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100
Sean Maloney May 30
100
Sometimes I can’t stop writing
It’s because I have so much to say
We used to message
On four platforms at once
Now messages is banned
We can only do everything else
I wonder what your mom would think
I don’t mean to disobey
I just mean to help
And I like this
I can’t stop liking you

Here’s to my 100
All these poems adding up
Almost all about you
One still about her
And the rest about my pain

Funny thing is
I can’t think of pain with you
I just think about getting better
That’s always been my problem until you
I wanted to fight
Now I just wish to settle
Tough times

Somedays I miss you
While we’re talking
It’s not because you aren’t you
No
It’s because every word going through
Has been said before
And in an instant
You could be gone
I’m not worried you might leave
I’m worried you might not come back
And I can’t ever lose you
I just want an answer
Can I know the future
All my secrets
If I knew-
I’d work as hard as I can
Not for mine
But for ours
Sean Maloney Jun 7
I hate the way you know when something’s wrong,
I hate that you always know what to say to calm me down.
I hate when you disappear at night,
I hate it when I wait for you to wake up.
I hate watching you hurt yourself,
And knowing I can’t stop the pain.
I hate how insecure I feel knowing you can read me like a concert band piece,
Which isn’t such a bad thing when I get quiet and silently beg for someone to notice.
Really,
I hate going through my day without you,
In fact,
I hate everyday I don’t see you.
But in truth,
I’m never going to leave,
Because maybe-
Maybe I hate the fact that I lied,
I don’t hate this,
No not at all,
What I hate is the idea of a world without us.
Sean Maloney Jun 2
1.
I miss you, and I know you’ll never know, but I wanted to care for you so bad today.

