I'm sure I could write letters and novels on your appeal,
Your beauty and your charisma.
I'm sure I could cover pages upon pages about how you look across a room, and how catching my gaze sometimes makes me lose my train of thought.
It's like a train running off the tracks, steam and engine and rotations over how something so dangerous could be so thrilling.
I could trace you with chalk on the sidewalk and outline all the reasons why I think my outline could fit like a puzzle piece next to yours.
I know I could dive deep into your dammed heart, find the cracks and leaks and patch them up best I can.
I know I could write pages and tell you, yet nothing my lips could say could match the way they'd feel against yours,
And I'm sure that the only way I could keep quiet about you is if you're the one closing my lips against yours.

I wished I was the sheets around your ankles,
The shirt on your back,
The jeans that hugged your hips.

I wished to be your morning tea,
The steering wheel you'd hold,
The knobs of your doors you would twist.

I wanted to be with you,
To have you touch me
And hold me,

So much that I envied this
Little, trivial objects;
I just wanted your presence in any way I could have it.

I learned that those little things
Sometimes go unappreciated,
Sometimes go unnoticed and unattended to.

I stopped wishing to be
All those things
When I understood that maybe that's how you saw me.

October 9th, 2011

Next time you want to talk crap about her, bite your tongue and think- "What is this doing for me or her?" If you don't have anything nice to say, no matter how much you want to chime in or make a joke, simply don't. Calling names, gossiping and assumptions will only hinder how you see someone for who he or she truly is. Once words leave your mouth, they're gone. You can't scoop them up and hide them. Be the girl who is kind to everyone- a hard, but not impossible, feat. Kindness stretches miles and is remembered. Be considerate and pick your words carefully. Make people feel good about who they are. Brining the best out of them will bring the best out of you.

Love,
Megan

My voice is no mere peep,
No mere iridescent sound overpowered
By the roar of people
Telling me to shut up.

My voice is not a purr or a chirp,
It is not dainty and subtle.
It is not soft or lofty or supple,
It's not like a fuzzy blanket in the middle of winter.

My voice is a brick hitting cement,
It's a siren's wail throughout a quite city,
It's a firetruck screaming as it rolls through
The city to meet it's destination.

My voice is a jet plane taking off,
My voice is an engine starting up,
My voice is a roar like that of a lions-
My voice will echo through your ears down to your core.

My voice is there for a reason;
To be heard,
And by God you'll hear me loud and clear.
You'll hear me over anything you put in my way.

My voice will topple buildings of ignoring,
It will burn down barriers of indifference,
It will destroy blocks of ignorance,
It will be heard, clear and true at whatever the cost may be.

My voice is my own,
Strong and loud, at times to a fault.
I am lucky enough to be able to speak,
And I'm not one to deny myself the pleasure of speaking my **** mind.

Into the void, waiting to hear anyone else respond other than my own echo.

I love who I am, and I love myself.

I'm just wondering who else loves me too, and who's willing to shout it back.

"Did it hurt when you fell from heaven?"

This isn't a pick up line though; I want to know how badly you bruised when your wings were clipped and you fell so fast you didn't even know you had fallen.

I know you thought he was your heaven, your above all else perfect, your safe haven but tell me,

Did he let your wingspan expand and be all it could?

Or did he pick at your feathers, one by one, until you were bare and unable to fly?

Did he tell you you couldn't fly without him?

What did he say that made you believe you didn't have the power to get up and sail along the skylines like before?

Do you feel caged in his heavy arms?

Did it hurt when you fell from heaven?

I think it hurt more when you fell in love with a boy that created a false sense of it, and made you believe that life without him hurts like hell.

I think you mistake the bruises he gave you for ones you think you'd have without him.

I think you're fearful of falling from his grace, his arms, your perception of heaven so much that it will plummet you into the depths of hell,

But I know better;

I think you could make it out alive.

Hell, I know you could if you would extend all you are beyond arms length, let yourself free fall into the unknown and remember to take up the space you deserve.

Open your eyes, open your heart and open your wings because the wind will carry you far, you'll see the world that you thought didn't exist without him, and you'll realize that the real hell is sewing up your heart and delivering it to someone who doesn't heed to the "CAUTION: FRAGILE" stamped on top.

I know it's going to hurt when you fall from your heaven,

But know it'll hurt less than contorting yourself into a smaller version of yourself so you can fit into his figure when you fall asleep together

I know it's going to hurt when you fall from your heaven,

But know it'll hurt less than giving him the clippers every time you feel the need to fly and watch the world and all you could be pass you by.

I tied your hands behind your back
In so many different ways.

One day, as I laced them together
At the small of your back,

You smirked and asked,
"What is this all about, exactly?"

The coy smile on your face
Didn't transfer to mine.

You felt this was a game,
Maybe a new "thing" I wanted to try.

Very seriously,
I prompted you and said,

"Touch me."

You looked across the room, dumbfounded,
As if I had asked you to fly or walk on water.

You looked down,
Fingered the rope around your wrists,

Looked back up into my eyes
And responded with,

"But how?
You tied my hands up."

I saw the puzzlement in your eyes,
As you tried to comprehend why I'd ask you

To try and touch me
With your hands behind your back.

I said it once more-
"Touch me."

You then looked at me like I was stupid,
Like I was out of my mind.

"Look, you tied my hands up.
Can't you see there is no way for me to touch you?",

You stated, matter-of-factly, to the point
Where I knew you would never understand.

I slowly backed away,
And began to turn,

But not before I looked over my shoulder
And said,

*"You don't always need your hands to touch someone,
And if that's the only way you know how to touch a person,
Then I'd rather you not touch me at all."

