There's no doubt, you're gonna break.
Your body, your mind, your heart.
And two very broken people don't become a whole part together.
Usually it's very complicated.

But they understand.
We're all going to break and we all need to find our way.
When you feel completely broken, just hold on because you got noting to lose.

Easier said than done and nobody really seems to understand how far it has gone.
Out of hand and beyond repair.
But there's a way and a beauty that you carry inside.

A beautiful broken person full of cracks.
Bursting from love and sorrow.

But so powerful.
Knowing it has nothing to lose and still keeps on fighting.
You're going to break.

Maybe more than others and many people won't understand.
Only you will know the way.
The way you break.
The way to go on.
With or without other broken people.
You will love and break and continue to love.

Maybe even break so hard that there's no way out but only in death or dying over and over.
And people will not understand.
But they will see your ''crazy'' smile like you're saying: I've been through it all, and I'm still continuing.

And you do it because you can.
For yourself and because of the love for others and things that can make you feel better.
You're a fighter.
And you will break completely.

Everything of you and everything you like.
And you get up and rise with the power you gained from the knowledge of love and pain.
Bursting, erupting, flying and screaming.
Nothing to lose.
Still fighting.

Till the very end, till there's nothing left for you inside and outside to use in your fight.
And then you leave with a smile cause you can.
You can finally say: It's over now.

You didn't lose, you gave everything and have done everything you had to.
Then it's time to go.

Two broken people don't become whole until they both are gone.
Until they both are whole.
And they meet again.
In their new found form.

When it's time to go.
And you're ready to leave.
Leaving with a smile cause you can.
Then you can finally say: It's over now.

I've been holding my breath for too long.
Even with my eyes closed it's exhausting.
Just hold my body in the ocean.
I know it's just the ocean, I know it's just me lying.....

It's cold and exhausting.
Always restless, always a mess, my mess, my own.
I'm falling alone.
I'm singing on my own.

Even though I walk outside.
Even when I have a friend.
I love you but I'm swimming, flying and falling here.
All alone every night and day.

Even when you grab my hand.
I'm in this body all alone.
I have nobody else to hold it for me here.
I pretend to fly when I'm outside.
It sounds like I am, the birds sure seem to think I'm one of them.
Together we're screaming.
But I'm still here on the ground.
Curling up so heavily.

The ground may just send a little wave all the way to where you live.
Can you feel it?
If you can't feel me now or understand me, I might as well leave completely.

When people mean well and try to give advise it bothers me.
Sometimes I get angry, you don't know.
You don't get how it feels even though you're hurting too.
Just hold this body, hopefully it will feel right this time.
I still want to love.
Choose love.

Let it calm me.
Just hold on to it.
Love around here feels so blurry.
It doesn't fit inside.
Not inside this heavy broken piece that is me in here.
Cracking every day and night.

Maybe you can just hold me like a gem again.
I could be flickering all over.
All over you.
Spread me out and throw me in the sky.
I won't feel so heavy.

The sand is sparkly, holding my body.
The ocean just pushed me back to the land.
I've been holding my breath for too long.
Even with my eyes closed it's exhausting.

Has the courage to reflect on her own decisions.
Shares with us her feelings of love, pain and hope.
She gives advice and strengt hand brings along some greater visions.
And she learns from her and our journeys.
Which we share, sometimes from a distance.
No other mother I would choose, my sister and I are her only babies.
She loves with fire and persistence.
Here and beyond here.
A mother like you is like no other, that’s clear.

I deserve to be free.
Free from you.
Free from this pain.
Not have my heart aching.
And follow my own path.

I'm grateful for the things I did have.
But now I want to go.
I did receive love.
Comfort from things, clothes, music, bodies.
I'm happy to leave, it's ok and fine.

I'm ready to let go.
Let go of everything.
Be content.
And be glad to be ready when I am.
I'm letting go.

I am free.
Grateful and happy to follow my own path.
Free from pain.
Free from my body.
But I can still be this person that I am.

This part of something bigger that I can see.
I have it all in me.
It will all be meaningful and loving.
Now I know how to give this intense type of love.

Cause I learned to lose it and feel it and store it for the right kind.
I'm ready to get ready.
Set me free.
For meaning and love.
Following my own path free from pain.
Letting go.

You've got to be stronger than you feel.
Life demands it.
You've got to do things you really don't feel like doing.
Even though you're exhausted.
You've got to be at places that you don't want to be at.
It feels uncomfortable and way too heavy.
You need to be with somebody but you can't.
When you need them more than ever they're too busy.
Life demands it.
You've got to be stronger than you feel.