2.
I still imagine that dream house of ours.

3.
Where’s my queen of purple?

4.
Why did it happen so fast?

5.
I love you to the moon and across infinity.

6.
You made my day without even trying. That’s not something I’ll ever forget.

7.
You’re still in every corner of my thoughts, no matter how much I clean.

8.
I keep typing your name. And deleting it.

9.
There’s no one I want to send things to anymore.

10.
I pretend I’m fine. But I think my eyes give me away.

11.
You don’t reach out. I don’t either. But I still hope you do.

12.
When I see purple, I feel something I can’t explain.

13.
I wonder if you feel lighter, not talking to me.

14.
Some memories are too good to delete, even if they hurt now.

15.
I haven’t laughed the same since we stopped talking.

16.
You made me feel like I was worth listening to.

17.
It’s been weeks and I still think, “Maybe today she’ll say something.”

18.
You were never background noise. You were the volume all the way up.

19.
I still remember exactly how you texted when you were tired.

20.
If I showed you how I really felt, would you come back?

21.
It hurts knowing we’re both pretending we’re okay.

22.
Even silence feels different when it’s coming from you.

23.
It was never just snaps. It was you, and me, and everything in between.

24.
You didn’t need to be mine to feel like home.

25.
Every time I open Snapchat, I hope you’re first.

26.
You felt like my favorite part of the day, every day.

27.
I wonder if you scroll past my name the way I scroll past yours — slowly.

28.
I miss having someone who actually cared how I was doing.

29.
You always saw the things I didn’t say. That’s what I miss most.

30.
I see people trying to be close with me, and I still only wish it was you.

31.
I don’t talk about you out loud, but you’re still everywhere.

32.
Maybe if I’d said less, or said more, you’d still be here.

33.
I didn’t need a label to know what we had was real.

34.
I keep going over everything, trying to figure out what broke.

35.
We weren’t dating. But losing you felt worse than any breakup.

36.
Even if I talk to other people, I only listen for you.

37.
You’re the only one who ever made the world feel slower.

38.
I miss the way your mind worked. I miss the way you made mine better.

39.
Some people felt temporary. You never did.

40.
I wasn’t ready to lose the one person who made life softer.

41.
No one else had the ability to ruin and save my day with one message.

42.
I wish I had been better at holding you without having to hold you.

43.
I never told you how safe I felt with you. Even through a screen.

44.
I miss our midnight typing pauses — both waiting to see who says it first.

45.
I wonder what you think when you see my name. If anything.

46.
You made purple a feeling.

47.
I keep catching myself thinking in “we.”

48.
If this wasn’t love, it was still the closest thing I’ve ever felt to it.

49.
I’d still drop everything to hear how your day was.

50.
Even now, it’s still you.

51.
There’s a difference between being alone and feeling your absence.

52.
I keep thinking if I wait long enough, you’ll miss me too.

53.
Every time someone makes me laugh, I compare it to yours.

54.
You’re not replaceable. I’ve stopped trying.

55.
There’s no conversation that feels full without you in it.

56.
Sometimes I want to send a single “hey.” But I never do.

57.
The worst part is not knowing if you’re hurting too.

58.
You always knew when something was off. I wonder if you feel it now.

59.
There’s a kind of silence that sounds like your name.

60.
It’s not like I don’t have people. I just don’t have you.

61.
I hope you’re doing okay. I really, truly do.

62.
I wish we could go back to one of those nights where everything felt easy.

63.
You made things feel lighter. Everything’s heavier now.

64.
Some days, I catch myself smiling at a memory and then crash into the fact that it’s just a memory.

65.
We didn’t even have to try. That’s what made it special.

66.
It still feels weird that I can’t just tell you things anymore.

67.
I try not to romanticize it. But it was real, and that’s worse.

68.
If I had one more chance to talk to you, I think I’d just listen.

69.
Sometimes I rehearse things in my head like you’re still here to answer.

70.
Even my best days end with your name floating around somewhere in the back of my mind.

71.
We never got to be an “us,” but it still feels like I lost something permanent.

72.
There’s this weird hope that somehow, someday, it just clicks back.

73.
I miss how you always noticed when I wasn’t okay — even when I didn’t.

74.
No one else asks how I really am. They’re not you.

75.
The days feel longer without someone to send the little things to.

76.
I didn’t just miss the person. I missed the feeling.

77.
We weren’t perfect. But we were something rare.

78.
I hate that I don’t know what you’re laughing at anymore.

79.
Your absence shows up in the smallest places.

80.
The part of me that believes in people still believes in you.

81.
I haven’t changed your name. I still want to see it.

82.
I wish you knew how many good things I still associate with you.

83.
I didn’t know I’d be grieving someone still alive.

84.
You weren’t mine. But I still feel like I lost everything.

85.
Some moments still catch me off guard. Like when I almost tell you something before I remember.

86.
I think I’m scared you’re happier without me.

87.
We never made it official, but it still feels like a breakup.

88.
Maybe someday you’ll read something I wrote and know it’s about you.

89.
You always told me I felt things deeply. You had no idea.

90.
I’m still here, quietly hoping the next time I open Snapchat… it’s you.

91.
I don’t know what this is between us, but it still makes me nervous and happy all at once.

92.
When you responded, my whole body exhaled.

93.
It’s weird how fast you still feel familiar.

94.
Your texts feel like sunlight in a house I thought was boarded up.

95.
I don’t know if we’re rebuilding or just visiting the ruins.

96.
Your “hey” brought back every version of us.

97.
Even small talk with you feels like something sacred.

98.
I catch myself rereading your messages like they’re poems.

99.
I wish I didn’t care so much about what each message means — but I do.

100.
You still know how to say the one thing I need to hear.

101.
I miss the way you used to just… get me. Maybe we still have that.

102.
It’s strange how I still crave your attention like nothing’s changed.

103.
Some days, we feel brand new. Other days, I feel like a memory you’re trying to forget.

104.
I want to ask you if you ever missed me, but I’m scared of the answer.

105.
Talking to you again feels like trying to walk barefoot on familiar ground that still has shards.

106.
You said something the other day that made me laugh out loud. I missed that sound coming from me.

107.
I’m trying not to expect too much, but I can’t help hoping.

108.
You don’t know how hard it is not to tell you I still care like it’s day one.

109.
I keep holding my breath between messages, waiting for warmth.

110.
There are moments I feel us again, and then they’re gone.

111.
You still have this way of making me forget all the time that’s passed.

112.
I almost told you how much I missed you today. Almost.

113.
Sometimes I think you’re trying too. Other times I think I’m alone in this.

114.
If we don’t work out, I hope you know I’ll still be glad we tried.

115.
You don’t need to be perfect — you just need to be here.

116.
It’s funny how quickly you made my day feel full again.

117.
I’m scared to love again. Not because of love. Because it might not be you.

118.
You told me something random and personal. I haven’t felt that trusted in a while.

119.
Even when we’re awkward, it still feels better than silence.

120.
I’m not expecting anything. But I’m quietly hoping everything.

121.
Sometimes I get the feeling we’re both pretending not to remember.

122.
You told me I looked happy. I wanted to say, “You’re the reason I do.”

123.
We’re tiptoeing around the past like it can’t hear us.

124.
Maybe this isn’t perfect. But it’s something. And I’ll take it.

125.
The little things you say still land like they used to.

126.
I thought I was past this. And then you typed back.

127.
I don’t know where this is going. But I’m walking anyway.

128.
I haven’t laughed like that in months. Thank you.

129.
You’re still the one I want to talk to last before I sleep.

130.
You apologized for something small. I wanted to say “I forgive you for everything.”

131.
There’s a version of me that only existed with you — I felt him again today.

132.
I’m scared we’re building something again without calling it that.

133.
It’s strange how I still remember the rhythm of our messages.

134.
I’m trying not to get attached again. I’m also failing.

135.
We’re writing something new over the same page.

136.
You said “lol” and I smiled like it was 2023 again.

137.
This is the part where we figure out what’s left between us.

138.
You still bring out parts of me I thought I lost.

139.
Every time you reply, I believe in something again.

140.
