you are my vampire.
the blood that falls off,
drips from the slits on my wrist
or cuts on my thighs.
you cause them.
you drive your sharp teeth into me,
and level marks.
my heart with puncture wounds.
your vangs are the
nightmare
of my days.

Caught in a daze,
thinking of your lips
against mine.
caught in a maze,
and to your surprise
its about you.
you are the start
and the finish line.
the middle and the end.
the chocolate and vanilla swirl that everyone picks,
that I pick,
but I cant have.
so I ginore.
i ignore these feelings for you
like the stars ignore the sun.
hoping that it'll go away,
but it hasn't.
so I pretend is was never there.
but ill end up
thinking of it more and more.
each day you cloud my thoughts
but of course,
I ignore.

She drowned
Into the person she thought he
Was

packing up into one corner
and crying tears
away for no one to see.
no one to witness.
that is life, packing.
packing your plans into a suitcase
and spreading them around
the world.
packing in the emotions
that maybe this world won't want to see.
packing up all the beautiful memories
for when they leave.
packing away the things you are afraid to admit,
or the hobbies one may find unattractive.
but one time, one word, one day.
a day for unpacking.
all the words and tears,
memories, emotions
and feelings so tightly packed away.
unboxed, for the world.

i turn around
and He is there with me
every step of the way.
i turn around
and I fall
into His arms.
i turn around
and as I cry
He holds me.
i turn around
with my hand in His,
I turn around
and He guides me.
as I follow,
because that is His love.
His care, His joy, His peace.
and that
is my faithfulness,
knowing that He will never leave.
so I turn around
and He smiles.
knowing that I know
He is faithful,
and so am i.

They're stupid, all of them.
I can't go a day and not hear someone say
Your hot
I hate that.
That sentence
That word
I'm not hot
I'm beautiful.
But Boys
They don't say that.
You're fine not gonna lie
That's all they say
Like a broken record
That repeats it
Without regret in their system.
I'm not fine
Im gorgeous
To the eye.
Not
Meet me on a saturday night
I'm worth more than that kind.

life will stab with thorns.
it will grow flowers.
life will blow wind,
at the House of cards.
it will build them back up again.
life will knock you down,
so hard you won't feel like standing up.
but you have to.
Don't stop the climb
even in the darkest valleys
or the mountains high.
because the sight
at the end of the rainbow,
is worth
the walk.

What do I say?
Your stare,
And my voice a delay.
From eyes of the
To lips of those,
The shine in your eyes.
A doe,
Staring back at me.
Darts full of
No purity.
The soft innocence
Of this doe.
Is the devils glare,
Or evil.

There is nothing of
this Not just a daughter, but the eldest.
Their relationship is held
by memory and pure strength.
Fights and tears.
Faiths and fears.
Their Heartstrings tied
  both growing older,
Together.
Going through adventures
And mistakes.
The wrong paths and waves,
Their love is strong.
The snow globe shakes.
And when it does,
We can see the snow
Spread around.
Life will shake and tap at their love.
It will try to take it away,
Put them through things that sometimes,
They think it might even be over.
But It's never ending.
all the arguments and yelling they can go through,
It won't break away,
For they are too strong.
And they are strong together.
So when a slow globe shakes,
The flakes with flair apart, but they
Always end up
Together, in the end.
And when it breaks,
Is when the slow globes die away.
But what do you do with the flakes,
When you throw them away?
They all go to the same place.
So they are still together
Surfing the next wave.

Your cries of sorrow are
a work of art.

there once was this boy.
he was the light of my day.
he called me names in good ways.
my love, babe, or even bae.
he made me feel safe,
held me and even said "I love you".
that meant a lot, and he said it often.
until one day he stopped.
i wondered why but never asked.
i slowly got more desperate for the love i'd never had.
There once was this boy.
he broke this girls heart,
time and time again. he would get bored
and come back for more.
but she believed in him, believed he would one day change.
he never did, he took control.
so she sulked in her pain.
there once was this boy.
he was responsible for her death,
for she wrote a note,
left for only him instead.
this said,
"I know you've let go, but I'm done waiting right her in this pain. so I'll wait in the heavens to join again. and I know I shouldn't, but I still believe in you, for I sw thee love no one could reach to."
as he read, tears trailed down his cheeks.
with snawty nose and all he finally realized,
he loved her.
as she, loved the.
she smiled from above
with the rope still around her throat.
there once was this boy,
he's now married with two kids.
they one day asked, "Dad where did you get this?"
he smiled at the note written from so.
that he saved,
to cherish the love
she always gave.

if your writing my story,
erase his chapter.
where he said he loved me.
but love,
wasn't it.
he played me.
faked me.
lied to me.
there was no we
its was only me.
I gave it all.
my soul,
I called for you
day and night
but you never replied.
all time taken,
it was wasted.
so please,
erase his chapters
and rip out the
pages.

