It feels like I've been holding my breath for so long
Will someone notice it
... notice me
Am I attention seeking?
Am I waiting in vain?
Surely self-love says release
Yet I grow faint waiting for rescue
Who will rescue me?

Accustomed to drowning I don't remember how to breathe
For a while I've been waiting... waiting for rescue
I see them at the shore
Dancing, smiling, laughing
Can they not see my struggle?
Can they not see my need to exhale?
"Release yourself" they say
"Swim to shore and join us in our joy"

"Maybe they are right"
"Surely I can save myself" I think
With every stroke I take, I look back
And see the island I once called home
Pain and nostalgia grip me
The grip tightens as I approach the joyful
Overwhelmed, I stop... and start to sink
Perhaps I was destined to live in the salt that stings my wounds


Perhaps I was destined to never exhale.

Smile, laugh, "thank you"
...I wonder if she'll wish me a happy birthday?
Smile, laugh, "thank you"
...surely she hasn't forgotten?
Smile, laugh, "thank you"
...after all we were best friends once.
Fake smile, fake laugh, "thanks"
...it's past midnight; she really has forgotten about me.

Prayer, I recognize your power
Yet I feel so unworthy.
I kneel & open my mouth
...yet nothing comes out.
I'm on my way to the mountain
...but with nothing to say.

They say time heals all wounds
Why do mine seem deeper than ever?
Why do I long for her?
I don't think I want her back
I've just been engulfed by nostalgia
I'm trapped, unable to move on
Why God?
Why me?
Please...
Please free me.