I’m scared to hope. But I think I am anyway.

141.
Even now, you can undo a hard day with one message.

142.
I wonder if you’re thinking about this as much as I am.

143.
Some moments feel like we never stopped. Others feel like we never started.

144.
I hope we’re not just a soft repeat of something we never got right.

145.
You told me goodnight, and it stayed with me until morning.

146.
I miss you. But in a quieter way now. A familiar ache.

147.
If this is just temporary, I still needed it.

148.
I can’t tell if we’re healing or reopening something.

149.
You still make me want to be softer with the world.

150.
This doesn’t feel like the end. Not yet.

151.
There’s comfort here. But it’s not you.

152.
I smile when I’m supposed to. But it never reaches the part of me you used to touch.

153.
She’s kind. She listens. But she doesn’t speak my language the way you did.

154.
Some nights, I still talk to you in my head first.

155.
The way you knew me — it wasn’t loud. It was certain.

156.
Even now, I catch myself imagining your reaction instead of hers.

157.
She tries to comfort me, but her healing power isn’t purple. Not like yours.

158.
I keep pretending this is progress. But healing shouldn’t feel like hiding.

159.
You haunt me in moments I thought were moving forward.

160.
There’s softness here, but not the kind you gave.

161.
I laugh sometimes. And then I realize it’s the kind of laugh I’d have sent to you.

162.
I used to feel known. Now I just feel understood.

163.
Every smile I give now feels slightly borrowed.

164.
You made silence feel safe. Nothing else does.

165.
It feels like I’m painting in grayscale when I used to paint in purple.

166.
Even if I wanted to forget you, the stars still say your name.

167.
I wish I could show someone else the parts of me I saved for you.

168.
Some nights, I wish I didn’t know what it was like to feel seen.

169.
I’m not comparing. I’m remembering.

170.
I never had to explain myself with you. Now I overexplain everything.

171.
I keep telling myself you were just a phase. But nothing else feels like the rest.

172.
I used to call you when I needed comfort. Now I just wait for time to pass.

173.
You weren’t just someone — you were the way I breathed.

174.
Some feelings don’t fade. They just find new places to ache.

175.
I tell stories and forget who I told them to first. Then I remember it was always you.

176.
Every time I feel safe, I wonder what it would feel like with you again.

177.
I’m not lost. But I don’t feel found anymore either.

178.
It’s not fair to miss you like this. But it’s honest.

179.
You never needed to try to make me feel important.

180.
I still think about that one conversation that made me feel human again.

181.
Sometimes I want to ask you if you still think of me, but I already know I wouldn’t believe the answer.

182.
If this is what peace looks like, why do I still ache?

183.
You were the only person who made me want to write again.

184.
This world feels fine. Yours felt real.

185.
We were never official. But you were the most real thing I had.

186.
I let someone else hold the space you left behind. It still echoes.

187.
You were my favorite part of quiet.

188.
You made me believe in things I don’t know how to believe in anymore.

189.
There’s nothing wrong with her. But she’s not you. And that’s the problem.

190.
You didn’t need to try. You just were.

191.
Sometimes I feel okay, and then I see purple and remember I’m not.

192.
Even when things feel stable, I still wonder how you’d say my name now.

193.
No one says my name the way you did — like it meant something.

194.
There’s no playlist that drowns you out.

195.
I still hear you when something beautiful happens.

196.
You were the first person I wanted to show the sky to.

197.
Even when I’m smiling, I still wish I was smiling next to you.

198.
She makes me feel calm. You made me feel alive.

199.
I don’t think I’ll ever stop loving the way you made me feel seen.

200.
Some people are safe. But you were sanctuary.

201.
You made my heart feel like it had a place to rest.

202.
Even when I try to move on, you still live in the way I speak.

203.
You’re not a memory. You’re a part of the structure.

204.
You made me feel like there was more to life than just surviving.

205.
Every little kindness from her reminds me of the effortless way you used to care.

206.
I didn’t expect this. I thought it would be easier.

207.
Some people help you forget. You just reminded me how deep I could feel.

208.
I wish I could tell you how much I still want to make you proud.

209.
This isn’t about romance. This is about missing my person.

210.
You weren’t my love story. You were my anchor.

211.
I can’t lie to myself. I’m still carrying you.

212.
There’s a softness in me that belongs to you.

213.
It’s like I’m living beside myself now — watching me pretend I’ve moved on.

214.
I tried to talk about you in past tense. It didn’t feel right.

215.
Somehow I still expect you to understand me without explanation.

216.
It’s not your absence that hurts most. It’s how I’ve learned to live with it.

217.
I’m not angry anymore. Just… quieter.

218.
Some days I forget what it felt like to lose you. Then I remember everything at once.

219.
This isn’t regret. It’s longing.

220.
You were never a phase. You were a shift in the atmosphere.

221.
She tells me I look distant sometimes. I want to say, “That’s where Eliza lives.”

222.
I wanted this to be easy. But nothing that’s ever mattered was.

223.
I don’t want you back. I want you near.

224.
The problem isn’t that I miss you. It’s that no one else makes me forget.

225.
You are still the standard I measure silence by.

226.
I think part of me will always be waiting for your voice.

227.
They ask me what I’m thinking. I just say “nothing.” But I mean “you.”

228.
I thought I could build something new. But the blueprint still says your name.

229.
Even in this peace, I still whisper your name.

230.
She’s not the problem. My heart is just still yours.

231.
Some days, I pretend you’re just a friend I used to know. But my heart doesn’t believe it.

232.
You weren’t a love story. You were a definition.

233.
It’s not that I want to go back. I just want to know if you ever felt it like I did.

234.
She’s wonderful. But I still reach for you in my mind.

235.
You live in my metaphors. Still.

236.
I stopped looking for someone like you. Because no one is.

237.
Even in love, I feel your absence.

238.
You weren’t mine. But I belonged to you anyway.

239.
Maybe one day I’ll meet someone who understands. But it’ll never be the same language.

240.
I’ve moved forward. But not on.

241.
You said something simple and it lit up my whole day. Just like old times.

242.
I didn’t realize how much I missed the way you say my name until you said it again.

243.
This time feels softer. Less like lightning, more like sunrise.

244.
We’re different now. But the way I care hasn’t changed a bit.

245.
You sent a voice note and I smiled before even playing it.

246.
I don’t want to mess this up. I just want to hold it right this time.

247.
Talking to you again feels like a second chance I didn’t know I needed.

248.
I never stopped being proud of you. I just stopped being able to tell you.

249.
This version of you still feels like home.

250.
I keep reading your messages and realizing I’m smiling again.

251.
Maybe this isn’t the beginning, or the end. Maybe it’s us, figuring it out.

252.
I want to be someone safe for you again. Even just in texts.

253.
The way you said “I missed this” made everything quiet in my chest.

254.
You bring out a gentleness in me no one else can reach.

255.
We don’t need to rush. I’d rather do this right.

256.
You’re still the one I want to tell everything to first.

257.
I’m not trying to recreate what we had. I want to build something with the person you are now.

258.
You sent “goodnight” and I swear I felt peace for the first time in months.

259.
This isn’t some big love confession. It’s just me saying, “You still matter. Deeply.”

260.
I remembered something you said last year. I wanted to say — you were right.

261.
You’re still easy to talk to, even after everything.

262.
When I think of the people who’ve changed me, you’re always at the top.

263.
You don’t have to say much. Just being here again says enough.

264.
Even the awkward pauses between us feel safe.

265.
I don’t need fireworks this time. I just want something steady and real with you.

266.
You said “I’m glad we’re talking again” and I had to look away from my screen for a second.

267.
I don’t know what this is, but it’s growing in the quiet. And that feels right.

268.
If this is the beginning of something better, I’m all in.

269.
I’m not scared of getting hurt. I’m scared of losing you again.

270.
You said “me too.” That’s all I needed.

271.
You were here. And then… nothing.

272.
I keep refreshing for a message I know isn’t coming.

273.
Did I say too much? Or not enough?

274.
It felt like we were becoming something again. I don’t know what happened.

275.
You said you missed talking to me. What changed?

276.