I’ve figured it out.
How to play the game.
How to place the pieces on the board
And get checkmate.
How to twist your mind into thinking something else.
How to manipulate your heart that you feel another way.
How to trick your body into saying “im full” when your starving.
How to lie your way out and believe its all in play.
How to see without seeing and scream without crying.
How to gaslight your own tortured traits.
How to trick your teenage mind.
This thing that I call a game,
something only the matured would master.
Is named, Your Teenaged Years.
And that’s how your play.

the wings
of such a
quiet and
peaceful
creature,
makes you want
to Learn
how they do it.
the design
and delicacies
of such
hand-painted
wings.
there is nothing
deeper than
these things.
and as they grow
new new beginnings,
Their life starts to change.
they grow new homes
And houses and habitats.
They go through so much so that
In the end
They can look
Beautiful
And beauty no one’s
Ever seen.
and they have so deep of meaning.
Their life an adventure.
That’s why I,
Want to be a
Butterfly

Sometimes I want to write.
Sometimes I want to cry.
Sometimes, I want to take it cut by cut.
Slit by slit, of my wrist.
Except that's not all that I want.
But I think of it.
And I want to cry, because
I act tough
And smile.
I act happy
And outgoing.
But really, I want to cry.
Sometimes even die.
Because every little thing in my life
It feels as if a building lost its roof,
And feels weak.
Even if it still has its foundation.
But I will hold that in,
Because my beams are still standing.
Sometimes I don't know what to write,
But that is my blood shed onto paper.
And I know that if I think about these actions that
I dont want to put
into reality,
I will write.
Sometimes the finished product
Isn't always good,
But
‘Bad poems show true emotions’
Between the lines.
These are my true emotions.

Your eyes.
Your deep,
Yet shallow,
Relaxing,
Makes you feel like your skating on ice,
Yet in a bright green field of grass,
Those eyes that tell a story through every light
And dark shade of them.
Those eyes that feel like a dream,
But you can't escape.
Ocean eyes,
Ice eyes,
Your eyes.
They have history,
Those eyes.
Seen things,
Haven't seen things.
Each sparkle in your eyes,
Has a memory,
A story,
history.

the drugs you take are
waring off
onto me.
I get high
at the sight
of you.
your eyes stare into mine
and I realize
that  this devil
staring back,
is the reason I lack
words.
for he is stealing the breath from my lungs
with his tongue
and my angels
are let free by his demons,
and in his dark look, I am lost.
now my innocence is forever gone.

Sometimes
The way to find out
If he loved you like you love him?
Is to find someone who truly does;
Who shows you what it was and what love should be.
Someone who
Makes you smile at
First glance,
Or knows when
Something is off,
And loves you for you or smiles
At your stupid-silliness,
Someone who
Loves every intricate part of you
The old and new
And shows it when
They kiss you,
Someone who
Shows you that:
That guy never truly loved you,
He liked the thought of having you but clearly
Not enough to keep you,
No like you deserve
Even if it felt like it
Even if you love him so much it hurts;
That guy never loved you,
But this one does.

ode to you,
your walk.
talk.
laugh
smile.
secrets.
there's not much I don't like about you.
you talk with a raspy after tone,
your hair is not greasy
but shiny.
your love is well-cherished.
your touch is well-remembered.
un-forgettable.
your smile.
its overwhelming.
i forget how to think,
when you look at me.
ode  to you.
even though,
you crushed my heart
with your foot,
lied to me you "love me"

he
Was
a drug that she thought of.
he
Was
a drug that she convinced herself to take
knowing it would harm her.
he
Was
a drug she was addicted to.
so when he left, he left her thirsty.
he
Was
a drug.
Yet She
Was
his poison.

and poison is something you take knowing it kills you.
but you want it, and you're not sure why.

You can’t see my sadness,
Because it’s held behind my
Gladness.
A sheet of glass
That plays pretend.
This all was once
A toddlers game,
Now hung out
in shame.
My heart drug out
Across the concrete.
Leaving shattered pieces
Behind me.
What exactly is this?
This reckless
Child’s game.

So let’s play pretend once again.

