Submit your work, meet writers and drop the ads. Become a member
 
Michael Rucker Mar 2016
Look I get that you ******* worry about me ******* you over but cut me some slack dude, you take everything so offensively like i'm deliberately going out of my way to be an ******* or something when in reality i'm not even doing that at all. You sit here and talk about how you always worry about us being together and how you have all these doubts but the moment you say you want to talk about something "serious" and I worry that it's you about to say you don't want me around anymore, I'm the ******* bad guy. What is that *******? You have the ******* nerve to call me immature when you can't even have a conversation without assuming i'm trying to be an *******. Dude **** that, and *******, I don't have time to kiss your *** and try and win you over. I'm not some guy who's going to do that, you get my attention and that's it, I don't give it to every body and I don't go out of my way to put people into my life. *******, sitting here making me the bad guy when you can't even ******* have a conversation without taking things the wrong way, ******* so much you ******* ****. I want nothing to do with you right now and until you learn how to ******* act, i'm not going out of my way to do anything for you again, stay out of my life.
Michael Rucker Feb 2016
Even though they're all dysfunctional,
they are mine.
I'm stuck knowing that they exist until the day I stop.
I get to relive memories and make millions with them.
Watch their lives go by,
along with my own.
See my twin go through life's trials,
watch my mother and watch father as well,
be put into the ground.
Grandma and Grandpa too.
Held forever in my heart,
embedded into my bones,
my love for those dysfunctional *******,
forever close.
Michael Rucker Feb 2016
Seeing you back in November
or was it October?
The details are too blurry to remember.
What I do know is that seeing you for the first time,
and hearing you as well,
put a smile on my face.
When you came around, I didn't know what to say.
But I knew we would be close.
I knew, that maybe by this time,
we would be friends at least.
I had no clue things would ever go this far,
I didn't think that lying on your bed would put you there with me.
In hindsight it was wonderful,
and even then it was as if time had come to a halt,
and for those brief moments I was there,
total bliss overwhelmed me and left me with a sense,
conjuring itself into "This is where I want to be."
In the comfort of your apartment,
under your roof,
simply sitting with you, and listening to your day,
listening to that beautiful northern accent that seems,
to italicize vowels with such effervescence.
I found comfort in your arms,
I found comfort,
in you.
That's where I want to be,
Rose Marie.
.
Michael Rucker Feb 2016
I understand why time began to fall apart in my hands.
Not only did I lose the bits and pieces of the reality I held but I lost myself in the mix.
Separated myself from everything.
Left everyone behind.
To start a new beginning,
and lead a new life.
Not only was I pushing everyone away,
but everything as well.
My family began to mean nothing,
and the friends I had held so dearly lost meaning too.
My life had lost meaning,
my lost soul,
stuck inside a fish bowl,
no depiction of time,
no sign of life,
just a hollow shell.
Revolving around my own personal hell.

Michael Rucker: February 22nd 2016: 10:21pm
Michael Rucker Jan 2016
I can't express the amount of grief I feel for even crossing that line with you. I know the relationship was new, but what I did was inexcusable, petty, and disgusting. You deserve so much more, you deserve someone who gives you their entire loyalty, not some ****** up kid who doesn't know who he is or what he wants from life. You deserve a guy who can take care of you mentally, emotionally, physically, and in every other aspect that needs nurturing. Sierra, you're an amazing girl with a heart of gold that I, in no way, deserve. You don't need my toxicity in your life and you don't need to know what happened, it's something i'll take to the grave and never let loose or forgive myself for either. I love you, but I've crossed that line and threw it all away right in the beginning. I'm so sorry you had to go through my problems with me and i'm so sorry you had to deal with me every day. You kept me up for a bit but I threw it away like some ******* *****. I'm sorry I ever cheated on you, I can't live with it. I can't live with myself....

-Michael Rucker
Michael Rucker Jan 2016
Consider it a cry for help,
but the things I write have only been simple depictions of my mind.
Truly unstable,
completely unable to function within normality.
I'm a mess,
my mind in shambles.
It's sickening to wake up every morning this way,
atop a mountain of despair I built.
Secluded to my own suffering,
with no feasible way of escape,
my cries for help,
revolve around,
"I hate myself."

-Michael Rucker: Jan/24/2016 12:13am
Michael Rucker Jan 2016
The living room was hostility's epitome,
a battle ground for verbal warfare.
It was toxicity to me,
while the fear of being present was just the coupling quality.
"Afraid" was only crossing my mind,
blending into the couch cushion was my strategy.
Unwelcome in my own home came to be the assumed thought,
backed with the dissatisfaction and inadequacy everyone put upon me.
No leeway to prosper,
and absolutely not a chance to live normally.

-Michael Rucker
Next page