I have been high off of "Mary Jane"

But nothing compared to the high

That comes when his hands firmly

Grasp my wrists and places them

Above my head as he leaves a trail of

Soft kisses down my torso

This is the type of high that comes once in a life time

A high that keeps the world turning

And this fire inside me constantly burning.

Have you ever been so in love
That it hurt?

It hurts not to see him
It hurts to be without him
It hurts to crave his touch
It hurts not being able to hear his voice

****...

It just hurts to love him this much



But his love
Makes it worth it

His favorite color is grey
He tells me I'm beautiful
He has a strong love for the sea
His favorite food is sushi
He tells me all the small things he loves about me
He said "I love you" first

He wants to wake up to me in his arms
And do the ***** things he imagines
He smiles at me as I talk to him about the current book I'm reading
I think he might really love me

He asked me to take an adventure with him
One that's a year long
To a place where he says he can have both the things he loves
Me and the ocean

It feels natural to tell him
That I love him too

I have always given my heart away to freely
Giving it to any boy who tells me I'm pretty
I locked it up never to be given away
But he has a lock pick and is trying steadily to open me
It's getting hard to keep him out

But I'm scared..
What if he doesn't really love me?

Cause you see
I've done this before
Sat here at this table of past lovers

But I can think clearly now
Look back on my mistakes and realize
That you'll never be one of them

You are a piece of art
in the simplest kind of ways

Even brush strokes
Across a blank canvas

Dark shades blended
To hide the imperfections on your soul

Warm tones used
To bring out the smallest fragments of light

With a matte finish
Brought together the best parts of each other

You are a piece of art
In the simplest kind of ways

The House I Grew Up In Is
Where my sisters first learned to walk
Where we had birthday parties and tickle fights
Where I climbed every tree in our yard
Where I learned how to ride and love a horse
Where things were good for the first few months

The House I Grew Up In Is
Where I developed Depression, Anxiety, and PTSD
Where my mother would go out to our car and cry hoping that I wouldn't see her
Where screaming matches were a daily occurrence
Where the phrase "Grab your sisters go to your room and barricade the door" was used more than twice a week
Where my step father cut down my favorite tree while I stood and cried as I watched it go down
Where my step father would pretend that he really cared, but only after he made her cry
Where my mother finally gave up on loving him
Where I had to yell "Don't touch her!" at the top of my lungs for him to let go of my mother
Where I found myself hate a man more than a seven year old ever should be able of

The House I Grew Up In Is
Where I learned that my mother was stronger than I ever thought
Where I found that I could handle things I shouldn't have had to
Where I learned that protecting my sisters will forever be my job

The House I Grew Up In Is Where I Realized That The World Is Never Fair Even To Those Who Deserve It Most

Lay there, let me stare a little longer, give me time to memorize the
       way you looked when you were still mine. Please don't walk out the door, don't get up just lay there. Let me study your face as you
       think of things out of my control.

Can you look at me when you smile, one more time before I go,
       before I close this door and never let it open again. Could you laugh at one more of my horrible jokes. The thought of never hearing
       your laugh again hurts more, never touching your lips again.

Blue.. You were blue the blinding shade of a mid summers sky

Cold.. You were the cold breeze that pushed its way threw my fingers and into my hair

Broken.. You are broken like a vase that crashed over,spilling water and flowers onto the hardwood floor of our love

You reached out
Into the night sky
Intending to hold
Starlight in your hands
But intentions don't
Always go as planned
You crushed those stars
With your bruised hands

Its quiet
No one is talking
No one is even breathing loudly

I can hear my thoughts
And for the first time
I'm more than willing
To invite them in

Sitting here in the dense moonlight
I can finally admit to myself that
I never truely loved you

But for sometime i needed you
Someone who knew my pain all to well,

You

A boy who had a fragile heart
And a bruised soul

Thank you
For loving me the way i needed
As your friend.