I'm not giving power to the pain.
I choose to live again but I'm getting punished for that decision.
And my keeper has become lazy.
I'm back in the game, I decided to fight some more.
The man that's my biggest reason to fight gets dragged back into my life...
So do I live for him now?
Cause I figured I can't live for me after all.
But he is here with me now too.
So I will be fighting like a crazy warrior!
I'll never forget who I am.
The power of a connection to nature and my own spirit and spirit guides.
Always strong enough as long as I want or need to be, over and over.

I know the power of not giving power to the pain.
And the power of not giving a ****, just doing what is needed to be here.
In a loving way.
Going deep and seek the truth inside me.
Letting the connection take me away.
I am a part of this intense heavy game that is my life.
And beyond...
Always will I know what it's like to be here.
So I'll never fall back into it and I'll be there only for my loved ones when needed.
It doesn't matter where I'll be.
I can survive comfortless nights but in the end I became so aware of it.

So this infection will never leave, the pain of knowing discomfort at night.
The screams of no peace.
The screams of love.
I choose to live again but I'm getting punished for that decision.
And my keeper got lazy.
I'm back in the game, I decided to fight some more.
So do I live to be tortured now?
I can be attacked again.
And I stay.
And I cry.
And I scream.

And I love.
And I can't leave, and I can't live.
My keeper was there for my torture.
My spirit guides are there for my peace.
My lover is there to make me stay.
And for me to drag him back into my world.
I try to let it be wonderful.
But it's horrible so many times.
Every day and every night.
Especially every night.
So I will be fighting like a crazy warrior.

I'll never forget who I am.
Who I've become.
I know the power of not giving power to the pain.
One day I can set myself free.
I won't always continue to fight here cause it hurts like a dragon attacking my body constantly.
And one day I'll stop fighting it.
Do I live for him now?
Cause I figured I can't live for me after all.
But he is  here with me now too.
So I'm a crazy warrior.
I know who I am.
Spiritual, crazy, viking, bleeding, hard, soft, free.

I feel so guilty.
So lost and needy.
I try real hard, but sometimes I am the pain.
Even though it’s the last thing I want.
Why am I like this?
Must be a really good reason.
For this to be caused.
By this lifetime.
I am so sorry.
The last person to deserve it is receiving the call for help.
The one that holds all the horror and the suffering, please please help‼️

And yet that person is the one to answer.
Is the one that helps.
Life in this world can be so cruel.
It is unfair.
Makes me want to leave because it’s better if I make that sacrifice if I can’t change.
But I know it’s also not helping if I leave, they don’t want me to leave.
But it also needs to stop so I need to stop.
Stop this suffering. 😭

So empty, too full.
She gave all she could.
But pouring water kept her from breathing.            
Well then what is left to do but drown?

But then look at them judging, why ain’t she swimming?
Can’t breathe, can’t breathe.
They stand there and tell her exactly what to do.
From the sideline.
All she ever asked was for them to understand why.
Why she drowned and sank.

But it was too much to ask so she drowned alone again.
And this time she gave in.
She gave up and blocked out everyone who never listened to her begging.
Just understand that all she was asking was for you to believe that it really was pouring and pouring and pouring.
And it never stopped…

When you forget the feeling of what it's like to be loved you don't miss it as much.
You are one with yourself.
This journey is for you and you don't have to share it.
Share energy,
You grow alone and sometimes may share your findings with friends and family.

Although sometimes maybe something is missing but you're ok.
On your own you decide what to do and when.
It's nice, you feel so free.
Your relationship with yourself is strong and that's how you feel.

You know you, you know what you need and what you can do.
Although at some point you may start to wonder: is this it?
Am I just dealing with daily life by myself?
And when it's hard then you may wonder what the point of going on alone may be.

So you seek and find love again.
But then, the loneliness kicks in when you are not with the other.
You feel lost.
And when being together all the time becomes too much and you take some time alone, you know what you miss.

Loving makes lonely in here.
Loving makes lonely on earth.
Loving makes lonely while being alive.
Loving makes lonely in here.

I love you, I want your hugs.
Escape this life.
Like you show me what love is like beyond this world.

Like it should be.
You let me feel it.
Only for a moment.

I am free against your body.
I am free when we connect.
To that world beyond this world.

Just a moment where everything feels right.
We all need it, sometimes we give everything.
Give too much.

