She paints with crooked fingers
Barely holding the brush

She cries with deep blue eyes
Hardly able to see the road as
Tears flood her vision

She loves with a cracked heart
Scarcely letting in any sunshine
In her darkest of times

Winding red strokes of paint
Cover the canvas
Slightly destroyed by emotion
Filled tears
Littered with rain cloud.

I can see all these stars
But most of them are
Faded covered by color
Muted shades of blue.

I am one of these stars
I am fading slowly
My light is surely going dim

I am falling agin
Into this downward
Spiral

I am a faded shade
of rich purple

Beautiful
but only to myself

I yearn to lay under grey storm clouds
To let cold hard rain drops attempt to wash away my pain

I yearn to not be the disappointment that I am
To make my father see that I am more than this

I yearn to stop crying so much
To make this lingering pain in my chest fade

I yearn to stop breathing
To let the gentle hand of death smother out my flame

I'm smiling so much
That my face hurts
You like me back
I honestly can't believe it
I thought this was one sided
But now I see that
A handsome boy like you
Could have feelings for
A coragous girl like me

And your smile makes my heart race
Just thought you should know

Here it is
The big
2  0

I've changed a lot
In the past 20 years,
And I
Love the woman
I am becoming.

You happen to think that
you're a monster
but my love you are
one of the reasons
I make myself get out of bed
in the morning

I love mornings
for the simple reason
that waking up
means there is a possibility
that I will see your face
and be reminded that
I am loved by someone.

I love the night
for the simple reson
that going to sleep
means I will see you
in my dreams
and I won't miss you as much

I now know what its like
To be so confused that you can't function correctly

T̶h̶e̶ ̶m̶o̶r̶e̶ ̶I̶ ̶t̶h̶i̶n̶k̶ ̶o̶f̶ ̶y̶o̶u̶ ̶t̶h̶e̶ ̶m̶o̶r̶e̶ ̶c̶o̶n̶f̶u̶s̶e̶d̶ ̶I̶ ̶g̶e̶t̶ ̶I̶ ̶w̶a̶n̶t̶ ̶t̶o̶ ̶w̶r̶i̶t̶e̶ ̶a̶b̶o̶u̶t̶ ̶y̶o̶u̶ ̶I̶ ̶w̶a̶n̶t̶ ̶t̶o̶ ̶s̶c̶r̶e̶a̶m̶ ̶a̶b̶o̶u̶t̶ ̶y̶o̶u̶ ̶I̶ ̶w̶a̶n̶t̶ ̶t̶o̶ ̶d̶o̶ ̶s̶o̶ ̶m̶a̶n̶y̶ ̶t̶h̶i̶n̶g̶s̶ ̶t̶h̶a̶t̶ ̶I̶ ̶k̶n̶o̶w̶ ̶I̶ ̶c̶a̶n̶'̶t̶ ̶a̶n̶d̶ ̶w̶o̶n̶'̶t̶ ̶d̶o̶ ̶s̶o̶m̶e̶ ̶h̶o̶w̶ ̶I̶'̶v̶e̶ ̶f̶i̶g̶u̶r̶e̶d̶ ̶o̶u̶t̶ ̶t̶h̶a̶t̶ ̶I love you but I don't and I can't

T̶h̶e̶s̶e̶ ̶a̶r̶e̶ ̶w̶o̶r̶d̶s̶ ̶y̶o̶u̶ ̶o̶f̶t̶e̶n̶ ̶u̶s̶e̶ ̶b̶u̶t̶ ̶I̶ ̶d̶o̶n̶'̶t̶ ̶b̶e̶l̶i̶e̶v̶e̶ ̶y̶o̶u̶.̶ ̶Y̶o̶u̶ ̶k̶n̶o̶w̶ ̶h̶o̶w̶ ̶y̶o̶u̶ ̶f̶e̶e̶l̶ ̶y̶o̶u̶r̶ ̶j̶u̶s̶t̶ ̶s̶c̶a̶r̶e̶d̶ ̶t̶h̶a̶t̶ ̶i̶t̶ ̶w̶i̶l̶l̶ ̶a̶l̶l̶ ̶f̶a̶l̶l̶ ̶a̶p̶a̶r̶t̶ ̶a̶n̶d̶ ̶t̶h̶a̶t̶ ̶y̶o̶u̶'̶l̶l̶ ̶g̶e̶t̶ ̶h̶u̶r̶t̶ ̶a̶g̶a̶i̶n̶.̶ ̶I̶ ̶d̶o̶n̶'̶t̶ ̶b̶l̶a̶m̶e̶ ̶y̶o̶u̶ ̶b̶r̶o̶k̶e̶n̶ ̶h̶e̶a̶r̶t̶s̶ ̶a̶r̶e̶ ̶h̶a̶r̶d̶ ̶t̶o̶ ̶f̶i̶x̶ ̶a̶n̶d̶ ̶Yours is still broken

