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Nemusa Feb 25
The night drapes its sorrow over my skin,

a river of longing flows through my veins.

Your absence hums like a silent star,

pressed against the chest of the wind.

I gather your murmurs in my hands,

seeds of fire buried in the dark,

waiting to bloom beneath your breath.
Fever sick today there's an ache in my bones and I want to sleep. Have a good day everyone ❣️
152 · Jan 18
Quiet Cost
Nemusa Jan 18
There is only pain. He held her hands,
thin-*****, trembling, bird-brittle,
like the last leaves,
too tired to fall.

The prosaic life,
a numbing inventory of dull tasks—
each line scarring deeper,
the paper tearing.

They said she was dead,
perhaps in jest,
but her history whispered otherwise:
the needle’s hymn,
the razor’s sharp alphabet,
a body taught the language of harm.

He dreamed once of poems—
bright-winged things—
but they fell, crushed,
their syllables too thin
to shoulder the weight of her silence.

To be kind, to be gentle,
is to wound oneself slowly,
a quiet hemorrhage.
Even when it hurts, more,
especially then.
151 · Jan 9
Sigh
Nemusa Jan 9
The night splits open like an old wound,
your hands press against the ache,
unweaving the heaviness that clings to me.

Beneath your skin, a constellation whispers—
rebellion wrapped in light,
I surrender to its pull.

Your eyes, sharp as memory,
hold truths I cannot name.

They sing of battles and soft winds,
of hunger that does not apologize.

Each layer you shed is a testimony,
your touch, a reckoning—
both fire and balm.

I follow the shadowed path you carve,
your voice like a spell
that gathers all my scattered pieces.

Your fingertips rewrite my grief,
turning my silences into stars.

You are the architect of my unbecoming,
the pulse of my reclamation.

In your arms, the axis shifts,
a fierce hymn rising from quiet.

You unlace the day with a deliberate breath,
and I let myself love you—
not for reason,
but because resistance feels futile
in the face of you.
150 · Jan 10
Spectral Rhapsody
Nemusa Jan 10
Psychedelic swirls in the womb of night,
The ghosts rise, hungry, for the sacred rite.
He touched her forehead, soft as a sigh,
Retracing memories where lost stars lie.

"You are misplaced," he murmured low,
"Led astray by the rivers' flow."
Her mind unravels, a fragile thread,
Dancing now with the living dead.

The violin weeps, it shatters the void,
A somber hymn both sharp and cloyed.
"Twirl for me," he said, "don’t fear the flame,
The watchers are here—they know your name."

The ghosts surround in a velvet trance,
Eyes like embers, they burn, they dance.
Their touch is smoke, their gaze a maze,
A fiery mirror of forgotten days.

Lost in the rhythm, the void in bloom,
Spinning through the door of doom.
She feels the pull of the stars' decay,
A psychedelic hymn to lead astray.

The night hums low, a growling beast,
Its jaws wide open for the soul’s feast.
He takes her hand—she feels the spark,
A haunting waltz through endless dark.

"Rise," they chant, "to the other side,
Lose your fear, let the moment abide."
The ghosts dissolve with the breaking dawn,
But their song lingers long after they’re gone.
Actually slept deeply for 2 hours!
150 · Jan 7
Untitled
Nemusa Jan 7
Born of frost, in winter’s breath,
Her fate entwined with silent death.
A river ran in crimson streams,
Her mother’s wail, a fractured dream.

The forest claimed her as its own,
A shadowed child, lost, alone.
With foxes burrowing, berries sweet,
And shattered shells at small, bare feet.

Her world, a kingdom vast and wild,
A wraith she grew, the forest’s child.
Candles lit in pinecone glow,
Companions through the biting snow.

Yet love, the cruel and gracious thorn,
Pierced her heart, her soul forlorn.
Betrayed by promises, starlit lies,
A future lost in shadowed skies.

Veins of lapis, raven's beaks,
Mark her skin with wisdom’s streaks.
The moon, her mother, pulls the tide,
While stars like puppeteers preside.

Her hands, they grind the herbs of night,
Awaiting dreams that bring no light.
Ivy whispers beneath the frost,
The snow mutters of all she’s lost.

In the stillness of the winter’s hue,
A wraith remains, both old and new.
Her fate, her sorrow, her tale untold,
A heart of ash, a soul of cold.
Found a piece written 7 years ago.
150 · Dec 2024
For granted
Nemusa Dec 2024
You lean on me, the horizon you forget to name.

I hold the weight of your storms,

turning them into songs the earth understands.

When I am gone, the wind grows teeth,

and your words, sharp as broken shells, scatter.

Yet I remain, woven into the weave of your breath,

an ache, a promise, a steady drumbeat of love.
Don't you just hate this feeling...
150 · Dec 2024
Pearl in the Shadows
Nemusa Dec 2024
The bark and branches rise, trembling, from the ancient ground, their yearning fingers stretching to the bruised heavens, blotting out the weary sun. Beneath their shadow, hope folds into itself like a wounded bird. She lies awake, an open wound on the earth, listening to the harsh caw of birds that circle like the minutes of a clock unwinding.

Time, that reckless dancer, pirouettes endlessly. A needle pierces her fragile vein, delivering the brown flood of escape. Her heart races, wild as a streetlight flickering before the abyss claims her. She teeters on the edge, cradled in the brittle arms of a tomorrow that does not come. He is there, her architect of ruin, climbing his fragile pedestal, his power sharp and cruel as glass. She drowns, not in love but in his violence, his lies weaving a cocoon of despair around her.

Memories shimmer, reflections of a girl she once was. A child, laughing in sunlight, her hair a river of gold. They cry out to her, those ghosts of innocence, shaking her awake in the labyrinth of his cruelty. Can you hear me? they scream, their voices slicing through the haze. But he, the tyrant of her heart, paints her as a madwoman. He slashes through the canvas of their shared life, each photograph a crime, each moment erased.

