Life keeps going
You will not outrun this ****
It will catch up-each step of
the way
You never really leave where you
grew up

Not only
do I want to keep living
I'd like to be
thin
With the *** appeal of a Ferris wheel
in a skyline

There is an ancient time
Peace
Please
The arguing will only leave you
wanting more
You'll always find the philosophy
you are looking for

The fog makes it weirdly bright
A full sun hanging
Over the park
I make out its border lines
I walk into its sides
I try to survive

It's a central morning
On a central time line
Reactivate
I sometimes still wonder
Over your whereabouts

Indirect steps towards
Momentary encounters with
Beautiful women
As if there were not buildings
On each side of this trail

I wake up
In the center of the park
My dog waits for me, smoking
I tell him I can try
I can pretend to remember your smell
He says it's time to go home
That all this is getting boring
That nobody cares about me or
my story

When the Internet
existed
for conspiracy theories and
remixes
I woke up
laying next to you
after an Oxy-lovin night
waiting to start another fight

I let you roll the blunt
I let you sit up front
You, always sit next to me  
We took the back roads
Through the green trees
Past
the houses of our tired friends
Past
the girls that made you jealous
Past
the future lovers you'd take
We'd  drive past the future.

Are any of these women real?

My step mom opens the top drawer
In the guest room
Takes out the cut bracelet
And asks,
Can I please throw this out?
It reads Fall Risk
Which is what I am
Yellowed and frayed
At the ends

The boxes of books dance with
the lids closed.
It's not too cold
But it's raining
I have one friend and
She's praying
There are two dogs and
They're saying
Please get out of bed
We both believe that you can
Walk again

Fast forward and I get lost
In the big rows, poetry lanes
while I shake and crave
through the outrages
I learn to come back down
I learn to give and go

It says Fall Risk
Inside, they told me I'm not bad
I'm just sick
It's tricky,       whether
I know it all     or
have no clue
it exists
I'm a fall risk.

My stomach hurt.
I was having trouble keeping my eyes open.
Sitting on the train, pressed up against the cold metal pole,
resting my red,
beaten face against the metal.
The standing riders attempting to find space to hold on
while I tried to breath in
as much of the air conditioning as I could
while enjoying the last moments of the dark tunnel
before the four train spat out into the bright Yankee Stadium
infused outdoors of the Bronx.

Argentinian teenagers
taking in the cities
Their predilections all  
based in fiction

Shocking green masses

Turnstile seminars

Debauchery hidden behind stars

Captured innocence

And they wonder
could this be New York?
The snow came and the snow
melts
The only boy in the group
turns to his prettiest friend
and says
I'd rather end up in hell

A blessed breeze
pushes me off the tracks
to the trains
Like billy Collins or
collision consoles
whipping passed me
uncaring
like the past me

I have nothing left to be afraid of
besides maybe a tumor
and even then
I hope I'd sit back with my friend Pat
and seek the humor
And if it kills me
my loved ones should know
I died happy, but
mostly annoyed
and I'll be watching
when you pull out your lap top
and you lock your door
You pull out your tube sock
and I'm judging you
I'm taking pictures
and I'm laughing at you
Sitting there with Rooha
maybe with a lit blunt
Maybe where I go next
I'm not an addict

But for now my mother says
I'm probably healthy
Google searches disagree
In a world where our god
is broadcast through screens
All knowing
All powerful
Screens
Who should I believe?

I still get a dark taste
watching the un thoughtful mass
of clumped up, spot cleaned suits
pursuing what?
Fancy tooth brushes and
the newest carpet cleaners?
But then my train
ascends
I look at the Brooklyn bridge
and the statue who stands so
confused, over
what she is meant to represent
and I'm okay

You'd be okay too
if after ten years of dirt and fog
you were headed to Central Park
to walk a dog