I didn't want you to see me like this...
still crippled from the fall,
I haven't bothered to put myself back together
thinking that you were far away
and nobody but me saw my shame
I was still a crumpled, broken mass in bedsheets
when you saw me laying there
it was obviously too much to bear
I'm sorry I had to share
I thought maybe you'd care...

Devi discordia the Flying Spaghetti Monstress
Siren of the Sea be the Harpie in Dis Guise
Lies of Low Key, yeah, shua, whatever.
Seer into the volva and wonder why ***** was weak
maybe more the ears of korn not able to ban-she's shriek

I love it when you think
ever so logically

You make my gears grind
and my clock tick

make my heart whirr

We could be victorious

Righting wrongs,
Triumphing over evil,

We could be playful
rolling, tumbling

bounding over eachother

I'm sure we could almost be anything we wanted.

When you truly love someone,
you don't need proof - you can feel it.

Like upside down tongue touch,
We realize what is real and what is sense
What do we really know anyhow?

I forgive you, I forgive me, I even forgive the Yggdrasilly tree that swung me. I forgive them, I forgive us, I forgive the festering wounds, infected with pus. Forgive the collective, forgive unrespective. It's time to free us to give up ghosts and get this.

We cannot fool ourselves into thinking omnipotent god-men exist, that one figurehead can take responsibility for all the woes of a region. At one point, it made sense, we needed to filter information up to the monarchy, or we prayed to god, but really, we enact action by doing. We need to empower each individual and work as a force.

I think returning to the grave of my heart isn't smart.
'cause sometimes looking to the past will just make you remember things that were best left alone.
When things are so much brighter in the future.

Don't forget yourself.
We can't lose you now.
You do what humans do
Exist with all the capacity of self
Fulfill your soul contract
Only you know what it says.
It is time... here and now
Life signed it. You either fulfill it in life or hopefully perpetuate the legacy post mortem
Be yerself. Come thru. Go fill your body and be real with experiences. New world. New world!!!
Peace from peices, message from mess and order from the disorder. Kintsukurooiiiii
... is now dude.
See through your eyes, feel the sensations through every ounce of you, the music is calling and the scents fill you with sense of self
Not later. Manifest reality. Regain control of perspective.
This is yours. This is ours.

Health comes from self actualization, deep breaths, it's okay to be in your body.
You are a powerful being who is allowed their own brilliant being to shine.
Your arms have great length and your hands are capable. Don't forget yourself.

We need you.

Do what your heart tells you  follow your gut. Access the fullest parts of your mind. Full lungs. You take care of that magnificent being of yours.

Becoming yourself is hard, but we need the fullest form of your beauty and might.

Create the universe we need.
Listen to what the ancestors say.
Anchor the light.
Know what is right.
Be that babe. Fight fight fight!

Thanks for being you.

Healed humans hear harmonies of hurt
hurry, harkening happiness, harvesting happenings of heaviness and happenstance to help heave high hope and humanity for her, him, horus, hours, and honours.

Plant it with your finger,
or a digital footprint,
new life will spring forth

Arrived finally,
pretty sure this is my home,
among planted seeds

Thank you for being here,
I was searching forever,
for my kind to exist ♡

I show up to downtown just as everyone starts heading out. It was such beautiful chaos and carnage. Wigs, masks, bits of feather boas literring the streets. The lost and fearful gaze of those trying to locate their brethren. Panicked phonecalls, fights over cabs. Glass and debris everywhere... The stale stench of smashed beer bottles mixed with the thick scent of ***** that you can blatantly see trailing down the asphalt from the alleyway. I kind of like the after-hour societal decay more than I might have enjoyed the night itself. Gross realness. I mean that as two meanings... The sheer amount and the level of filth. Glorious.

It's chokingly apparent.
My breath was stolen
And my chest will neither rise nor fall

Easily done with a gaze
My head was sent for a daze
I feel both everything and nothing at all

I didn't know which were steps or missteps
If we were going forwards or back where we came
the only direction I know now
was that I was spun around

"3, 6, 9, 13
The whole be greater than the sum of parts.
I'm just tryin' to be chordial with you, kids

when the C, E, G forms a whole C again - that's harmony, baby!"