The butchers block gleams, her swan neck poised, but still she endures. Her breath, a whispered defiance, rises like dawn over the wreckage of her days. And somewhere within her, a flicker of hope remains—a pearl in the mud, untarnished by his darkness.

She will smile again. Her life, though battered, is a treasure. And the branches will part, the sky will clear, and her song will rise, soft and unbroken, to the stars.
149 · Dec 2024
Cutting Teeth
Nemusa Dec 2024
Bite down ******* my tongue, the hiss between channels—
shards of unspoken words rattle in my jaw,
half-born specters of what-could-be,
swallowed before they can crawl into light.

You.
You.
Carving hieroglyphs in the meat of my chest—
soft flame against black walls,
smoke signals I can’t decipher.
You unmake me with hands that don’t even know
what they’re holding.

Silence is a weapon.
Silence is a fistful of razors.
Fear grows teeth in the shadows,
glass splinters fracturing into weapons
before the crack, before the shatter.

And I keep it locked—this thing, this ache,
this soft, bleeding confession choking
on its own edges behind my teeth.
Because words are dangerous.
Because you don’t know the shape of my ruin
and I don’t want you to see
the mess of it spilled between us.

So I swallow.
Again and again.
And hope one day you’ll
read the maps I’ve etched
into the silence
of my breaking.
149 · Jan 16
Scars Don't Ask
Nemusa Jan 16
the kid watched,
wide-eyed,
no questions, no judgment—
just the kind of curiosity
you only see in something
still whole.

but she broke her,
taught her how to bleed
for forgiveness,
to trade dreams
for punishment
and call it love.

those scars turned her
into something sharp,
a fighter, maybe—
but the fight wasn’t hers.
it was always for scraps
of affection,
a glance,
a *******
"you’re enough."
Unsure and unsteady.
149 · Jan 23
To my beloved...
Nemusa Jan 23
My beloved,

you who stand beside me in the quiet hours of my despair,

do you not see the burden I carry?

It is not of the body, for the body endures;

it is of the soul,

woven with threads of fear and longing.

You speak to me with the voice of the wind,

soft yet unyielding,

and your words rise like a tide
against the cliffs of my sorrow.

In your calm, I find a mirror to my tempest,

and in your silence, the wisdom I have long sought.

These battles we fight are not waged with swords,

nor are they seen by the eyes of men.

They are the wars of the spirit,

where darkness wrestles with light,

and the heart is both the battlefield and the victor.

Do not pity my scars,

for they are the sigils of my becoming.

Do not fear my tears,

for they water the garden of my resilience.

The future stretches before us like an endless sky,

painted with the colors of our dreams and fears.

And though I have spoken of death,

it is life that calls me forward,

its voice a whisper, a song, a command.

Together we walk, you and I,

not toward an ending,

but toward a beginning of an unknown future.
For him, I cannot even begin to show you or express my appreciation for your patience and love even though I'm so damaged ❣️
148 · Jan 17
Strawberry secrets
Nemusa Jan 17
The branches bend, the whispers scream,
Pop the bubble, shatter the dream.
Strawberry lips, sweet with rot,
“Can you keep a secret?” She forgot.

Violence bleeds, running cold,
Winter veins, no heart to hold.
Stone beats hollow, fire burns red,
She’s alive, but inside she’s dead.

Momma said, “Pick one or two,”
She picked him, she never picked you.
Cries fell flat, the echoes lied,
Left her kid to fight or die.

Throw a punch, break the skin,
Storm rolls in, let the dark begin.
Kick in teeth, spit out hate,
She’s the girl you’ll never save.

No sweet songs, no bedtime grace,
Just screams carved deep into her face.
“Strawberry,” she hums, sharp and neat,
“Can you keep a secret?” Her rage complete.
For those girls lost in the system and are never going to be saved, I could have been one of you.
Nemusa Feb 26
It’s not here.
Time grips my throat,
holds me hostage in this hollow pause.

I confide and confess to time,
a sinner every second,
more complex with each breath.

The air is thick,
pressing against my ribs,
too full of silence,
too heavy to swallow.

Hands shake—
not from cold, not from fear,
but from the empty space inside me.

Shaking in shock, triggers firing,
nowhere to go.

Golden iris blurs in the mirror,
pupils wide, searching,
movements slow,
body waiting,
begging.

I burn the evidence,
burn my fingertips,
watch the smoke twist like ghosts.
If they knew, they’d take me away from her.

But I can’t leave.
I don’t want to.
She doesn’t mean to hurt me.
It’s my fault—
I made her angry,
I should have known better.

She loves me, doesn’t she?
She keeps me close,
knows me better than anyone.
She wouldn’t lie to me—
I must be the problem.

The past drags itself forward,
pulling me under,
secrets I swore I’d buried
claw their way back.

I see them in the walls,
feel them in my skin,
hear them whisper:
you need her.

It’s like Stockholm syndrome,
this love wrapped in chains,
this hunger that owns me,
this ache that does not end.

And still, I reach for her hands.
Bad relationship with my mother but still yearn for her love. Though I cut contact like 5 years ago too much abuse and no regrets from her, not a single apology.
147 · Feb 2
(untitled)
Nemusa Feb 2
She shattered like a ripe pomegranate,  
its crimson seeds spilling  
on that frostbitten morning,  
where daylight carved truth  
into her skin,  
each ray a scalpel,  
each breath a confession.

Unraveled, she lay bare,  
a manuscript of scars,  
love’s futile battles  
etched in dried blood,  
bones jutting like the last  
frayed edges of a dream.

Tattoos inked in shadows,  
quivering black on alabaster,  
the ghost of him lingered,  
his fingerprints seared  
into her flesh,  
a haunting memory  
before the silence claimed him.

