i wanna strip off this fake skin
show you my brittle broken bones

when i think of her,
fields of flowers are always alongside,
her skipping through,
slow and elegant,
as if the world stopped just to watch her

like popping an irritating long lasting pimple
pressing out all excess
endure pain

The pressure behind my moulding was never with the intention of expression
But to properly fit into my environment

Always shaping and reshaping
Mitigating the smallest parts
Emphasising the parts i thought was a better fit

To get eyes to lay on the new lumps on my body,

Ripping off, tearing apart, twisting around

Finally finishing to match my whereabouts
Just to never let myself be there
As i thought my true presence would feel out of place

Wouldn’t be able to fit in

I’m sinking myself in our past
My mind drowning in the thought of what ifs

I know you’re not good for me
neither am i
It’s hypocritical of me
Terrible of me
I don’t understand your want
mine shouldn’t be listened to

I can’t help but point out every flaw of myself,
even when i’m with you, alongside your kind words,
you deserve the best and the best only from the world

This chase needs to be over
You’re not some last resort i can call to when i please

Reflect on my treatment
even as of late

I’m not worth a thought

I’ve been dismissing and judging hope as of late
scoffing at encouragement
disregarding the importance of connection
I don’t even know how to express my sorry
to those affected

sometimes when I peek at that reflection
every intention involved in letting the world see me
instantly goes away

You hugged me so tight thinking love was in you

My love was a knife that cut deep into her
reaching her bones
etching all I am
like carving initials on tree trunks
Or maybe I think too highly of myself
That’s how you’re thought of
Is it wrong to think I had such an impact?

When that was your doing