I know longer can feel my hands and my brain is just all scattered, I can't tell if its the past or present that's killing me and which ever it is I wish It would do it already, right now at this time I can't even imagine the word love is real..i wouldn't know I hardly ever hear it,im not just speaking of you but some of it just in general. You told me to not take the pill but I can't help it when it helps me forget all this life is all the pain I've been through most of it for you. I've been beaten physically and emotionally for you I cut out my heart and handed it to you as I fell to the floor and bled out slowly. With my last gaze before my eyes shut i saw you drop it and walk the other way. You say you often wish you never would have loved me or kissed me.. But have you ever thought to think all the hell I've been through and all this pain I've endured just for you alone, constantly wanting to take the pill to drift asleep but I don't because I know you wouldn't want me to.. So instead I don't sleep and watch the demons around me tear at my chest and rip me apart alive only to see the sun come up and get out of bed just to see you a couple hours later. You mended me mended my heart when it was broken only for you to break it again and again and each time you mend it once more. I do grow tired of the pain but I don't grow tired of you,you may rip me apart from time to time, you may not actually take in account all I do for you, all the times I stand up for you when your not around. You never really have thought about what I've done for you because your to busy with him to ever give a cent to think about me. But ill still love you even with all this pain I hold in

Would you watch the sunset with me? Will you let me be by your side and make me forget my shattered memories? Could you possibly even slow down time so we could watch that sunset for eternity and not give a care in the world and just relax in its beautiful rays? The sunset so beautifully striking  that I wish I could see it everyday that it may be the background to my world and may the slightest light brighten up even the most darkest days. The sunset that makes the heart beat the sunset that makes you smile and at last  the sunset that gives you the most memorable images in your head, could you slow down time so we could watch it for an eternity?

I would be false to say these memories are broken when in fact they are shattered physically im here but mentally im long gone who would have guessed you'd be the one to do this to me everything fades away as if the sky is darkening in my brain the blackness clouds my mind I no longer can see and where the hell has my sight gone I use to think everything was crystal clear until you shattered those crystals shattered them into my skin poisoned me left me for dead no desire to look or even shine a light over here to free me from my darkness and yes I mean my darkness,it molded me crafted a new me im no longer normal my heart beats starting to slow until it stops but what's left of me no heart no brain no sight so all I do is  take one last look at a photo us and I let this charon sail away with me

Have you ever seen a bird with broken wings try to fly? How about a kid with broken arms trying to hold the world up or how about a medic patching up a fatal wound? Have you ever seen someone with a broken heart find love? Words like fatal and broken they are all ending words periods in a sentence. They are the left over memories that only few remember and the lessons that no one teaches.They lack hope and they lack common sense. The only goal is to try just as the bird does, and you may think it isn't bad right? The birds on the ground trying to fly well that's all perspective, what if I tell you the bird is high up in a tree? Not so good anymore.  The worlds pretty heavy do I need to even say how that story goes? What about the soldier with the fatal wound, would you believe me if I said he lived? Yea you might believe it… If I didn't mention the word fatal. But there's a twist in the kid with a broken heart. He did eventually find love.. But it never seemed to find him. You can often patch up or repair things that break and yes bones will heal with time. Those arms will grow stronger and the soldier will be honored for his sacrifice. But the kid with the broken heart, you can't just give time to something that needs cared for, you can't wait for it to get stronger and you certainly can't patch it up. So you give it to someone to care for it in hopes they'll give you there's to cherish and protect.. Except when they don't all your left with is this emptiness and struggles to find reality.

When love is at its most you do not think you just act upon what makes them happy even though your head may swirl and you'll ask yourself later why in the world did I do that, was it to impress them?Show them your fun side? Or maybe just simply cause you love them, the heart has its own code for the one it loves which is expressed
01011001 01101111 01110101 00100000 01100001 01110010 01100101 00100000 01101101 01111001 00100000 01101111 01101110 01100101 00100000 01100001 01101110 01100100 00100000 01101111 01101110 01101100 01111001 00100000

The heart has its name tag and no its not my name but simply it is yours so it wont ever forget who it belongs too and if its ever lost all I ask is you find it and keep it for I have no need for it when all it wants is you

Im not back doing this again like I was  earlier in the week am I no couldn't be its to early for that but I simply can't go without saying,id endure any amount of pain in the world, id endure all of the pain in the world if you would see how much I truly care for you when  im with you there is no moments of sadness just like there arnt any moments without laughter my smile has never been bigger and I've never been more myself around a girl like you. I've been broken yes yet you continue to mend me each time no longer just my heart but all of me and I no longer care how many times im broken only because I know you'll be close by ready to mend me. Memories of us constantly tangle around in my mind some of which hurt like crazy but I adore them to much to let them go, tis I am your lover and I shall never let any moment pass without it being already concealed in my head you are by far the best thing that has happened in my life

I spent to much time thinking about what I was missing from the past and never stopped to think that I had all I needed here with me in my present and would have been my future if I would have stopped and just opened my eyes instead I blinded myself and left myself lost in this world no longer understanding where I am going no longer know my way home, head is constantly spinning no longer understand the meaning of up and down and not only am I blinded in my reality but in my dreams filled with nightmares that bring me to hell every night but I couldn't bring myself to say I don't deserve it