Am i ready for this?
This escape from the life i live?
Am i ready to be all on my own,
In a world i know will hate me?
I guess my answer is
Maybe

this feeling is one that I find hard to explain because \
I tend to feel nothing for you when I'm with him\
But once I'm alone I think of you and my heart starts to ache\
I want nothing more than to stop having feelings for someone\
I know will never again love me back\

Sharp thorns,
A small trickle of blood on
Delicate rose petals,
A thunderstorm to
Take away the memory
Of your lips
From two nights ago,
Your hand in mine
Let's run away
Before it all ends

i am afraid to breathe
i am afraid to think
i am afraid to feel.

i can hear myself breathing
its almost suffocating.

i wish the battle in my mind
would come to a ceasefire
so that i could stop drowning
in my thoughts.

I can't remember the last time
We kissed
But I can still feel
The weight of your lips against mine

I can't remember the last time
I said I love you
But I can still feel
The words rolling off my tongue

I can't remeber the last time
You held me in your arms
But I can still feel
Your warmth around me

I find myself thinking of you
When I know I shouldn't be

Will there ever be a day
When you aren't always in the
Back of my mind?

I've been thinking about
The characteristics of
Life and Death

Life has a pair of sad grey eyes,
Death's shoulders are littered with freckles,
Life has a beautiful smile
Death has bruised arms,

And they both have a beaten and broken heart.

The rain
    Calm my
        Mind
           But the
               Wind wreaks
                   Havoc on
                       My body

People often say that
One needs to cut the apron
Strings that attach them to their mothers.
Though they aren't real apron strings,
It's simply a metaphor for letting go.

Personally I believe that we have yarn Strings or maybe chain links that Attach us to the people we love.

Possibly we have strings for those
In our lives that arethe beginnings of Love or the people we hold special to Us, like our friends or our former Loves.

And maybe we have chain links that Forever attach us to the people we Love. I heard once that if you truly fall In love with someone you never really Stop loving them.

I have chain links and yarn strings
Around my heart. I wonder if you're a Chain link or a yarn strings.

Run your hands through my hair,
Kiss my neck softly,
Whisper sweet words into my shoulders,
Kiss me like you're drowning
And only my lips can keep you alive,
Love me with all your essence,
Appreciate both my mind and body,

These are the selfish things I demand of you,

I will selfishly love you, if you let me.

Laying On The Cold Cement
Starring Up At The Cloudless Sky
I Can't Help But To Think That
I'm Secretly Hoping A Car Will Come Speeding By
And That All Of This Will Surely End.

Laying On The Cold Hard Earth
Starring Up At The Starry Sky
I Can't Help But To Secretly Wish
That He Was Laying Here Next To Me

Sitting Outside On The Old Porch Swing
Starring Out At The Cloud Filled Sky
I Can't Help But To Think About
All The Things That Happened
And How I Miss It There So Much

Dark Crimson
Flowing from the
Small Half Crescent
On the palm of my hand

I Couldn't Stop
The pain that keep
Banging At My Window
A half crescent wasn't helping

Trying To Breathe
I'm surely drowning

This isn't helping.

thin lines cover
pale smooth skin
releasing crimson tears
and taking the pain away

let the rain wash
the sin from my
body and the clutter
from my mind

L e t  i t  e n d  w h e r e  i t  i s

Thickets of roses grew on the side of our shattered home
In beautiful planters my sisters and I painted
Messy little hands covered in primary colors
Mixed all together to make masterpieces only our mother appreciated

I t  W a s  A  S u m m e r  F u l l  O f  T e a c u p  R o s e s

For once we had something that we would never have again
An actual home we could call our own
School after school, home after home

I t  W a s  A  Y e a r  F u l l  O f  T e a c u p  R o s e s

The soft pitter patter of rain on our tin roof
Was my only solace from the pain
That followed those dark rain clouds in through the window
On those beautiful summer days

I t  W a s  A  L i f e  F u l l  O f  T e a c u p  R o s e s

yellow as the morning sun
these flowers are considered
weeds

when I was younger
i would make
wishes on dandelions

i would wish
for simple things
like a good day
or thunderstorms
that would last
all night

dandelions grew all
over the play ground
of my childhood

did you know that
you can write on
brick with
dandelions

i used to
write my dreams
with those flowers

yellow as the morning sun
to me dandelions are more
t h a n  j u s t  u s e l e s s  w e e d s

-2 days ago I would have gladly killed myself to stay alive. And that's all I have to say

-My favorite color was you

-Your eyes say more than your mouth ever could

-These violent delights have violent
ends

-"There's this look of somber on your face when you day dream", he said quietly. "Really?", she asked with stars in her eyes.