I forget to look before I fall-
As if I haven't any cares,
None at all.

I forget to ask if I'll be caught
By someone below,
Though more often than not

Someone forgets to be below,
And I fall upon my back,
All alone.

I lie on my back, wondering how
No one could have caught me.
I've fallen aplenty, so now

I always look before I fall
Because the smack of me hitting the ground
Has such a sad, resounding call.

I'm forgetting how to fall into thin air
Because waiting around for you
Is wasted time; you simply will not care.

I always forget to look before I fall-
Now I know better, so instead
I walk away, and rather I stand tall.

I'm taller than the trees,
And skyscrapers too-
Like these things, I do not fall with ease.

I do not look before I fall
Because I won't fall anymore,
Not again, never at all.

Who are you to advise who I should be?
Why have I been told to not be who I am?

Do not pursue teaching, you'll work a luckless and poor career. You'll devote your life to an occupation that won't put food on your table, you better marry rich Megan.

Do not love like you do, it's is overwhelming. It is too intense, too encompassing. It is the ocean- unpredictable and vast. Do not love me like that, I can't handle your love. Do not cry oceans, do not have streams down your cheeks. Do not feel, do not express yourself. Please don't.

Do not love who you want to love. It is too difficult to explain, accept and live with the fact that you may love someone with the same chromosomes as you.

Do not dance at your leisure, you cannot hold the beat or sway to the rhythm. There is a time and place for expressing your joys, remember that.

Do not cut your hair for it was so beautiful when in cascaded down your back.

Do not pierces your nose, people don't like metal in your nostril and god forbid you puncture a hole and stick a diamond in your pretty face.

Do not wear the short shorts, the baggy tshirts, the sandals with socks, the buns on the sides of your head, the face make up. You know those all mean you want it, you're lazy, you're unfashionable, you're a wanna-be, you're a try-hard who cares too much.

Who decided one day I couldn't be who I was born to be? Who decided I wasn't able to being myself and being okay as is?

Today I decided I will be the high school English teacher and I will change lives with my big heart and encompassing love. I will inspire through my educating hands and words. I will love who I love with all I have in my soul. I will dance in dead silence, in the rain and in the middle of a song. I cut my hair and it'll grow back. It always does. Metal in my nose made me no less beautiful, I was beautiful before it and I can be beautiful without it. I will wear the ******* shorts and let my thighs shake, I will do my hair as I please, I will wear the baggy tshirts because they are comfortable, I will wear and say and do and be whoever I want to be.

I am a combination of atoms and particles made from stardust and centuries before me. I am made of hope, acceptance, knowledge and ultimate love for myself and others. I am made of spontaneity and the daring risk to be who I am meant to be, I am infinite and you cannot bottle up stardust. You cannot contain me with your mere words.

Who are you to tell me who to be? Who am I to accept that? Who am I to let you tell me anything about my bones and brain, my mind and soul? Who am I?

You only wish you knew.

Today it hit me that you saved my life,
And I cried.

It hit me that out love never coincided-
I wanted passion, you wanted respect.

I understood that your love
Was intended to support me

Until I could support myself-
Then, it would disappear.

My love prevailed and probably
Will until I die;

You don't stop loving someone
Just because you said good bye.

Our love didn't coincide,
And realizing that helped me see

That it never will.
You will always be you,

I will forever be me,
And we won't be an "us"

Or a "we" ever again.
Our love didn't coincide,

And understanding
Set me free

Remember to smile
At the strangers on the street.
Remember to dance and sing
To your own unique beat.

Remember to savor and enjoy
Your meals each day.
Remember to smell the flowers
Once they bloom in May.

Remember to say "I love you"
To those you feel so strongly about.
Remember to maintain wisdom and hope,
For these will always trump doubt.

Remember to sleep
When you're weary and weak.
Remember to give
More than you do keep.

Remember to lend a hand,
Even if you're down too.
Remember to learn from all experiences,
Becaususe there are lessons in all you do.

Remember to forgive
Those who did you wrong.
Remember: to forgive (when you're ready) is to move on,
And there's no other way to genuinely move along.

Remember to indulge
In what makes you most bright.
Remember to work endearingly when needed,
For you'll always have to fight-

Always remember to fight for what you believe in.
If you stand for nothing, you'll fall at the first blow.
Remember to stand up for what matters to you,
Vow to never let go.

Remember that someone indeed cares
About you when you can't seem to love you.
Remember that love is indeed stronger than your demons,
Love will always pull through.

Remember that you will fall,
You will stumble and lose.
Remember that you can let that teach you,
The choice is for you to choose.

Remember to remember worth,
You have it in yourself, in all you've said.
Remember to read this when
You forget anything you just read.

Storing the tears dripping from your cheeks so I can water color you a picture of why, even at your worst, you're a work of art-

Whoever created you, evolution or God or the pairing of particular chromosomes, dipped their brush into a palette of sunsets and starry night skies and painted your bright smile.

They borrowed from evergreens and forever instilled a dark green hue for your eyes that are as old-soul as the rings of the trees.

Your skin came from the white of peaches, your freckles from the brown of river stones smoothed by the water and time.

The curls and color of your hair came from beaches that only knew washing waves, seagulls and tiny ***** and seashells.

Your strength emulates mountaintops covered in white snow, blown by harsh winds yet still standing tall.

A mind like yours looks like clockwork- gears grinding constantly,, hands spinning and continually rotating, not even stopping when easing into the darkness of night.

Strawberry-red across your cheeks when you blush, the white of crashing waves when you receive news that's takes the color from your face, yellow sunflowers when you laugh the way you do.