Eat Eat Eat,
that's what my friends say.
that's what they ask of me.
is to eat.
so that my belly won't growl
and I won't be hungry.
but the growl of my stomach
is a better feeling of relaxation
than the regret of eating,
and feeling like a pig.

melted against him, and
all went blank
the world lost
my control gone.
he does that to me,
melts me down with his kiss
and touch of his lips on me
like a wilting sun longing for rest
and he the stars coming up to save
me from the blank empty space in me.
he does that,
he is a shovel digging up my insides
twirling them inside my stomach
searching for my worries to bury deep
and let them rot away
he gets rid of them
he calms me
he build me up
he leaves me full
he leaves me lost.
he does that.

From sill touch
To not so silly love.

The story
Of almost, every beginning.

I need to get something off my chest
You are not the perfect image
I painted out to see
Instead you are someone whom
I will always love
Just as the air will always love
Running through our hair
Just as a dog loves
The touch of its owner
You will always be something i care for
But that doesnt mean i will strive for it
Because i am slowly but surely
Learning
That i am worth something
And anything above you really
For even though we can talk through our eyes
And i have memorized what every look
Touch and emotion your body gives off
I will try with everything in me
To leave.
Leave you at home
Stand up for myself in a room you may own
And leaving the feelings behind
Because even though many times
Ive stated that i love you and always will
The truth can be covered up by a simple gesture
Like you have done in uncountable moments former.
So from this stance forward i will be there for myself
To make sure that i do not fall
Even though you are the edge of a cliff Im walking on
There will be no tripping or screaming from afar
But there will be floating and flying Gasping for air
Not because of tears
due to you
But because i am free
There are no captives
Being in love with you does not hold me
Im as saved as can be.

I love the way
His arms encircle around
Me held tightly
Against him
possessive,
Clingy.
Like a warm blanket,
He doenst want to let go,
I dont
Want to let go.
It feels safe.
And maybe its just exaggeration,
But all my worries fears
Once outstruck on
The surface are now
buried beneath my feet  The moment he
touches me,
The moment his eyes meet mine.
I love him.
I love the way
He feels,
two bodies lose of any tension
Felt before then,
When we weren't standing there
Tangled together.
I love the way
I can look
Into his eyes and get lost
Or when i admire;
Sitting for hours
Staring at
Him. i like that i can,
I am allowed to because he is mine.
I love the way
That he doesnt like to get mad and
When he does
He refuses to take it out
On
Me,
Or when im the one under pressure
He pries information out
Of me,
convinces me to talk about my feelings
Knowing thats whats
Best for me.

  I love the way
  He cares,
    I love the way
  He loves me.

When Pluto was left out,
she grew sad and cold.
When Pluto was picked on,
she grew smaller.
I spread around warmth and
welcoming smiles
because I too know
what it's like to be
cold and sad.
to not be able to smile.

just one bullet,
      one gun.
            no safety on.
            end it all.
   or just relapse.
decisions.
     always deciding.
             life.
                escaping it
           not possible.
    but at least, pain
makes you gain
      that one moment,
            of peace.

Pearls, ‘P’ for
A perfect shine Through every light and dark situations of generation.
‘E’ for
Each and every memory between each pearl.
‘A’ to
Being apart of a history that one holds.
‘R’ for
The riches of the shine from it. Or the reflection through such a delicate thing, or the purpose behind the shine.
‘L’ for
The love of the secrets to such a small, jewelry piece.
And ‘S’ to
The secrets behind the shiny white surface. The journey it went through, the home it once had. The love of its life torn apart to take it away. But now showered with top coats and shine protectors. And now worn on a string tied to a wrist, going through everyday adventures.

There is life.
And then there is death.
Life,
It is an ongoing sky full of wonder
And beauty.
Sometimes so overwhelming
That we don't notice the opportunity
Hiding beneath the clouds.
Although we do notice when the clouds are dark,
Or the rain is thick.
When lightning struck from darkness
And lights up the night sky.
Life has its bad days,
But it is also full of
Rainbows that bless the sky,
And the sun
That gives us health and fills us with light.
Or the clouds, that we don't usually notice.
But they are the best thing of all.
So many different varieties of
Personality between them.
Sometimes they will fill life to its fullest,
Other times the sky is empty.
A blue void.
And the sunsets, sunrises.
That is when the sun decides to show
Her true beauty,
As she flirts with the moon who is still awoken,
Staring back at her
Waiting for her to seize the day.
Life is a sky full of faith and fields of emotion scattered
Beyond the stars.
So when we have the voice to choose.
Life and death, life or death.
They are so different, that  once you back out of one,
And into another.
There is no pause button,
No rewind.
So when you want to choose death,
A pit of forever guilt.
The guilt of knowing that the sun will mourn and the moon will cry.
The clouds will cover the light spread through the blue,
And the stars will have constellations
Of you.
Choose wisely.
Knowing the opportunity,
You could have,
To surf the clouds.