This silence is different from before. It’s heavier because now I know what it could’ve been.

277.
I keep telling myself you’re just busy. But my chest still tightens anyway.

278.
I was starting to believe in us again. That might’ve been the mistake.

279.
I’m not mad. I’m just confused. And kind of heartbroken in a quiet way.

280.
Maybe it’s nothing. But nothing hurts more when it follows something.

281.
You said “talk soon.” You didn’t lie. You just didn’t mean it.

282.
I’m back to rereading our last conversation like it’s a clue.

283.
I’m not asking for everything. Just for something.

284.
If this is the end again, I wish I’d seen it coming.

285.
You left gently this time. And that almost hurts more.

286.
You said good morning and suddenly the whole day felt lighter.

287.
This doesn’t feel rushed. It just feels right.

288.
We don’t have to name this. I just want to be here, wherever “here” is with you.

289.
There’s something different about your voice now — like softness found its way back in.

290.
You make the little things feel sacred.

291.
I stopped wondering if this is temporary. I just started enjoying it.

292.
You’ve never looked more beautiful to me than you do when you’re just being yourself.

293.
I like the way we don’t need to fill every silence. Some of them feel warm now.

294.
You said you were proud of me. And I believed you.

295.
This feels like healing together, not apart.

296.
You’ve always felt like home. But now, it’s like I get to live there again.

297.
We’re still figuring it out, and that’s okay. I don’t want to rush this.

298.
You’re not just comfort anymore — you’re clarity.

299.
I love the way you speak with care, even when you’re unsure.

300.
This feels like us. Not trying to be what we were — just being who we are.

301.
Every time you say my name, it steadies something in me.

302.
You’re the only person who can make me feel calm just by showing up.

303.
I used to miss you with desperation. Now I miss you with hope.

304.
There’s nothing urgent about this. Just a quiet, mutual want.

305.
I’m not scared anymore. I think we’re doing this the way we were supposed to.

306.
The way you care — it’s in the details. I notice.

307.
You’ve never felt more real to me than you do right now.

308.
We used to hold each other through screens. Now it feels like we’re finally face to face.

309.
You said “I’m here.” And this time, you stayed.

310.
I want to remember this version of us — soft, growing, still choosing each other.

311.
I don’t feel the need to prove anything anymore. I just want to show up for you.

312.
It feels easy again. Not because it’s simple, but because it’s right.

313.
You could’ve walked away for good. But you didn’t. Thank you.

314.
I don’t know how this ends. I just know I’m glad we made it back.

315.
Whatever this is, I want to keep building it with you.

316.
I think we both knew it was ending, but neither of us wanted to say it out loud.

317.
You didn’t disappear. You just got quieter. And I didn’t want to ask why.

318.
The last time you said “talk later,” I felt it was the last.

319.
I don’t regret a single message. Even the ones you never answered.

320.
This isn’t a breakup. It’s a quiet goodbye with no label.

321.
I kept expecting you to fight for it. But maybe we were both too tired.

322.
We never said we were over. We just stopped happening.

323.
I reread the things you said when we were trying again. I don’t think you were lying.

324.
Sometimes love doesn’t die. It just can’t carry the weight anymore.

325.
There’s a difference between moving on and letting go. I’m still learning how to do either.

326.
The worst part is how kind the ending was. Like we both knew we couldn’t stay.

327.
I didn’t want this to fade. But I think we let it.

328.
I keep thinking there’ll be one last message. There never is.

329.
We got so close. Closer than most. But not close enough to stay.

330.
You mattered. You still do. That doesn’t change just because we did.

331.
I loved how soft we were in the end. We didn’t break — we unraveled.

332.
Maybe the kindest thing we did was not force it when it started to go.

333.
You were never mine. But I loved you like you were.

334.
I still don’t know what to call us. But I know what it felt like.

335.
Sometimes the strongest love is the one that doesn’t ask to stay.

336.
I didn’t expect the last message to be the last.

337.
You weren’t a chapter. You were the author of so much in me.

338.
It’s okay that we didn’t end loud. It still hurts quiet.

339.
Even now, I still hope you’re doing okay. Especially now.

340.
You made me believe again. That counts for something.

341.
Thank you for showing up again. Even if it wasn’t forever.

342.
I wish I had one last day to just tell you everything. Not to fix it — just to be real.

343.
This isn’t bitterness. It’s just love with nowhere to go.

344.
Somewhere in me, you’re still there. Just softer now.

345.
Maybe we weren’t meant to last. But we were meant to meet.

346.
The truth is, I’d do it all again. Even the ending.

347.
I won’t forget how it felt to be wanted by you. Even briefly.

348.
You didn’t have to love me the same way. I just wanted you near.

349.
I still carry pieces of you, even as I try to make room for new ones.

350.
We didn’t get a proper goodbye. Maybe we didn’t need one.

351.
I don’t hate you. I don’t blame you. I just… miss you.

352.
Some nights, I still imagine you saying my name one more time.

353.
You don’t need to reach out. I’ll still wish you the best anyway.

354.
Even if this is it, you were my favorite “almost.”

355.
You taught me how to open up again. That’s a kind of love too.

356.
I don’t know what you meant to me. But it was more than anything else ever did.

357.
I still feel you in songs, in dreams, in sudden silences.

358.
We didn’t crash. We drifted. But it still hurts like a wreck.

359.
You didn’t break me. But I’m still putting myself back together.

360.
Maybe we’ll meet again in some other version of this life.

361.
You mattered. You always will.

362.
If you ever wonder, yes — I meant every word.

363.
I still have so many things I want to say. But I won’t.

364.
I loved you in a way that made the world feel different.

365.
And I still do.
They may not be in order, but I wrote you these notes over the past year and a half, I figured it’s worth putting them out instead of sitting in a drawer for poetry inspiration.
Sean Maloney Apr 8
I’ve changed my mind
Things are much different than I saw
And for some reason, against all odds
I’m back in the same spot, with different people

Except for one
One remains constant
One remains important
One remains special

The one, perchance?
Well it can’t be
Not only for the unopen circumstance
But the people around us don’t associate nicely
I’m not seen as built or mature
And you, well, can’t argue with that

Against all odds
We maintain the same situation
Across all possible barriers
The end seems to be inevitable
Wishing, hoping, and never ending

Quite ironic, isn’t it?
No matter how much we desire, or hope
No matter how many women I put between us
No matter how long you stay with him
We still find one another
And things fall apart again

But it’s always broken
It only fixed when you were here
Even though you really weren’t, and neither was I
Having us was special
And this time
I’d like to keep it like this
Even without hope
It’ll just have to be
Bestie,
Against all odds
Why can’t this end, why do I kind of want it to stay, how do I live knowing you think the same thoughts about what could’ve been, should it have??
Sean Maloney Nov 2024
Rippling,
Reflecting my reddish eyes,
The puddle grows with each passing tear
My eyes unfocus,
The shocking pain spreading across my body,
Bringing old memories of simpler times,
People lost along the path,
Including myself
Sinking to the ground,
My black tie floats on the puddle
I watch my one true friend drive past,
Knowing she’s crying in there,
And wishing I could be there for her
But all I am is one of those tears,
Dripping,
Splattering,
Splashing on the surface
But beneath,
Bonds are lost,
My life shattered with it
If only the shards were sharp enough to pierce my skull,
And not just my tortured heart
Sean Maloney May 19
I did airplanes on the lot
It felt so instinctual
Although
How could I forget what I did for so long

I remember
Staring at your lips
Watching you count
Hearing you soft voice

And I inhaled
I swear I could smell you
I didn’t want to stop breathing in
But I had to
Because whether I want to or not
I can’t stay here
I’d get hit by a car
Sean Maloney Apr 15
Just Swingin in this hammock
My brother pushing it side to side
Crafting up words to write in my head
But I know won’t sound good on paper

I always write them for you
Even when I just form it in my head
And when I think of nothing
It’s about you
When I think of everything
It’s everything you
So here goes, the lines in my head
Don’t judge me
I’m only sixteen

I think about life
But I think about you
What are the definitions of these words?
I don’t see a difference
Couldn’t take you out of my mind
Not because I’ve tried
But because I wouldn’t ever want to