A heart like yours was painted from the heart of mine- I dipped a brush into my own heart because I know there is where I know you best, where I honestly know you for who you are.

Cry your tears, give them to me.

I'll make you out to be what you really are, what your eyes cease see-

Your tear-cleared eyes aren't cleared enough for they do not believe that you are nothing short of a masterpiece.

Do it for yourself,
And nobody else, because
You are left alone

At the end of the
Day with all of the choices
Only you have made.

This isn't really a poem but more a statement that I'll elaborate on in length.

I really think you just have to love 100%. I have a commitment problem aside from loving. I even took a stupid test on it for a class; I'm interested in everything and genuinely committed to very little. I lack substance because of it and I know it. I don't know where I'm going or what I'm doing so until then I just love.

I love indefinitely and those who maybe don't deserve it. I'm friends with my exes and let me tell you that's a whole ton of love because these boys broke my heart and I found a way to love them anyway. I broke their hearts too, and I'm so **** greatful they found a way to let me back in.

I love the people that are annoyed or bothered by me because they give me perspective. Maybe they know something I don't, that a flaw I have can be improved upon. I don't always give these people much weight in my life, but I love them anyway.

I love my family even if these people make me want to scream into a pillow. I love my parents in spite of the fact that I'm scared they don't love each other, and that hurts me. I love my brothers and you know what? I should tell them more, but the best way I know how is to listen when my older brother tells a story for too long and let my little brother drive so he can get some more practice.

I love my friends so much. Again, commitment issues means I have a lot of friends and I love really far and wide because only having a few friends scares me; if they leave, I'm alone. It helps and it hurts that this is how I love; some days I feel so lonely and others I feel like I know the world and somehow, all these people appreciate and love me even if it's tiny and ephemeral.

I love the people I've befriended because they're my extended family. They're the long drives with long conversations about life, the people I talk in accents with, the people I call when I'm crying and snotty and hurting. They're the concerts and the walks in the park, the occasionally coffee dates and "hey let's catch up" and hope we actually do.

These are the people I want to buy little things for so they know someone thinks about them. These are the people I randomly text so they know they're on my mind. These are the people I want to write long letters to explaining why I love and appreciate them, even if all we ever had was a class together.

And loving as much as I do kicks my *** sometimes. I love too much; it scares some people away. I love in excess, so much that some people can't handle it and feel uncomfortable or stray. I know my love can be mistaken for fake, for needy, for romantic and for naïve. Regardless, I love anyway.

I understand and my love will never be quiet or contained and some days I wish I only loved so many people that I could count them off with my two hands, but that simply isn't me. I don't know how to commit to loving only a few and loving them to what they deserve. I've poured my love meant for particular people out and I can't take that back, and give it to someone else. I can't reclaim the love I've given away.

The grass is greener where you water it and my love is a ******* monsoon over a drought-ridden field; I swear my love within myself grew as the numbers of people I love grew too. I don't have a yard, I have a plain. I don't have a rain cloud, I have a storm.

Maybe with age and experience those numbers will dwindle and I'll come to see that loving few is best for me. Until then though, all I have is a pouring love for anyone who doesn't mind getting a little wet. I have a love that may not be all you need but a part of what you seek, and I can solely commit to saying that that's enough for me.

I don't have enough peace of mind because I know that people I love and so many more have been ***** or assaulted.

9. I don't have enough time to tell you why **** culture perpetuates that my hemline means I'm asking for it.

8. I don't have enough ignorance to somehow accept and laugh at a **** joke.

7. I don't have enough tolerance for "we were wasted" and "she didn't say no".

6. I don't have enough audacity to ask people what they were wearing, if they were sober, if they had yelled for help, if they had said no when they were attacked. A victim is a victim.

5. I don't have enough strength to give to people who have been hurt like this- all the strength in the world sometimes is not enough.

4. I don't have enough comfort for people who have been hurt like this- how do you comfort someone who has been hurt in such a demeaning, invasive way? Is there comfort at all?

3. I don't have enough voice from my lungs to yell about why we need to teach our sons and daughters about what it means to consent, what it means to respect another human.

2. I don't have enough support for the people that come forward, yet I also don't have enough sympathy for the people that are too petrified.

1. I don't have enough words for how much my heart aches for survivors, and how much hope I have for the people out there who persevere and overcome what has happened to them.

For every reason I gave, I also know a person who has been assaulted or *****. Try to give me 10 reasons why I shouldn't put up a fight against **** and **** culture, against respecting others, against people who attack others. Try to give me 10 reasons why I shouldn't speak on behalf of people who sometimes spoke but were not heard by a blatant disregarding partner, stranger, neighbor, relative, parent, sibling, best friend, co worker, acquaintance. Try giving your 10 reasons to the 10 girls I know and then the 10 girls and even guys they know. Try telling a survivor that they asked for it, they wanted it, they should get over it, they should dress differently, they should let it go.

*I do not have enough fingers to count off the people I know that have been ***** or assaulted but I have enough humanity in me to fight the people that made me start counting in the first place.

If anyone has the audacity
To solely look at the way I curve in a dress and cat-call out
That I am their "cup of tea",

I hope I burn their throat
And spill out of their saucer
When they realize that I've been brewing over this for awhile,

And I'm a bit too strong to swallow.

Even though I talk endlessly,

Much too long concerning unrelated topics,

I know you will

Listen and let me speak.

You don't know how much that means to me.

Turbulant winds have found their way

Along my shores and have made my sea

Yearn for a calmer crash-

Learning that I can crash and find peace again

Only occurred to me once I

Recognized your love.

