its good luck to get bit by a spider
So you allow the venomous beasts to graze
On the fields of your flesh and quench their thirst
In the pools of your blood, and saliva
Running down your chin, you are so old
And your hair is falling out of this world
You slowly come to realize that death is calling
Halfway to the phone and your already sweating
Cold sweat turns to marshmallow cream
And the 8-legged furries, panic and scream
I will forever ponder that sound which,
Is not unlike a hundred school girls screaming in unison

So subtle were
My thoughts of you
That I wonder how
You never knew