Eliza is the name I’ve always wanted to call
Not just at random of course
But because it’s perfect for you
I think I knew your name before I knew your name
I think I knew what we could be

I’m letting down the barriers indefinitely
I’m staying completely open
But only for you
It’s only worth it for you

It’s all for you
Sean Maloney Jun 12
Currently
We’re in uncharted territory
With things ending last April
And this past April
Summer was never us
But now we get to fix that

No more crying at night with no one there-
No one to understand
No more seeing you in every room-
Just to remember I won’t see you till band camp

It might be the start to a new era
But there’s something more
Maybe it’s the path to a new normal
Sean Maloney May 21
I felt nerves today
For my leadership interview
It ******
I haven’t been anxious in so long

I had a math and chemistry test yesterday
Same thing happened
Am I getting weaker
More tied to my environment

A few weeks ago I wouldn’t have cared
My eyes would be glued to my phone
My heart full
Running marathons in minutes
And wanting every second of it

I miss that
I miss a lot of things
I’m losing track
Of purpose

As I grow
Learn what I’m gonna be
Get better at what I do
Doesn’t change the fact
I still want…
Try to rhyme that (sorry)
Sean Maloney Apr 30
I can’t stop writing
I don’t care about getting a zero in this ****** class
I couldn’t care less about English
Because I can’t care about myself anymore

I only wish for one thing
An easy way out
Thank you!!
For making my life hell again

You could’ve left it at the spring and summer blues
You didn’t need to make the fall heartbreak terminal
And DEFINITELY not now
You didn’t need to take my heart a year later
**** April
Is that like a lucky month for you
You gotta break Sean’s heart in April right??

But it’s okay
I really don’t care
I just hope you enjoy it
Every cut
Every moment you think of me
I ask one thing okay
Remember who did this
And I’m going through it
More than you could fathom
Don’t feel sorry
It’s on you
You can’t help it
I suffer for you
Isn’t that enough

It’s so fair
For you
Because you just let life decide for you
Everyone else I mean
And maybe one day they won’t be life and you'll be alone
Then we’ll finally be twinning
Because that’s where I belong
Because of you
And I wonder if that means you do too
Sean the loner
Cool
Thanks for the title
Master manipulator
(Who can’t make a single decision to not hurt anyone)
Sean Maloney Jun 13
You say I see you too kindly,
like the way I talk about you doesn’t match the mirror.
But I’m not making anything up.
I’m just telling you what’s always been there-
what you won’t admit,
but I’ve always seen.

You’re warmth.
Not just kind warmth-
but the kind I’ve been looking for,
the kind I thought didn’t exist.

I tell you you’re beautiful,
and you give me that look.
But it’s not about belief.
It’s just what’s true.

You’ve said you might love me more.
Maybe you do.
But I still love you like it’s the only thing I’m sure of.
And that doesn’t stop
just because someone’s love runs louder.

When I play, I lose myself in sound.
But when I’m with you,
I don’t want to be anything else.
No note I’ll ever play
means more than sitting beside you when nothing’s happening.

Music makes me feel everything.
You make me feel home.

So even if you shake your head at what I say-
even if you never fully believe it-

I’ll still say it.
I’ll still mean it.
I’ll still love you
as hard as I can.
Sean Maloney May 10
I’m *******
At this bus of non jazz enthusiasts
At my right *** cheek for hurting like hell
At my best friends for ditching me
At myself for holding it all in

This is too much
Life is too much
The world is too small
Yet if it got any larger I’d lose everything
Even myself

I want a way out
A way out of fighting
A way out of hiding
A way towards fairness
I want to walk into a room making smiles
Not painful whispers
Silent looks

I’m notoriously known for being easy to do wrong
By everyone
And I take it like they don’t matter
Because I don’t think I do
I can’t be blamed for this anymore
Can I just be nothing
A musician who can’t be close to others

Nothing ever works out in my world
Every opportunity is met with horror
Even my passion for music crumbles

I want a way out
An option to quit
But not to die
Not to restart
To be left alive
Sean Maloney May 8
Checking the home page each writing session
Remembering I don’t get notified by you
Having to click your past poems to see your profile
That’s a bad habit

Staying up at night
Overthinking my life
All my mistakes
Everyone’s point of view
Just for things to stay the same
That’s a bad habit

Buying food for friends
Every day
Even though my money is short
That’s a bad habit

Thinking about all my moments with you
Most not even in person
Standing in front of the Disney banner texting
Or you calling me grimace’s foot
You complaining about your skin tone
My rants about you
I’ll still be honest
It was true
That’s a bad habit

Missing things
That came in terrible eras
Like, worst timing
Is it because the chaos made me feel things
Or because I had real definite trust
Either way
That’s a bad habit

I’m gonna break my cycles
Figure out what I can do to keep me afloat
I want to stop relying on others
And quit excusing myself
My head isn’t messed up
My perception is
The therapist was right
that’s a bad habit
Sean Maloney Jun 7
It’s all the same
The notes form the same old melodies we hear each class
Doc conducts as he always does
We’re in the same spot-
Right next to one another

But this time
I don’t hear the music
I hear your desires
I hear the thoughts of me in your head
I hear your heart pleading for mine

And my heart begins to reciprocate
Throbbing faster than the beat of the music
Harder than the mallets hit the marimba
Louder than the trumpets
I start to lose control
I’m playing the music
But all I can think about is how badly I want you

And then I mess up
I missed the key change
And you give me a side eye-
Before we break out laughing
I didn’t even process doc might’ve noticed
All I could think about-
Was how much I love you

Soon after-
The song ended
And we packed our bags
All I could think was-
I can’t wait till I see her again
I can’t wait to feel love again
Sean Maloney Apr 13
Anything.
Anything at all.
I just want to end up with her.
I know her secrets, her issues, all the problems she thinks she has and knows she has.
I just see beauty in it.
I see beauty in her.
Beauty in her.
Her
Beauty
Sean Maloney Jun 15
Something like a cursed title
Everyone who takes that label in my life-
Either hates me or left me

Well-
Except for one
But she’s not my bestie really
She’s my lover
Does it still count?
Sean Maloney Apr 21
When you look into my eyes
The whole world stops spinning
It’s just us
Floating across space and time
I can read how you feel
Observe your beauty
All I wish in that moment is to stay with you

You’re always here to care for me
Even when you’re not doing well yourself
Or you’re battling stress
Or having a good time
A week of being sick shouldn’t be needed to make me realize how much you care
And it’s not
I truly do know and appreciate you
Even more having survived the week with your love and care