But you can escape in different ways.
Healthy ways too.
Music and creating, whatever sets you free.

Listen to that voice inside that tells you what you need.
A new year where we can all follow our true feeling.
A new year where you can just have your say and do what you must do.

What do you want the most, who do you really love?
I shouldn't try to be all sentimental but we need to do what feels right.
That’s what I think is best cause we are battling and growing.

Narrow ideas about life are over now.
Not just right and wrong, religion, rules.
But energy spread out all over, God is not a thing, not nothing, in everything.

The gates to the spiritual world are always open.
Listen, respond how you feel you need to.
Be you.

Have a good next year, feel free.
I wish for you freedom, love, more peace and passion.
You are worth everything and so much more!

I’m so tired and lonely.
I want to lie in somebody’s arms.
Like a baby.
Connected.
And I want to escape from this place forever.
But I can’t find the escape, the connection or the right arms.

The right eyes don’t look.
The hands I love don’t reach.
The voice I long for is saying hurtful things.
The face I want to see is turned.
And the warmth I once felt for a moment turned into a breeze.

It doesn’t accept me.
It blows against me.
Pushes me down.
The last bit of hope to feel something other than the loneliness, the exhaustion, sadness.
It left me.

More empty, more defeated.
But what did I expect?
As if anyone would ever want to hold a baby that keeps crying.
That doesn’t sleep tight.
That is never happy to live.

Always so broken.
Lost in a world that it was forced into.
To live a life that’s way too much to handle and to carry?
Nobody wants to hold a baby that became a grown woman with too much hurt.

I’ve been sitting around eating my nails.
Waiting to get going.
Heavy burning.
Bricks shoving.
Same old things but in a different way.
Relax, brick by brick.
Heavy and sick.
Same old things in a certain way.
Or else everything falls apart.
And it’s even more heavy.
When will I be done?
And then still I’d be sitting nails eating.
After talking, after a long walk or doing something.
Getting on the go.
Going on my way.
On my heavy burning.
Heavy bricks shoving.
Nails eating, sickly.
Heavy brick by brick way.
Building different things breaking.
Come take a look at my building.
Don’t come in cause it’s falling.
It sure looks very heavy.
Have a look and take a daily picture before it’s fallen to the ground.
I’m just sitting eating my nails right in front of it......

To you:

I made a mistake today.
Can’t fix the pain.
I am the one that hurts you.
Again.

Oh no, you’ve got to fix me.
You want to fix me.
I can’t be fixed and I’m that bad.
Again.

Help me, save me, I’m a witch burning.
Still burning and being in pain.
Your pain.
My pain.
My intensity, good, bad and horrible.
Torturing tension.
Sensitivity.

I want to **** that ***** that’s inside.
I want to be ok.
I want to be good.
To you. 😭

Nothing is ideal in this world.
Be that mess and own it!

Find some peace within you that you can cling to.

Want nothing.
Wanting something only causes stress.

Nothing is ideal in this world.
Be that mess, nothing to lose.

But the distractions, discomfort and the trials are there to disrupt everything.
Everything is a lot.

You can’t expect anything.
Anything’s possible.

But nothing is ideal.
Be that mess, don’t find comfort.

Find patience.
Patience gives you time.

Sometimes it takes too long.
The winner takes everything and you can’t win.

But you also can’t lose.
Because you can’t lose everything.

Everything is too much.
You have to start all over again.

And you can do that sometimes but how many times?
At what cost?
Nothing costs nothing.

But nothing is ideal.
Be that mess and own it!

To all the people who are tired, overwhelmed, fighting and/or feeling depressed: You rock, you are an amazing, magical being. A warrior deserving of a world that’s loving and giving. You have so much power in you. But it’s always being drained because you give the world so much of you. I’m not going to say thank you because this world to me is not one I like to be in. But your fighting’s not in vain. The world beyond this one may recognize your beauty and your work. May you one day find that thankfulness, that loving and that giving. A world where you can be in. In every way that you deserve to. Find whatever you are longing for with care and so much healing. A way of existing that doesn’t take anything but just gives back what you’ve been in need for. For so long. Hold on, hold on. We all are one!

I'm standing in a dark room with my eyes closed.
I'm finding a new song.
As I fall in love.
As I'm always falling.
Can I be in love with you when I'm not among the living?
I can't sleep.
I can't find comfort in anything.

But the dark room and the song remind me of the moment where not everything is happening .
I'm not missing out on anything.
When I'm in the moment and I see much more in the dark.
I'm missing out when I see everything happening.
Because that's when nothing's really happening to me.

