The lies that light the tip
Of your cigarette on shame stained lips
You swore me to an oath of vengeful crass
Oh these cuts that bleed
On the broken glass
Can’t hide the sting
That I love you out of pity
And your death will only bring
Tears to hide my smile

But you dear reader
You know
Exactly how it feels
To be completely alone
In a crowded room
Constantly resisting the impulse
To yank the steering wheel
Directly to the left
And patiently waiting
For anything
*Meaningful

How far we have strayed, from a time so near
When the path through this wilderness, was frequented
And free, when hearts bleed purposefully, and intentionally
And the weighted word was burdensome, yet welcomed
How I mourn for the soul, which danced openly in the eyes of love
But now worships in the blinds of ignorance and intolerance

Alarm clock
We are laying together on the floor
talking about stuff, and I try to tell you
but someone walks in the room
and then you look at me and say
"Is this one of those conversations where you tell me how much you like me"? and I say yes
I place my hand over my chest and say
"I have been alone in here for 10 years"
snooze button
We lay in bed together
with your body pressing against mine
Your sleep is so restless but I just lay there
imagining that i'm looking up at the stars
deep in thought and wide awake
I can't seem to fall asleep, even in my own dream
sadly contemplating eternity
i want to build your dreams but you put me at odds with myself
and my responsibilities
snooze button
I'm beginning to lose focus
the world is falling apart
My thoughts are confusing me
Alarm clock*
My wife nudges me and I sit up
Am I really awake?

I watch you sometimes
From a distance
So familiar with your ways
Your damsel in distress pedigree
Your claws you keep, asleep, waiting
Just a little taste
Those ****** lips, smeared with lust
But I loved you, once
But, wow, how I loved you

In lieu of a human connection
Will these words suffice
Absent eyes crying out for your presence
Will my dreams ignite
How many years have passed without clarity
Parched and begging for a vision
Truth, absolute and transient
I prematurely suffer your absence
imagine a future alone
My perception turned away
Still trapped by preconception
Will I give of myself willingly
As I return this life
*Paid in full

I often wonder what to do with 5 million poker chips
Every time I cut down a tree, I end up with a stack of them 10 meters high
And what a strange forest anyway
Alice, with her bad little habit
Gnawing the foot off of the little white rabbit
That's now on a keychain and spray-painted red
They say its good luck to get bit by a spider
So you allow the venomous beasts to graze
On the fields of your flesh and quench their thirst
In the pools of your blood, and saliva
Running down your chin, you are so old
And your hair is falling out of this world
You slowly come to realize that death is calling
Halfway to the phone and your already sweating
Cold sweat turns to marshmallow cream
And the 8-legged furries, panic and scream
I will forever ponder that sound which,
Is not unlike a hundred school girls screaming in unison

Owls are wise
I see them flapping their wings in my rearview
She wants a family, but
This winding road is dangerous, and
Your eyes distract me
After the flames die down
And the wreckage is sifted
In the milky white surrealism
And the stale, stifling afternoon
I’ll watch you walk away
You won’t even look back
I know
*My god I’ve never felt so alone

Help me to see you for who you are
To experience, unadulterated
Unhinge and free me
You could burn away this illusion
With a single kiss, tonight
The softest touch
Naked, deception
Please, that feeling
Points me nowhere
Who are you

But the truth is in the lust, she said
Or at least that’s what they’re selling
Will you run away with me?
Far beneath the midnight
Nothing between us
Our bodies
Blushing,  moonlight
We could hide away, for a while
While the judgments of a world, in love with itself, quietly pass us by

Are you even capable of such feelings?
When you inhale
You pull the life right out of me
And I’m left, alone
Waiting*
Exhale

Do you think of me, often
I wonder, needing, warmth
I hope you read this, slowly
These words won’t last, long
But they’re all, for you
Who am I to hold them, hostage
Your face will be awash, dancing lights
When I set this page, *on fire

I can taste you, still
Sweetness, your scent, my lips
Salt and shame, regret?
Never

I can taste you, barely
Subtle, lingering, delicious
Did I sense, hesitation?
No

I can taste you, no more
Rejected, momentary, hollow
Ignorance in love?
*Always

Your intrigue has been the thrill of my life, but
Your apathy is killing me, does it bother you
That I walk circles around the objects in my life
You provide the fuel and ill fan the flames
I seem to remember you saying as I sit here, shivering
Amidst this blurry haze of ashes and memories, staring into your eyes
As you look down upon me, from across these infinite lies that span
The gaps between us
Time slows down around that moment of defiance
You know the one, immediately preceding that other moment
The begrudging acceptance, of what you don’t really want
Like, what’s that smell, is my nose playing tricks on me again
Deceived by myself, I guess it’s not your fault after all
But I’m usually wrong it seems, especially if you’re believing, this
Windowless hole, where I take my dinner, your lies have grown salty
As of late, but to save your feelings I’ll ask for a second helping, and I know
What you are you thinking, when you attempt to digest
this collaboration of inconsistencies
This collection of commandeered conscious conclusions
Can I digress?

