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45 · May 2020
The "s" word
Melody May 2020
TW: Self harm, suicide

Why is the “s” word not talked about?
Why can’t people be more aware?
Keep a look out for those
Those in despair?


Why are those who think of or do the “s” word
Judged so badly?
Looked down upon
Like something is wrong with them?



Why can’t they be helped?
Why can’t they find someone to talk to, someone who will stay, and find help for them?
No matter what?


Why are those who finally muster enough courage to tell someone about how they are feeling,

Greeted with faces of disgust and anger?

And are shown that others have no home, no food, but are still fighting strongly, unlike them?

Can’t you understand how hard it was?

To finally try and find someone they trust?

The last thing they need,trust me, is someone telling them that there feelings are unatural and irrational.



Why are those who think of doing the “s” word

Looked upon as very weak and selfish

Can you not see?

Their brain is constantly telling them

You are a waste of space, and a burden

They aren’t being selfish.

In fact, quite the opposite.

They are trying to not be on a burden on the ones they love

The feel that they have no contribution to this planet

The self-hatred constantly encircling their mind.

Hammering them till it kills them.

Why can’t you see that?



They need help, can’t you see?

Someone to tell them that they are loved, faithfully

That they have a purpose, a very important one

That once they will be gone, it’ll never be the same they will find, all along



So please, please keep a lookout

Even on the unlikeliest ones

They may need a friend, as you’ll see

They don’t like being like this and having to hurt the ones around them

So they feel it’s better to end their misery and that of the ones around them, quickly.


Please keep checking up on them to make sure they are safe

Safe at home, in a responsible place

Please take any weapons or pills so they can do no more

Comfort them when they feel that way, especially at night


Stay with them, please,

Check in frequently.

They really really need you, trust me.


If you cannot help, or give advice much,

Just listen to them please

Comfort them

Wipe their tears



Look out for certain scars or cuts, in places like the arms or legs

They can’t stop those urges on their own

Yes, I know, it seems like they are being stupid, but I can truly tell you if you were in their place, you might end up in that way too.


Please remember in their head they are not being unreasonable, but trying to make the world better for those around them

Suffice to say they know some will hurt, but think they will get over it in the end

May I say depression changes a way a person thinks, not in a very nice way

And sometimes, it may even be the little things that are big to them, that make them feel that way



They may have distanced themselves from the people they love, in order not to hurt them

Or they may have no friends, and show no signs of trying to make any at all

For they don’t want to hurt and be a burden on others more than they already are

They may smile or laugh, but when you see

The smile doesn’t quite reach their eyes, their eyes crinkling up in happiness no more

Please look carefully.

They may to stay at home and show start to show no interest

And not find joy in things they used to love

Sit quietly on their own for long periods, and rest

They don’t care about anything anymore you see

Nothing, nothing at all

And this feeling

Heavy feeling in their heart?

That they are a waste of space and a burden?

It is exhausting

It takes all the energy out of you

Drains you out thoroughly

Till you have no energy or courage left to fight



Some days may be good and some may be bad

But don’t let them make you think they’re okay now

Because they truly aren’t, and trying not to be a burden on you

Recovering is a long process

And the feelings?

They may creep up on them anytime, slowly



So I plead, please keep a lookout for them

If not help the others on a large scale, I choose to start by raising awareness for those around me

For,

I really

Really

Don’t want others

To meet

The same destiny

As me.




An extension:


Can’t you understand how hard it was?

To finally try and find someone they trust?

The last thing they need,trust me, is someone telling them that there feelings are unatural and irrational.


Just hug them and tell them.


"It's going to be okay,

I'm going to help you,

You did it alone for so long, and so you are very strong.

But now,you don't have to do this alone anymore.

We both are in this together.

We are going to overcome this.

And you, are truly loved, and worth it.

You,have a purpose, in someones life at the least.

So come along, rise up, be strong, conquer it, i'll be here along with you.

Every step of the way"

With truth.
35 · May 2020
Thoughts
Melody May 2020
Based on a true story...

TW: suicide

I peered at the girl in the mirror
She looked different somehow
The sparkle that once rested in her eyes were no more
The glowing shine, lost, forever more

Where did that lovely smile go?
The one so peaceful and sweet
The one which, upon a glance
Would give rise, to many smiles

Her face wore an expression
Of desperation
Hopelessness now rested, where glee once roared
Why wasn’t she happy, she wondered why
Her eyes reflected sadness, gloomy, a wish to die

She imagined a life without her
Better for everyone it seemed
Because the burden of her living
On everyone
Would slowly dissipate

She had been living
Her wish of death continuously pricking her mind
She couldn’t do it anymore though.
She was ready little did anyone know
Her possessions carefully stowed

Her cries for help had been no avail
Her so called friends, or so she thought
The many times she’d tried to reach out
Had always been ignored.
If ignored not,
Been treated with little significance.

Her plans were made
Note written
Now all she had to do was
With a racing heart
Strike the blade
Drag it carefully across
Making sure she pressed it hard
Just a few seconds till she would be set free
Her heart light
And head then clear

The time was set
Place ready
As that excruciating pain kept increasing
She fervently hoped her family would stay steady.

She kept reminding herself they wasted precious money on her
Money that could be spent on the grateful
She had no friends which meant she was of no use
Nor had a likeable personality it seemed
She felt quite ugly, her confidence low
She was tired of living like this
In the never ending pool of unhappiness
No one saw the signs or so it seemed.
Or never thought to say something to help those feelings

She knew that once she would be gone
Feelings would be felt no more
She would have broken free from this hell like cage
And be free like a bird when it escapes
The people that she hurt by being suicidal
The burden she was and the bad thoughts she put into others’ head
They would have to experience no more



And soon
The image of her
The bad times spent with her
Those bad memories
Scary texts
Would be all but a distant memory

Or so, it seemed…

— The End —