Thinking back on all the people I

Have met in my life,

And all the ones I have let go,

Never mistake yourself for one that I would lose sight of because your

Kindness has inspired my own,

Your hearts giving mine a shot at being a better person, all while

Our paths overlapped into one that I'm so thankful for treading alongside with you.

Understand that you are genuinely one in a million in this vast world and you could

Lead by example in the way you love,

Or lead in the way you see beyond the surface level.

Venturing into my sea wasn't something you may have noticed, but

Eventually you dove right in and I don't feel the sea sting at my eyes anymore.

My life won't stop crashing because you're here, but I will surely be able to stay afloat now that you're by my side.

Even when you aren't with me, the things you have taught and shown me will stay.

God only knows I needed someone like you,

A person to light the way.

Night or day, you're like a lighthouse beaming through the fog when my world isn't clear-

Thank you for enhancing my joy, for keeping my fears at bay. I love you as vastly as the sea, as long the days continue on. Thank you thank you thank you for teaching me how to be strong.

Love is not a thing you can do half way;

Love is not meant for quick hugs to say goodbye,
Momentary kisses that leave you wondering if they even happened.

Love is not meant for people who will hold your hand
Loosely enough that it could slip away.

Love is not meant for routines and order,
For ease and expected encounters.

Love is not meant for ******* one night
And not speaking the next.

It is not meant for anyone who decides that
A kiss doesn't mean anything,

That a lingering look has no power,
That skin on skin is just a physical encounter.

No.

Love is holding someone's hand tightly,
As if it were a balloon on a string that's

Tied to your heart, and God forbid
You let that one slip away.

Love is for the 2nd, 3rd, and 4th goodbye kiss
In the street as you leave your lover's house.

It's for the 5th kiss that leaves you as breathless as the first,
For the last kiss that was the longest and hardest.

Love is for spontaneity,
For random reminders that you care.

Love is for someone who will love you in between sheets,
Then kiss you the next day despite your morning breath.

Love is the shout into the void,
Into the canyons of people

Where the only response you may have
Is the echo of your own love.

That's love, shouting about it
Even though you may be the only one to hear it.

Love is for people willing to shout it from rooftops,
For people willing to dive in head first.

Love isn't meant to be half assed.
It just isn't.

Love requires all of your courage and strength,
Your patience and understanding.

Love requires that you shed your shell of comfort,
And give it your all.

That's how I love,
All in and wholly invested, completely committed.

And I don't have time any love that isn't aching,
Consuming and invasive of my every thought.

I don't have room in my heart for anything less than extraordinary,
Because my heart is full to the brim of love for someone out there,

And I don't want it just to spill over so that
I can listen to it drip onto a cement floor.

It should pool into your hands instead,
And you can pour it into your own heart.

Love is for the brave and willing-
I'm brave and willing enough to show you,

Are you?

Let's hole up in the house
The next time it pours for hours outside,
Make some tea
And sit by the fire.

Let's grab blankets and pillows,
And lounge around for hours-
Long enought to tell each other
Everything worth mentioning about ourselves.

I'll tell you about the scar on my knee,
And how my best friend from the 3rd grade
Has one to match from the time
We did cartwheels in the streets.

You'll tell me about the time you
First climbed that tree in your neighborhood
By yourself, then with friends,
And how you loved to read up there.

I'll remind you of the time we
Fell asleep side by side,
And you'll remind me of the time
We kissed in a parking lot.

And it can go on like that,
Just us retelling our stories,
The stories from before we met,
And how we'll create new stories together.

I am the pendulum swing from life and death-

Some days I feel so alive I cry and the world is my playground, where I can see beyond the horizons and touch sunsets with my fingertips. I kiss at the stars and create constellations connectioning myself to the universe, each bright orb a reason why I'm thankful for the breath I am afforded.

Some days I am so far to death I look for life in the sheets of people I don't know, the empty bottles of clear spirits when mine is so dark, and anything that may light a spark in the dark cavity of my chest. I light lighters to substance when I am so lacking substance myself.

The pendulum swings so hard and so far, creating winds that I feel as chill on the days I swing to death, and a wind I welcome on days my soul shines so bright the days I feel the warmth.

I'd **** to have a softer swing but I'm killing over the fact that some days I'd **** myself and others I wonder how I could ever even feel that in the first place.

Your body heat is heightened by the blankets over our bodies in attempts to keep out winter's chill,
Yet the heat doesn't melt the look in our eyes when we go through the steps we've threaded so long that the footprints are permanently embedded on the path that led to "us"-

"I love you" is so soft I can't heart it,
And the embraces so short I forget they happened.

Falling asleep next to you means we are close,
But underneath these covers also lies a truth between us that not even skin upon skin could break through;

Proximity means nothing when hearts are far and eyes see through.
However close we are won't make up for it because proximity means nothing when the only time we are close is when I'm physically next to you.

In these fleeting moments we become what we shall be-
It is in the books we read, the shows we watch, the shops we frequent, the food we eat, the people we associate with, the place we call home.
Ensure you are only surrounded by what you constitute to being the best,
For then you shall be nothing short of precisely that- the best.

In the end all you have is family,
And I don't want any of this
Because this family doesn't know how to be one
And it doesn't know how to love or resist

Biting comments and surpassing our
Elders in what they didn't know-
That somehow 20 years later,
This family tree will cease to grow.

Surely I'll have children,
If I can be what I should for them,
But even if I have a daughter or a son,
The tree will still cease to grow again.