So beautiful
So innocent
So it begins
As it always does
Pure intentions
Pure of heart
Loneliness carving a hole in your empty heart
Dripping need from your tired fingers
Promises diving off of your innocent tongue
Swimming past the break
Dancing within the infinity
Of chance
Exploring the vast
Openness of uncertainty
Wishing all would stay well
Needing comfort
Certainty
Pulling back
Swimming slowly back to shore
Inching closer to reality
Looking back on "the way it was"
Walking out of the water
Turning around
And
She's not there
She's drowning
You frantically realize
Drowning in your promises
Your smooth tonguedness
Your evil serpent ways
You start to run
Running until your swimming back out
Out to the depths of sanity
Out to where you have never been
Until you cant go any further
And you tire
So you turn back out of fear
And find yourself alone
Standing on the tear soaked beach
Aware of your misdeed
But unable to deny
Truth
Lonely again
Where is my truth

Tangled webs of mischief
Subtly entrance our minds
Silvery strands of passion
Quietly entangle our hearts
Searing flames of lust
Violently twist our bodies
Incessant vines of fate
Eternally bind our souls

Dripping need from a tired tongue
Thinned and exceeding my expectancy
Overflowing with reservation
Dying in the prison of my heart
Howling hollowed winds
Blasting through my mind
Exposing my indignities
Exploring my passion for love
My love for Passion
Senseless degradation
Of my invulnerabilities
Peculiar filaments of past experience
Insatiable excuses
Obliterating my courage
Desperate Cries
Igniting my curiosity
Searing my trust
Existing as half
*Where are you

Your heart bleeds red, but your teeth are sharp, and yet
Your sultry coated darkness, steals the beats from my heart
That hazy clothed intrepidness, finds me, constantly astounded
Your worth lies, undiscovered, it is so far beneath your eyes, but baby
I See You
And I know, that
Far beneath this dripping wet pile, of freshly ended possibility
On the coldest of concrete, shattered and shivering
Lies the broken key to your perfect heart

Your flawless exterior, shines like a self-righteous diamond
Gleaming and reflecting, deflecting and beguiling
Meddling in the emotions and perceptions
Laying waste to the argumentative non-believers
Of your worth
This one is not pleased!
The light that shines on your walls is so much brighter
Than the darkness inside gives it credit for
Is there no path towards the center?

My personality has receded to the point of unrecognition
A theoretical reversion into equilibrium
Coalesced with the collapse of certainty
And Compounded by a conquered concentration

Shhhh, I said, as I touched my finger to her lips

Let me share a secret, an impart, a tip

A gentle lie or a subtle truth

It’s a story about vanity, and youth

You see, there was you, and me

And in between, a life that could never be

An agreement between friends

And a pledge that we could not assail

But ultimately it was me, don’t you see?

I could never let go, I could never perceive

Oh how I tried though, I swam into the waves,

And you just smiled, when I returned, all out of brave

There were times when I would imagine you, watching me

And I would imagine myself, just standing there

Looking contemplative and alluring

I would dream you filled with desire, looking at me

My heart, my soul, my mind, my being

Drinking me in, biting your lip, anticipation

And then I imagined me, oblivious to your needs

Obscuring and hiding, even denying water, to those seeds

I must have died a thousand times, drowning in the vanity

All this sand beneath my tongue

I feel compelled to lie

I sent my hands an email

But all I got back was an out of office reply

Speech is so cumbersome

When your mouth is filled

Sandy sweating sweetness

As I climb back down

High from another epiphany

Bleeding righteousness

A pool of slippery lies

Honor is bound to exist

At the end of this meandering life

I have fixed the bathroom window and locked the bedroom doors
But these windows won’t hold
Still I can’t seem to lock them all
I take note of the filth and decay
but I’m not bothered by it
The bed is rotten
but I’ll be sleeping here tonight
I look through a hundred panes and into the darkness
And I can see right through you
And right through the others
Your feet pass by and I can feel your gaze
But thankfully, I am not in your sights
I dare only to steal a glance or two, and fearfully at that
The thought of catching your eyes is horrifying
The smell of mold and mildew seems to offend you
But the truth is
I can stomach it, easily
I want to tell you about that place
About how afraid I was when I explored it
About what’s really in there
But the words are not easy
And it’s so close now
Besides, I can feel that you are pleased with me, and I am at peace with that
So I say nothing
*And we are somewhere else

Layering bricks of blame
Hiding the love for the others we pass
Sheltered in a dreamlike shame
Such is the state of our mass, society
Hindered by failure, fear of simplicity
Do you heed the call, ascend
This hatred born from love’s absence
Pick up the fight and carry, your brother
In your arms, in your heart
Your flammable memories, burning
Away, the price of freedom
Is love
The only reason

Disgusted by my desire
To wash you clean of filth
Just to see you defiled again
Oblivious to how you cast your rage
Innocent blood on every stage
This imperfect reflection
Even the mystics are mystified
This debacle of your mind
Such a mangled mess defined
I pray for your unhappiness like these Christians pray for a sign

