I cannot imagine myself,
I mean the voice with whom I speak
who both doubt and believe (in me)
I cannot imagine that self
without you.
your silence a symphony
your words a philosophy
carefully constructed behind
the brown iris and white wash
of your eyes.

I cannot imagine my life
without you beside me
your touch one of pure silk
your heartbeat one with the ocean
waves crashing against the shore

I can still feel you staring at me
and that self doesn't want to believe
(at least not on this particular day)
it's worthy of whatever good you see.
yet here you are, in all your quiet thunder
humbling me with each individual
breath.

I cannot imagine myself
because as much as i have wrestled
and pondered this inevitable truth
it grew more clear with every struggle.
I  cannot imagine myself
Without you
The boy who once wore a silly brown coat even in the summer
Who now only wears my heart upon his sleeves

It's because of you that I'm this way
All your hypnotizing words
Singing melodies in my ear
All the reasons I live in fear

I think of you
As the clock in my therapists room ticks
All my problems, that no one can fix

All the voices in my head
Once filling me with terror
Now become my voices of reason
My mind, my own self, filled with treason

You
The one who loved yet hurt
You yourself was once scarred, yet you held a knife
And slashed my heart

Now I too am insane
Because of you
Or are we both to blame

I stagger around my broken home
Beer bottle in one hand
Spilling all over the wooden floors
Your clothes are on the porch
For all to see how much you've hurt me
* Jen* flashes on my phone
" no, you cannot fix the damage you've done"
I yell as I throw the phone
Adrenaline rushing
My anger and hurt growing
I pour the gasoline all over your possessions
Setting fire to it all
I look back
Admiring my work
My footing is lost, as I propel over the porch
Falling to my death
Because I fell for you

Maybe I'll get you out of my head
and forget all the words you once said
love within your eyes
but theres lies within your lips
so maybe I'll forgive you,one lie at a time

Walk around, don't make a sound
but I can't hide what my feelings are
in a big crowd
faking smiles
when its yours that my mind is on
we could've been so much more
but it seems you'd had enough
its so unfair
why do I still care
why are you still the one I want
you were the fire to my flame
and the reason for my pain

The old pictures are out in the rain
soaken wet
tears of my pain
I engulfed them in flames
and asked myself
am I to blame?

You're never too young to know what love is
so almost instantly
I knew I was in love with him
I never quite understood the brown coat he always wore
even on the hot summer days
but it made my interest in him grow even more
A few weeks after he was mine, I made the biggest mistake of my life
until one day we randomly ran into each other
and from then on I knew I wanted to be his wife
how I couldn't see that the moment I met him will always be a mystery
but the rest of our perfectly imperfect story
is our very own history