The tree died from the chill of your cold remarks
And lack of root in this home.
The tree stood now chance when we branched out,
The tree lost it's leaves and stood alone,

Like myself,
Away from the blood ties and similarities.
Sure, we share a last name,
But we can't share our insecurities.

We can't share our concerns or woes
In fear of being belittled or demeaned.
We can't share a **** dinner at a table
With somehow being scathing and mean.

We can't share a laugh
Because we are too busy tiptoeing
Around in fear of stepping on a foundational crack
That'll never stop growing

Until we learn that family really is all you have,
And could be all you need.
Until then though,
Each of us will leave.

The house will grow colder,
And no lights can illuminate this dark
That grew between us all,
And set us all apart.

I wouldn't surprise me if
I leave and don't come home,
Because home isn't a place but a feeling,
And this is where I feel colder than stone .

Someday I may have kids,
And they'll ask about you all.
I fear all I'll have for them
Is a telephone call

Because grandma will be in the city,
And grandpa will have an apartment alone,
The uncles will be far gone,
And none of us will ever know our way back home.

I don't get angry when the sunset eases into nightfall,
Or when my dreams end because my eyelids have opened.

I don't feel utter sadness when these beautiful things suddenly stop-
I know these moments are ephemeral and they will all come to an end.

Despite knowing that,
I don't curse the course of life.

Instead I embrace it-
I take these fleeting, beautiful moments for what they are worth.

I should stop being so angry that we ended,
And be thankful for what was instead.

You may have been the sun setting in my sky,
You may have been in my dreams,

But your absence allowed for my stars to shine brighter
And guide me somewhere where dreams were not just for sleep.

I used to think you couldn't love me as much as I needed,
But you did when you told me to leave and find someone else who would do the things you couldn't.

Love isn't always blatant or obvious, it isn't always being together and "I love you".

Losing you felt a lot like lost love,
But I suppose it just meant you loved me enough to not let me wait for you when you knew you couldn't be what I needed.

Thank you, I love you too.

We are not talking,
So I made a list of all
The things I wanted

To say to you, and
It's quite long but I'll sum it
Up with "I miss you".

I now know what it means
To sit in bed and cry
At 12 am because things
Didn't go your way.

I know how it feels
To have what you want
Not be what you need,
Or what you receive.

I know how unreciprocated
Feelings sting for awhile-
I'm on page one,
While you're at least 10 ahead.

I know how it hurts
To have something so close,
Within grasp,
Only to slip away.

I know how it's a teaser,
A taunt saying
"You can look but you can't touch",
And how frustrating that is.

I know how anger bleeds into sadness
When all you want is an answer,
And it never comes,
No explanation.

I know how you felt,
I feel it all now.
I always thought that I had the upper hand
Until now.

I'd know I want to hate you for this,
To knock down your door and
Demand an explanation,
A rhyme for the reason,

But I know that you're gone.
There are no doors to knock upon,
No calls to be made, nothing left of us
Because I threw us away.

I know that we made a 180 in that
You became me,
I became you-
I'm lost and confused and angry and sad.

You're okay,
You're gone,
You're doing you,
You're moving along.

I know that I deserve this,
I really do.
So that forces me to accept
That I don't have the privilege of knowing you.

It's beyond me why you'd run past open arms into the ones that dropped you in the first place,
And why you'd find home in a place that tore yours up from the group like a natural disaster.

Nature has a way of making things work,
Ever wonder why that's why you two don't?

And it's a **** disaster to hold your frame like a scared child-
Shaking and sobbing because things didn't go your way.

Please just go your own way,
You're the child who outgrew home and the overcoat she gave you.

Maybe if you let her go,
You'd stop feeling so heavy and fearful of chill.

Maybe if you took your coat off,
You'd feel the sunshine in ways not even her softest touch could rival.

Don't walk back into the eye of the storm.
Walk your way back home,

Where the arms aren't heavy
And the arms don't make you feel so alone.

Just come follow me
Let's do something amazing
And let it all go

I said too much
I said the truth
I kicked out my crutch
And in caved in the roof

I said what I could not
I said what I should not have said
I tried hard not to, I fought
Yet the words leaked from my mouth, my head

I said obscene things
I said what I've suppressed
I thought it may bring new beginnings,
The things I finally confessed

I said it through choked gasps
I said it through shaking hands
I can't begin to grasp
What I've spoken, where it'll land.

I said it in fear
I said it in despair
I hoped speaking would make things clear
This isn't fair

I said
And you heard.
My secret is no longer locked in my head
Yet my pain is still not cured.

I spoke
You stayed and heard
The walls I put up crumbled and broke
Of nothing I am assured.

I'm done speaking
It hurt too much
The cracks in my heart are creaking
I'm losing my clutch

The memories are fiery and hot
Sinful and rampant, relevant and here
I wish they'd rot
Into a pile of long forgotten fear.

I spoke once
I won't do it again
I'll put up fronts
I'll keep it in until the end.

Clocks innately bind us to circumstance and the off chance that maybe we'll land side by side, 11:59 to my 12 o'clock.
Abiding by the time we are afforded, the ticks are sported on the leather and faces on our wrists.
I found you at the wrong time and now I've come to find you're consuming all of mine.

I think lips
Are enchanting, much so
When placed on the bump of my collar bone
And the nape of my neck, when forming to my own.

I think eyes
Are alluring, much so
When they bore into mine
And read my unspoken thoughts with stars overhead.

I think hands
Are captivating, much so
When they pull me closer at night,
When fingers roll down my spine, soothingly.

I think chests
Are comforting, much so
When I'm lying across yours
And listening to your breath roll in and out.