I cannot weep for what I didn’t know
The pain from this borrowed life
Shed like winter snow
Absolute uncertainty
My journey in a million directions
Gun to my head, I’d say
Liberation is my obsession
Pull the trigger and set me free
When the time is right, I will gladly return
This beautiful gift, sweet memories
Happily drifting away
Wrapped in the arms of the breeze

Morning sun, marching to the beat of its own drum
Whispering of a path, illuminating rays
Beckoning me towards salvation

Afternoon heat, forged by an afterthought
Burning my eyes to cinders
Blind to my own direction

Evening glaze, slowly closing my eyes
Imagining the past, soft, silky, memories
Losing myself in the possibilities

Midnight stars, dancing in the night
Sweet summer escape, dare I taste the moment
The smallest hours, forever adored

Deep inside
My spirit waging war
A battle for supremacy
The ego ruthlessly reigns
Weak only to recognition
A decrepit aging man
Dragging himself across the scorching sands
Ever onward
Driven by an unquenchable thirst for passion
A desperate longing, for what
That feeling you can never explain
That aching, yearning desire
An emotion that you cannot describe
Fleeting moments where your want exceeds all
Forgotten childhood dreams
Absent from memory
Lost to symbolism
Defeated expressions
Forever veiled
Words
Inadequate

the warmth that escapes your lips
slowly melts my resolve
caressesing my face like little tendrils of watery vapor
dainty, lustful fingers slowly pulling me closer
inching towards eternity
passion on standby
poised to explode
so close to the end
the heat from your mouth sets my body on fire

Your body crashes into mine like a wave assailing the beach
A Torrential passion pounding the surf
ferociously increasing in rythym
pounding drums beating ever faster
An unbridled intensity exploding in heartbeats
erupting into complete uncertainty
Sanity being swept away in the retreating rush
grains of sand like moments in time

Subtle gestures

Seldom missed

Inspiration shared

A delicious candy kiss

Sweet and soft

You’re a lucky guy

Dinner and a movie

Don’t be shy

Take your forever

Even if she bites

Enjoy the memories

Everything is alright

The yearning for Escape, a misinterpretation
Conception instigated from understanding
Unobtrusive acquiescence of unending comprehension
Thoughts explode in the blue and rain down
Lovely eruptions submerged in moonlight
Showering the spheres with a dazzling gleam
Deluging them with adoration and consideration
Illuminating the path to eternity

I awaken to find myself dreaming
Palm pressed flat against my fingers
Pushing on the barriers of reality
Everything is sound
My own thoughts cannot keep my attention
Drifting between them
A superimposed facsimile
An impossible locale in a probable location
A passenger on the highway
Screaming for release
Hungry for abandon
Who are you
This female driver without a name
Why aren’t you bothered by the situation
But I barely have time to contemplate
Your unshakable determination
That peculiar knowing smile
The way the setting sun finds its comfort in your eyes
This direction, before I am climbing
known stairs to an unknown location
a wall where a door is supposed to be
I know where I am headed
Its just that its not here
Descent into familiarity
Friendly faces from the past
Unchanged and un-aged
Successful distraction
Unfinished

Pages turned, memory bound
Your life is resting in the lost and found
Uncertain, creation and evolution pound
Affirmations, sought and found
Bleeding questions, pulling you, southbound
Frantic scramble, run from the hellhound
Your body and soul, earthbound
Awaken from this nightmare, underground
Unadulterated Exploration, consciousness resounds
Absolute freedom, profound

open sores and festering wounds
searing souls and mounds of bleached white bones
why are they bleached?
what, I don't know, that's just what you do with bones
you bleach them
oh he says
as he forces his ears inside my head
then he takes a garden hose
and thumbs his nose
at all my paper-thin relationships
like he knows
piles and piles of dripping wet has beens
hills and mountains of ended possibilites
opened and closed
my life was a story
you can take what you read
like wow this is boring

then why even tell me
if your plan wasn't to rip out my
(insert worthless metaphor)
just once
why cant our souls speak
tan pants and butterfly clips
lakeside conversations and moments of eternity
succumb to a starvation like lust
leave it alone
take another sip from a cup full of memories
drowning in another diluted moment
ill never surface for air
and my body will never float to the surface
of lies and deceit
you can bury me in the honesty of this moment
headlines and headstones
ive already been erased
you cant revive love
dead is gone and gone is dead
incoherent?
hardly
you know how i think
i dont pretend to know me
youll never understand me
suffocating even as you try
asphyxiation alluding to inner clarity
don't be fooled by my lack of reality
trust me
and take heed
no swimming allowed
in my head
that could have been the perfect ending to this
but ive been wrong before
maybe its another begi....
no don't say it
that phrase is overused
my heart is overused
wretched and heaving
vomiting past indiscretions
volatile projections of regret
limitless wandering of the eternal enmities of my life
smile
i just did