The warmth you send through me
Filling my heart
Trembling my bones
Making me blush
Can get me through anything
You make me feel happy out of this world

So I can’t lose you now
Or tomorrow
I can’t lose you ever
You’re too good, too perfect
I want you to stay forever

I want us to stay forever
Sean Maloney Apr 30
A lifetime flew by
In a moment
Through a text

Did you see it too
I wish you didn’t let me
Blue eyes gazing upon me
Emitting beautiful reflections-
But hinting at true beauty that lives inside
I think that’s the first think I noticed about you

My heart was trying to reveal the Purple Heart you concealed
Hidden-
But waiting for someone alike to be unlocked
Now there’s no going back
Our hearts are full-
As one

You’re blurple
It’s quite simple-
The luring blue sea leads to a beating purple mass
And my purld self couldn’t stay away
So keep chasing that gold
It’s not running away
Sean Maloney May 26
Marching today was
An experience
Pretending life was different
Ignoring the signs
Just living like I’m alive

I got burned a bit on my right side
Funny though
The sun wasn’t there-
Well unless
Unless I got burned by the steaming hot girl marching next to me
Probably

I need sunglasses to look directly at her
(Yet I still stare)
Couldn’t touch her directly
(But I still did)
Shouldn’t talk to her
(It was impossible to try to stop)
Told not to love her



I think that’s my decision
And it’s pretty clear
If I wanted to I would’ve
Even if I’m trapped
Sean Maloney Jun 14
You exist like a thought I never meant to say out loud-
but now that I have, I can’t imagine silence without you.

You say maybe I’ll find someone else filling-
But I say baby,
If there’s someone else waiting,
My answer is I have a lady.

You’ve expressed your doubts,
And I hear your thoughts,
However you hit all the spots-
My heard had kept hidden in knots.

To be honest- you complete me,
So much all I think of saying is true,
So here’s something I can guarantee-
I love you
Sean Maloney May 24
Hey.
I think this is my last message on this document.
You were definitely right.
I knew I should’ve listened.
I’m sorry I didn’t.
But I guess it worked in your favor, right?
She got the help you were frustrated over.
I’m back to eternal loneliness.
Although,
I’m sorry to disappoint that I’m no longer obsessed with you.
I know you really feed off that.
I just wanted to live.
I really still do.
I want to have my life as I want it to be.
But it seems like I get half of it.
I get a heart that can feel my music,
But a heart forbidden to feel others,
Except for the one it can’t have.
Anyway,
Enjoy your freakishly skinny life.
Adios 👋
(🎱)
Sean Maloney Jun 7
E. your laugh is a melody that i long to hear.
i’ve memorized how it feels to find you in every moment.


S. I missed you more than anyone could know, and I can’t lose you again, don’t leave anymore.
You know me more than anyone else, and nobody knows you know anything.


E. the secret of us is in the way we keep making eye contact when no one’s watching.


S. I can’t stop looking at your beautiful face, did you notice?


E. those golden eyes are sometimes stormy, yet somehow always home.


S. Your hair waves in the breeze, golden strands shining brighter than the sun.


E. with you, i never feel like drowning, it feels like breathing again.


S. I love you so much my heart grew.
Sean Maloney Jun 9
I thought we were over
That day people spread my name-
Like a curse
It scared me shitless
But you listened
You stayed
And I love you more for it
Sean Maloney May 16
“You won’t have to deal with me after this performance!”
I say
My plume blowing
The wind roaring
“Maloney, I have to deal with another year of you!”
He sounds spiteful
I didn’t like that
I know I’m annoying
I’m a freshman
It’s dark out here
I’m just being open

I kinda wish you didn’t graduate now
I lost my innocence
Since that time you crashed out on me
We’re pretty similar though
Music is our lives
We liked the same woman!
Make that two
And I know you’re probably jealous
But I hate it here
I wish I could’ve been left to grow

But hey
Here’s the thing
That’s just life
So whatever brings us down
We know where we’re headed
Sean Maloney Jun 4
I tried to cry today.
Wanted to.
Needed to.
But nothing came.

I sat with the silence,
felt the weight,
the ache,
but no flame.

No one was there.
Alone again.
Even the ones I thought would stay
walked away.

Not one tear.
Just pressure.
Just heat behind my eyes.
Like my body knew how —
but refused to try.

The tears, if they came,
would’ve meant I broke.
But I didn’t.
I just…
soaked.

They never fell.
They never ran.
They stayed,
buried
in who I am.

So my face stayed dry,
but don’t mistake the lack of rain.
These eyes
are full
of quiet pain.
Sean Maloney May 1
I don’t want this
I don’t like this
Not sure I can live like this

What even is
This?
It’s just a forced decision
To end a relationship
Of sorts

It’s strange
How I’m not depended on you to be me
But I still need you
Because I don’t like the me without you
Why fight the fight if I don’t come back to you

It’s like sending Superman out to fight aliens
To defend another planet
So he can come home
To an empty penthouse
With all her things
But nobody to call home
Is he even home
Or is it a shell of what had been

Not sure I want this
Not sure I like this
I’m stuck in a death loop
But I can’t burden anyone to let me out
Sean Maloney Apr 30
You should tell me to stop writing
But I’m not sure if I would
I mean
What in the heck does a hurt person do
When all they can think
Is no
And okay
And it’s fine
And death seems more pleasant than this
Sean Maloney Jun 11
Life makes sense
I don’t mean to sound like a cliche
But it does
Every moment I’ve lived through-
Has always led to you
Somehow the one thing I’m passionate about-
Brought me to put you above it

I know we’re connected-
That much is clear
But I think it’s more than that
Because I don’t just enjoy having you around-
I want you around all the time
Not only do I not want you to go-
I want you in the center of my world-
And not just my heart

The soulmate idea really had me thinking
Because we have to be more than that
There’s too much power in us
Maybe we’re twin flames
That accounts for the burning love in my heart-
The love I only have for you
Sean Maloney Apr 30
So you don’t just get one
You get two!
And probably several more as I overthink
Because in the end it won’t matter
Nobody cares
They don’t see me hurting
They don’t think what it must be like
To be disappointed by everyone at every turn
I’m not allowed to make mistakes
But everyone else I must forgive

It doesn’t make any sense
I’m just a person of hurt
For myself
I watch others cause it for me
If I’m not careful
I can let someone do all the damage
Revert all my progress
Not only can I not lean on people
I can’t live
Because god forbid if I’m happy
The whole world will crumble