I̶ ̶w̶i̶s̶h̶ ̶t̶h̶a̶t̶ ̶I̶ ̶c̶o̶u̶l̶d̶ ̶f̶i̶x̶ ̶y̶o̶u̶,̶ ̶b̶u̶t̶ ̶w̶e̶ ̶b̶o̶t̶h̶ ̶k̶n̶o̶w̶ ̶t̶h̶a̶t̶ ̶y̶o̶u̶'̶l̶l̶ ̶n̶e̶v̶e̶r̶ ̶l̶e̶t̶ ̶m̶e̶ ̶c̶l̶o̶s̶e̶ ̶e̶n̶o̶u̶g̶h̶ ̶t̶o̶ ̶h̶e̶a̶l̶ ̶y̶o̶u̶r̶ ̶h̶e̶a̶r̶t̶.̶ ̶I̶'̶v̶e̶ ̶s̶e̶e̶n̶ ̶y̶o̶u̶r̶ ̶s̶o̶u̶l̶ ̶a̶n̶d̶ ̶I̶ ̶d̶i̶d̶n̶'̶t̶ ̶r̶u̶n̶ ̶a̶w̶a̶y̶ ̶b̶u̶t̶ ̶y̶o̶u̶'̶r̶e̶ s̶t̶i̶l̶l̶ ̶s̶c̶a̶r̶e̶d̶ ̶t̶h̶a̶t̶ ̶m̶a̶y̶b̶e̶ ̶I̶ ̶o̶r̶ ̶s̶o̶m̶e̶o̶n̶e̶ ̶e̶l̶s̶e̶ ̶w̶i̶l̶l̶ ̶o̶n̶e̶ ̶d̶a̶y̶.̶ ̶Not every one you love will run away

,̶ ̶I̶ ̶h̶o̶p̶e̶ ̶t̶h̶a̶t̶ ̶o̶n̶e̶ ̶d̶a̶y̶ ̶y̶o̶u̶'̶l̶l̶ ̶b̶e̶ ̶a̶b̶l̶e̶ ̶t̶o̶ ̶s̶e̶e̶ ̶t̶h̶a̶t̶ ̶w̶h̶e̶n̶ ̶s̶o̶m̶e̶o̶n̶e̶ ̶r̶e̶a̶l̶l̶y̶ ̶l̶o̶v̶e̶s̶ ̶y̶o̶u̶ ̶t̶h̶e̶y̶ ̶w̶i̶l̶l̶ ̶n̶e̶v̶e̶r̶ ̶l̶e̶a̶v̶e̶

Snow is falling outside
Its cold and beautiful
It reminds me of better times
When love wasn't complicated
And hearts weren't so fragile

My love is like ****** snow
Untouched and refreshing
Thinking of you gives
Me horrible ideas
Ideas about love and
Other mushy things
But recently thinking of you
Gives me a sharp lingering
Pain in my chest.

We happen to be opposites

I'm mostly positive                                    
                        And your mostly negative
The glass is half full                                   
                             The glass is half empty
Forests and Thickets                                
                                 Storms and Infernos

Did you realize that you're
The one that destroys
And I'm the one that
Gets destroyed?

We are opposites
That should have
never attracted

I need you to know that
When you leave
I won't cry for you
I won't be heart broken
I'll simply say
Goodbye in the hopes
that maybe one day it will
lead to a long awaited
Hello

Sticky notes on my wall
Yell at me to do tasks

-Clean your room
-Do homework
-Listen to your dad
-Get over your feeling for him

I've accomplished 3 of 4
I still need to clean my room.

---I hate you---
With every step I force myself to take to get further from you,

---I hate you---
With every breath I take trying to exhale the demons you left in your place.

---I hate you---
When flashes of our shared body heat litter my mind on cold autumn days

I..
I simply just hate loving you.

S h e  H a s  S t a r l i g h t  K i s s e d  S k i n,
S o f t  A n d  L i t t e r e d  W i t h  F r e c k l e s,
A  T r a n s p a r e n t  B l u e
S h e  B e l o n g s  T o  N o  O n e  
B u t  T h e  S t a r s  Th e m s e l v e s

Something happened today
I felt something
My heart started
Beating again
Your words restarted
A heart that had
Fallen cold and motionless

You healed
A little part
Of me today
Some how you fixed just
A small fraction of
What you had broken

You don't just
Break hearts darling
Sometimes you fix them

So maybe now
You can hate
Yourself a little less

I
have
a
soft
spot
in
my
heart
for
boys
like
you

I see the world
In shades of deep purple
In warm tones of blue and red
You may wonder why it is that
I see the world like this
I see the world in
Different shades of emotional colors
For the simple fact that my soul
Is the color of warm red and deep blue

I am a shade of deep purple.
That is why I see the world
The way I do.

The dying embers of this fire are like love
bright and dangerous
If you touch it it will burn you
but sitting near it is great
Its warm air on cold skin
I can see the embers in your eyes
when you look at me
I can feel your warmth
when your near by
I've been wanting to run to you
but the tape around my mouth won't let me
I want your warmth
I want to fill the space
between your arms