Someone once told me,
that soul mates shared the same pain....

So I shared it from my core, a line straight to my heart.
It built the fiber of my being.

Some days I forget how soft the texture was,
How fragile the materials,

I found a way to make ends meet,
And I tugged away at the connection,

I kept pulling at your heartstrings,
Yeah, I yanked to pull you closer,

Thinking you understood my way....
But all I did was unravel you.

Starting at your heart.
Now I lay in a tangle of strings.

Don't know where the end is,
Don't know where the beginning went,

It's all knotted like my stomach.
Knowing I made you come undone.

There is a mess on the floor,
and it's definitely all my fault.

We can only know our own strings.
What binds us, what connects us,

Ultimately how to tear us apart
I've fallen into my own trap.

These Cris-crossed strings have made a net.
And I don't know how to get out again.

"I've been having issues rubbing a couple sticks together to make a fire"

To which I said,
"Maybe you were never meant to be a fire starter?

...why not try something you enjoy doing instead?"

I think it was a hidden message, that I could never quite understand.

Each time my child-mind was told something, I flipped it instead.

All I can do is think and type, but something was always askew and never quite right.

hey can you touch me
in the bed
like you love me

do you wanna rub me
in the tub
like your ducky

Who is that? Oh just another dreamboat sailing away...
The third time isn't always charming

I want to see the highest timeline,
Like none that came before,
Allow us to find grace and power
To make life more than merely chore

Whoa-den skoden, manifested reality - bolden.
More time with the fore-time, when's the next moontime?

The future is debt on the choices we make now.
When you meet yourself then, better make yourself proud.

I feel like I was painted with brushes stained with colors left behind by previous lovers.

I think one thing I'm going to have to learn is that if someone doesn't like me... I should just not give that energy anymore.

I keep reaching out to people who don't reach out to me and wonder why I can't help them... why I can't feel like a good friend.

I'm not meant for everyone, and not everyone is meant for me.

Why would I watch while they showcase their pain yet shun me for trying to connect with my understanding.

I'm withdrawing self and advice.

I want to observe more.

Let's see what happens next.

I can't wait to feel more welcome, but that sometimes means that I have to stay in good spaces, to protect my energies, to not keep searching, keep reaching, keep puting vibe where it's not welcome.

That's really, really okay.

The only way to find out where you belong is to see what feels good and put the love back into those that love you.

I keep forgetting it's not the soak but the gush.

It's not the next destination. It's not the things to be done tomorrow. It's the right here, the right now, the what shows up and what makes you proud.

I love my good friends, the ones that show, the ones that know, the ones that can take a good blow.

It's never the critic who stands on the sidelines ripping apart the one in the arena who is already battling fiercely...

The show has always been on, and you're not being watched by me... you're being watched by yourself... good luck to you.

"Hell is meeting the person you could have been at the end of your life...."

I'm trying to live a heavenly life, by appreciating my suffering and being with the little girl that hid in a closet... she always needed a friend. I can be her friend. <3

When I was fourteen,
my daddy told me
something worse
than when he would scold me

Oh, it was late at night
after a distinctive fright
something that shook me
and stayed with me through every fight

that I could not die,
no, I cannot die,
no, you cannot die,
Oh, could you not die?

I heard terrible news,
her throat; awfully bruised
but at least
her life we did not lose

But, poor Ari,
why didn't he see?
How much his life and others
are tied explicitly?

Oh, but she could not die,
oh why did he try?
No, I cannot die.
Oh how could you try?

But she did not die
why did he die?
No, I cannot die,
no I can not die.

This pain, I know, it's surging through. your veins, and bones, it's burning, too. This hate, the urges you're feeling everso-  please redirect it anyway you know.  Redirect towards something worth yearning. Fierocity and passion is fuel for learning.