I'll go searching in the dark, maybe I'll find love.
Maybe you will find  me too.
Like the song.
Like the song found me.
As I sing along.
I notice you touching my lips.

Your hands are feeling every movement.
I feel every feeling as I'm singing.
The song that found me.
And I found you years ago but I cannot be in love with you.
Because I'm not among the living.
I can't sleep.
I can't find comfort in anything.

I need a waterfall of mercy all over my tortured body.
That kept waking up from noises when it got comfy finally. One day it will end, one day I will find peace. But now just let me sleep and not be in this horror please!!!

This is all I need right now.
Taking a step back.
All the options are there forever.
The truth, the blood, the pale, the marks.
They will always be there.
As we can create anything and take it all away.
Again.

But this is all I need right now.
As my nose is running.
Over my make up on my skin and lips.
My tummy full of milk and seeds.
Soon I'll be running down the steps.
To sing at the geese on the street.
Again.

All the old songs and videos.
They will always remain with the new.
Bodies grow and gravity pulls them back to the soil.
The ceiling shows pictures of what comes through pavements at other places....

Looking up I know where my friends are.
Looking down I see and feel exactly where they go.
I never walk next to them.
I walk around them.

And this is all I can have right now.
This is all I can do.
This matters so much to me.
That I'm breaking down.
But I'm standing up for me.
Because nobody deserves to stay down for too long.
Again.

So I'm getting up.
Again.
Again and again.
Until I'll be able to create a way out.
A way out.
Forever.
For me and for you.
Because nobody deserves to keep going down.

I’m still surprised by what the people in my dreams do to me.
This is all in my head?
I do wonder.
Am I wandering around in a different world when I sleep?
Cause the people in my dream still surprise me.
Does that mean that I do not know my own head?
I think it’s more, I think I’m wandering.
And the people in my dreams are the people that I need.
And sometimes, many times, I don’t even recognize them.
And it’s just a little thing that’s making me feel like I’m at home.
Just a little feeling.
Just a little smell.
Just a little thing they do.
And it’s surprises me when I wake.
Cause I remember.
They did so much to me by doing so little.
It was so real.
They just feel real and they feel like I belong there.
They feel like I’m home.

Everything is temporary.
But as long as I live I will face the pain.
Sometimes I feel like I became the monster that I had to deal with all of my life.

I’m stuck again in noise and can’t do what I need to do.
I have to “accept” it.
Over and over.

Sometimes when I finally go outside and I look at the crowd I wonder:
What are we even doing?

All these themes, trends, events, things we do.
Some people are just going about their days.
Moment to moment.

For some it takes effort.
To get there.
Nothing is easy, nothing is “normal”.
But then again “normal is a perception”.

So it’s “natural”.
But things just don’t come natural to me.
Even though it makes sense in the end.

Most of the time I understand.
The balance that is created.
By forcing me to be stuck.

I came back to the willow tree after the amputation of the branch that was split in a square.
I thought it would be thankful that I filed for it to be cut off by the authorities who could.
I thought the tree would embrace me again.

Cause we both had to let go of things.
I thought it understood.
But I felt resentment when I came to see the tree.
It didn’t embrace me.
In fact, it didn’t even want to acknowledge me there.

Did I do the wrong thing?
I don’t think so because I read about rotting when dead branches keep hanging.
I feel that rotting every day inside of me.
I hold onto thoughts and coping too much.
And I have to try to bend or break them somehow.  

Some are most difficult to break completely.
So maybe it fell forced for the tree as well.
But I think the letting go was necessary and the tree should understand that too.

Trees like that are wise enough, you’d think.
But today I realized something different.
It was probably the way I came along this time.

I didn’t come humble.
I came with a feeling that I did something good.
And maybe that was not the best way because I should also have recognized the pain of the tree.
And I did in a way, but maybe I moved too fast towards the letting go.
Maybe I should have come with care.

With tenderness, empathy and understanding.
I shouldn’t have smiled like everything was fine. Cause I should probably know too well that it’s not just fine just because it has to happen.
It’s not easy to let go.
It takes time and great pain.

And I should have been more thoughtful about that.
So next time I see the tree, I would see the pain and hopefully then it will embrace me like it used to.
Because we both understand that life comes with letting go but that does not mean that it’s easy.
And it feels forced sometimes.
Unnatural.
This world feels unnatural to me too.
Whatever natural may be.
It feels forced.
Forced upon me.

