Surrounded I feel more removed than ever. In a trudge thru a large crowd with my head down I see cracks in things. Yes my eyes are open. You have seen me on the bus or passing by at night. I was listening as you berated someone for twenty minutes on your phone at the back end where the lights don't shine and nothing seems real. I observe manic ego-Kings in dilusional splendor. Self congratulatory disciples of conditioned fear.
But there is music running through us all.
Every week I see towering redwoods and hovering skyscrapers; feel love and pain in the shadows abound. It's a constant meander, is it not? Up and down I'm here but where exactly? Instabilities act as isolation fuel. Floating around in a dream world unable to articulate how it feels. Memories pile up like old tires in a vacant lot beneath flickering neon. Some rot to the bone while the rest grow wild, continuously. The future stacks up as it tends to and we ask if anyone is out there, silently to the dusk within.

He approached me on Santa Rosa Ave.
and pulled out a cigarette
I was waiting for a ride
"I'm looking for some ****, man-
the good ****"
I didn't have any
He told me about his life on the streets
"I'm out here because I started smoking crystal. I smoked crack for twenty years and held down a job. I had a home"
He was forced out of a half-way house
on the east side of town
It was burned to the ground two weeks after he was removed
He smiled and asked
"You want to know who did it?"

We keep to ourselves
not because we're angry
It's just we are not consumed by
the same things
as others
There is nothing wrong with not wanting to be around people sometimes
Because when our eyes meet
on some street
We don't have to say anything
And this is enough
to make me feel sane
and want to see tomorrow

Sweet release in rumbling splendor
At strange hours her tension reaches
its zenith
Lungs at capacity
she exhales deeply
Unleashing energy with reverential force
The region wakes with panicked adrenaline
I'm ****** between rattling walls
screaming with her
There are some things we cannot control, she reminds us
And I'm grateful for this

I've seen it in your eyes
Unable move thru recent years
the way you imagined
Afraid to take a leap into
the unknown
I've seen it in your eyes
Blurry crystal orbs
filled with dreams
Always somewhere else
Unable to let go
I've seen it in your eyes
Defeated, haze-dwelling
perma-goner
Sleep alone and wake removed
Feeling lost but remember how far
you've come to be here in this impossible moment
There is something to be said
for those of us that keep going
So continue riding toward
your shining sea
Beyond

Body twisted on the sidewalk at mid-day
some pass by without noticing
A woman stops in stride and looks down at him, phone in hand
Her sundress swaying with the
LA breeze
"Is he sleeping?"
An ambulance came to haul him off
Rushed paramedics left one of his shoes on the sidewalk
In use hours ago
now a morbid sneaker monument
to what once was
There is human suffering in America
on landmark roads
next to high-end boutiques

I leave sometimes and feel the freedom I read about in all those books
watching mountains shrink from a moving window
the past stays with them
but crawls back at me
and fights to keep me anchored
to moments in time I used to want to
forget about
but I need them now to help me move toward whatever is next
not to be bothered with trivial errors
I forgive the absurdity which brings us
to where we are right now
confused together
having been told we are wrong
connected in spite of how it may seem
from a distance
anxious about money
and relentless bla-bla
bombarding us hourly
but pay no mind to
perpetual distractors
because there is a serene calm
when the sun rises over new terrain
and I'm alive to see it

I leave sometimes and my heart bursts
looking outward
seeing how sick we are
projecting insecurities
never trusting our instincts
condemning others
it's true we've known what to do
all along

I leave sometimes then return to familiar surroundings
having experienced something I can't explain
crossing paths with whoever was there
possibly for the last time
I will remember how it felt to be in a
delirious mist
with you