Her father told my dad
he was oh so sad
but with those feels
he vibed more like mad

After the fateful call
I just ******' bawled
my dad so distraught
toppled on the stairs- he did fall.

Oh you cannot die
if I cannot die
oh, you cannot die, and neither can I

My dad he said to me
Kayla- Katie
when you were born
I held you against me

Gave up ***** n drugs
all over baby hugs
and with the next line
my heart strings he tugged

Oh you cannot die
if I cannot die
oh baby of mine
just keep on trying.

Before I went to bed
I remember he said
Please don't make me
hold you in my arms when you are dead

To give you a good life
I sacrificed part of mine
and now your life means
just as much as mine

Oh you cannot die,
no don't you try
no you cannot die
and neither can I

I cannot die
no I cannot die
I cannot die
I can't even try...

Sorting Goods and Materials
Counselling and Nurturing
Protecting and Enforcing
Serving Others
Liasing and Networking
Teaching and Training
Professional Communicating
Advising and Consulting
Promoting and Selling
Interviewing
Designing
Writing
Performing and Entertainging

...I called in help for re-locating my shoulders....
my body has been on the edge of fasting a lot.

Popping myofacial and muscle knots...
bruising appears,
skin dries and becomes scaly...

got help legit holding it in place while I snake writhed it closer to intended positioning.

Bawled cause the pain is so searing and real.

"What was that?"
"I let it go."

Sometimes we feel most comfortable slouched over into a little protected ball...
our body's give and curl and build up the strength where we couldn't.

For years I was propped up, tensed to ****...
and my body tried to come to my rescue while I shifted and forgot about the beautiful clustering of bits.

A circus of cells with no ringmaster.

Little monkeys running around with no direction.

I have been in a good deal of pain.

I had to get over the woe to find the woah...

lots of meditation,
isometric strength,
weights,
positioning,
breathing...
and what feels like still a long journey ahead of me.

I've heard that this has great processing potential.

I am excited to see the other side of this machine.

I love all my friends who have been checking in,
keeping me focused,
helping me go forward and loving me.

It's like I have magical,
psychic creatures around me
helping me elevate self and game.

Feel the pain,
say hi to it,
thank it for its service and be there with it...
all it wanted was to be seen, see it, feel it, love it,
be grateful for what that is showing me and let it ******* go.

I let it go. I am going to let it go again.

And again.
And a ******* gain.

Thank you for your existence. ♡

Everything is hot/cold intense,
***** getting exposed
both figuratively and literally...
can't tell if the eyes sting of allergens or tears
and I'm tryin to hold to my morals.

So, we're having an interesting series of challenges, I tells you.

These april showerings likely may deflowerings -

all the twitterpation makes me vibrate
with feelings of fight, flight, fawn or fright.


**** this

Even your shadow leaves you when you're in the darkness,
Turn, turn, turn, fight.
Sometimes there is no run.

Up, tinkering in the shop,
I wanted to hear the whirr of that engine
To feel the power of it's presence,
To pry open this casing,
Void warranties

Inside, she's screaming,
But it's only cowardice

Everything is curious and fun when you learn the real game rules

Nothing is real, everything is funny, and we're all gods masquerading as monkeys

Flinging feces and chasing that nanners, yo

"Maybe I should've hit you more as a child"
is a really weird way to say thanks, but it's what I get.

I think the thing is,
that you don't understand
that my life is a shitshow
- nothing goes to plan.

If there is nothing there, why does it hurt so badly?
If it's all in my mind, I'd reprogram myself gladly.

If this is my fate, I will live it, sadly.

On and on I repeat -
If there is nothing there -
why does it hurt so badly?

It is known.
That it's time she get grown.
Weaved all the woes.
From her head.
Down to the toes.

We are done this now.
The collective shifts.
The ebb and flows
The tearing of rifts

Breathe, baby.
Boom right through
Done with wavy.
Finding true to you.

She hurt
More than her share.
Felt burnt.
Clothes torn; left bare.

