starving for attention
yet gluttony feeds me further

The moment she leaves my eyes
All I wish for is the next time I see her

This confidence i wear
Seems to fit well
Have i grown into it?
Or did it get smaller
I’ve washed it so many times
Thinking i’ve taken out all of the dirt
Somehow something drips onto it
Stains it, taking too many cycles to leave
Every time i hang it up
It survives the battering wind
Can end up wrinkled
Not the way it’s supposed to look
Or neatly folded ready for presentation
Either way
Stitch it if damaged
Each threading deserves care

Walking to my bus i saw him in his car
Face buried in his hands
Wiping it like he was applying face wash
A man trying to guide the youth through this language
I then started to talk more after that day
Answer as many questions in class to break the silence
Made myself markable
He saw something in me I wanted to look away from
Grabbed my face and made me face it
I just wanted to be someone who listened to him
He deserves the recognition

The flaws of mine are all I look to
their the most obvious
the only thing I really see
Somehow you scavenge any beauty in it.

Till you shined your lines of joy
I thought i was left alone
that my uniqueness severely diminished my worth

I may have been frail this whole time
weary and droopy
Forgetting to function properly

This decaying state, a result of no water
My thorns were sharpened by insecurity
My petals were plucked by me in perpetuity it felt,
i kept finding more,
killing any growth nurtured.

My circle became aware and rotted
Withered and too delicate to maintain
I thought to myself
“their surrounding doesn’t belong to me”
Then, wrinkling and shrivelling every bit of self worth

You pointed the sun to me
At first I didn’t wanna fix myself
Rising my weariness seemed cynical,
Silly isn’t it
How you unknowingly aided my growth
Held me together even with my thorns
You, just there
You wore the ray beautifully  
Your thoughts provoked mine
my thirst quenched,
Now it’s just enjoyable to be with you
All I do is sit and stare,
secretly thanking your warmth

We have our banter yet,
I believed i was looking to deeply into you
Your beauty is so bright and lively,

yet

I digress my feelings for structure, as pretty as you are

And as much as you’ve unintentionally supported me

Once i make a move, the idea of living for myself goes

You’ll always be there,
wether i am
or am not,
i know that,
im hoping that,
encouraging your own growth

I’m purposely planting deeper
Thank you for forcing my roots
I look up happily, knowing we’re wavering in the same glow

The one will beam its way to you
Knowing you, you might over-shine them
Your support won’t go unnoticed

in a million faces i still find yours,
no matter the distance

I intended to clean you from it,
instead i washed you away

Whenever i have the opportunity to explore another,
that voice man,
creeps humming behind my ears,
then asking “are you worth their time”
then suddenly im standing,
not engaging
the want ran away from me

Her face
Burned deeply into my mind
Setting ablaze that rollercoaster of emotions

i wanna strip off this fake skin
show you my brittle broken bones

I’ve been dismissing and judging hope as of late
scoffing at encouragement
disregarding the importance of connection
I don’t even know how to express my sorry
to those affected

when i think of her,
fields of flowers are always alongside,
her skipping through,
slow and elegant,
as if the world stopped just to watch her

sometimes when I peek at that reflection
every intention involved in letting the world see me
instantly goes away

like popping an irritating long lasting pimple
pressing out all excess
endure pain