-Sunshine ripe tide dancin' all alone in the morning light

It's been snowing all day
And it won't stop anytime soon
When it snows the world
Gets this somber feeling
Like maybe things will be okay

Doesn't everyone love a good snow storm?

All I need to do
Is wait 42 more days
And then I'll be gone
To the state I miss the most
Tennessee.

I'm leaving and I can't wait

If I have to leave you
With something before I go
I will leave you with this

When it rains
Let it remind you of me

Let the sound of rain falling
onto a tin roof
Remind you of the times when we would
try to sing louder than the thunder roaring
in the sky above

Let the feeling of cold rain
Washing down your face
Remind you of the times we danced
In the cold showers that came in early spring

Let the yellow street lights
Remind you of the times when
We took long walks in the rain to
Talk about all the little things

Let the rain
Be a reminder of all
The good things that came with me
When I entered your life

Let the rain
Remind you of me

Because it reminds
Me of You...

P h y s i c a l l y  T o u c h  M e  A n d
I t s  I n s t a n t  E l e c t r i c i t y
T r y  T o  T o u c h  M y  M i n d  A n d
I t s  I n s t a n t  S t a t i c
T r y  T o  G e t  M e  T o  F e e l  A n d
Y o u ' l l  F i n d  N o t h i n g

B e c a u s e  I  A m A̶̷̸m̶̷̸b̶̷̸e̶̷̸r̶̷̸

̶P̶h̶y̶s̶i̶c̶a̶l̶l̶y̶ ̶T̶o̶u̶c̶h̶ ̶M̶e̶ ̶A̶n̶d̶
̶W̶a̶t̶c̶h̶ ̶M̶e̶ ̶S̶h̶y̶ ̶W̶a̶y̶
̶T̶r̶y̶ ̶T̶o̶ ̶T̶o̶u̶c̶h̶ ̶M̶y̶ ̶M̶i̶n̶d̶ ̶A̶n̶d̶
̶W̶a̶t̶c̶h̶ ̶M̶e̶ ̶C̶h̶a̶n̶g̶e̶
̶T̶r̶y̶ ̶T̶o̶ ̶G̶e̶t̶ ̶M̶e̶ ̶T̶o̶ ̶F̶e̶e̶l̶ ̶A̶n̶d̶
̶Y̶o̶u̶'̶l̶l̶ ̶B̶e̶ ̶O̶v̶e̶r̶w̶h̶e̶l̶m̶e̶d̶ ̶

̶B̶e̶c̶a̶u̶s̶e̶ ̶I̶ ̶A̶m̶ ̶ O̶̷̸c̶̷̸t̶̷̸o̶̷̸b̶̷̸e̶̷̸r̶̷̸

PHYSICALLY TOUCH ME AND
YOU'LL SEE MY FIST
TRY TO TOUCH MY MIND AND
YOU'LL RUN AWAY IN FEAR
TRY TO GET ME TO FEEL AND
YOU'LL SEE WHAT YOU WANT TO SEE

BECAUSE I AM S̶̷̸T̶̷̸E̶̷̸L̶̷̸L̶̷̸A̶̷̸

Physically touch me and
Be ready for to much love
Try to touch my mind and
Be ready to cry a little
Try to get me to feel and
You'll watch me feel nothing

Because I am S̶̷̸t̶̷̸e̶̷̸p̶̷̸h̶̷̸a̶̷̸n̶̷̸i̶̷̸e̶̷̸
And I am Numb