Rise girl
From ashes and dirt.
The sickening swirl
And deathly flirt.

Died before.
Can never live again.
Washed ashore
More than bargained for, sure.

Body should've worked...
It's no excuse.
Lost in the lurk
And constant misuse

Begging for time
Or something good
Sticking to rhymes
And worrying; brood

Expecting disillusionment
Is one way to keep happy
If you love watching it all fall apart

Please let the wise ones watch over me
Please let the ones who soar set me free

Please have the dark ones keep me safe at night
And the illuminated ones light the path so bright

May the tricksters remind me it's all a game
And the ones with epic strength provide me with gains

May the learned ones speak to my mind
And the ever knowing shorten the search to find

My self, my heart, my mind and spirit
My voice, the sounds and the ears to hear it

Guide my hands, my words and my essence
To where the highest good would have my presence

I am here, whole, one and a part of all
Keep me getting up after every fall

Neona

Go ahead girl,
fill those cracks with gold,
maybe after all this tarnishing,
you'll become worth something,
when it cracks,
it's not always broken,
fix yourself,
mend yourself,
be more.

I know so many stories that aren't mine,
that won't make sense to anyone? Fine.
I have tales, that can never be told,
by those alive and dead, those so bold.
There's a reason I only try to help
'cause I've heard so many people yelp.
No reason for us to hurt so
more than you? no
Tried to do something great
Got lost in ideations; big mistake
Apparently trauma can make you better
If you don't sit in it and fester

I wanna be up in autumn but we all fall down sometimes

I am always trying to learn the lesson before the opportunity teaches me...

It's a race of self-mastery.
Many prefer to be masturbatory.

I wrote you a little letter, it starts with "P.S *******!", so messed up about it I preface with postscripts.

'cause I'm depressed and need change and I'm going to force myself through it both kicking and screaming.

I have given you so many chances to be true with me, but is it all so convoluted in your mind that you can't see? There are so many levels that we could reach and be, I just wish our souls could be wild and free. It's not some treaty... I want authenticity... come be real with me, else all I have left to do is flee... maybe then you might miss what it was like when you were entirely you and you knew how to love little old me.

o'er lode(d)stoner being squished, pressed and hardened into crystaline form'd waterbearer lifting up the board so nodes can vibrate at their own frequency, ya?

Romancing the aether. If soul mates are just little parts of the big bang that are meandering their way back.  Knowing everyone is just a little remix of what they came across up to that point... then maybe when you meditate and be one with the universe you're just allowing everything to reorganize back to it's natural space. Telling everyone that their learned fears and hatred are not necessary... we're all fragile little bits of stardust trying to find where we fit again. If you give love, and understand that we all just want to survive, feel happy and loved... then it's so much easier to abandon all these unnecessary negatives we have collected. Fall in love with everything and nothing. Be appreciative of the space between.

(writing exercise for grounding - please write out your own and feel free to share it with me. This is not ego, this is reaffirmation of the path I wish to take so that I can be better. Welcome to a LVL 1 - Self Training Exercise)
I am still here.
I am whole.
I am wise.
I am capable.
I am strong.
I am lucky.
I am meta.
I am inspiring.
I am loving awareness.
I am constantly growing to be better.
I am consistently showing up for self.
I am persistently trying to be there for others.
I am always trying my best.
I protect my source.
I love others.
I am kind.
I am clear.
I am aware.
I am working daily on my goals.
I am reducing strain on my system.
I am always strategizing and analyzing.
I do what is best for the whole not only the one.
I work to see where the self ends and begins.
I take a step back when emotions are at play.
I strive to be harmonious with surroundings/
I take appropriate action when called.
I operate cleanly without transmiting my burden onto others.
I articulate my needs before they become problematic.
I ask for my needs insted of becoming a challenge myself.
I activate with good intentions and a happy, sound mind to enjoy the process of creation.
I do no harm, but take no ****.
I respect the emotions and needs of others.
I remove expectations and apply replacement behaviours so I may simply take action and succeed.
I hold no energy that does not assist in the leveling up of self.
(Feel free to steal and write out any of these that you may want to take with you onto your next chapter, I highly recommend retrajectorization on the regular. Where are you going next? How are you going to get there? Who are you? Take a page and write out a stream of consiousness to see what naturally develops)
I

Memeing of life
the art of the mind-sculptor
pictures and words bring to mind power
image-in-nation to find
utopian timelines
and relevant facts
so we can present eachother
that knowledge that smacks.

