A prisoner in the constructs
That you created blind, in my mind still I find
Darkened spaces and places and traces of rhyme
I pushed you away so many times
Yet here you are, defining the rules of my dreams
Such pretentious themes, still alarmed by your screams
The shadows aren’t as frightened as you are it seems
Though their velvet lined gloves, are blacker than ash
Like little white doves or maybe a rash
No those words don’t make sense, now! maybe I’m tense
I just want to leave, so I wrote what you read (RED)
Can’t you see what I’ve said?

It’s redundant

*It’s dead

The stripes that line
The dots that mine
Those nostalgic thoughts
That fade with time

Unconscious crimes, like
A musician’s rhyme
Strung through the halls
Where symphonies divine

I cannot accept
What I cannot find
Have you seen me
*Am I still alive

Somewhere*, I swear it
In the veiled twilight
Or the shadowy moonlight
At the ****** of the hottest summer day
Or the deepest, coldest winter night
The world is torn asunder, and
Love is given a new meaning, as
Your burning heart, consumes my fiery passion

I’ve traveled further in a night
Than most have a right
Beholden to a darker shade of green
Dare you bask, In a midnight stream
Or expose what these lies have dreamed
Deep in mind, dilapidation or rhyme
In the recesses and dark confines
Splintered fractures and shadows in-kind
Or in tow, or in line
Or exploding in time
I can’t seem to wake up, though I know that I've tried

I hate myself for all the years I’ve wasted
Toxic clouds of regret for all the fears I’ve tasted
Symbols and lines that lash, vines or rhymes
So many indecipherable tries and lies
Or visions of my own demise
A recluse in my own mind, alive
So much time I’ve spent counting the hours that I’m breathing
Barely able to surmise, an inaudible sunrise
Or the cries of surprise, when I smell the truth
Of all these highs, as I rise
A glimpse, of another sleepless night
A hypnotic glimmer or an optical shimmer
A moment of peace, as I slip
Into that right, state of emptiness

Stolen moments
A photograph or a rhyme
My secret indulgence
Always on time, but
Time isn’t cyclical
Though a memory is
Echoes of the past
Unforgettable voices
Your image taunts my soul
Footprints through a puddle
Dreams like dust
I slowly forget

Step 1: Put on your favorite love song
Step 2: Read each word slowly and wait about 4 seconds before reading the next word
Step 3: Let your imagination fill in the blanks

Eyes
Gaze
Distance
Closed
Lips
Touch
Fingertips
Explore
H­eat
Sensuality
Heartbeats
Rapid
Hips
Move
Bodies
Tensed
Infinity
­Momentarily

The darkness just creeps and creeps
And bleeds and blinks
My poor memories can’t catch a wink
When I sleep, at the bottom in the deep
He never even tried to climb back out
Just built a house and settled down with a mouse
Does your headspace dream
Are those your screams
Both reds and blues in these vivid dreams

I awaken to find myself dreaming
Palm pressed flat against my fingers
Pushing on the barriers of reality
Everything is sound
My own thoughts cannot keep my attention
Drifting between them
A superimposed facsimile
An impossible locale in a probable location
A passenger on the highway
Screaming for release
Hungry for abandon
Who are you
This female driver without a name
Why aren’t you bothered by the situation
But I barely have time to contemplate
Your unshakable determination
That peculiar knowing smile
The way the setting sun finds its comfort in your eyes
This direction, before I am climbing
known stairs to an unknown location
a wall where a door is supposed to be
I know where I am headed
Its just that its not here
Descent into familiarity
Friendly faces from the past
Unchanged and un-aged
Successful distraction
Unfinished

Help me to see you for who you are
To experience, unadulterated
Unhinge and free me
You could burn away this illusion
With a single kiss, tonight
The softest touch
Naked, deception
Please, that feeling
Points me nowhere
Who are you

I like to slow down
Right as our lips touch
And pull away before completing the kiss
I'll gaze into your eyes
And run my thumb
Across your bottom lip

The trip back home gets longer every year
And the decades don’t know
How much time you spend, Here
Like a book or a novel, a weary man’s wish
The dreams that we shared
Have long been, relinquished
Or relented or returned
Or accepted as burned
When everything said
Is bathed in sadness
The world seems lost, and I swear
This is madness

So beautiful
So innocent
So it begins
As it always does
Pure intentions
Pure of heart
Loneliness carving a hole in your empty heart
Dripping need from your tired fingers
Promises diving off of your innocent tongue
Swimming past the break
Dancing within the infinity
Of chance
Exploring the vast
Openness of uncertainty
Wishing all would stay well
Needing comfort
Certainty
Pulling back
Swimming slowly back to shore
Inching closer to reality
Looking back on "the way it was"
Walking out of the water
Turning around
And
She's not there
She's drowning
You frantically realize
Drowning in your promises
Your smooth tonguedness
Your evil serpent ways
You start to run
Running until your swimming back out
Out to the depths of sanity
Out to where you have never been
Until you cant go any further
And you tire
So you turn back out of fear
And find yourself alone
Standing on the tear soaked beach
Aware of your misdeed
But unable to deny
Truth
Lonely again
Where is my truth

I have fixed the bathroom window and locked the bedroom doors
But these windows won’t hold
Still I can’t seem to lock them all
I take note of the filth and decay
but I’m not bothered by it
The bed is rotten
but I’ll be sleeping here tonight
I look through a hundred panes and into the darkness
And I can see right through you
And right through the others
Your feet pass by and I can feel your gaze
But thankfully, I am not in your sights
I dare only to steal a glance or two, and fearfully at that
The thought of catching your eyes is horrifying
The smell of mold and mildew seems to offend you
But the truth is
I can stomach it, easily
I want to tell you about that place
About how afraid I was when I explored it
About what’s really in there
But the words are not easy
And it’s so close now
Besides, I can feel that you are pleased with me, and I am at peace with that
So I say nothing
*And we are somewhere else

Shhhh, I said, as I touched my finger to her lips

Let me share a secret, an impart, a tip

A gentle lie or a subtle truth

It’s a story about vanity, and youth

You see, there was you, and me

And in between, a life that could never be

An agreement between friends

And a pledge that we could not assail

But ultimately it was me, don’t you see?