But maybe it’s what I need.
I will need it to move on.
But when?
And why?
I’m not sure.
That makes it extra hard to trust in the process. But that’s all I can do.

I got no other choice in a matter.
I’m not happy about my impatience.
I wish I could just close my eyes and take a long time.
Drink my beer in meditation with small sips.

I try.
It’s the best I can do in this moment.
Just trying to take it really slow.
Some things can wait.
And somethings keep trying to alert me.

And sometimes when I find peace in waiting, then there’s also distracting noise.
Always something.
To do, to deal with.
Or not to deal with if I could only let go.

My love,
I am sending you my love.
Even though you are not my love.
I receive love.
You are the love that I want to love.
So I’m sending you all the love.
All the love that you give and all the love that I receive I’m reflecting all.
All back to you, my love.
My love, my only place of love.
I feel only love.
With you, love, your love.
Your touch and your gaze.
With you, I can be only inside of loving.
Loving and being.
Inside of love.
My love.

It’s bittersweet to escape the world with you.
When you’re gone, I feel empty.
But then you sent me just enough to keep believing that dreams can happen.

And I keep dreaming.
I keep seeing you.
Those deep set eyes.

They have different vibes.
Sometimes tired and weary, sometimes wild and full of energy.
And magic.
I’m not afraid in the dark.
I’m not afraid of what you tell me from the dark.
And I stay.
Because I don’t know who I am to you when you leave.

And then I’m alone with all the pain all over again.
Never truly with you, never truly without you.

I guess you touched me deeply.
In a way I wasn’t prepared to receive.
Not anymore, not ever again.
You’re not mine.
But I am yours.
I have no destiny.
In this world, my only destiny is to wander.
To meet people as I do.
To be a mirror.
To be a stone, a Labradorite.
To give some insight, to shed a different light on everything.
I’m that moth that comes in somehow.

A message.
I come as an intervention to your story.
I sing a song when the lights go dim.
In between all the plays.
I am that moment where people can decide what’s next.
Or just wait for the next chapter.
But they can see everything that has happened before.
And they can decide what they do after.
I’m always in between places.
Not at home.
Sometimes escaping into a place where I feel mostly as if I’m there.
At home.

Where I belong.
Do I belong with you in some way?

I hope so, because I feel so much when you just only look at me.
I guess I need you as much as you need me right now in this moment.
Let’s embrace it and let’s take it.
What have we got to lose anyway?

But still, I can’t help wishing you were here when you’re not.
I want to escape this world all the time.
And when there’s somebody that makes me feel at home, of course that’s where I want to be.

So freaking tired.
No way of sleeping anymore.
I know there is a day waiting.
But I still needed to rest, dear head.
You know as well.
But you’re just as stupid as my heart.
Crossing boundaries, breaking yourself just for that connection and belonging.
Just because you have no peace inside, you’re not comfortable.
And then you’re breaking again.

Because what you want is what you can’t have.
You know you don’t get it here.
Haven’t you learned by now?

I can tell you haven’t.
You never do.
So now I’m sitting here, exhausted and brokenhearted.
Getting ready for an appointment.
A therapy session that I know is not worth the effort.

But I’m supposed to do it for the end goal which is to prove that it’s not gonna work.
That I should be able to leave this world.
Which I already know because one of the things that I’ve learned is that it’s not gonna be alright.
I won’t find the love that I can live with.

I won’t find the peace.
I’m exhausted and I’m depressed.

And there’s reasons for it.
No home, no love.
My grandmother knew the same.
No true belonging.
Just as stable as you can.
Just stable if you can.
Only trying every day to just get through that, one more day.

The sun will rise, but I want to see the sunset with you.
And never have it rise if you’re not there.
Only in your eyes, I will wanna see the morning lights.

Otherwise, I wanna stay asleep.
But I have to get up anyway.
Knowing you’re not with me.
The love I need.
And I learned so much from all of these phases of life.

They say I’m still young.
I feel like I left so many lives inside.
And the older men don’t work on themselves they don’t make the effort.

And if they do, they’re not broken enough to love me the way I should be.
They want to listen to my story and I don’t have to be afraid.
But I also don’t feel any excitement.
No spark.
But the sparks turn into bombs and then they explode.
They hurt.
More than I can take, even though I try everything to stay, not break.

