the deepest hole


at the end of most endless conversation



i can see you

after the bottom
before the beginning

lies
a place for nowhere
    north
beyond
    north

the end of our start

you have,
                   lovely eyes

in beast
alchemy
and sound's fleshy

through a potient called language
we paint a world full of meaning

we give names to the un-nameable
reason to the unreasonable

we throw clocks into the void

through a potient called language

and my dear it's just time,
but with a name

(come again?)
  and end it right

to have control over the direction your life proceeds in

to have an agency
to have a goal

to proceed forward toward something
with a fantastic amount of urgency
from a quietly undying energy

to vigorously embody a purpose
            without cause


(makes you, alive)

sedation is not sleep

like noise brought to harmony

i will see you

in the end

you will see me

before it's over

but will we know that...

sedation is not sleep

noise is not harmony

life is not death

yet

shape without form

to exist beyond reason

will you come with me?

take our claws off

dance clever like,
    without purpose...

to make,
some reason beyond shape
like a season
      without death
or another movie that never ends. . .
just    in time

i don't have a country

and the noise i will make

doll face....


I shall wish it to have came
      from nowhere

not like
  we all come from something

and you can hide
and we can yell
and we shall make a scene
and pretend

like it's all the same
either way

that I will see you
When we see us

One day

and Nothing will find us

Where we pretend to be found

Because we never really existed

you mother ******* idiots. . .

Let's take this from the top
(tonight ;)

the point of a boat
is to keep the ocean outside

and the point of our eyes
is to keep the world from overwhelming our minds

and for that to be backwards
like fighting a rain forest
just to find some more rain

well, thats quite ******* insane

but, the way you will most definitely
learn how to swim quickly
     is to remember where the boat is. . .
in the middle of your ocean

a house you own
but do not live in

my friend the end
let us just see

how fast it is
that we can run

to the house you own
but we can not live in

so let us just see,
my friend the end

how fast we can
how slow we run
to what we want

let us just see. . .

that house you own,
but cannot live in.

doris day
frank sinatra
bobby darin
johnny cash

elvis fuggin' presley. . .

in a world full of monsters

i listen to the beauty of the past

and i laugh

for our future,

it can't really be that bad
(until after


we're quite very dead)


and they listen...  
   to old people music
before saying something quite similar
about a world full of monsters

and nobody can save me now
because in my head
you are not welcome

Adulthood comes at the cost
Of a childhood

Freedom comes at a cost
Of some comfort

Reason comes at the cost
Of our ignorance

Reality comes at the cost
Of the dream

Knowing comes at the cost
of learning
   everything comes at the cost
   of a Something
   that comes at a cost
Of the nothing

let them come

i never left
I can not leave

From a sun kissed life
To a grass stained death

We can be light but not day
We can be dark but not night

Us computers biological
Conditionally compiled
Environmentally styled

Into this meat encased
DNA encoded
Flesh suited astronaut thing

Living upon and between huge rocks
At impossible speeds across unfathomable distances
Oblivious to time
Ignorant to nature

We all travel like this
   for as long as we can
Until it ends

unceremoniously
   living (but not life)
   dead (but not death)

some people they cannot be bored
they refuse to be scared
they do not want to be challenged
  
no matter the stage
no matter the purpose
life it is all just a circus

some people they have to be happy
they refuse to be sad
they can't really feel anything
  other than glad

no matter the rage
no matter what's certain
life it is all without purpose
  beyond what is given
to people like that

to those happily born, already dead

another little man
casting shadows
upon the moon

as an impossible object
born from tangible things

life alive
it is always in a state of production
and our dreams they are always
a reflection of that motion

"a big shadow cast by a tiny tree"

so what we want will not always be what we see
to be the things we achieve along this way

before the endings of our beginings
we will be always more
than all of our shortcomings

and of what is left
we have to be less
of something more

when it is finished

one by one
death by death
life by life

we are all of us,
more
than just flesh and shortcomings
and we will all of us
be less
than the truth of our overcoming's

from a great species
visceral
intellectual
fatally human
... perpetually alive
as only more than one
can this come

humans make mistakes
and mistakes do make us better

as our flaws do make us human
and those flaws they are the reason
why this human race is great
because mistakes can make us better
and humans make mistakes

and this is not a bad thing
that there exists the bad things
it's how we see the good things
stacked up next to the bad things
and this is not a bad thing
unless you only see the bad things
and forget about the good things
to be one's self a bad thing

Devotion
is not loyalty

And the difference is sacred
if you always look closer

And in the in betweens
Is where you will find these things...

What you want hear
In a kind of fight with,
What you need to listen to

Here lives' the irreplacable things

That make you mean
   More
or maybe less

The next statement is true,
    the previous statement is false

Are we friends?
  Can we maybe at least be....
     dear loving enemies'?
Very intimately
    I can see you
Quite intricately
    Like you never will
Without us in concert
we might be that special thing
   You simply can never admit

that thing

You always need...

but can't admit

that thing

   we can't see
not just yet

But I know
because they told me
That it's not supposed to be pretty
       Until you admit that we're ugly

And then,
  and only then       We'll find beauty.

    across distances unimagined

across distances we can't fathom

Across a distance we have no reason to cross

Toxic concrete
Desperation's jungle
Wrapped around throats
　
Full of cracks
And broken things
Hopeless and ****
　however
So every so often
Up comes a rose
Perfectly grown
　perfect
Among chaos
Despite cracks
The broken things
Those desperate minds
And toxic hard things
   survival　
Suffering
   to survive
And up came this rose
Perfect among chaos
Beautiful in any venue
　in any language
Perfect and exposed
Admired but left alone
   respected beauty　
Because old friend....
Every so often
When it's hope
That every so often
Grows where it shouldn't
It breeds more
  inside
It shows beauty
And a message
   that says
Every so often
Anything is possible
That everything can be beautiful
Even all that is ugly
Can become all that was ugly
So we can be beautiful
     objectively
     together
Knowing no shame
Fearless and finding...
Happening
Hopefully
     upon the lost of us
To find the best in us

expectation defines meaning
with exception
'hey how are you?' is a greeting
not a question
like fake **** are just illusion
not deception

some lies are not collusion
just confusion
some lies induce delusion
for a reason

the truth and being truthful
are not mutually exclusive
it's the lie not in confusion
that's relationship pollution

Forth and back so on and so forth

Madness masking more madness

When a narcissist cries

Big, fat, salty

Crocodile tears of self love

For you to appreciate their
Sensitivity

Insightful through the most insidious of manipulations

Unaware, blissfully, so blissfully you stay unaware

In an emotional waiting room

Preparing for an appointment

That was never made

Not for you anyway
You're just the vessel
My ride to the store

Paradoxically
To the narcopath

Self love is
Self loathing

Self loathing's
Self love

Those who crave pity

Must first devour all of their own
Then starve at too young an age
From loving themselves
Much too much
Behind a shattered enough stage


A mess at the start
Even cats need learn their own claws

Professional confidence from something

Re-sewn, sutured, glued, reassembled

From pure disaster into smooth alabaster
Sharp at the edges, dangerous
This insightful love of the narcopath

Fierce now unbroken
Statuesque
Whole and all powerful

Distorted fully to experience zero reality
Floating among humans
In irrelevant situations

A deep love shared for the glory

Of one

With the strength

Of one thousand suns


Be careful

Those little emo black holes, ha,

They'll swallow your *** whole