I lay here longing for whatever you’ll give me
This shouldn’t have happened like this
I was never supposed to be the one left
Vulnerable shouldn’t be a word in our dictionary
We were supposed to stick to fun and easy
It was supposed to be mutual
Mutual admiration, mutual lust
But I’m the one left waiting
And you could care less
You dove in when I was still standing
Now I’m the one kneeling
You tower above me with your smirk
Knowing you have the advantage
I hate you for it
I hang on your every word
Except your words never come often enough
I’m left holding my breath
I forget how to breathe
Now I’m left with what you exhale
It’s thick and empty, not giving me what I need
I want to trade places
Let me be the one on top
I can’t stay here under you
You dove in before me
But I dove in right after you
Stupid girl
I should drown you in the sea of yourself
It was your water we dove in
So carefully mapped out
I should’ve known you’d be master and commander
Maybe I’ll just drown myself
But not in your water, I’ll find strength to swim away
I’ll climb out of what you’ve made
Maybe you’ll be the one left waiting in the water

I can convince myself that I’m okay
I can convince myself I don’t think about you
That I’m thriving and happy here
That I don’t have you gnawing in my mind
I could do this forever
I’m happy enough
It’s truly terrifying what we can do to ourselves
We tell ourselves we want this, need it even
Convince others and you’ll convince yourself
The human condition may be hypnosis
Focus on the pendulum
Ticking and tocking
Silver plated, you want that, need that even
She can be your pendulum
She’ll only move two ways, side to side
You convince yourself you don’t need forward and back
You’ve committed to a lifetime of east and west
You should be terrified of what you can do to yourself
You’re capable of being your own hangman
Convince yourself the rope isn’t rough
Tell yourself it isn’t too tight
Reassure yourself the fall isn’t that quick
The ground isn’t that far down
Drop