Monica

Monica Jun 2016

This Poem will Self-Destruct in 3...2...1

The clock makes
a sleepy revolution.
The hands are dragging,
moving so slowly.

Agonizingly slow.

Time won't move
fast enough, it seems.
But why
should it move faster?
What is there
to look forward to?

It feels like if
we could just get to
this enigmatic "future,"
we would be safe
and life would be good.

So we dawdle away
the present.
The present that was once
the future.
We just wait.
We don't realize
that we are in control.

We ruin ourselves
with false hope
for what lies ahead.

We brush away the chance
to choose our own fate.

We self-destruct
when life doesn't go
as planned.

We forget
that we never
had a plan to begin with.

We are our own
worst enemies,
but we need
someone else to blame.

So we blame "life."

Yeah, that same one we
Wasted.

Monica May 2016

Anatomy of Confusion

Head tilting up slowly
to face the mirror,
to face the music.

Eyes wet and bloodshot
from the tears,
swollen from sadness.

Heart aching,
for no reason at all
except that is what it feels
like it should do.

Mind clouded by insecurity,
by doubt, by stress,
by fear.

And who the hell knows why?

Monica Apr 2016

Manufacturing Error

Becoming who you are
Is not an easy feat.

You have to shed the skin
Of many failed versions.
Prototypes are stowed away,
Blueprints shredded.

Which laugh works?
Is this personality too loud?
Will I be a loser if I don’t go to that party?
Or to that event?
Should I modulate my voice?
Am I too much of a nerd?
Am I not enough of a nerd?
Do these glasses work with my face?
Do these clothes work for my body?

Over and over,
The plans change,
And you change,
And you try to find the best
Version of yourself.
And you wonder why
There’s more than one
To begin with.

You wonder what happened,
To the innocent kid
Who thought her elementary school
Friends would always be there,
And who thought she could do anything.

You look back on yourself
As an athlete.
You look back on yourself
As a writer.
And you wonder why
You became this person
Who will just settle
To get by in life.

You wonder why
You’re constantly at
The drawing board,
Why the things you really
Want to do in life
Are impractical,
And why the things
You’re going to do are
Only semi appealing.

How did you get
****** into this society,
And how did you become this

Automaton with no autonomy?

Why can’t you decide
What’s best for you
Without being wracked with
Guilt?

Looks like you need to be
Reprogrammed
So we’ll scrap this model
And get back to you
With a new one.

Try not to break it.

Monica Mar 2016

Uncertainty

I dare not voice
My feelings,
Because I don't know
How I feel,
And this uncertainty
Terrifies me.

It's not the feelings
That scare me,
But the lack thereof.
The emptiness
Is cavernous
And nothingness
Echoes inside me.

I dare not voice
My feelings,
Because I don't know
How I feel,
And once I say the words,
I can never
Get them back.

Monica Mar 2016

Same Old

Sensibility,
Practicality,
Always doing
What you're told.

Obedience,
Civility,
Never ever
Being bold.

This cycle of life
Is what some would call
A rut,
Or a stalemate.

It lands you
In the doldrums,
It makes you a person
That you hate.

Monica Feb 2016

Hypocrisy

Poems are cliché.

Admit it,
They are.

No matter how hard
You try
To write a poem that doesn't
Come off as lyrical,
Or flowery,
Or rhythmic
In style,
You will fail.

It's just in the nature
Of a poem.

Poems are little spurts
Of wild and crazy thoughts.
But
They are
Carefully measured,
And placed into meter,
And occasionally rhyme.

They are walking contradictions.

And so am I.
Because I hate
Poetry,
And here I sit
Writing
A poem.

Monica Feb 2016

Parallel

That time at the beach
When I got caught in
A rip current,
Everyone told me
The same thing.

"You're supposed to swim parallel to the shore."

The thing is,
How did they know that,
And I didn't?

I almost drowned,
I was at the mercy of the ocean,
And all I had to do was

Swim parallel to the shore.

This reflects life,
When it seems like
Everyone else knows what to do,
And I'm missing that crucial
Piece of information.

Now drowning in life,
Drowning in school,
Drowning in work,
Drowning in my thoughts,
I wish I could just

Swim parallel to the shore.

Let the waves wash over me,
And bring me safely home.