I think you're
Lovely, if not better; much so
When you choose to lay down and
Envelope me into your arms as the night envelopes the sun, as the night encompasses the world just like you encompass me.

And if my kid ever comes to me with tear stained cheeks because they loved someone too much,
They love like I do,
I'll hold them and say,

"Baby, your heart is big enough for the two of us, like the popcorn bucket at the movies-
It's absolutely HUGE:
Surely you could share it with just about everyone in the theater, but you'll be left with nothing.
Yes, sharing is good. But you can't deal out your heart like a deck of cards to people with flimsy hands who can't grasp what you deliver.

Baby, you love entirely. Your whole soul loves the way the ocean envelopes the sand during high tide. You wash over the beaches and create storms that can scare people away. Baby, someone will see the calm in your storm and stay. I promise.

Baby, you love deeply. Yet again you are an ocean and not everyone can dive deep down like you do. The snorkel set will do no justice for the depths your heart reaches. Wait for a deep diver who isn't afraid of the dark, when your darkest parts come to light and your deep diver sees you for who you are. Wait for the person who is going to shine a light and create a new current in your life.

Baby, you gotta open up your heart but know when to shut it. You don't deserve anything less than the best. Forget what people say, remember what you feel. You have a heart of pure gold and no fool deserves to eye at it. You deserve someone who is going to love you like you love them, or someone who will teach you that love is more than what you already know. Love those who love you back my dear.

Speaking of shutting, don't ever think shutting everyone out means you'll be safe. Life is meant for love. So don't cork off like those little model ships in bottles. You know what a ship is good for? Sailing. Send your heart sailing through all the turmoil until you see the horizon. You know what your heart is good for? Loving. Don't bottle yourself up baby.

My baby, you're going to mess up. Someone you love will mess up too. Love them through the mess, hug it out and move on. Let love be what gets you through the scrapes and cuts when you fall down or trip over trivial tribulations.

Baby, as much as you love others, you gotta love yourself. You gotta love your toes and your limbs, your eyes and your lungs. You have to love your brain and veins, your skin and your self. No one will ever be able to love you the way you should love yourself, not even me sweet pea. Love you the way you want to be loved.

And baby, you'll get hurt. Love again. Love love love. Love until it's a native language you can only show people. Love until it's a language you know fluently. Love until it is your creed, your life, your way. Love is loving yourself, to fight for what you deserve, fighting alongside people that you love, and always loving with all you got. Baby, love the only way we have ever know-

Wholly, genuinely, openly, loudly.

Just love baby, love the way I love you."

You were a breeze and I was the ocean,
And though you made me stir,
Sometimes you were so light I forgot you were there.

I'm sorry I thrashed around and made a scene.
I'm sorry I'm ambivalent and uncontrollable.
I'm sorry I'm invasive and encompassing.

Sometimes you'd get my waves to flow
To your draft.
It's too bad you can't ensure that will always be the case.

That's the thing with nature and us;
Whatever is natural just happens.
Is that why we aren't?

The ocean just is,
And the breeze just is.
I can't tell you how much it hurts that you don't blow along my shores,

Or that you'll probably leave me thrashing,
Stormy and blue after all of this.
I can't explain how it feels like the ocean is in my eyes.

You can see and feel an ocean
And you can only feel the breeze;
We continually differ and that's why I'll leave.

So you'll continue on as a breeze;
You make pick up wind and rustle leaves,
But someday you'll calm down and become light again.

It scares me that I'll still be able to feel gusts of you,
But I won't be able to ever fully grasp you.
This is why it is within my nature to not love what I cannot touch.

This is not a poem.
This is an overview of my day.
Today I told my ex boyfriend off because he didn't value me the way I deserved. I'll probably end up crying myself to sleep again because I liked him a lot, but when it boiled down to it he didn't make time for me nor did he realize that I can walk away. I dated another guy before him and he didn't value me either. Life is short and I don't have time for boys who don't kiss me hard and give me their all.

Now to be fair, I am just a girl. I'm 18, I'm loud and passionate and most definitely a hand full. I write poetry, mostly about people I love. I love hard. I feel a lot. I like to hike and read and be around my friends and buy CDs and go concerts. I love cuddling and kissing. I can't stand clowns and obnoxiously loud, piercing noises. I need green tea AND coffee to get through the day. I love calf socks. I'm insecure about my stomach and my attractiveness. I love my smile. I feel most at ease watching sunsets. I can't wait for the day when someone looks at me as if I'm perfect, because I know I'm not.

I'm average. I am no more than a girl, so sometimes I doubt that I deserve what I ask out of relationships. Not everyone will think I am worth it. I'm not worth it to everyone. But I can't forget that I do deserve the best. I feel everyone does and that definition of "best" differs for everyone. I know that life is too short to be with anyone who makes you feel unloved. I know life is too short to be quiet about love. Love can't be boring or easy because that's a lie. Love is fighting and trying and working with someone else. Life is mediocre in so many different ways; love and dating can't be so. It's never convenient and you have to make time. There is never a good time, you just have to make time. You have to love yourself and believe you are worth the best even if you sometimes doubt it. I am just a girl, but someday someone is going to say that I am the girl.

Have a backbone. Stand tall for yourself. Leave anyone who doesn't think you're ******* beautiful and absolutely worth trying for. Make sure you know that not everyone shows effort the same way, and it's okay if some types of effort aren't good enough for you. Walk away even if your feet drag. Be your own person, let someone chase you. Let someone work for you. Reciprocate. Repeat if it doesn't work. Love yourself enough to be by yourself instead of sleeping in someone's arms that don't hold you close enough.