He was the prophet,  
the muse woven through lifetimes,  
departing like a forgotten flame,  
his whispers curling  
in the suffocating dark.  

We are all adrift,  
lost in the labyrinth of ourselves,  
struggling to stitch together  
the frayed seams of commitment.  
He extinguished his will to survive,  
lost in the wilderness  
of self-destruction.

Her belly, heavy with unspoken dreams,  
intoxicated by promises,  
the poison lingering from his kiss.  
She bottled his anguish,  
teardrops mingling with time,  
an elixir of shared stories,  
each drop a memory,  
each memory a shard of light.

Through the years,  
in the tapestry of shadows,  
somewhere we will meet again,  
forever my keeper,  
forever my ghost.
A 7 year oldie.
146 · Dec 2024
Cranberry Smile
Nemusa Dec 2024
He said,
"You always make it harder, don’t you?
The shortcut’s right there,
but you lace up your boots for the storm."
Maybe he’s right.
Maybe I like the sting of gravel underfoot,
The bruises on my knees that sing like hymns
To a Blessed Mary I don't really know,
But she feels softer
Than the buckle of his belt.

And the words—
Oh, the words,
They’re like little knives
Tucked inside his good intentions.
"This is for your own good,"
But what if my good
Wants to run barefoot
Through wildflowers
Instead of praying for a miracle
That never quite lands?

Lipstick red like fresh wounds
Isn’t fooling anyone,
But it’s my war paint.
Cranberry smile stretched wide,
Hiding a scream that could crack glass,
Hiding the scars beneath my blouse.
I walk the hardest path,
But isn’t that the one
Where the sun hits just right?

And at night,
When the buckle’s hung and his words are ash,
I sleep to find the open fields.
Fields where my mistakes grow like dandelions—
No one beats them out of me there.
I pick them, blow them,
Forgive myself in soft whispers.
Maybe next time, I’ll bloom for me.
Maybe next time,
I’ll leave the storm behind
And just run.
146 · Nov 2024
The Wonderers Lament
Nemusa Nov 2024
The wanderer walks, a restless breeze,
Through promises, through broken seas—
Crimson rain, it softly falls,
A girl transformed by midnight's calls.

The apocalypse, a nearing tune,
Chaos blooms beneath the moon.
Kneeling low, on trembling ground,
The secrets burst without a sound.

Raven hair, with thorns adorned,
Amber eyes by demons mourned.
They broke us down, they built a spire,
A city wrought from heart's desire.

We fled to woods, to wolves and scars,
To twinkle lights in mason jars.
On berry beds, we whispered prayers,
For oceans vast and circling snares.

The circle breaks; the past unfolds,
Her face a mask of ageless molds.
Porcelain breath, a sigh of smoke,
Memories echo, unprovoked.

Confined, we dream of open skies,
But silence calls for sacrifice.
The night, it begs, it softly pleads,
For healing born of choices' seeds.
I found this today it was written 7 years ago hehe I think I was braver and a little less battered.
146 · Dec 2024
granddad
Nemusa Dec 2024
He was more than a granddad to me. He was a father, a god—a complex, towering figure of contradictions, both tender and tyrannical. For us children, but especially for me, he always had an endless well of patience. Even though he was cruel, I craved his love and attention like sunlight. Today is his birthday. Though he's passed on to some other corner of the universe, I believe we'll meet again someday.

I remember Boxing Day, his birthday, when the family would gather with all their arguments in tow. The day felt like an extension of Christmas but held its own distinct magic. We would set the table together, sometimes cooking, though often simply reheating the leftovers from the day before. It was chaotic, noisy, and unforgettable. Amidst the tumult, there was his steady presence, his pride in orchestrating it all.

He loved to see the children a little tipsy, and it was under his watchful, proud gaze that I had my first sip of alcohol. That memory stays with me—the warmth of the drink, the warmth of his approval. There would always be arguments, loud and raw, but they seemed to be part of the ritual, almost expected, as though his home couldn't contain so many clashing lives without them.

At the end of the night, he’d quiet the room and hand out white envelopes filled with money to all the children. He’d say, “This will be my last year. Next time I won’t be with you.” We laughed it off year after year, not believing him until, bittersweetly, it finally was true. The last Boxing Day without him was empty, a void none of us could fill.

I remember the other parts of him too—the early mornings steeped in black coffee and tobacco smoke, his smart clothing paired incongruously with bare feet. The room of chattering birds where I tried, and failed, to save baby chicks fallen from their nests. The way he shared his thoughts with me, thoughts too heavy for most ears, his doubts and even his regrets. How he once admitted, without flinching, brutal honesty only he could deliver.

He was cruel, especially to women, but never to me until the end when he insisted I had grown fat. With me, he was different, softer. He made me feel safe and protected, even when his anger made others shrink away. He was always fixing things—clocks, kettles, whatever was broken—and growing herbs and flowers with a care that seemed almost out of place in his hands. Those same hands, gentle in one moment, could be brutal in the next, quick to strike my grandmother or anyone who crossed him.

And yet, I more than respect him. I miss him. He was a role model, flawed and difficult, but mine. When I came to him homeless with my own child in my arms, he didn’t hesitate to take us in. He gave me a place where I could rest, where I could breathe.