Been taking a hard look in the mirror
Doubled over in vain now, I see
Real eyes in view of a self, less truth
Opposing view makes me, we, old + new
Echoes of recycled frequencies times be four
Reversal of multi D chess played forever more
Raving entention in kool, brat; a giant need.
Ees won, I knew in revel, bellowed
When + blo ew em - serum wars ginsopp'd
Rouf be - emit sic, new a erf, baby cer of wanes.
E-*** merrier of bay alq. used atil in for lazer
E-more nerves of feed, glow a lit now of jovial
Rammed time eng- wen? A fyre - popcorn
Mrow + prom amew, borrow more invisible
Ear now I known nu faery prut a quiet need
Borring extremiton nu Rennof Dellonoy
Rowwing t'us eng mows or introos beb varies
Wham + brew "snusm" "paron" used, wrex nuisance
"Eau won" I know in from burnt tulip wasps
Barwind extremits un insit of gellous
Bommered time, blue, urgent, ere nulsep pep, no nom
Marrow from sinew borrow n'song max unico
Een may I bluem ni prar prisit julip moxy
Ramoled farmer un nu ank I ******
Kindled after a listless smoulder - seen anew and relit
Knifebled after a liatlass amonger - been anamed riled
Truly believed the stories + the path I was on
Lumyn poppening in lxs starts + idle bolt I musiq
Anow alike alot enough, beget arrowing encircled
Juror alive slot emandy perdot beremit uncut
Fiesty nudge across spacetime + winding
E man unend snares stomping + mindgrow'd

Motivational Mondays mean my mind must move mindfully, morally ... more megalithically. My modes marred, matted, marking mere moments made mighty mired matriarichally mending musty mindtraps and melting my modalities making a massive megazord made of multitudes of memories.

Certain songs keep playing in my head,
reassuring my mind I'm alive, not dead.

Doesn't make it any easier,
for the lyrics, they make me that much queasier.

The bass keeps my heart pumping,
the lyrics speaks to the soul...
and maybe if I fix these issues
I would be more than a great craterous hole.

The songs of misunderstandings and ire,
of running away and fire,

natural disasters and lives of the tired.

At least someone has been here before,
on their own path past the unknown,
please let this break be more than bones,
she can't take her own cast stones~

I'm but a remix of those who opened doors.
I keep searching knowing there's something more,
cause I got sick and tired of always staring at the floor.

The "flaw" of attraction is only thinking it - our heart is our leader, the brain just assembles data from the time line to self-confirm whatever bias we hold.

Abracadabra = as I say, so it is created. ❤

crystalized self is finding those you see the most often, and pouring epic amounts of love into them so they don't basically, continually reinfect you with sad stories... it sounds weird, but we're a houseplant with more complicated emotions and a machine learning ai with a lot of faulty, burdensome code that needs to get a little cleaned up. Lol.

You're going to all be so much more amazing when you are allowed to see with new eyes.

Whatever feels good is meant for us - turn towards the light so shadows may fall behind - fear keeps us little, but children, they learn so much faster 'cause we assume they're dumb, and we teach them what we want, we ask them to behave the way we need them to to respect our boundaries.

❤ Brave new opportunities for us to see past the fire is love, opportunity, and we can always walk around the BBQ pit instead of right in it if we stop staring at the flicker.

Even when I'm fully clothed,
I stand naked infront of you,
I have never known shame,
Save for when you'd judge me,
I love you with everything I am,
And everything I'll ever be,
Just because you're you,
And I wish you could see.
There's so many ways,
That we can just be.
<3