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From all I did and all I said
let no one try to find out who I was.
An obstacle was there that changed the pattern
of my actions and the manner of my life.
An obstacle was often there
to stop me when I’d begin to speak.
From my most unnoticed actions,
my most veiled writing—
from these alone will I be understood.
But maybe it isn’t worth so much concern,
so much effort to discover who I really am.
Later, in a more perfect society,
someone else made just like me
is certain to appear and act freely.
When I'm all alone
I sit in the bath just a little bit longer,
hoping and hoping I drift off to sleep
Or smoke three cigarettes
one after the other after the other
and hope my lungs get so filled with tar that I
stop breathing
Or stand dangerously close to the edge of a building
and close my eyes hoping the wind might *******
just hard enough to fall

It's easy to imagine
I know what everyone would say
How some people would cry
And some would secretly be glad
Some would feel guilt
Others sorrow
And in about a week it wouldn't matter

But I want to matter
Whether it be to just my mom
Or the man I helped cross the street
I want to matter

And so I tuck those thoughts deeper in the closet
And I step away from sharp objects and steep edges
And I sit and write poetry
Poetry will be the death of us all
Anyway
I will rip my veins apart
and then my mind will be at peace
for a while

My wrist will pour blood
I need it to bleed
or bead

I am counting the seconds
till this can happen
10..9..8..7..6..5..4..3..2..1..

I am now content
with the results
but I'm getting dizzy

I can hear sirens
the sound is getting stronger
is it coming for me?
Take a knife and cut me up
If you hate me you won't stop
Make me feel the pain within
As your slitting through my skin
Make me weaker as I bleed
For your mercy make me plead
Hear me screaming in the dark
As you leave your painful mark
Blood is running down my face
As my beauty you erase
Trying to cut through every vein
On your shirt your leaving stains
I wish you knew I didn't care
If you hurt me everywhere
You can slit my skin apart
But you can't cut
Through my broken heart
She's proud of herself but she won't tell you why
It has now been a month since she last even tried
But the voice don't stop but today she won
She put down her razor and put down her gun

After hours of thinking silently to herself
She goes and picks up her old friend from the shelf
Overwhelmed with emotions she picked up her blade
And disposed her evil and drops the charade

So the first time in a while her lips crack to a smile
It won't be easy but in the end it'll all be worthwhile
Her cuts will turn to scars and those scars will fade
But this makes her feel stronger she is no longer afraid

She sits there aware of the cloud of darkness has lifted
She can see a future for herself, she knows that she's gifted
With a smile on her face as she looks at her arm
She defeating the evil we know as self harm
When did this happen
When did we stop wearing light up sneakers?
When did going to bed early become a good thing?
When did play dates turn into dates?
When did Dad stop being a superhero?
When did we start using labels?
When did weight stop determining what ride we could go on and start defining who we were?
When did we start looking in the mirror and not liking what we saw?
And When did our scars become on purpose?
Don't call me beautiful,
When your eyes are looking at her
Don't say I'm perfect,
When you count my flaws
And praise her
Don't kiss me,
Whe your lips have been on hers
Don't say you love me,
Because I see her reflection in your eyes
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