There's a demon in my home and its lashing out every chance it gets, not at others but simply me, it leaves scratches across my chest deepest were my heart is. It wants to rip it out it doesn't want me to have my heart but when it comes down to it I don't either. There would be just to much pain if I got rid of it and lost all the love I had inside of it and what's left of my sanity. This demon never sleeps it tempts me with pills that make me forget who I am and what I am. It constantly trys to **** me and yet when I act and should have died im still here no longer fighting to Live but just living it seems if I no longer have the choice between life and death and am forced to continue to live and fight this demon. But with all that said and done I forgot to mention this demon I speak of.. Is really me

Although broken my heart may be and lost my mind is nothing will ever replace these memories of what could and was, ive been stabbed in the heart a million times before but im still here im standing strong because I know I have you yes im insane yes im as lost as can be but in the end I know ill always have you and would never learn to hate you for I will always and forever love you

I was sitting by the fire keeping warm reminiscing on memories of us since that seems to help time fly, now the fire has died and I walk these streets feeling the cold slowly freezing over my skin but the cold feels good relaxes me I feel at home in the cold, is it that my mind is constantly racing that manages to keep me so warm? Is it that a thought of you crosses my mind and my heart beats faster and warms me? Hey might just even possibly the combination of the two but I do know for fact you have this amazing ability to numb any of my pain. I can't help but write  about you especially on nights like these when I can't shake this feeling but I can't even explain thus feeling. I miss you more than ever right now but you wouldn't know that right now. Ten thirty one, nights not getting any younger sure is getting colder, is it that I miss your warmth  could that possibly be it? Maybe just looking for excuses to say I miss you, when it comes down  to it that's all it is I miss my arms around you, I miss that unstoppable feeling I get when im standing next to you. If I haven't said it enough I miss your smile and laugh that is oh so contagious, I miss your voice that is all I can hear when we speak, I miss when we look into each others eyes and the world freezes and above all I miss the I loves yous that only come once in awhile  but is a million times better than  never. These walks are no longer what they use to be especially on nights when the moon shines bright and all I can think of is looking into your eyes on that Friday night , I no longer look upon the ground but to the moon who always accompanies me on these nights when most people are sleeping im writing not just for you but for me to calm my nerves and really take time to take in the air and the beauty of the night sky I always fine that I am longing for the perfect description of most things involving you, how does one describe your perfect personality and your perfect heart, I may just try to write your breath away whenever I write but as long as you get a smile atleast once I know that what I wrote did what I would hope.I write a lot for you but what else am I to do with my time when I could be writing of love?there really is nothing more calming then writing for you since I know its true and will always stand true can't help but compliment you tell you I love you any chance i get, Learned in life you never know when the last time you get to say I love you is, so I love you and  you'll see this world doesn't matter to me and I would give up all I have just to breath  the same air as you till the day that I die because i  can't take my eyes off of you

I have spent this past week building the wall back up since I last saw you so I can try and return to my life but i saw a picture of you today and that alone tore the walls down back to rubble, I cannot escape nor can I shake these feelings that constantly tear down these walls, they cry out for you and dream of what could be if you where here but you've taken absence and left them confused so all they do is build themselves back up brick by brick ready to tear themselves apart at just the chance of hearing your distant but beautiful voice

Why do these demons constantly torment me and bring me deeper and deeper into that horrible darkness all I want to do is escape but I feel them grasp my ankles there is so many how could I ever escape im lost im dazed and they already have pulled me in they control me I feel me shifting I no longer care, I no longer feel, what is possibly happening to me  how come they wont let go? what have I done to deserve this? why couldn't they let me be? this torment is to much no matter how much I run or how well I hide they find me and drag me under once again I miss the light and where has my flower gone it was beside me and no its gone with the rest of what I cared why why do these demons torment me so

This ever so haunting past why can't it leave me be why does it constantly torment me I constantly feel as im trapped in a box that slowly decreasing in size crushing me but not just me my heart and it wants to beat it wants to beat free it wants to know what its like to breath and feel in the now and focus on what's best in the present instead of chasing its tail in the past why can't that winter leave and not come back why does it constantly snow with the sun never showing never allowing the sweet taste of sun to open up my heart and show it the world is new and its better to not be afraid and to leave the pain behind why can't it just be free and know what its like to see the sun and be warm why can't the cold disappear? One day I hope the sun will shine and all will balance in the world and show me the green grass that grows so beautifully

I spoke to an angel today and she told me I looked a lot like an fallen angel, I spoke to the devil today and even he welcomed me home with open arms. There where days when light use to shine flowers would grow and the grass around me was green and what im left with now is withered flowers and dirt with one single flower left and with it what's left of my heaven that use to be but as long as the devil has a spot I have a home forever free from any pain he promised me he would make the pain go away and he turned my heart to stone he just didn't mention it would stay stone forever

What reason do you have to live if you no longer fear death and only welcome it?challenge it day after day daring it to come bring you down when you know it wont cause you yourself once tried to bring death yet you failed,but death does not wish to reap your soul he only wishes to send his demons upon you to torment you, when you sleep and you feel safest in your dreams he unleashes all if his demons for a nightmare that you don't escape he's got you while your asleep and he wont let you escape you may not fear dying but death is slowly winning and breaking you down

Im not saying im perfect but I could change your whole life,im not saying im the best but I do know how to make you smile, im not saying im the one but Id walk to the other side of the world to see you,im not saying im the closest to you but I would see you any and everyday day you wanted me to, im not saying im better im just saying ill always love you till the day I die and all I want is a chance