If only you could appreciate what you had.

If only you could see that it isn't so bad.

If only you could see that you're not that only one who is sad.

If only you could've accepted.

You wouldn't have felt so rejected.

It's been almost a month since I had last seen you. I missed you so much. I know that you're bad for me but I can't help it. I just had to take you back out of the box that I had locked you away in. This whole month I hadn't thought about anything but you in that old box. I needed you. I couldn't find reason to keep you away from me. So I couldn't resist anymore. And here I am now. I light you up with my lighter and inhale you into my lungs and let you darken my insides inch by inch. I get a small feeling of remorse but then it disappears when your poison gets to my head. I'm so glad your back.

When everything finishes.
When its all over.
When everyone is gone.
When nothing is left to hear except the silence.
When nothing is left to be seen except the beauty of emptiness.
When nothing is left to taste expect for life.
When nothing is left to feel except for the loneliness.
When nothing is left to be fed expect your soul.
When everything is left except for right.
I will be there.

Maybe I should've been born in a time were words didn't exist. A time where everything was simple. And people communicated through there emotions. And our emotions weren't concealed with all these words. Does a time like that even exist? Is it even possible to communicate with pure emotions. I like to think it is.

Release the tension. Let it go. Let it all go. Empty everything out of your mind. And take a look inside yourself. Take in every last detail. Observe all the colors. From the red, too hot and determined, to the yellow, bouncy and wavering. From the orange, warm and confident, to the green, tolerant and comfortable. Behold the shapes you see. Observe the unity and perpetuity of the circle. Feel the connectivity and intimacy of the square. Follow the directivity and order of the triangle. Describe to yourself all these colors and shapes and they will describe to you your true personality, and it will be the most beautiful thing you have ever seen in your life.

I remember the very night that you told me I was your drug and you were addicted to me. Back then I thought you were just trying to show me how much You loved me. But now I realize that you were trying to show me how much you hated me. I was just like a bad habit that you had to stop sooner or later. I wonder if you even saw me as a person. You were saying you loved the way an alcoholic would say he loves alcohol. But deep down you hated me. And just like an alcoholic would say I hated being an alcoholic after sobering up now you're saying you hated being with me. I was just a drug to you. Nothing else. Not even a person.

It's 2AM. I'm outside again. Out for one of my regular night strolls. I don't know where I am. Everything is dark in the dead of the night. I'm broke as usual and I have only two cigarettes left. Not that it would change anything if I had any money. All the shops close after 12 in this city that lives by day and sleeps by night. My phone is almost dead and its cold. But I don't feel the cold over the pain that you are causing me. Its funny how a lie can make you feel so much pain. I don't even know how I got here. Last thing I remember is leaving my house. Then I fell so deep into my thoughts that when I looked around again I was in a place that i've never been before. The only light I see is that of my cigarette and of the occasionally passing cars. I would try to stop them and ask them to take me home. But it wouldn't matter if they did because what society calls home isn't home to me. I really want to go home. I've never been there and I really wonder what its like. It's quite close to me actually. It's inside me. But I just can't find the key to it. I've had many illusions of home before when I was with you. I guess that was just your home. Its 6AM. The shops are opening up. I think i'm catching a cold from staying out for too long. But that doesn't matter because my soul has had a cold ever since you left. I think it's always been there but you just made me realize it. And ever since i've been looking for a cure. The best cure I have found so far is time. It's 10AM. I'm still aimlessly wandering around. I'm supposed to be in class but it doesn't matter. Its 1PM. I look around me. I'm in a car. The driver asks me where I live. I tell him I don't live. He gives me a confused look. He tells me he found me passed out on the side of the street. I tell him I need to get to class. He asks me where my school is and I tell him. When I get there I thank him and tell him I have no cash to give him. He says he is doing this to satisfy his guilt, not for cash. It's people like these that make me happy. To know that people like these still exist gives me hope. It's 8PM. I'm in my room lying down. You pop into my thoughts again. I go to sleep. It's 1AM. I just woke up from a nightmare where you were chasing me. I decide to go for another walk.