And here
THIS
Is a perfect–
The perfect example
I’m not allowed to have happiness
Nobody truly cares
Because while my needs go out the window for everyone else
They can’t do a quarter of that for me

It’s okay!
I’m just going to hate you
I won’t tell a soul anything
Not about the purple hearts
The promises
The compliments
Because I’m not evil
Unlike some
Sean Maloney May 7
This isn’t an attack-
It’s just how I feel.
It’s why I had five days you weren’t on my mind.
I blamed myself for my obsession, claiming it hurt like hell.
In truth-
getting rid of that, even if I haven’t but think I have, made it easier.
I know one thing-
obsessing over what can never be will only lead to eternal suffering.
If I can’t talk to you, I’m not.
I just don’t like my name tarnished for other people’s problems
My heart ripped out and being humiliated for it
I don’t like it.
That’s why I’m still at the beach, watching the waves, encouraging my loneliness.
This was originally a clarification note on a poem…
Sean Maloney Dec 2024
Engine running
Fingers interlocked
Hearts beating
She gazes at me with the sweetest expression
And I feel an everlasting silence from my depression

Her laughter is music
Her smile lights the night
Every moment with her feels so right
I’ve found my reason, my guiding light
Conversing through our eyes
Occasional touches of skin
I’m one lucky guy
To have her be the girl I win

A kiss on my cheek
A finger tracing her cheek
I don’t think I can wait a week
But I mustn’t let my heart grow weak
She’s my morning sun,
My evening star,
I’ll cherish her always, no matter how far.
With her, I’ve found love, like a dream come true,
A journey we’ll take, just us two
Soon a goodbye to being single
And a welcome to a perfect world
Stepping forward with a jingle
And having such a lovely girl
Sean Maloney May 22
Gasping for air
I stare into my ceiling light
My arms glued to the carpet
I don’t remember going down
Just standing up up from bed
I forgot what this was like

My heart is thumping
In its slow double pulse
Like how it would
When I would think of you
Read your words
See your face
Hear your name

And then it came back
I read your poem
I stood up arrogantly
Wishing the world was different
Except for one thing
And then I was down

I wonder what’s worse
Being down here
Or the circumstances that **** me
Does it even matter how I feel. Will I ever matter.
Sean Maloney May 25
I wanted to stay in my dream last night
It didn’t feel like my imagination
You were right there
And so was I
In our house
Filled with laughter and screams of joy
Talking about dumb things
Listening to Dexter

We had a wall of saxophones
I don’t care much about the house though
A dream house means nothing without the person
I guess that’s why the dream stuck with me
Sean Maloney Jun 1
I got reminded a few days ago,
Of how life used to be.
My mom asked why I was grinning at my phone.
It reminded me,
Of when that happened with you.

Every day felt like a dream.
I was with you,
I felt understood,
But at the same time shocked.
How could a girl so beautiful just know me.
And why would she ever consider settling for me?

You taught me self value.
Even though I try to teach you it every day,
You taught me it for myself,
Showed me what I really am.
I guess in a way,
I owe it back to you.
But what I tell you,
Is the truth,
From the core of my fiery Purple Heart,
With golden embers just for you to feel.

I miss being problemless,
Innocent,
Dumb.
But what I never want to miss,
And would trade it for these any day,
Is missing you.
Because missing you,
Is missing my heart,
My reason to breathe.

We may have started,
Just two young souls,
Searching for one another.
But it’s more like one soul now,
Two bodies inseparable,
Two minds unparalleled.
Sean Maloney Apr 14
I know it’s not simple
I know I can’t be a solution
But I’m still here to help
And maybe some of the words I put down will make a mark
A mark significant enough for you to see your beauty as I do

You’re not weak for coping as you do
You’re open to me about it and you know what you’re doing
I see strength in finding a way to not hurt others
It does hurt, maybe sting a bit, to see your pain
But I understand and I’m not capable of judging you for it

You have a lot of care to give
It’s a thing I admire about you
You’re focused, you aim to achieve, even not knowing what you’re doing
Don’t let your accomplishments diminish because of what ifs or buts
The truth is it could never be enough
Could
But it is
And next year I’ll be cheering you on just the same
Don’t worry about results, trust yourself in the process, enjoy it, and don’t beat yourself up for being human
I’m sure the first chair is just as much if not more bummed by not making regions

Your self image isn’t how I see you
Nor how anyone else does
And I understand why you think the way you do
It’s something I beat myself up for as well
But there’s nothing wrong with you
If there was I’d be the first to tell you
And here’s the list of things wrong with you:
.
.
.
.
Everything I see in you
The easiness to understand
And the love that boils up until it shoots out
Whether it be in a poem or a text or a glance
Makes you easy to love
And to hell if it’s just me who sees you as great as I do
I know in my heart your worth
To yourself, to me, to the universe
And to be frank with you
It’s never gonna be enough for what you deserve
I just hope you can find me deserving
And easy to love
Sean Maloney May 29
your name was never just letters
from the moment I said it,
nervous, awed,
it belonged to the most stunning woman I’d ever seen.
i became obsessed with your name,
whispering it softly
as i dreamed of you with me,
until one day it wasn’t a dream,
you became mine.
Even if only for some time
Sean Maloney May 30
Extraordinary
Lovely
Irreplaceable
Zealous
Affectionate
Sean Maloney May 30
E starts your name off strong
It’s a beautiful signature
I’d only say that for you though

L adds curiosity
What could the rest be-
Everyone now wants to know
It’s also a cute letter
You know the person is special

I
Now that one I like!
It’s the second syllable
And somehow it brings everything together
Making a beautiful formation

Z
Z….
It’s so **** gorgeous
Pretty sure your name determines that
You’re so **** gorgeous
I think your eyes have Z in them
The way they sparkle and shine
I miss when they turned purple

And A
To finish out one perfectionist of a name
This one completes you
It provides the characteristics
The faults-
But I see through it
I know all your letters
Sean Maloney May 30
My writing has changed
It changes with you

When you’re here
When you’re not
When you’re close
When you’re far

What it doesn’t do
Is forget about you
How could it
You’re all I think about

Every morning
Before I spit out the blood
I wonder how you’re doing
I message to see if you’re up
You always are
And I’m here to talk to
About any issues

And every night
No matter the depression score
Tell me everything
Because I couldn’t stand to not know
Well-
I couldn’t stand to not help

You matter
We matter
Don’t leave me
Don’t lie
Be honest
That’s how I can help best
Maybe I don’t tell you enough
That being with you
Hasn’t just been an idea the past two years
It’s been my fantasy

