the younger me endured it
The state
Now suddenly my escapism at my oldest is when i’m most immature
Irony is screaming on the sidelines

Let me see the chains you cover
Inspect and figure out
Dissect and dissolve
I may not have the hands of a craft man’s
Or carry the keys of solutions so
Let me do what i can
I will always knock
With your approval wanted,
waiting for the doors creaking and you behind it

I can’t see you like this
My being becomes inflamed

This infatuation will **** me,
let me forget what it is that traps you
Remind me that you’re strength is buried within
Let me dig in when you allow it

My heart was in the place, just
My mind was somewhere else

Behind those shimmering loose waves
The curtain that shades your certain radiance.
Those pearls are of my wants

Or maybe everyone is profoundly flawed
If you look profoundly for them

I’m gonna swim through these thoughts,
Counter the current as if it’s common
Flourish flamboyantly

I’m in love with music because of how it makes my body feel
The impulse to twitch a part of me
to let out something i’ve been holding
Twist the floor beneath with my feet
slipping off that care even with others
Pull my head back and forward
Knee hopping in rhythm
Hands feeling up the space
Your voice does the same to me

if i can’t ever own my own story
how can i ever tell it

starving for attention
yet gluttony feeds me further

The moment she leaves my eyes
All I wish for is the next time I see her

The flaws of mine are all I look to
their the most obvious
the only thing I really see
Somehow you scavenge any beauty in it.

Till you shined your lines of joy
I thought i was left alone
that my uniqueness severely diminished my worth

I may have been frail this whole time
weary and droopy
Forgetting to function properly

This decaying state, a result of no water
My thorns were sharpened by insecurity
My petals were plucked by me in perpetuity it felt,
i kept finding more,
killing any growth nurtured.

My circle became aware and rotted
Withered and too delicate to maintain
I thought to myself
“their surrounding doesn’t belong to me”
Then, wrinkling and shrivelling every bit of self worth

You pointed the sun to me
At first I didn’t wanna fix myself
Rising my weariness seemed cynical,
Silly isn’t it
How you unknowingly aided my growth
Held me together even with my thorns
You, just there
You wore the ray beautifully  
Your thoughts provoked mine
my thirst quenched,
Now it’s just enjoyable to be with you
All I do is sit and stare,
secretly thanking your warmth

We have our banter yet,
I believed i was looking to deeply into you
Your beauty is so bright and lively,

yet

I digress my feelings for structure, as pretty as you are

And as much as you’ve unintentionally supported me

Once i make a move, the idea of living for myself goes

You’ll always be there,
wether i am
or am not,
i know that,
im hoping that,
encouraging your own growth

I’m purposely planting deeper
Thank you for forcing my roots
I look up happily, knowing we’re wavering in the same glow

The one will beam its way to you
Knowing you, you might over-shine them
Your support won’t go unnoticed

in a million faces i still find yours,
no matter the distance

I intended to clean you from it,
instead i washed you away

Whenever i have the opportunity to explore another,
that voice man,
creeps humming behind my ears,
then asking “are you worth their time”
then suddenly im standing,
not engaging
the want ran away from me

Her face
Burned deeply into my mind
Setting ablaze that rollercoaster of emotions

i wanna strip off this fake skin
show you my brittle broken bones

I’ve been dismissing and judging hope as of late
scoffing at encouragement
disregarding the importance of connection
I don’t even know how to express my sorry
to those affected

sometimes when I peek at that reflection
every intention involved in letting the world see me
instantly goes away

like popping an irritating long lasting pimple
pressing out all excess
endure pain