Predispositioned to be disappointed
Its a circumstantial consequence
My life is a coincidence
Expectations shaped by past experience
Leading to hesitation and carefulness

Set up to never be hurt again
I'm hurting, for my mind won't put an end
To feelings that im the one to invent
Misuse of intention
I do not understand another's perception

I'm blind
but mastering the mind is my only ambition
For disappointment could be a guide

We want people to think we live normal lives, hustling to hide the obvious fuckery that god implemented in our paths.

Whoever invented them
Probably didn't know the mess
The involvement of anxiety and stress
These words can provoke
When saying them for the first time
As if it was a crime
To say them earlier then expected
Making people feel mostly resentment
It's unnecessary
How "I love u" became so scary
To the point of saying nothing at all,
Hiding emotions behind thick walls
They are clouded with the seriousness of commitment
Or a fear that they will make a lover more distant
What if I just wanted to whisper them in your ear
Without making it such a great deal
What if the misconception around these words
Will soon disappear

Blamed myself for not caring
Until I realized
You never cared
And then I became
Free

You won't get it
Not because it is saved
For someone special
But the warmest *****
Steaming wet
Unlike a mind    
Built of regrets
I'm no paradox
It will all make sense
Where our story begins
And where you end
It's a dumpster of men
I can't recall
What was your name
Were you even there
In me
So empty of memory
Passenger, please be polite
You were just hallucinating
That I want you

Spill it
Like a baby and a cereal
Spill it
You're an artist with a bucket
Spill it
On a thirsty mans soul
Just spill
Don't let it mold

I don't want to face my failures
Rather think I'm normal
I'm on track
A soldier
Fulfilling tasks
My purpose
Keeps surfacing
But I surrender in daily battles
Still being loyal to the chase
Waiting for the urge to change
You walk past me
Your struggles too
Its my feeling I worship
What I hold on to
No god, no guidance  
These thoughts are deceiving
They run this world
And I run

I saw her glimpsing through the window
Scared but eager to discover
The conqueror in his unravel
The land the dirt the gravel

She faced him with a smile
***** cheeks and shirt and eyelids
He was ugly she was rotten
Plant a seed and do discover