E - Hello Poetry

E 4d

I was trying to fix it
maybe plant some flowers
lilies, your favorite
or maybe a rose bush
something to try and
fill the hole I made
in your heart

But I picked up the shovel
and I kept digging
down and down
deeper and deeper
until dirt surrounded me
and I had no ladder
and even the sun couldn't reach me

I don't think there's a way out
but that's my own fault
it's what I chose
every time I opened my mouth
or took a step closer
I dug deeper
so maybe I'll stay here

I don't like feeling sad but it makes for good poetry :)

E 4d

Six Feet Under

Down here
I like to dream
of the sky
because I know
I'll never see it again

The earth presses
down, heavy, and firm
it fills my lungs
and I wish it would stop
but there's no death here

If I had something
I might be able to get out
but I don't
so I won't
and it continues to hurt

I think my bones may
be broken, my heart
more so. But it's all
just a dull ache
down here
six feet under

I think this is what depression feels like.

E 4d

Cutting You Off Hurts

I'd give you my heart
I'd give you my time
but I only have
so little left

I might ask you to wait
to let me remember
but I know you'd wait
until it's too late

So I just ask
you let me go
and that you know
it's not your fault

My memory is a blank page
and it's not helping you
so put down your pen
and let yourself forget

It was never easy
and it was never going to be
Just please remember:
"It's not your fault."

I hope you know I don't blame you.

E 4d

A Field of Flowers

I sit in a field
full of flowers

I'm waiting for someone
but I can't remember who

I'm hoping for something
but I can't remember what

I hope there's something
after this

But I'm not so sure
there's anything left

Sometimes I think I'm stuck
With nothing left to go back to

That maybe no one is coming
And I'm all alone

It's dark here
and far too cold

I hope there's a way out
but I don't think there is

I'm in a field of flowers
and it is my gilded cage

I don't like this but I'm not going to let you hurt yourself just to help me

#purgatory

E 5d

I Wish You'd Forget Me

I wish you'd forget
whatever it was
about me you used to know
Because I don't remember me
and it's only hurting you

I wish you would forget
the things I said
when I was trying to help
Or selfishly trying to be remembered
and it's only hurting you

I wish you would forget
whatever it was we used to share
I know you care
but I do too
and it's only hurting you

I wish you'd forget me
whatever it is you'd remember
my smile or my tears
my laughter or my fears
Because it's only hurting you

And I wish you'd forget me.

For Niko. I'm sorry.

E 5d

Puzzle Pieces

Bits of the past
Like puzzle pieces
You try to fit them together
But you can't make a puzzle
Without all the pieces

Memories are fragile
The cardboard pieces fall apart
Under even the slightest pressure
Water of tears
Or fire of anger

The past is like a puzzle piece
Desperately trying to put it
Back together
But you can't make a puzzle
Without all the pieces

Sometimes you think you have it
Only to realize it doesn't fit
Because you don't remember
Why can't you remember?
The pieces don't fit.

You can't make a puzzle
Without all the pieces.

E 5d

Wasting Time

Time slips through my fingers
Like sand it falls
Down, down, down
I try to catch it
But it's all in vain

I'd like to try again
To pick it back up
To turn back and redo
Maybe there's something better
But it only brings pain

I think there's something
Somewhere in this hourglass
But if there is I can't find it
I've wasted so much time
Trying to count each grain

They tried to warn me
It was a waste of time
There's no remembering
There's no fixing it
But I try again even if it's in vain