I could never let go, I could never perceive

Oh how I tried though, I swam into the waves,

And you just smiled, when I returned, all out of brave

There were times when I would imagine you, watching me

And I would imagine myself, just standing there

Looking contemplative and alluring

I would dream you filled with desire, looking at me

My heart, my soul, my mind, my being

Drinking me in, biting your lip, anticipation

And then I imagined me, oblivious to your needs

Obscuring and hiding, even denying water, to those seeds

I must have died a thousand times, drowning in the vanity

Do you think of me, often
I wonder, needing, warmth
I hope you read this, slowly
These words won’t last, long
But they’re all, for you
Who am I to hold them, hostage
Your face will be awash, dancing lights
When I set this page, *on fire

As I slowly come to realize that
I only remember echoes of past events
I am awash in the fluidity of possibility
The probability that I may indeed
Rewrite my history

Because, I was afraid that,
You would love me back

Subtle gestures

Seldom missed

Inspiration shared

A delicious candy kiss

Sweet and soft

You’re a lucky guy

Dinner and a movie

Don’t be shy

Take your forever

Even if she bites

Enjoy the memories

Everything is alright

I cast my mind upon the wind
With the intention of soaring
But I awaken to find myself, instead
Gazing at a river of loss
Dreaming of being swept away
Misplaced abandon
Completely at her mercy
I am Conquered, yet free
A tumultuous fury
A memory
Are we

She suffers the silence alone
But secretly loathes the solitude
You might see her in the distance
A shadowed, huddled form
Quivering in the darkness
Weeping in the stillness because
There is a lovely soul inside
That no one sees

If Romeo had lived
And Juliet wasn’t cold
And the pages we turned
Weren’t the memories we sold
If the fire was lit
And the flames never died
And the channels we changed
Didn’t flicker with lies
...

Do you ever look back and wonder
What would I have done if I’d have known?
That that was the last time my eyes would see
That my heart would slowly break with every mile
That as I stared out that window
And beheld, the most beautiful arrangement of snow
The most serene fields that silence could know
That I would rather drown in the pain
Than ever let you go...

A time spent in the clearing
And in the darkness…its thoughts
Rearing
And growing and moaning and…fear
Here they come
Visions of Monet
Do we run?
No, we stand our ground and hear what they say

Words could never express
All this breath, I waste
And those songs, they taste
Like heaven, as if
He sent a memory
For us to share, but where
Oh where have all the times gone
All those moments we shared
Ill forever bear, those midnight whispers
An unintended stare
That smile, without a care

Ideations
Confound
The sadness surrounds
But I'm weak
And the constitution
Lies deep
Untouched
A part of me weeps
Brother I can't do it
Almost

And so I sit, listening
Music plays and I…
I feel
And I think, “This song is you”
And I wonder who you are now
I wonder if you were ever real
If the emotions were real
Why can’t I let go

I want to love you
But your walls, I can’t

And so I write
These lines, they leech
These feelings, they speak
And I just, need
A gentle caress
A love, not less
My heart, it breathes
My breath, it needs
And I mourn and bleed for these things that I need
I grasp at the wind as the restlessness sinks in
And I always come back
Around to this pen

My curse is to go on living
No reprieve
No rest
I must suffer to the fullest
Until my debt is paid
And I return this life
Until the end
Adieu

My God
I just want to kiss you
But you don't exist
Can you taste
These lips

I could write a thousand words
Just summarizing what I read between yours
But I don't, or I won't
I think it's time to let "this"
ride off into the sunset
The horizon has been patient
and enough is probably enough
So, I'll say goodbye
For now, or forever I guess
I think the only lesson
We are meant to learn in life
Is how to let go

Wasted words
Almost spoken
But I bit my tongue
Almost

Circling around
Each other
So close
But never connected
Lost

I never wanted to let go
But I was at least a decade away
From loving you
You and me
Just weren't meant to be

The depths
I despair
One more sip
And I'm alone
So close
But I'm not proud
It could end
Right now
But I don't want that
And that's not what this is about
So I breathe
Even though I can't
Anymore
I'm deep enough now
And the emotions are confusing
And I love you
And that blurs into her, mom
I can't reconcile this
And here we are on the precipice
Of a child's love
This is painful and my burden should be yours
Yet here I am carrying it
I hope you've reconciled our distance
Cause I'll just keep driving
I just don't know any direction but forwards
And then the song changes
And I can't live without you
In my mind
When I die
You two become one
And my love is justified

When I was little

I would press my face

into the space

where your back touched the seat

and I would sleep

While you drove us home



I dont know if ive ever admitted to myself

how much I needed you

But these arent words of regret

because I know I told "you"

many times

so many times I shared my heart with you

I needed to know "you knew"

"I" needed to know

that this was one regret I woudn't carry

In your absense



I don't remember where we were coming from

and I don't remember arriving

all I remember

Is the weight of the empty

space in between

Loving you

and being me

How do I explain
The 37 years
of rejection
That I have carried
Alone
In my heart
And now that I know who you are
I don't want to know you
-
A lifetime has passed
In a single moment
There's nothing left to rhyme

Woe are my dreams
And woe that is naught
In time though it seems
All is forgot