I lay here longing for whatever you’ll give me
This shouldn’t have happened like this
I was never supposed to be the one left
Vulnerable shouldn’t be a word in our dictionary
We were supposed to stick to fun and easy
It was supposed to be mutual
Mutual admiration, mutual lust
But I’m the one left waiting
And you could care less
You dove in when I was still standing
Now I’m the one kneeling
You tower above me with your smirk
Knowing you have the advantage
I hate you for it
I hang on your every word
Except your words never come often enough
I’m left holding my breath
I forget how to breathe
Now I’m left with what you exhale
It’s thick and empty, not giving me what I need
I want to trade places
Let me be the one on top
I can’t stay here under you
You dove in before me
But I dove in right after you
Stupid girl
I should drown you in the sea of yourself
It was your water we dove in
So carefully mapped out
I should’ve known you’d be master and commander
Maybe I’ll just drown myself
But not in your water, I’ll find strength to swim away
I’ll climb out of what you’ve made
Maybe you’ll be the one left waiting in the water

I can convince myself that I’m okay
I can convince myself I don’t think about you
That I’m thriving and happy here
That I don’t have you gnawing in my mind
I could do this forever
I’m happy enough
It’s truly terrifying what we can do to ourselves
We tell ourselves we want this, need it even
Convince others and you’ll convince yourself
The human condition may be hypnosis
Focus on the pendulum
Ticking and tocking
Silver plated, you want that, need that even
She can be your pendulum
She’ll only move two ways, side to side
You convince yourself you don’t need forward and back
You’ve committed to a lifetime of east and west
You should be terrified of what you can do to yourself
You’re capable of being your own hangman
Convince yourself the rope isn’t rough
Tell yourself it isn’t too tight
Reassure yourself the fall isn’t that quick
The ground isn’t that far down
Drop

I’ve got two hands to cling to yours
One heart to try to fit it in
But the hinges got broken
And it’s all spilling out
My left heart is what I’m left with now
The right one has gotten too full
Unclaimed baggage, misused words
We can see this out though, it’s the milk or the cow
Everything’s just gotten too blurred

I can only love you with my left heart
It’s the only one they could restart
If god has a right hand that’s righteous and strong
Then the left one was what became of man
You’ll get what remains, first love’s scraps
Forgotten from past romance

Because no one’s as good as those books from your shelf
Like birds of a feather, we flock together
But somehow we’ve all fooled ourselves
And no one’s as good, like you wish them to be
Throw another line out, another fish in the sea
Press together your hands, another prayer to plea
Because nothings as good as it seems

If my right heart was a lion
This one might as well just be a sheep
Does that make you a wolf with shiny white teeth?
Don’t pull the wool over my eyes
I want to see you when you bite
We can stay in this heart together
It’s cramped and it’s tight. I am yours, you’re not mine
I tried to hang on, but your grip, it felt light
My left I guess is smaller than my right

You can have this left heart if you want
Let me borrow that knife you’re hiding
And I’ll scrawl in your name
Just don’t **** me and try to love me
This is my last one, ***** this up and I’m done
I’d just be blood and bone
And no one wants to see what they’ve sown

I wonder if I’m too ****** up to ever get my ending
Tattered and torn to shiny and new
If Cinderella walked past me would I even notice her shoes?
Do I act like I’m in love with you?
Because I’m really trying hard
Is this just how we do this now?
Wipe modern love’s sweat from my modest brow

It’s really hot out today
Can you send me any nudes?
Baby please be a cool girl
I promise I won’t be ghosting you
And moms, well they all love me
Some ***** named Kiki loves me too
Please buy all the ******* I’m selling you
My wittiness and charisma is just all a clever ruse
All of these matches couldn’t light a single fuse

I wonder what the greatest generation would have to say to me and you?
Cause there’s no more ******* foot pops
No more dear John I love you’s
Let me get out of this whirlpool before I drown in all the hearts
Everyone says theirs is broken but you’d have to find it first
Starter husband, starter home, starter ****, and starter wife
Someone smarter shouldn’t bother with my stupid ******* life

Where the **** have we gotten to
Where heys and how are yous
Are so mundane and you complain
When an emoji doesn’t follow suit
I think I’ll stay down here in loneliness
And maybe my dream it will appear
She’ll be tall and she’ll be funny
I’ll say everything she wants to hear

It’s really hot out today
Can you send me any nudes?
Baby please be a cool girl
I promise I won’t be ghosting you
And moms, well they all love me
Some ***** named Kiki loves me too
Please buy all the ******* I’m selling you
My wittiness and charisma is just all a clever ruse
All of these matches cant light my fuse

I climbed a mountain yesterday
I dug my heels in and went the hard way
My fingers got numb
And I barely could breathe
But that view was all worth it
Man it’s so ******* sick to be me

I got a promotion yesterday
Been working non stop
Night and day
Gonna be hard for a while
It’ll be worth it you’ll see
Man it’s so ******* sick to be me

I smiled yesterday
Took a break from crying
Got a little relief
A homeless guy had a cardboard sign
“sometimes it’s hard to be”
I smiled and thought to myself
Man I remember when it was sick to be me

I got out of bed yesterday
Don’t think I can today
That mountain might as well be on Venus
That promotion on Mars
I’m jealous of the homeless man
He’s really got it figured out
I’ll just lay here worthless
And think, “Man it makes me sick to be me”

I am a womb
I am all encompassed
A cavern
Solitary in the depths
Desired by many
Loved by few
I am the walls men come to leave their writings on
Depicting their stories
Their hopes
Their dreams
I have no stories, no dreams
Empty and hollow
Echoing of those past
Valued but disposable
Made for a single purpose
Given to me by those men
Who have laid claim
I bore them
And then they return
With their writings, with their law
My miracle is theirs
Not my own

A silent room
Your echoes over the walls
I hear you from a distance
Speaking to anyone but me
I’ll be here when you come out
A passing word or glance
An obligatory gesture thrown my way
You’ll pay your tithe and leave again
Give all of your energy to others
And at the close…I’ll get what’s left
After you’ve laughed
After you’ve yelled
After you’ve lived the way you want
I’ll be here
For what’s left over