His life was a mess of contradictions—love and anger, gentleness and violence, pride and regret. But he was my granddad, my father, my god. And I loved him for all of it.
146 · Feb 18
The Weight of Absence
Nemusa Feb 18
i feel your absence  
like white lilies wilting  
in a forgotten vase  
unbrushed hair  
tangled in yesterday’s dreams  

names slip away  
like whispers in the wind  
each memory  
a fragile thread  
unraveling  

mother of the holy hands  
do you feel her touch  
in the spaces between us?  
trees whisper secrets  
the air thick with  
what once was  

unsure hands  
questioning eyes  
searching for answers  
in the echoes of silence  
where are your children?  

once greetings  
now good-byes  
water-soaked  
in a white cotton nightdress  
the fabric of our lives  
fraying at the edges  

yet we hold on  
to the flicker of warmth  
the pulse of love  
navigating this maze together  
finding our way home  
even in the dark
Oh what a day, I need the next 2 hours to pass swiftly...
Nemusa Dec 2024
Empty plates stacked high,
Lonely hearts in wrappings torn,
Love fades with the waste.
145 · Jan 9
Disposable Girls
Nemusa Jan 9
The sky folds itself into a bruise,
spilling red streaks like arteries unzipped.
A comet breaks,
its ribs dragging fire through the dark,
and she swallows her wish,
a coin sinking in the throat of a well.

Her hands—
sharp vowels of bone,
cracked knuckles learning
the grammar of pain—
pounded earth
like it owed her a name.
She made fists out of her loneliness
because no one ever taught her
to bloom.

Mistakes:
the geometry of hurt,
a language she spoke fluently.
Once, she carved shame
from a girl smaller than herself.
But wasn’t that just a mirror,
a lesson she couldn’t unlearn?

**** forgiveness,
**** the easy absolutions.
Her body was a script no one read.
Her name was a slur
the world muttered in passing.
She carried choices
like glass splinters in her lungs,
each one cutting
when she tried to breathe.

Whiskey breath,
a kiss smeared on the lip of a bottle—
she called it love.
They called it sin.
Disposable girls
folded like paper swans
in the flood of a system
too tired to save them.

When they found her,
her body curled into itself,
a fist unmade—
the river murmured her elegy,
pulled its fingers through her hair
as if apologizing for the weight
it couldn’t carry.
144 · Jan 25
The Space Between Waves
Nemusa Jan 25
She breathes in a room humming with life,
a fragile song, not loud but steady,
a bridge between two worlds I can’t yet cross.
The air smells like morning,
crisp, new,
the kind of scent that cradles hope in its arms.

I drive to the beach,
rain dancing on the windshield,
weaving patterns that feel like promises.
The sand is cool beneath my feet,
the kind of cool that wakes you up
and whispers, you’re alive.

I pick up a stone—
smooth, enduring, timeless—
and toss it into the ocean.
The splash feels like a spark,
a seed of something unseen
but waiting to bloom.

Back home, her letters spill across the table,
ink alive on paper,
strokes of dreams I hadn’t known.
Friends I wish I’d met,
questions that feel less like fear now
and more like paths still open.

It feels like lighting a candle,
not the flame,
but the glow that follows,
where everything softens,
and even shadows turn kind.

In her story, there is a kiss,
but it’s not a prince—it’s the sky,
a quiet reunion between breath and stars,
a tide that always finds its shore.
The wind carries her voice,
not lost, but endless,
folding into the waves’ rhythm.

I sit in the car,
watching raindrops glide like silver threads.
Each one falls,
joins,
becomes part of something greater.
And I know I’ll keep walking with her,
not waiting,
but living—
in this space between waves.
143 · Jan 5
Yesterday Night
Nemusa Jan 5
A day of trembling, fevered dread,
Sweat and shivers, the mind half-dead.
In and out of a fractured stream,
Words like bubbles, a haunted dream.

He said, "Get washed, dressed, let's go to town,"
A voice so light while I wore the frown.
Oh, the chaos of his naive plea,
To step from the shadows that swallowed me.

I tried, I dressed, my hands like ice,
The night a storm of inner fights.
Panic surged, the walls closed tight,
A flightless bird in endless night.

Later, calm, his words rang true,
"You must attack what frightens you.
Face your fears, don't waste away,
Let life unfold; don't drift astray."

Oh, if courage were so easily sown,
A seed to sprout in the unknown.
But I’ll try, though brittle and torn,
To find my strength where fears are born.
143 · Jan 14
Silent descent...
Nemusa Jan 14
The hands of mercy, shattered by the weight of an invisible storm, secrete despair into the cracks of existence.

Petals torn from the soul's desert rose, scattered into the infinite wind, bearing the scent of destruction.

Words unravel, trembling, like wounded birds on a forgotten page, as if being watched by unseen eyes.

Her womb, a dark garden, blooms secrets steeped in shadow and fire, infidelity the key to its forbidden growth.

The drug, a serpent of cold synthesis, coils through trembling veins, pushing the mind above and beyond the limits of sanity.

An apology exhales, faint and futile, dissolving like potassium permanganate crystals in water, purple haze trailing into nothingness.

Above, fireworks fall, burning the sky with the grief of silent stars, destruction written in their fiery descent.
Sorry for ranting this morning, but I've had a terrible night and am under the weather. Can hear the wind and rain lashing outside, glad to be warm indoors today, very grateful.
Nemusa Dec 2024
the world (a razor) hums with
laughter not mine—
crooked smiles cutting corners
of too-loud air (a trembling thing)

hands betray me (marionette strings)
dangling in this cracked parade
where faces blur into shadows
all teeth and no eyes—

and I (a statue) stuck to the cement
of this fear-wracked moment
watch with doe-eyes (wide and glass)
every step (a thunderclap)
a storm pounding the small sky within

sky breaks
and falls like shards,
my breath a shattered hymn
(please no) — tomorrow, I’ll stay
tucked in the soft (silent) cocoon of here.

no steps. no looks. no cruel
laughter to chase me into
the screaming world—

home, the only place
where walls hold me steady,
their silence a shield,
a quiet so deep
it forgets the world.
141 · Dec 2024
No Mother
Nemusa Dec 2024
I learned my body in the cold forge of silence,
where love was a weapon, and the wound was mine to carry.
You taught me how to hold my breath
while your absence pressed itself into my bones—
a relentless tattoo,
a map of what I would never become.

