Matthew

Matthew Dec 2021

Broken

One day you wake up and realize you’re broken
You don’t know how to be fixed
You look for options
But after awhile you realize you can’t be fixed
The cracks will always remain
The scars will not fade
The pain you’ve gone through has stained your heart black
Emptied your own mind of the feeling of happiness
The lack of joy means nothing to you anymore
At first it’s frustrating you don’t know what to do
You feel alone
As loneliness becomes your comfort zone you forget what real love feels like
It’s been this way for a long time now
I’m used to being the way I am
I don’t remember what it’s like to be happy
People say destiny isn’t set in stone
I can’t agree with that
I’ve learned life is simple
Cruel and absolute
And that’s the hard truth
You can’t fix it
Once broken you can repair what’s left
But that doesn’t change the fact it’s still broken
Broken is all I am
And it’s all I’ll ever be

Matthew Sep 2020

Why Do I Stay

Life seem pointless at most times
I used to look upon the stars with the declaration of hope
Now all I see is darkness
The world I used to view as black and white has turned into shades of grey
No true right nor wrong
I see things in a different manner then when I was younger
The true pain this world bestows onto others is nothing more then a farce
The conviction I used to hold myself to has faded
More then it should have
I used to look toward a light at the end of the tunnel
But it just stretches ever so more
I don’t know what to do
I have the plan of pushing forward like I always have
But I can shake the idea of killing myself
I’ve become so numb to the point of what feels like no return
Fake smiles and dry tears is all I seem to have left
Life is just so pointless
As least it does to me

Matthew Aug 2020

Is It Wrong

Is it wrong to be a burden
Is it wrong all I think about is hurting myself
Is it wrong all I want is to hurt myself
To end my suffering
To end the pain I’ve inflicted on others
To end the pain I’ve inflicted on myself
Is it wrong I want the one thing that’s supposed to be forbidden
A bitter sweet ending
Is it wrong not to want to burden others
Is it wrong for me to be selfish
It seems that’s all I’ve ever been
Is it wrong
Is it bad
To make others feel sad
Or would being eternally alone make the world a better place
Is it wrong I want such things for myself
Is it sad that’s all I think about
Is it bad I’m about to do something that might make some people feel sad

M.P.

Matthew Jul 2020

There is comfort in my loneliness

There is comfort in loneliness
It allows you time to think
Times of joy
And times of sorrow
My thoughts always seem to weigh me down
Like the world is on my shoulders
Lately the weight of the world is to hard to handle
I feel myself slipping again
To a place no one belongs
I ask myself will I do it this time
Will I finally let myself be at peace
Succumb to the sadness in my heart
Or finally learn to let it go
There is comfort in my loneliness
That I’m certain I have found
But it doesn’t help to fill the void inside of me
It seems nothing will
Not many understand how I truly feel
And I don’t think they ever will
It’s hard to breath
Like I’m at the bottom of the ocean
All alone
And no matter how loud I scream
I just can’t be heard
It’s hard being alone
It’s been like this from the start
Ever sense I can remember
I’ve fallen apart
I’m broken and bruised
For the world to see
I keep my thoughts inside where they can destroy me
And it hurts
It really does
But I feel that’s what’s best for me
To not be a burden to my friends And family
I’ve learned to be cold
To shelter my heart
Because anyone I let in breaks it apart
One thing I’ll never forget
Is that loneliness is my best friend
It never betrays me
And when that day shall come
It will have never left my side
I know it’ll welcome me
To it’s cold dark place
Where it’ll comfort me for the rest of time

M.P.

Matthew Jun 2019

Why is it that I feel so empty

Up late
Like I always am
Thinking suicide sould be my plan
Been depressed sense eight
Going on ten
Years go by so slow
Yet time flys by so fast
I still live every day
As if it’s my last
Although I feel alone
I’ve come to peace with it
My days are numbered
Soon I’ll leave my home

MP

Matthew Jan 2019

Loneliness

You’re told not to hate yourself
You’re told not to cry
You’re told to be happy
When you just want to die
Every day is the same
Encumbered with pain
As you lay there alone
Engulfed with silence
You feel at home
By yourself
Like you always are
They say to be glad
It can’t be that bad
But they don’t know
How it feels to be alone

— The End —