The voices in my mind are screaming too loudly,
I can't bear to hear the thoughts anymore.
I'm desperate for anyway to shut them out forevermore.
And in my desperation, the bottle calls to me, promising happiness at its bottom.

Erratic and overwhelming emotions crash against the dam I put up in my mind,
Threatening to break the fragile walls in place.
I'm not strong enough to keep them all at bay,
So I turned to the needle, to numb it all away.

I don't feel so good anymore, my mind is eating away at me.
The layers of negativity are building up nonstop.
"Am I good enough?", "Am I worth it?" and "What am I doing here?" keep popping up.
I need the tiny superheroes in the pill bottles to save me from myself.

Too many problems with myself to deal with right now,
I need to Medicate to hold all of them back.
I know that it's hurting me, and killing me softly, but...
I humbly ask this Medicine to take all the pain, anxiety and depression away.

Here I stand broken and defeated, at the end of my rope.
My mind struggling to find a reason to carry on, the weight of sorrow is heavy on my shoulders.
I'm at war with myself, fighting a losing battle with only one outcome.
The demons in me refuse to stay quiet, their screaming has grown louder with time.

The stain of worthlessness refuses to wash out.
Permanently stamped on my soul, branded there by my crumbling mind.
My eyes see less color, less hope, less reason to open with the passage of time.
I want so badly to never again feel the burden of waking up.

Death, I beg you, steal away the last drops of life in me, I don't care anymore.
I await the comfort of the stillness of death, the peace of the infinite void.
I tire of the deafening sounds of my toxic mind dragging me down.
I want nothing more than the silence only the embrace of death can grant me.

The luster of life has been ripped from my heart.
I no longer have the strength to fight The Phantom Strings my mind conjured.
I'm ready to shed the skin of this worthless puppet body lost forever to the darkness inside him.
The earth is gladly waiting for me to rest, and I gladly welcome the peace it offers.

After all, corpses have no strings...

In a different world, I am a better person
Assured and firm, confident and assertive
But this isn't a different world is it?
Because The Reality is, in this world, I'm the exact opposite of who I wish I could be.

I look up to the starless sky, wondering if You can hear me
Because everytime I ask a question, my only response is silence
If You're there, then truly, I want to know why I'm here
Because The Reality is, I don't know what to do with myself anymore

In waking dreams I see how broken I've become
It feels like a large piece of me is missing, I'm incomplete
I've tried so hard to fix myself time and time again
But The Reality is, there are things in this world that cannot be made whole

I don't know why I'm not happy, joyful and carefree
I have what most people truly long for
Yet even with this, I feel more alone than I've ever been
Because The Reality is, despite everything, I feel like I have nothing

Reality is a difficult pill to swallow
I wish my life was as easy and wonderful as the lands of fantasy I invent in my head
I want to live, to dream, to love, to be happy
But The Unfortunate Reality is, I don't want to live my life anymore...

I loved you...more than I had any right to.
You consumed my every thought and dream
I woke with the joy of knowing you'd bless my day with your very presence.
But in the end my love wasn't enough to keep you by my side

I loved you...even though I've always viewed love as a cancer
You were my exception, the one I placed above all.
I gave you my heart and everything that I was,
But I suppose that never really mattered to you at all.

I loved you...more than I have ever loved myself,
In my eyes you were the absolute picture of perfection
You were as flawless as the finest diamond in the world
But, you never saw me the same way I saw you.

I loved you...as stupid as that was for me to do.
I ignored every ounce of common sense that I had,
Because I believed that you were worth abandoning my logic
But the joke was on me, because you managed to prove me right

I loved you...but it wasn't enough for you was it.
You wanted more than I could give, and I gave you everything I was
You never really loved me at all, and as a consequence...
I hate you, with a burning hatred that surpasses the hatred I have for myself.

Flashes of pure happiness still remain,
Firmly attached to my thoughts of you and nothing but.
Refusing to fade with the passage of time rolling ever onwards.
My memories of bliss are the light I hold on to for dear life.
But dark clouds loom, as the Day fast approaches.

Drunk on the joy of the comfort of your company,
My mind refuses to acknowledge the coming storm.
My ears deaf to the crackling thunder, my eyes blind to the flashing lightning,
And my skin numb to the soft showers heralding the end.
The Day nears ever so quickly.

My comfort and peace lie squarely with your presence.
My identity lies solely within the heart I gave you freely.
And in your hands, the clay I gave to sculpt me into your dream.
All of me is with you, my mind, heart and senses...
Living in voluntary ignorance of the Day that changed it all.

Your words shatter everything inside of me,
As you took everything I was to you, everything I gave to your gentle hands,
And you let it all go with a handful of gut wrenching words.
Forever changing the core of me with a hug and a soft "I'm sorry".
The Day finally came, and it refused to be ignored any longer.

Words refused to form, and tears refused to stop falling.
Everything I was, I gave, and everything I gave was broken as you let it fall to the ground.
It took years to put it back together, to find a me that could exist without you.
It dawns on me now, years later, that the Day I lost you, is the same Day I lost me.

The burning desire to get closer, to fall deeper,
Is inescapable in my jumbled maze of a mind.
But memories of pain, of disappointment, of heartache and of loss...
Stop me dead in my tracks and allow me to go no further.
The paradox is maddening, I scream for some sense of sanity.

I want to give all that I am to someone, fully, without fail.
But, constant fear turns my muscles numb, as...
Legs won't move closer and arms won't embrace tightly enough.
My throat overwhelmed and drowning in the words I cannot say.
I curse the bones in my chest, for keeping my heart locked up so.

I wish to fully understand you, to love you as though it is second nature to me...
But, hesitation is wrapped around me like a blanket.
Keeping me warm, and dependent on it's existence.
A shield from the pain and disappointment of the past.
Closing off parts of me from world, and from you.

I curse the world, for showing me the true nature of it's children.
My eyes cannot unsee, and my heart cannot unfeel...
The horrors they commit in the name of subjective love.
It shakes my body so, and keeps me standing still, unable to move forward.
As though, waking up to the truth of it all was a mistake.

I want to get closer to you, but fear of being hurt glues my feet to the ground.
I wish to give you all my time, but there is no impending disappointment in solitude.
I long for you to understand me to my core, but I can't bring myself to fully open up.
Vivid memories, and a fragile heart have walled me off from you.

I despise this paradoxical nature of mine.
I loathe feeling unable to show you my true self.
But after years of isolation, with only my thoughts to keep me company...
I'm afraid to tear these walls down.
Forever bound to my Half-Hearted Curse.

Tears unheard, echo in your fragile heart
Born from his venomous words
Sinking ever deeper into the depths of your soul
Yet, despite clear signs, your road leads you back to him.

Your body has become an unnerving art piece
A once blank canvas slowly being painted black and blue
He's the artist, who's hands have turned you into a painting
Yet against all logic, those same hands are where you always run back to.

You feel your value and worth slowly corrode
As his words pour on your very being like acid
Stripping you of dignity and humanity
It's a wonder that there's anything left of you at all

Your face feels numb, as it's pressed against the floor, the wall, the window and the door
It's the only sensation your cheeks have become accustomed to
The scars heal, but just in time to make way for new ones
Yet in spite of the warnings, you still choose to move backwards to him.

The Invisible Wounds are destroying your soul
Almost as fast as The Visible Wounds are destroying your body
He is relentless in his efforts to demean and crush you
But in the end, you're just as relentless in giving him the opportunity to.