It’s impossible.
I want to teach, I want to learn but I also want to sleep and I want to love.
I want to dance and swim I want to rest my body with yours.
True love, alive, home, feeling good.
The basics of belonging….
I always need to be strong.
Like my family.
My best friend.
Suffering.
I want a lover.
I want to place.
I want to rest my head.
If I can’t, I’ll leave.
And I never have been able to find these three things I crave.
Only in dreams.

Or for a moment, and then I got disappointed.
Bomb exploded.
Broken.
Falling.
Apart.
Nowhere to be.
Carry me home, love that I have been waiting for.
Carrying me home like a baby that’s asleep.
Lie me down beside you.
Let me wake up and see you.
After dreams.
See your eyes, bright.
Feel the spark.
And never let it go.

I’m so tired.
But no way of sleeping.
I know the day is waiting.
But I still need to dream, dear head.
You know as well.
But you can’t escape.
Like my heart.
Slowly dying.
Unable to leave.
There’s no peace inside this prison.
Inside of here there’s only torture.
I have to get straight through it every day.
Always having to go through it always having to work on things.

But in the end nothing feels ok.
Only a moment you can create.
Or receive as a gift.
Just enough.
But it won’t stay and when he leaves it leaves you empty.

The “Turkish” bridal dress.
Even though I am a lonely bride.
They’re only half gifts or no gifts of real love in this life.
I have my best friend, I have my family.
I marry myself and them as well.
I marry the love that I carry.
World can ***** itself.
Cause I don’t want no wedding night.
I just want to run to a tree.
And sing out loud on the street.
I just wanna scream that I am still strong enough to stand.
Cause after all that this world has done to me I’m still standing behind what I’m feeling.
I’m strong and I’m also grateful for the people that matter.
And all the rest can just burn in a hole for that matter.

I don’t even wanna know the answer to the question if I should let them go.
If you make me question your love in the first place, it’s a no in the first place.
And you’re not at the first place.
Don’t ever take away my freedom, don’t even try.
Don’t ever tell me what to do with my friends.
If they feel like a brother, I will treat them like that.
If my mother is willing to grow, I will only support her.
If my father is still fighting for her and for our family, I will support him in every way I can, and I will be true to everything.
I will always stand behind the truth, and I will never ignore or walk away from what really matters.

I will die first before you will make me smaller than the strong person I am from the strong family I know.
Don’t tell me what to do.
It’s not that I don’t acknowledge your feelings.
I just don’t have to go along with everything you tell me that you need me to do in order for you to feel ok.
I will tell you exactly what I feel.
And I will be my own bride.
And then I will just leave you.
I don’t need you to tell me how to be.
I wanted you to carry me home but now I just want you to stay out.
Away from the journey home.
Wherever that is.

Can you tell I try?
Can you see?
I’m tired.
But many people are closing the gates.

And then I realize who is for real.
I’m lost in a dream, walking.
So tired.
Sleep walking.

You wouldn’t be able to see.
Maybe in your sleep, I hope so, entering your dream walking.
And maybe you think of me and then see me.
Can you tell I’m in pain?
Can you feel?
You gave me a dream.
And that was what it was.
Nothing more.
And now I’m awake and tired.
But I’m so tired that I’m sleepwalking.

So I try to enter a dream of my own and I just wonder if you can see.
But if you don’t, it’s still the dream I’m in.
And I refuse to leave.
Cause what is left of my waking state?

There’s no place for me to be.
So I’d rather walk in this dream.
Pretend I walk towards you.
But actually, I’m glad that this is my dream and not yours.
Cause you don’t wanna be in mine.

But I still try to walk into yours when I can because you touched me deeply or you are family to me.
Anyway, what I try to say is that from now on I’m in my own dreams with my own brothers and sisters.
And apparently, if I want lovers, I just need to enter their dreams if they allow me to. 🥲💔🖤

I want to find the calm before the storm.
Be ok with discomfort.
Be easy.
Take the moment, carpe diem.
But most of all I want a home where I feel loved.
Where I choose to live with someone purely out of love.

I want that dream.
Falling in love and then living.
Falling asleep.
Slowly starting the day.

Feeling completely at peace.
At home.
It’s rare I think if you find this.
If you can have this.
It’s a dream within a world where nothing has ever felt right.

I got a taste of it, but I never got to have it.
Now I’m wondering where to go.
Wandering.
Lost.
Not at peace.
But still in love.
But not at home.
Will I ever find love and a home?
I can’t go on.

Can’t keep wandering around, lost without a home.
Being in love without answers.
And never finding the right place.
Things fall into place eventually but this never has.
Never have I found my true place.
In this world.