The feeling of my wasted lifetime flies by like the gusts of wind blowing away grains of sand in the early summer.
The feeling of trying to grab onto that warm delight that feels like home is something that slips through my fingers.
To reach an unachievable feeling of pride and bliss is a luxury I fear isn’t possible.
I fear in a world full of oxygen I find myself gasping for air,
In a world where nothing slows down, I find myself stuck in place.
Being drowned by my thoughts and emotions, I stick my hand above the water waiting for someone to pull me out.
I am losing the light I once saw, The light that was my warmth, my home.
I see nothing but the darkness my mother had warned me about in this world, to go back in time when there was still color in my world is something I fear I don’t remember.
All I am is an empty shell they call a human. Nothing inside, nothing but a void that can’t be filled.
The difference between living and being alive is living as a goal, a purpose, I’m simply nothing.
Is the goal of life to live it or die without a trace of you left in the world?
In my void of darkness, I see a flash of light, and so desperate to find it, I find myself running and running towards an end that doesn’t exist for me.
I search for a way out of my dark void, and I see a bright golden man saying he can give me back the color in my gray, lifeless world.
I blindly gave him my hand.
He took every last bit of myself I had left. I truly have nothing now.  
For I am not living nor alive.

I love you
In a way, you’ll never love me.
All I want is for my bare presence to be admired.
But just my bare presence isn’t enough.
You need more and I’m scared I can’t be that
I let you step on me like an ant on the floor
shmushed on my last breath as you still ask for more.
You're free to be all that you want to be,
As I dream of being freed eventually
I’m tired of crying
I’m tired and bleeding on the floor crawling to you for help even though I know you’ll ignore me.
Yet I'm nothing, nothing but a soulless living being, why am I still here?
My emotions don’t matter as long as I'm what you want
Physical pain can’t hurt more than this
It can’t hurt more than love.
But what hurts the most is that I still love you.
You're all I know, you're all I want, all I need.
To be loved by you is everything I plead.
It doesn’t change the fact that I still dream of the day that my bare presence will be enough.
I don’t want to have to do things for you to love me, I don’t want to annoy you with me talking about my day or rambling on about nonsense.
because even those moments when you talk to me about the randomest things are the moments when I love you the most.
I just want you to want to care about my emotions
I made a promise to love you for who you are, even when you hurt me
I want to be your world as you are mine.
It hurts to be nothing but somehow it hurts something even more.
Why can’t I let you go, I can’t win,
I'm stuck in this endless cycle where I search for your love that I so badly need.
Returning to the day we first met would still be a blessing to me.
In a world of millions of people, you're still my number one
but one day I know I'll be done.
Alone in my grave with no one to come, is this what life is?
a long soul-******* death. I don’t know,
but I know I kept
my promise.
I love you.