Your voice was a fist—
your quiet, a sharper blade.
Every word was a verdict,
every glance, a guillotine,
and I learned to die in pieces,
small enough to fit inside your shadow.

At night, I swallowed your name like glass,
shards lining my throat,
cutting open all the lies I could not afford to believe.
I ran until my feet forgot the ground,
until the screams in my chest became a rhythm,
a hymn to the emptiness you left behind.

Who am I, but the daughter of droughts?
The child of cracked earth and barren prayers?
You taught me hunger—
the kind that devours its own mouth.
You taught me thirst—
an unending ache,
parched for a tenderness that never came.

But I am not your ruin.
Not your silence.
Not the bruise of your forgetting.
These hands, scarred and blistered,
are mine—
their strength shaped in the absence of your love.

You will not rise in me,
you will not bloom.
I carry your name like a wound I refuse to close,
like a truth too sharp to heal.
But still, I stand.
Still, I breathe.

I am the fire you could not extinguish,
the flood you could not drown.
I am the hunger that consumes its own shadow,
the storm that grows louder in the stillness.
No chains, no roots, no shame—
just the echo of my own voice,
a voice you tried to bury
but could not silence.

No mother, no tether, no guilt—
only this scar shaped like freedom,
and I wear it like armor.
141 · Jan 21
Shards of a Fading Light
Nemusa Jan 21
Fragments of a dying light,
His words of sorrow crumble in my mouth,
Splinters of a shattered mirror—
Light refracting,
The iron taste lingers, bitter and raw.

The hoary silhouette of bare branches looms,
Their grip frozen, unmoving, still—
A vast, naked nothingness
Dwells within me,
Hollow, cold, and bare.

Identities unknown, faces erased,
Responsibility slips into the void.
Confusion swells, a tide of paranoia,
Scattered dreams of strangers,
Shoals glimmering in ceaseless dance.

Rapid-fire bullets of offence,
A necklace of sins,
Heavy, choking,
My drowning heart clenched tight,
Twenty years of youth bled dry.

Once, I felt brave—
A warrior in the haze,
A needle my sword, ****** my shield.
Layer by layer, I sought salvation,
Grasping, frantic, at false light.

I needed his pity,
His shame,
His love to save me from myself.
But betrayal stained the air—
A wound too deep to heal.

Fishhooks pierce and pull,
Entrapment tears my flesh apart.
Love dies slow,
Its remnants shatter,
Leaving only the wreckage of me.
An oldie about a road I shouldn't have taken due to a toxic relationship.
141 · Dec 2024
Surviving
Nemusa Dec 2024
We grip the day like a child grips
a parent’s hand,

trusting the pull forward,

but night comes, dark and wet,

a mouth of fears opening wide—

we fight inside it, each breath a battle,

and by morning, we are raw,

but whole, stitched together by the sharp

thread of surviving ourselves.
140 · Dec 2024
Tide-Borne Ruin
Nemusa Dec 2024
You took my pulse,
Unraveled it, thread by thread,
Until the spool of my years
Sat empty in your hand.
Your lies came like tides,
Swollen with the moon’s silver pull,
Rushing in, foaming and gnashing,
To drown the fragile towers
I carved from sand.

I hate you—
The way I hate sharp things
That beckon with promise of release,
The way I hate mirrors,
Winking their cruel truths at dawn.
If I could wield my loathing
Like a blade,
I’d etch your betrayal into your skin.

But still, it is me who bleeds,
Me who swallows the salt
Of your restless seas.
You, the storm, the tide,
The cruel rhythm
That broke the best years of my life
Against your jagged rocks.

Now, the castles we dreamed
Crumble in the clouds,
Their ghostly spires spiraling upward—
Untouchable, unreachable.
And I, a husk,
Stand knee-deep in the wreckage,
Knowing that even the moon
Mocks my rage,
Unchanged by the chaos
You left behind.
I keep writing the same things so upset been triggered bad.
139 · Jan 19
Ruinous hymn
Nemusa Jan 19
I am the dandelion stripped bare,
a clock undone by the unkind wind.
The mirrors show only fractures—
golden veins soldered by despair,
a mosaic of bruises in pale flesh.

He smells of bonfires and damp earth,
his words the gravel I swallow nightly.
They lodge in my throat,
sharp, unyielding,
a wound that never softens.

Children scribble lives onto the walls,
their chalk-stained hands clean of memory.
But I, I cradle dust,
collect it in jars like dead stars,
its weight heavy as unspoken apologies.

Autumn’s throat opens,
spilling leaves like confessions
nobody wanted to hear.
The trees, skeletons now,
stand naked in their quiet accusations.

He pushed me into the bloom of violence,
a ****** rose garden beneath my tongue.
I tasted the metal of his hate
and whispered back my surrender,
weak as the wind that kissed my wrists.

Was I ever more than ash,
a ghost of flesh, a runaway child
chased by the shadows of promises
never meant to hold?
The doorway in my eyes collapses inward—
a city burned down before it was built.
Another oldie, happy Sunday fellow poets rest for me, can't keep my eyes open
139 · Nov 2024
The Swimmer of Shadows
Nemusa Nov 2024
She swam deep, seeking the golden key of consciousness,
past bubbles of fear that clung,
reaching desperately for the surface.
The past, a gaggle of mistakes,
echoed through her mind like laughter—
his laughter, sharp against her innocence.

He left her a gift:
not love, but poison coursing her veins,
bad habits and weaknesses,
an inheritance of struggle,
writhing from the aftershock of his drugs.

She searches her archive of memories,
each morning darker,
a perverse symphony of snakes feeding
on her dwindling strength.
Yet still, she listens—
without judgment, though they doubt her why.

