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BriaroseWakes Jul 2019
She plans, she waits, she is patient
Mostly she can be ignored
Chained to the wall
Kept in the box
High on the upper shelf
In the back of the room
The one with the mind locks

She awaits her moment
She bides her time
She is a creature of opportunity
To seek the vulnerable space in  heart and mind

But her whispers break through the bonds
A litany, a cycle, on repeat

"Why would anyone ever want you?
What makes you think you're so special?
What makes you think yourself worthy...
     of time
     of space
     of thought
     of love

You're not smart
You know nothing
You've done nothing

No accomplishments that matter
Never an original thought
Never an original sin

How could you possibly believe anyone would let you in?

They're just being nice
They're just bored
They'll disappear when someone interesting comes along

You don't matter
You're not special
You are nothing

Don't even bother
Don't even try
Don't say anything
Don't do anything

Know you're place (see, you can't even use the right "your", stupid little girl")

Stay in YOUR place

Don't take the risk
Don't believe they actually want to
     talk to you
     share time
     or space
     or body with you

You know you're too dumb, too slow, too fat, too dull

Why try to kid yourself..."

on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on ...

White noise over the quiet parts of the loudest songs

Until I buckle and become ensnared
As her shadow covers and envelopes
And knocks me off my feet
And kicks me when I'm down
Pummeled, crying in the corner of my my mind

I reach out blindly for reassurance

Someone somewhere somehow

I know, I know, I know, I know, I know

But she's taken over
She's in control
She knows which way to go
To make her point and become enfleshed

She's been watching
She knows where to strike
She's found the softest part of my underbelly
She's been sharpening her strongest knife

The place without much solid ground
It's tenuous, it's new, it's risk
The place where the wild things grow

And she strikes, sinks claws in deep

Sends a message across space and time
When I know better than to cross that line

Not the right time to ask,
     not fair
     not needed
     the exact opposite, in fact

And you, bless your heart, you don't engage
Leave me alone on that stage
Let me fight this monster of mine
I'll thank you for that another time

She wants be lost and alone.
This monster who took over my phone
And said truths better left alone

She likes making a fool of me
Exposing my vulnerability

But see, I know she lies to me
I know she's wrong
I know she's naught but the expression of weakness in me

This is why she lives in the mind-locked room, top corner, back of the shelf

So I rest, regroup, refresh, relax

Find my own way out of the darkness
Back to my meandering path

Turn focus on the things I KNOW
And give the rest some space to grow

I know I'm smart, and deep, and clever
     (But, yes, I am a little slow)

I know that I know nothing
     (And I know that knowing I know nothing is something to know)

I know that I've done a lot, been a lot, accomplished a lot
     (And I know the past is naught but experience to color my choices in the future)

I know that I exist and therefore I am special
     (A lot of crazy impossibilities aligned to bring me here today, and that makes me special...just like the rest of the plants and animals filling this reality)

And I know, I know, I know, I know, I know, I know that people wouldn't
     talk to me
     share time
     share space
     share thought
with me if they didn't want to

So why worry about it?
     (Snaps the chain around her neck)

Why push?
    (Puts her box back on the shelf)

Why stay on solid ground?
    (Turns the key on the mind-locked door)

I know I like to tread quicksand
PSA - Don't text drunk, high, or insecure
BriaroseWakes Oct 2020
I woke in the darkness full of words
primal, deep, true, real
A lioness hunting on the savannah
I reveled in them, letting the words wash over me
Arranging themselves in luscious imagery

Then, sunlight peaked around the curtain
The animals needed feeding
The fridge, cleaning
The dishes, washing
The clothes, folding

Finally, I find a moment, sit
Release the words to the page

Only the poem had become domestic
Edited, cleaned, folded, scrubbed down
It was cute, a cuddly housecat with a bell

Pleasant on it's own for sure
A hint of tooth and claw remain
But forever locked deep inside
Remains the caged beast of the night
Important:  Art first, chores afterward.  Writing is for the dark of night
BriaroseWakes Jul 2019
I
I am
I am, why am I?
I am, why am I, am I?
I am light
I am me
Why I am I who am
One ever why ever wherever
I am, am I?

Yes!  I am me
Inside am, outside am
Inside out, outside in
Elsewise why else?

Sitting feeling selfing
I who am
One I am, all I am
Still I am
Ever I am
Ramblings while unable to sleep in the middle of the night
BriaroseWakes Sep 2019
Clouds break open
Unexpected rain covers sunrise

Soft and wet
Morning kisses
Tiny droplets
Warm snowflakes

Dot my glasses
Dampen my clothes
As in solitude I wander
Dance and spin

Enjoy the fragrance of rainfall
The shine on the ground
Little birds flying by

Beautiful day begins in morning rain
BriaroseWakes Jan 2020
Builds
Stores
Lays in stasis
Collects pressure
Coiled spring
Requires purpose to be released
But dissipates when left fallow
BriaroseWakes Jul 2019
Outside on a summer morning
Await arrival of the train

Gentle stretching in the sunshine
Wakes my spine and quiets my brain

Serene, soft, tonal beats drift in my ears
Nourish me, in heart and soul

Ready now to receive this day
I release all pretense of control
BriaroseWakes Jul 2019
Board the train, like anytime
Sit and watch the world go by

Today a car dodged a gate
Trusting to the whim of fate

Gamble taken, dice were thrown
An unknown person lost their life
Someone's family, husband, lover, wife...?

Off the train, a limbo crowd
Nowhere to go, elsewhere to be

All concerned with affairs their own
Inconvenienced, frustrated, and annoyed

Me?  Reflecting I climbed a tree, I think and mourn
I saw the paramedics walk away
Cycle, circle, ending chapter of a life

Today is just another day
I wish had gone a different way
Tale of the reality that followed writing Rise

— The End —