Today I told someone to make the **** time for me or he could kiss my ***. I told him I am not fleeting moments or spare seconds. I am light years beyond his effort. I am beyond what he can give me. He's a good person but not the person for me. So I walked away. And I'll cry myself to sleep tonight about it. But I did what was right for me, because I deserve the best out there even if I'm just a girl.

This isn't a poem. This is my life and how losing people sometimes leads to finding better ones. If you read this, best of luck. You deserve it, because losing me must hurt like hell. That's how it feels for you too. You'll find other people. You're a blip in my sky and your star burned out. Doesn't mean that you, or I, won't shine in someone else's galaxy. I am just a girl, but I'm not your girl.

Life is a lot like kissing in the rain-
Planning won't ensure all you hope for,
And sometimes you have to wait for
Opportunity to meet up with luck.
Then you can seize the moment,
Take it for what it is worth,
Lean in and pucker up.

I tried to be stone so I would be invincible to anything that came my way.

I wouldn't sway with the wind like tree branches do, or uproot completely when gale force winds blow through.

I wouldn't burn at the touch or fire and crumble into charred black dust.

I wouldn't freeze over in the snow, even if it covered me whole.

Mother Nature has nothing on your hands though;

You came at me with a chisel and hammer and decided to carve into my granite veins again and call me your personal masterpiece.

You carved yourself a niche in my stature and made me into someone dented by your meticulous hands.

You cut jagged edges and smoothed them round, ******* at every detail and feeling for bumps to smooth away.

I made myself stone so you couldn't get into me, not even if you tried.

Yet here we are with my carved heart and your worn chisel and hammer by your side.

You hit a little too hard this time and the cracks have already formed;

I can feel the wind blow through me and the snow settle into the cracks just waiting for the fire to melt it.

Someday you'll put the chisel and hammer down because working at stone like me is tiresome.

That, and by the end of all this I'll be broken stone around your feet.

Artists finish their pieces, and you finished me by hitting too hard and cracking me completely.

I used to dance and perform on stages,
moving my feet to the music and the beat to entertain.

I quit and I miss it plenty,
though I haven't brought myself back to it yet.

In a way, I never stopped dancing
because I always wrote and that was my way of composing.

I hope to be brave enough one day
to sit behind a microphone and read my work to people,

to have my words leap into ears
and land softy upon hearts;

I hope my words waltz into imaginations
and ignite fire in veins.

I never stopped dancing in that
My fingers always danced across pages in ink.

I have a particular interet in old flames,
Maybe because their embers never fully died in my heart.

So when the wind rolls by, and breathes life into
These possible long gone embers,

They light back up, in the back of my mind
Where the glow is too tempting

To ignore, so I sit down and bask in the emitting
Heat from long gone flames just to

See what they had that lit me up
In the first place.

Old flames remain in my memories until
Something stirs my heart, long enough

To sustain a tiny spark that
Reminds me why we caught fire so long ago.

So when you pass by me on the street,
And I look the other way,

It's because I have no need for your embers,
There's no need for them to stay.

I doubt you even put a match to
The thought of me anyway,

So I'll let your embers rest until charred and black,
Just so that they never return, so they never come back.

Who am I to judge
How you decide to cope
With what breaks down
All that provides you hope?

Who am I to speculate
What you have to do
To get up every morning
And make it through?

Who am I to guess
Why you mask your pain?
We all hurt,
We all have shame.

Who am I
To sit back and observe,
When I should step up
And show you the kindness you deserve.

Who I am differs
From who I was.
Now I understand that
All you need is love.

Forgive who I was,
Embrace who I am.
I want to be there for you
In any way I can.

we at least smile in photos, for quick flashes and seconds-

my want for a happy family never comes true, though my hope is continually beckoned

I'm sitting in the room full of mirrors,
Trying to find the real you;
You're everywhere I turn,
But the illusions aren't true.

There's only one of you,
And this I know;
Every magnified imagine of you
Has me spinning, to and 'fro.

I'm in a house of mirrors
Just trying to sort this out;
I'm trying to identify which is the real you
So that I don't live with any doubt

Of who you really are,
And what you believe in, what you stand for-
The 100 extra images of you
Leave me wanting to find not you, but the door.

The house of mirror never led me
To finding the real you;
I eventually just saw my own reflection,
And from there on I knew-

I projected all of my problems
Onto your reflection rather than my own;
I'm always flawed to my core,
So around the house of mirrors, I'll roam,

Consistently surrounded by
Me, myself and I;
I've come to find
She's the only one who stays by my side.

I thought maybe for once
That the problem wasn't me,
Though I was proved wrong
Because it'll refer back to what I see

When I'm in a house of mirrors,
Trying to find your demise
And I only see myself in the end-
This came as no surprise.

The house of mirrors
Became my home,
And there's always a chance to see myself,
Though I'd rather just be left alone.

White out won't get rid of the boys you once loved or the girls that broke your heart.

Tearing out the pages where you wrote to that one person won't make the words disappear; your veins translated into ink to make the words so. You have these people in your blood.

People come and go but you can't pretend they did not stay for some time. You can't erase their shadows in your photographs. You can't erase their impact on you.

Out of sight out of mind- really? You want to kid yourself into that?

Remembering hurts but someday you may want the old letters and photographs because someday you will move on and be thankful that whiteout couldn't cover where you felt a part of yourself let go.

Retrospect reminds you why specks remain but not the whole person, and why that is okay.

I won't erase you if you don't erase me. I'm sorry for the times I tried, for the times I really did believe

That if we didn't have forever, then we had nothing at all. I read the letters with heart, and I'm so thankful I left them whole.

