I want to be a little old lady,
Sitting on my garden porch
Taking a sip of my earl grey tea
The birds, I'll sit and watch
I'll feed the crows, the sparrows and jays
I'll watch my flowers grow
I'll tend to my garden in the sunny days
I'll reminisce about long ago

Come the day when I turn eighty
I hope to do these things
I'll happily be that little old lady
Then eventually spread my wings
I'll fly with the crows, the sparrows and jays
I'll finally be at peace
I'll make my nest under the suns rays
I've found my sweet release

I want my poetry to sound like ******* you
Gentle, soft but desperate
Say my words how I trace my fingertips along your belt
And slowly,
Pull me in
I want you roped on my words, hanging on to every sentence
Waiting,
Longing
For a kiss
I want my words to taste as sweet as my lips
And leave you starving for more

Danger never felt so safe until you
The road signs turn to blurs
I know what I'm getting into
But it somehow calms my nerves
You asked me why I like being in your car
I told you my head goes quiet
You looked it me like it was bizarre
Like anyone else would be frightened
But danger feels so safe with you
I feel like I can finally breathe
With everything that I've been through,
Danger makes me feel free

I feel his desperate hands everywhere
He held me to the bed
What you did wasn't fair
"Keep quiet" I remember he said
He held a pillow over my face
So he didn't have to watch me cry
I lay still and quiet and stay in place,
Just asking god "but why?"
I feel his desperate hands everywhere
Even though it was long ago
I always have to be constantly aware
Whether its friend or foe
I feel his hands in every touch
I hate how much it haunts me
I didn't think it affected me this much,
I guess that's what they call ptsd

"You have so much courage to do things for others, but none for yourself."

I can't say no, or stop or go
I can't stick up for me,
One thing that you should know,
Is I'm fairly cowardly
But when it comes to what you need,
Or what you want to say,
I will take the step indeed,
I'll make sure you're okay
I will move mountains for you,
I'll bring a city to ashes
And at the end of the day, when I am through,
My body crumbles and it crashes
I have never been one, to put myself first
My own battles, I'll run and I'll only get hurt
But for you I'll stand up
I'll bring the gods to their knees
I'll make volcano's erupt,
I'll get rid of disease
I'll fly to the moon,
I'll put out the sun
And by this afternoon,
It'll all be done
Because I'd do anything for anyone
I'd risk my own health,
I'd do anything for anyone,
Except for myself

I miss my little cardboard box,
Back when I was young
I miss sitting and playing with blocks
We used to have so much fun
I miss my little cardboard box,
I'd sit in there for hours
Mess around sticks and rocks,
Make potions out of flowers
Now I'm almost twenty four,
I guess I'm all grown now
Even still I long for before,
In my little cardboard house

We never really got along,
We never saw eye to eye
I was always in the wrong
You always made me cry
We argued and fought,
We screamed and we yelled
The only thing you taught,
Is your love for me was withheld
But now that you're gone
And out of my reach
I sit here and mourn,
The words I didn't speak
I never said "I love you dad"
Or asked you for a hug
I never even said I was glad,
Glad to sit with you in that old truck
Cause when you sat me on your knee
I felt on top of the world
I guess I just regret not telling you,
I'm happy I was your little girl

I wish I could do more for you
Take away all that pain
I watch what you go through
I'm there when you complain
But I am only human
And removing pain, I cannot do
I just hope in some way I've proven,
I'll always be there for you

Willow tree, willow tree
My favourite place to be
Willow tree, willow tree
With you I feel free
Willow tree, willow tree
You make me feel safe
Willow tree, willow tree
For you I will await

I feel like writing something
But the words won't seem to flow
Its really stumping
I've reached a plateau
My mind is blocked
From the words I want to write
My creativity has locked
No inspiration in sight
The words escape my brain
And nothing is on my paper
Trying to write again
My thoughts are like vapor
Disappearing into thin air
Nothing makes up my head
The ideas just aren't there
So I'll write this instead

I am so delicate and gentle
You burn so bright and warm
And even though it's accidental
You leave my wings so torn
As I'm drawn to your radiant light
I don't see how much you hurt
And when I sit by you tonight,
I realise I only get burnt
Because like a moth to a flame
I'm drawn to be near
Even when you cause me pain
Its nothing I tend to fear

He's nice to me sometimes,
We smile at eachother in his car
He's nice to me sometimes,
Shared glances from afar
He's nice to me sometimes,
Driving me home late at night
He's nice to me sometimes,
Even though we tend to fight,
He's nice to me sometimes,
He can be so harsh and cold
He's nice to me sometimes
His words so uncontrolled
He's nice to me sometimes
Wanting me to go away
He's nice to me sometimes
I could talk to him all day
He's nice to me sometimes
I say to myself, you see
"He's nice to me. Sometimes..
But that's good enough for me."