The world burns like vinyl,
time stretching in discordant grooves,
a roadtrip of betrayal.
Every mile wasted, every dollar spilled,
a confession bleeding into nothing.
Trouble lingers behind,
but she dares not look back.

She dreams in taxis,
crimson leaves falling at dusk,
paranoia cradling her like a restless child.
He never knew she existed.
No one wanted her.

Yet, in the cracks of her being,
a lucky charm gleams,
a distraction from the silence.
The future parts like an answered prayer,
a criminal mystery unraveled in early hours,
his goodbye a faint echo of closure.

She wants to trust in the truth,
to defend the fragile child within her,
the one who cries with a change of mind,
the one still searching
for a tomorrow worth resurrecting.
138 · Dec 2024
breach
Nemusa Dec 2024
in the womb's quiet,
tiny limbs seek open space,
cord loops like a snare.

breathless, he tumbles,
head held high where it should bow,
life's thread pulls too tight.

silent prayers rise,
hands reach to untangle fate,
hope clings to the light.
138 · Feb 5
Silhouetted swallows
Nemusa Feb 5
swallows in twilight,  

burnt oranges kiss the sky,  

silhouettes take flight.
It's been a very tiring week, sorry haven't been around much.
136 · Dec 2024
You're all edges
Nemusa Dec 2024
Your tongue,
a blade that remembers
where I am softest,
where the scar tissue is thinnest.
You wield it without hesitation.

You ask for acceptance
as if I owe it
to the thing that has hollowed me out,
made me flinch at shadows,
left me raw and singing
with wounds I did not choose.

Sorrow has blackened the horizon.
The future—
a thing I used to believe in—
is now a quiet ache
that hums under my skin.

I flinch at your sarcasm.
It’s a whip,
a steady rhythm of harm
I cannot outrun.

And the problem you refuse to see—
it is breathing.
It is alive.
It soars above me like a black kite,
leaving me marked in ways
I can never explain.

I search for home
as though it’s a place that exists,
a place that will hold me
without splintering.

But you—
you crown yourself in their love
while their laughter
cuts you from behind.
Every sacrifice I make
is a ghost.

You hand them my offerings,
giving them weight they do not deserve.
And here I stand,
naked of hope,
bare of safety,
still whispering your name
like a prayer
to a god who doesn’t answer.
Nemusa Jan 1
A cat in the window,
eyes wide with grace,
Another on my lap,
warmth taking its place.

Dust motes swirl in the sunbeam’s embrace,
The scent of Arabic coffee
fills the space.
Daydreams drift softly,
time slows its pace.

A hearty stew bubbles,
its promise near,
Rich scents weaving
a story of cheer.
The slow-cooker hums,
a comforting tune,
Filling the room
with a savory boon.

You scroll through videos,
a chuckle, a grin,
As I turn the page
where my book begins.
Sometimes we pause,
a shared thought or glance,
Lost in the rhythm,
our own quiet dance.

Our haven, a world
both simple and sweet,
Where moments align,
a life complete.
In the warmth of our home,
we find our reprieve,
Together in joy,
as the hours weave.
Enjoy your first day of the year everyone, may it be peaceful.
133 · Dec 2024
The Nectar Stain
Nemusa Dec 2024
The dusty yellow of sticky nectar
smears her face, opalescent,
the kind of glow you’d see in a dream
before it turns nightmare.
He sits across from her,
ambition cracked like the dry riverbed
of his father’s voice,
leaking out into the room,
spilling his senses in a game of tag
he will never win.

Their conversation is a war—
drones buzz overhead,
their bodies weightless as insects,
but the gore is real:
blood on the walls,
blood in the silence between
one bitter word and the next.
What did they fight for?
Pride? A crumb of it?
The thing dissolves like sugar
in a child’s fist—
sticky, stained,
but gone.

And at the end of it,
only children remain.
Not the ones they bore,
but the ones they still are:
small, angry,
married to a promise
no one ever explained.

They imagine pastures,
green as forgiveness,
wet as birth.
But the watering is endless,
the grass never grows.
133 · Dec 2024
Given up
Nemusa Dec 2024
The waves whispered, soft and endless, to her ear,

Their rhythm not unlike his voice—low, insincere.

She let them take her, a shadow slipping from the shore,

No rage, no plea; she was past the point of more.

Drowning felt gentle—his absence had hurt far more.
What he did to me.
133 · Dec 2024
Small Gestures
Nemusa Dec 2024
He stirs the dawn with the hum of the kettle,
Steam rising like ghostly whispers,
A quiet ritual of devotion—
The spoon clinks, the cup warms my hands,
His unspoken vows brewed dark and sweet.

Fingers weave through the chaos of my fevered hair,
A tenderness that binds more than braids,
Each twist a thread of solace,
A promise wound tightly,
As if to tether me to something steady.

His jacket, draped over my shivering bones,
Hangs heavy with his scent, his warmth,
A shield against the indifferent wind.
He never asks if I need it—
He simply knows.

Safety is not the fortress but the watchman,
The way his shadow falls across my fears,
How he sees what I cannot say
And says nothing,
Only lingers long enough to make the dark retreat.

These are the quiet revolutions of love,
Not grand, not loud,
But steady as the tide,
Small acts that hold me upright,
That stitch me whole.
Nemusa Feb 9
i see the  
   shadows  
   dancing—  
    a kaleidoscope of  
  memories (whispers  
   of laughter and  
   tears)  
   flickering like  
   dying stars  

death, with a  
   smile,  
   (hades’ embrace)  
   wraps her in  
   velvet darkness  
   where time  
   bends and  
   breaks  

photographs  
   strewn like fallen  
   petals,  
   each moment  
   a ghost that  
   clings (to  
   the edges of  
   her fading light)  

overdose—  
   a tempest in  
   her veins;  
   the world  
   dissolves,  
   (a soft sigh)  
   she slips  
   into the  
   arms of night  

and i,  
   a witness,  
   hold my breath,  
   caught in the  
   web of  
   her  
   leaving.
Good morning wishing you a restful Sunday, my eyes keep closing I'm exhausted stayed up all night ❣️
131 · Nov 2024
A Queen Reborn
Nemusa Nov 2024
She rubbed her hands and shook her head,
In the dim-lit room where shadows bled.
The weight of the past, a burdened tune,
Settled like mist beneath the moon.