Now that we speak again, it's only surface level-

"How was your trip?"
"That's cool, hope you had fun!"
"Hey what's up?"

A text here and a text there, fleeting eye contact and minimal genuine conversation keep our casualties down. We've already had so many when we attempted to dive deeper.

I sometimes swam in the blue of your eyes and swam alone when you left. I swam until my lungs gave out and I had to hit the bottom to know that I can only skim your surface at this rate.

Diving into your eyes didn't even take a second thought but left me with a thousand when not even your lips could convey what your eyes did-

Your hands and words and actions didn't say much about your love but your eyes did. They gave you away every time. Your eyes said it all and I'm trying to do the same now.

I'm sure my depths were dark and deep, too deep for you to endure. You're a shallow swimmer yet I almost made you learn how to swim by allowing you to love a girl like me by throwing you into the deep end of my mind where all the darker thoughts reside.

So now that we speak again, and you aren't struggling to stay afloat in some else's storm, I'll skim your surface and you skim mine.

"Hey how are you?" You might ask.

"I'm fine" I'll say.

Beyond the surface level I really am, because I know that you're only on the surface and that's far enough away from any of my demons to pull you down with them.

I am so jaded by the fact that you're not okay
I am so sad that you put on a facade most days
I am so deceived by your smile because it's just a phase
I am so concerned that you feel like life is a tireless maze

You are so young and you have so much time
You are so beautiful and utterly sublime
You are so sad, it should be a crime
You are so capable and you could shine

You are so wrong about your life
I am so sure that you can endure the strife
You are so strong to endure what cuts like a knife
Remember I love you, remember it's all apart of life.

moving on came full circle when I finally stopped walking cirles around you in my dreams,

and started treading my own path, started unsewing your thread tangled in my heartstrings

Though your hand pulled the trigger,
You tied your own noose,
You emptied the bottle's contents into your hands,
You jumped and finally let loose,

Your hand could have been held,
Your voice could have been heard.
Your tears could have been wiped away,
Your demons could have been cured.

They say suicide is selfish,
At one's own will and action.
Why is it that until after the fact,
We finally give a reaction?

Life should be cherished
While still around.
Don't tell me some don't speak up,
Don't tell me they never made a sound.

We're all fighting battles
Day in and day out,
And in my heart of hearts,
These people didn't **** themselves on their own; I have no doubts.

Controversial and complicated,
Evoking and deep,
Taking your own life
Is not a solo leap

Into the unknown of death,
Afterlife and reincarnation;
It's a leap that's sometimes aided,
A path that's prepaved towards life's suffocation.

Yes, suicide is a solo act
Done on your own,
And reasons why people choose this fate
Will sometimes be left unknown.

Don't be a force behind a trigger though,
A force behind tying a rope;
Be a force of empathy and compassion,
A force of inspiring hope.

We can't save the world,
Or all the lost souls.
We can save our own actions though,
And keep in mind what we ought to always know;

You never truly know
What people are enduring,
What people are hiding,
Why people are hurting.

You never truly know
Who needs a simple smile or a grand gesture-
Whoever you help though,
Will always remember.

Therefore, with clichés aside
And pessimistic notions unheard
Please love and be kind and listen;
Their abilities to save and set free are one of the only things in this world I am assured.

We leave marks upon this world,
Without our consent and sometimes our conscious thought.
So try to leave behind marks that inspire and grow,
Marks that in the best light, cannot be forgot.

Though you pulled the trigger
And tied your own noose,
I wish you knew that path wasn't made for you,
And that will forever remain the truth.

I wish you knew that you weren't alone,
Even in your darkest hour.
I wish you knew that pulling that trigger
Didn't give you all the control and power-

It took a life worth living,
A soul worth saving and repairing.
It took your whole life to make it to that point,
And seconds to leave us all despairing

For closure, reason and hindsight
As to why you didn't reach for aid.
But even more so,
Why our own arms, now shaking by our sides, heartwrenchingly stayed.

I made your slip up seem like a complete down fall, and I am sorry.
I spit words from the bottom of my heart where the anger sinks and the hurt resides, and I am sorry.
I hurt you when you were already hurting, and I am sorry.

I stopped looking for you in my sheets and dreams and finally found rest.
I stopped looking for you in coffee shops and lost myself in the simple joy of solitude and tea.
I stopped searching for your car as I drove around town because I'm too busy singing over the radio with the windows down.
I stopped telling stories about us because I'm busy creating new ones.
I stopped the salt water trails awhile ago with the dimples in my cheeks when I realized that there is still a lot to smile about.
I stopped hoping this wasn't actually the end because it was actually just the beginning.
I've also got to stop writing about you, because your page in my book is full and if I keep writing about you, I'm just scribbling over old entires.
It's time I stop rereading the chapter of you.

how is it that i nurtured my heart and made it so,
cohabitated with it and let it grow,
yet even if i needed it and it needed me,
my ribcage was a cage and my heart just wanted to be free

among the wildflowers and fresh air,
along the skylines without a care,
amidst the sea and between the stars,
why is it that my heart and body feel so far

my heart can't stay in this cage for long
because it can't continue to sing the same song-
my heart outgrew it's home and flew away,
my heart was never meant to stay

my heart was never mine nor will never be,
only this i am sure of you see-
my heart can't rest easy in this ribcage home,
because here it feels so alone

it belongs among the trees and sea,
it belongs among the world in front of me.
my heart never belonged to the structure of my bones-
for here it felt heavy as stone

my heart is wild and angsty and true-
it feeds off of sunlight and new views.
my heart stopped beating because of rushing blood,
but beat only at the sight of a rising sun