I'm either too much or too little
All or not enough
There's no place in the middle
And that's where its tough

"Too clingy" or "too needy"
"Too cold" or "too mean"
Maybe I'm just greedy
No space inbetween

Or maybe I'm just broken
Too hurt to love fair
So I will remain unspoken
Like I don't seem to care

The leaves and rain,
Tip tap on the window
A cold winters evening
Muscles and bones in pain
From the cold crushing nothingness,
How my mind has been so
I sit here thinking and crying
As I am still grieving
The loss of people,
Im still yet to know

3am sitting in your car
On the verge at my driveway
Staring at the stars
Not the stars in the sky,
But little plastic ones scattered across your roof,
Sparkling lights and quietness
Amongst the darken night
We talk about our fears, our memories and trauma
I've known you for so little,
How, you make me wonder
You open me up so easily
We talked till sleep did call
Our voices trailing off,
Into the cold morning rainfall

You know the saying,
when you drop a plate and it shatters
you can say sorry a million times
but it'll never go back to how it was?
I feel like I've shattered
every piece of my life,
and im picking up the shards
One by one
Cutting myself on every broken piece
And I've said sorry
I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry
But there's nothing I can do
The plate is still shattered and I can't fix this
No "sorry" can fix this
Im sorry..

I am a stay dog
Struck by the hand of man
Abused and mistreated
An abused dog will cower,
toward a man with nothing
but purity in his heart
Yet the dog isn't blamed
As it has never known,
the touch of a gentle hand
The love of a man
So why am I?

I'm writing poetry again
I guess that means it must be bad
Its getting bad again isn't it?
You will be okay my friend
There's a look in your eyes, so sad
It'll get better, won't it?
The world didn't let you mend
It'll be okay my dear
Happiness is only around the bend

Love for me was never kind
Like a bushfire; wild, rapid, burning, nothing
Withered and destroyed leaving the bare, fragile parts of me
You were a wanderer,
An adventurer
Maybe drawn to the life and beauty I once bestowed
You didn't seem to see the broken pieces and burnt remains of a once beaming forest
But the forest itself, evergreen as before
You held the leaves so gently, caressed the burnt soil ground
You were so tender and so gentle
A love I've never felt before
It wasn't hot to the touch, it didn't scold my hands
It was warm and safe and unconditional
Foreign but welcoming grounds
The forest weeped and flooded the land
For it had never felt so touched
It began to grow back all the leaves that it had once lost
The sun rose across the horizon and as far as the eye could see
The forest grew and flourished, a beautiful scenery
The forest wasn't scared anymore
Of a bushfire or a flood
She had a wanderer who now showed her
How love is supposed to be

I spend so much time
telling girls
that they are beautiful
Yet so much time
telling myself
I am not

Why was I made to look like this ?
Pimples scattered across oily cheeks
Crooked teeth aligned a rounded jaw
We all know gorgeous girls are skinny girls
So why was I made to look like this?
Belly and thighs,
Larger than my insecurities
Makeup layering each imperfection
But still
Standing in the mirror
A repulsed girl stands before me
Why was I made to look like this?

Maybe I was I never built to hear the words
"You are so beautiful"

Pshhh
The sound of a beer can opening
The sound my heart has so instinctively learnt to sink to
Perpetually stuck in a loop of drinking and fighting
Romanticised by society
But what is so romantic about falling asleep next to a lover,
a lover who is so in love with the bottle
that he'll take his hands to the fridge before even thinking about touching you

Don't fall in love with me
Because I have so much love to give
I will suffocate you and drain you
I will leave you gasping for air
Don't fall in love with me
For I don't know how to love myself
I depend on others for my happiness
I am terrified of being alone
Don't fall in love with me
I am a natural disaster
I will destroy you
Please don't fall in love with me

I am more than what I was merely born with
I am more than my body and my curves
I am my experiences, my knowledge, my past, present and future
I am where I've been and where I will be going
Do not objectify me for I am more than that
I am not a rock. I am a mountain
I am not a tree but an entire forest
My body is not who I am, it's where I live
My body is my safe space, who are you to invade that
So know if I let you in,
Let you in to my thoughts, my past, my hopes, dreams and passions
Only then you can say you know who I am

Brown eyed boy, we've never met

I've seen you though,

Leaning against the wall, lighter in hand and ciggarette

You wore a chain on your jeans and sadness on your sleeve

Brown eyed boy, please love me

I don't even know what your voice sounds like
But I already know I'm in love with it

I lay in my room, thinking of all the places I want to touch you
Skin to skin, fingertips sliding over tear stained cheeks
Kisses against bruised knuckles, lips chapped, a beautiful sad boy
But you are nothing more than pixels
and I'm yet to feel your touch

I need to be the air that allows your lungs to breathe
I need to be the light you use to see
I need to be water to a tree
Flowers to a bee
I need you to need me
Because isn't that relevance?

He was the most beautiful boy I've ever seen
He was like curling up with a coffee on a rainy day
Sitting in front of the fireplace listening to the tapping of rain droplets on a tin roof
Or waking up early in the morning to watch the sunrise, grass covered in dew and breath foggy against the suns rays
A sort of bittersweet boy

When you are looking
for beauty in this world
To keep you from hurting;
Cutting,
Crying
I hope your eyes drift to me
And see beauty in all the places
the world let you down

They say there are seven wonders of the world
I say they obviously haven't met you

Flowers bloom in the empty parts of me
Soil lined stomach and water blood
A tiny succulent sprouts
An abandoned graveyard of bones and pills
Lungs clouded with smoke from meal replacement ciggarettes
Green tea helps them grow
Silly girl, flowers don’t need food
One day you will be beautiful