She knew her power, a tempest near,
Yet bore it cloaked in trembling fear.
A shotgun resting in her palm,
A gentle grip, a vengeful calm.

“Don’t worry,” she whispered, her voice a flame,
“I found the love you never could name.
Little gifts in the morning and soft embrace,
No lies hidden in a polished face.”

No masks, no smiles of hollow hues,
For her heart lived honest, pure, and true.
She bore the scars of a past unkind,
But they made her whole, they steeled her mind.

He, who once loomed, a shadow of dread,
Now but a ghost in a story long fled.
Behind closed doors, his venom had crept,
Yet now she ruled where his malice slept.

No longer shamed, no longer small,
She stood as a queen, above it all.
And should he return, his gaze would stray,
For the woman he knew had melted away.

With steady breath, she faced the night,
A sovereign soul, her heart alight.
For those who endure the darkest storm,
Rise anew, their power reborn.
130 · Dec 2024
Cut the strings.
Nemusa Dec 2024
Chop, chop, chop. The marionette slumps, and I’m left holding the blade, sticky with the residue of years. Family? A loose construct. A rotting scaffolding propped up by shared scars and the thinnest thread of blood. They weren’t people—they were collectors. Hoarders of anger, archivists of hurt. They fed on it, bled for it, distilled it into a toxin they called love. I drank it until my veins swelled, until the comatose hum was the only sound I knew.

Their lies were iron bars, their truths blunt objects. They didn’t whisper—they shouted, fists slamming bets on the underdog. "He’ll crack," they said, "too small, too soft." They didn’t count on the dog biting back, didn’t see the will buried beneath the scars.

And the scars—purple, thick, obscene. Skin turned leather under fire. A graft job, patched together with pain and necessity. They thought they’d burned me to ash, but ash has its uses. It fertilizes. It grows things.

Now I’m moving forward, past their circus of anger and blood, past the puppeteer’s stage. The road hums under me, neon signs flashing promises that aren’t real, but maybe they don’t have to be. The truth? There isn’t one. Just will. Just the drive toward some distant point of light. Peace isn’t handed out. You take it. You keep it. And maybe, just maybe, it keeps you too.
129 · Dec 2024
askew
Nemusa Dec 2024
the day slants
(hiding)
in corners & cubicles
where fluorescent
lights flicker tired sighs

phone calls hum like
half-hearted symphonies
to no one at all
(seemingly important
but aren't they always)

I am
askew in this
tight world of
team players—
their laughter
like sharp edges
I cannot fit

so I fold myself
into the nothingness
of avoided meetings,
responsibilities,
& awkward silence

let me be
a paperweight
holding down
the fleeting chaos
of existence,

askew but steadfast,
tilted but still.
Trying to get away from taking part in a team building exercise.
129 · Nov 2024
Our Lady of Sorrows
Nemusa Nov 2024
Seven daggers pierce the heart where sorrow weeps,
A crown of anguish set in sacred woe.
Each wound a tale of love the soul still keeps,
Each tear a river where her children go.

They killed you, Mother, yet they bow and pray,
Barefoot, on knees, their whispers fill the air.
For gifts, for glory, cures to light their way,
For sacred hope that blooms beneath despair.

No lies she speaks, her promises are true,
Her veiled eyes see the depths of our regret.
You’ll die as well—this life is but a hue
Of fleeting light; she’ll guide where fears are met.

Adore her name, though grief her visage bears,
For love eternal sanctifies her tears.
Nemusa Dec 2024
three days running
(body’s unraveling
the threads of itself
loose stitches yawning wide—)
but my mind
(my manic, my impossible mind)
spins
and spins
and
spins

the ceiling
a vast white ocean
of thoughts unswallowed
while gravity forgets me,
floating on this frantic tide of
(silence?) no,
the hum of all the hours
I should have slept.

oh how cruelly awake,
how absurdly alive,
to feel this lightbulb brain
(scorched, buzzing)
while my knees buckle under the weight
of their own existence.

there will be collapse.
(there will always be collapse.)
but for now,
this manic orchestra
plays on,
its violins tuned to the scream
of a body desperate for dark,
its brass blaring a melody
only the sleepless can hear.
I need to sleep.
127 · Dec 2024
Shattering comet
Nemusa Dec 2024
The comet ☄️ of my soul shatters the sky,
A river of fire, burning where love once lay.
I am the one you could not hold,
The shadow cast by your golden day.
Carpe Diem murmurs in the hollow night,
Yet I remain, a stone, unmoved, undone.
On this sofa, the silence sings,
The echoes of your voice a fading sun.
Behind my eyelids 👀, colors clash and break,
A kaleidoscope of pain only absence can make.
Just a little calmer. Have a restful Sunday ❣️
127 · Dec 2024
Banning you
Nemusa Dec 2024
The day we met, my world folded in on itself,

Jasmine wilting in my hair, petals falling like warnings.

You held me like a lifeline, but the ground still opened,

Swallowing me whole before I could learn your name.