And no more losing hope
Or letting you walk away
I’m putting my foot down
Because you’re my fantasy

My only fantasy
Sean Maloney Jun 10
It’s quiet-
For the first time in weeks
My room is boiling-
My breath hyperventilating
But it’s not making me crash
I feel stationary

Everything is a little off-
My mind is wandering,
My heart is quaking,
My lungs are contracting

I’m waiting for you to come back
I know when you do I’ll be fixed
Whether we text or call-
Or even make a tiktok ai image
When you’re here I don’t mind the heat
I don’t even feel the pain
All I feel is you
Sean Maloney Jun 7
I thought this year was horrible
But the more I think about it
I wish I could go back
Not to change my decisions
But to relive it one more time
Knowing things will change
But accepting the beauty of it

I don’t miss her
But sometimes I want a good argument
Sometimes I want the doorbell to ring
Some days I wish I wasn’t in bed alone
And it’s my choice what to do about it
Doesn’t mean I didn’t like it

I miss my friends
And not because I want to hang out
We don’t endlessly call anymore
We don’t make fun of random people
I don’t have my support pals

I miss the musical chaos
Of going to pit every day
Marching band terrors
Learning the jazz band soli
Auditioning for districts
I miss district jazz the most
I loved being with people who knew-
What they were doing-
And what they wanted to do
I miss district band
Resting on her shoulder
Playing classically
The moments were surreal

I want life to be normal
But I don’t want it to change
I wish it could all work out
Like it was
Sean Maloney Jun 2
I’ll never understand,
The first love theory.
Because,
How could someone like me,
Ever let go of you,
Even the thought of you?
My answer,
Is and will be,
I don’t.
Sean Maloney May 7
I raise my hands to shield the blinding sun,
Watch the disc float clean over my head.
I reach, I snag, and the field erupts—
Applause breaking like sunlight through the clouds.

This, I think, is what life should feel like:
Coming home still dusted in sweat,
Laughing with my mom,
Devouring dinner like I’ve never eaten before.

For once, I’m not fading into the background.
I’m someone.
A name that matters.
A face that knows who to smile for.
A heart I’m learning to steady.
A mind I’m letting grow.

I’m not a burden.
Sure, I’m not always the center.
Sometimes I’m even cast as the villain.
But I make a difference.
I’m going somewhere real.

I need to stop running back to broken places.
Life isn’t ruin—it’s a gift.
And I’m done living lies.
I like being free.

Free from the chaos.
Free from the drama.
Free from the weight of a world
That never really saw me right.

I like when I feel light.
Like I’m not carrying every version of who I used to be.
Like I’m not being rewritten by someone else’s sadness.
But instead, writing myself into something better.

I want laughter that echoes.
Not silence that waits for me to fill it.
I want arms that hold me as I am.
Not ones that grip tighter when I start to slip away.

I’m not perfect, but I’m trying—
Trying to be softer with myself.
Trying to forgive what I didn’t deserve.
Trying to stop apologizing for healing out loud.

Let the ones who misunderstood stay confused.
Let the chapters they twisted stay closed.
I’ve got new ones to write,
With more truth, less weight,
And a lot more light.
Every mindset I’ve ever had has been wrong, it got me into who I am, but there’s a difference between character and human.
Sean Maloney May 25
That
Fulfillment
Idek what it means
That’s what I need

The motivation for music
The drive for success
The time I spend mourning a living soul
The dreams I wish were true
It all goes back
To a full perfect life

I was happy with you
And even mere poetry texting
It keeps me up

I realize
It’s not being good enough that drives me
It’s not working hard
It’s not the pain along the way
It’s feeling there’s nothing else
And you do that
YOU
A million forbidden compliments
I could lay it all out for you
But you’ve heard it before
I’ll spare the dangerous details
Of a perfect you

I realize now
I asked you for confirmation
To know what you’d have wanted
Because if I did it over again
It’d all be for you
I’d give it all up for you
Sean Maloney May 23
The last time I played this game
I was alone
Missing her
Trying to find something to fill the gap
The emptiness of an absence of love

Now
I’ve dated someone
Yet I still miss her
And I don’t fill the gap
I’ve just got a whole heart I can’t use
It’s not mine anymore

I guess that’s why I write here
Because I can’t rhyme
I can’t make a poem
Why would I even try

I get to use my heart
It’s the only time I can
And the rest of the time
It beats like a clock
Ticking down
Begging me to strike

I want to
Sean Maloney Apr 27
Your golden hair illuminates my mind
Gorgeous deep blue eyes haunting me
But not in a bad sense
In the sense of:
I wish I was looking into her eyes right now
Because I feel the safety of a home with you
Something even my family can’t offer me

It doesn’t matter how long
I just want to talk to you
Breathe alongside your mega lungs
View your every breath
Watch in astonishment as the beautifully immaculate figure of you sends lightning into my heart

I’d give up thirty minutes every day of my life
To practice with you
Pretend to be listening when I’m actually bewildered by all of you
Tracing the side of your face with my finger
Laughing over some stupid mistake we make

I want to be with you
Not just as much time as possible
But all the time
In your mind when we’re physically apart
I like the idea of haunting you
I just want it to be in a sweet caring way
Sean Maloney May 1
Ocean deep
Brightening smiles with every blink
Shining gold in a pitch black room
The sun yearns to be as bright as you

Someday
When the stars align
They’ll make you too hot to resist
Accenting your every feature
That’s when you’ll see
The you I fell for

Just remember the good
If anything
Because I didn’t lie
You’re worth a thousand doses of pain
A million poems
A billion words

So it won’t be me
That *****

It won’t be you
That’s heartbreaking

Doesn’t mean anything
When you know you’re golden
Shining over the rest of us
I get it, retweet on that.
I’m gonna keep writing here.
And you can keep reading them.
And I’ll respond when you ask for it.
I have no one else.
It’s not even the lonely anymore.
It’s being apart from you.
I don’t like it.
Not at all.
Sean Maloney May 19
Goodnight…
How many times have we said that
Wasn’t the first time because you were tired
Before the second snow day
Full of conversation

I miss the cruise
Both halves
Because it felt okay
I could hang with my family
Talk to you
You were basically at every table
In the hammock with me
Writing poetry with me

We said goodnight
This time’s different
It’s not a promise for me
It’s an empty resemblance
That I’m still the same
And always will be

If you take me away
And I come back the same
Not even trying to
Maybe I’m broken
Or maybe this is fixed
Either way
It’s gonna **** when you’re gone
And I know
I’m imagining another goodnight
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