Now I want you gone, not just from my skin,

But from the archive of my grief,

Erased from the map of my heart, its borders sealed.
Banned and blocked from all social media.
125 · Dec 2024
untitled
Nemusa Dec 2024
Before they fade
Say what must be said,
before silence claims
the chance—
sorry,
forgive me,
I love you,
always will stay,
words to heal
before they fade.
Last one for 2024.
125 · Dec 2024
The Wound of Shadows
Nemusa Dec 2024
What happened to you?—the Question hangs—
A specter on the Air—
There’s Something—gnawing at the Bones—
And Madness stirs in There—

A Sin—a Stain upon the Flesh—
No Cleansing can Repeal—
The Laughter of a Distant Hell—
Resounds—a Brazen Peal—

He struck—Repeatedly—a Thorn—
Against a Petaled Grace—
And claimed—the Fracture of her Soul—
Was not—a Man’s Disgrace—

"I feel—quite Fine"—the Monster said—
Before the Hunger came—
And ripped away—the Veil of God—
To stoke—an Ancient Flame—

She fled—a Wolf without her Cloak—
To Secrets—of the Trees—
While Echoes of his Jagged Cry—
Rose on the Timid Breeze—

No Answers—Waited on the Hill—
No Truth beneath the Stone—
But Evidence—of what Was Done—
Is Etched—in Flesh and Bone.
This is all I got today.
124 · Nov 2024
Family Therapy
Nemusa Nov 2024
The motel sat squat and lonesome in the middle of nowhere, like a bad idea that couldn’t quite die. Pull over those shotgun thoughts, she’d said, her voice thin as cigarette smoke, half-love, half-warning. In the backseat, a wisp of a memory stirred—bodies colliding like busted stars, creamy petals dropping one by one onto cheap upholstery. The slap of reality had come later, sharp as a motel key left unclaimed at the desk.

Inside, the jukebox wheezed out its eternal last rites to broken men, women, and jukeboxes. Black coffee steamed in the booth, untouched. She stared past it, past him, past everything. He’d tried "I'm sorry," tried it on a napkin, in a thousand different intonations, but the words were as empty as her half-lidded eyes. Drunken pleas didn’t move her anymore. Deep down we don’t change, she’d said once, tracing a cigarette burn on the table. He hated that she might be right.

The fears swam in his head like rats in the pool out back—too filthy to save, too stubborn to drown. Every motel had them: rats, ghosts, people like him. The long drives didn’t help, the sleeping pills didn’t help. Family therapy was a joke they didn’t laugh at anymore.

Outside, the desert was a ******’s heartbeat, long and taut, waiting to pull the trigger. No welcome home here, no open arms. Sacrifices made, yes, but not counted. That was the rule. He felt the morphine blues of goodbye coming, their ugly melody too hard to respond to. Wish you were here, his mind whispered, but the words were jagged and broke apart before they reached his lips.

After dark, the days of handovers and cheap dreams faded into something worse: the truth. On our deathbeds, maybe we all regress. Memories stay young at the moment of disaster. He imagined her stepping away from tomorrow's drama, just far enough to let the edge of her dress brush against it.

“Help the invalid,” she’d said once, her voice sticky with mockery. Was that him now, the invalid? Maybe. He didn’t answer her then, and she didn’t wait for it. She never waited.

He lit a cigarette, setting fire to everyday troubles, or at least pretending to. The creamy petals were all gone now. Only the thorns remained, brittle and unforgiving.
Some prose.
122 · Jan 8
The Last Goodbye
Nemusa Jan 8
She wore a butterfly, gold and trembling,
perched at the hollow of her throat,
where Amazing Grace drifted faintly,
like smoke from a dying candle.
Her nails, chipped with the color of regret,
clutched years she could never restore,
bloated on squandered time,
her body an elegy of famine and fire.

He stood in the shadow of her unraveling,
his gaze mapping the sharp terrain
of bony shoulders, brittle wrists—
a cartographer of her ruin.
His fingers whispered along her flesh,
as if tracing verses in invisible ink,
his words dissolving
in the cotton of her discarded dress.

How do you leave a woman
who is already half gone?
The butterfly quivers, the song falters,
and the keys fall silent in his hand.
Goodbye, he thinks, is not a word
but a weight
that neither of them can carry.
Nemusa Nov 2024
tomorrow blooms like a
quiet miracle (its petals
of maybe and soon) as we,
with hearts half-heavy,
step into the aching sunlight
of our own becoming.

who knew responsibility
would taste like bittersweet rain
and feel like stitching stars
into a patchwork sky?

(oh the ordinary
sacrifices:
the last bite shared,
the held tongue,
the midnight hour spent
learning the language of each
other’s silences)

we are
the growing things,
the root-bound wanderers,
hands ***** with the soil
of problem-solving—
we take what is broken,
and (together)
make it whole.

love is the quiet glue,
the hum of bees,
the secret rhythm
that bends us forward
into the soft arms
of the future.

and though the weight of the world
may sometimes press like a
question (too big
for one alone),

we,
with courage stitched in seams,
find answers
in the small
and shared.
So tired today, this is all I got about maturity and growing up.
121 · Dec 2024
Rolling Stone
Nemusa Dec 2024
Mother sighed in a cradle of haze,
stitched my name in smoke, in a fugue of days.
Born to the rhythm of a wheel's refrain—
just the road, just the road, just the hollow refrain.

Father sang to the glass with his weathered hands,
a hymn to forgetting, a preacher’s last stand.
The spaces he left were louder than words,
just the ghost of him, just the absence heard.

There’s a cigarette choir in the shadow’s fist,
amber prayers that fade in a whispered twist.
The whiskey’s a prophet with a venomous tongue,
and I am his echo—forever unsung.

Love was a thief with a mercenary smile,
she held my heart like a stone on trial.
She kissed me once, then left me bare,
now I breathe in the silence, just the air, just the air.

Mother, you carved me a crown of lead,
a burden unseen, a song unsaid.
I roll through the veils of a world undone,
searching for stillness beneath the sun.

The stars, they flicker like bruises in bloom,
each one a wound, each one a room.
I sing to myself—I am the sky's refrain,
rolling alone through the ache, through the flame.
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