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588 · Apr 11
Purple
Sean Maloney Apr 11
It’s not always bright
there can be darkness
but it’s got a bit of sentimental value to it there’s joy to be caught
even in small amounts
For my Queen of Purple
531 · Jun 16
Understand
Sean Maloney Jun 16
Can’t sleep
They won’t stop kicking and yelling
Why don’t they understand
Not everyone gets to live stupidly
I want to not feel pain for six hours
393 · Dec 2024
Don’t Get Out of my Car
Sean Maloney Dec 2024
Engine running
Fingers interlocked
Hearts beating
She gazes at me with the sweetest expression
And I feel an everlasting silence from my depression

Her laughter is music
Her smile lights the night
Every moment with her feels so right
I’ve found my reason, my guiding light
Conversing through our eyes
Occasional touches of skin
I’m one lucky guy
To have her be the girl I win

A kiss on my cheek
A finger tracing her cheek
I don’t think I can wait a week
But I mustn’t let my heart grow weak
She’s my morning sun,
My evening star,
I’ll cherish her always, no matter how far.
With her, I’ve found love, like a dream come true,
A journey we’ll take, just us two
Soon a goodbye to being single
And a welcome to a perfect world
Stepping forward with a jingle
And having such a lovely girl
325 · Jun 13
Telepathy
Sean Maloney Jun 13
Words don’t speak-
Not like eyes do
We can promise ourselves for months
But the look we give one another says it too
There’s no secrets between us
It all spews out in a simple glance

I don’t hear the meaning in your words
I hear what’s going on in your head-
The ideas put onto the screen
You’re so readable to me
As if I know what you’ll say before I’ve seen

I can feel love next to you
I can see love in your eyes
I can hear love in your voice
I can be in love with you
And that’s all I want to do

I’d say don’t leave me now-
Don’t leave me ever
But I see in your head-
I see the same dreams, forever
283 · Jun 10
Out of The Public
Sean Maloney Jun 10
Stolen glances across the room
Smiles that manage to hide our thoughts-
Our feelings

During the day I act okay
Just a friend, student, brother
But as soon as I’m out of the public eye
I come running back to you

The warmth pulls me closer-
Making hours feel like seconds
And even if the moments you’re gone feel just as long-
I treasure the time we have

I’m hidden from society
But believe me when I say
I’m living the dream
And it’s because you’re in it
276 · Apr 18
Morning Problems
Sean Maloney Apr 18
This fruit tastes like nothing
I think after brushing my teeth
This apple juice tastes sour
Yet still I drink, fearing being noticed
Morning anxiety, morning problems

You’re not here
And I know it’s okay, because you’re safe
I’m just stuck keeping my thoughts to myself
Yet if you weren’t here, I’d have never opened
Morning loneliness, morning problems

I feel sick
Every morning
Nothing can fix it
It only goes away when I tell you about it
Or I can’t worry about it
Because I’m worrying about you
Morning sickness, morning problems

So are you my queen in gold armor
Because you seem to fight off
The morning problems
244 · Apr 13
Hearts
Sean Maloney Apr 13
It’s the way both of us think the same way, and can talk ab ourselves or one another and feel at ease
The fact we can talk endlessly in our own world and time just continues to speed up, and that even when one or both of us is taken, it remains to be apparent to others there’s hearts around us and in our eyes
But they only resonate in secret, fearing the consequences of being found out
I’ll want you forever Lizie, and if you can ever find the strength, or the courage to trust me with a chance, I only need one, one more opportunity, I’m sorry I didn’t beg for you to stay before, I’ll regret it endlessly
240 · Jun 7
Night
Sean Maloney Jun 7
I feel the tears slide down my cheek
Crossing the lines around my nose
And I know
It’s going to be a long-
Lonely night
239 · Apr 30
Stripped
Sean Maloney Apr 30
You made me happy
Truly happy
But I guess
That’s not how you wanna go out
232 · May 29
eliza
Sean Maloney May 29
your name was never just letters
from the moment I said it,
nervous, awed,
it belonged to the most stunning woman I’d ever seen.
i became obsessed with your name,
whispering it softly
as i dreamed of you with me,
until one day it wasn’t a dream,
you became mine.
Even if only for some time
214 · May 9
Trying to fit in
Sean Maloney May 9
Smile and laugh
My typical my code to fit in
Not sure how I made it
Or why I feel like it doesn’t work

I walk with my group
Split off from my best friends
But are they really friends if they abandoned me
I don’t feel joy here
I’m just trying to fit in

I also feel happiness
I’m like a broken clock still making the ticking sound
I wonder if it’d be different born fixed
Or if I’d still think the same

The person I am
It doesn’t really apply anywhere
I know I never have
I think I never will

Just trying to fit in
Make myself a character to keep around
Cause I’m not a person
Just an object to use and hate
178 · May 1
Untitled
Sean Maloney May 1
I miss you
Not in the way a high schooler misses an ex
The way a spouse misses a life partner
It’s been a day
177 · 4d
Spoken
I’m running out of words to write,
But it’s not because I’m out of ideas.
I talk to you in poetry,
Each message containing a memorable line,
One that I could paste here,
But feels too personal- too real to record.

But I’m still here,
The Sean you fell for,
The Sean you can’t stop falling for.
I’m just adapting,
Learning to say the things I want to say,
Instead of posting them.
176 · Nov 2024
Stillness
Sean Maloney Nov 2024
Drifting
Waiting
Just for something to happen
But it never comes
I’m alone
I wait for my life to come back into my hands
But all it ever does is die
I don’t know how long I can do this
Fighting through pain
Stuck in an endless loop
I look for a way out
And I’m met with circles
Warping me back, forcing me to go through the same things
When did things get hard
When did time become something uncontrollable
And why do I have nothing to cling to, keeping me going
176 · 2d
Not To Jinx It
I know how life works
My luck hasn’t failed to disappoint me yet
But I’ve got to say
I feel happy with you
I’m happy with you
175 · May 7
Untitled
Sean Maloney May 7
So
Yeah I’ve just been living life
Um
Screenshots?
172 · May 23
Theory
Sean Maloney May 23
Just a theory
If I couldn’t look you in the eye
Was it because of your beauty
Or my fear of the pain to come
If it was
It was worth every gut wrenching moment
Even without my desired result, just arguably not as much you could say
166 · Apr 15
All for you
Sean Maloney Apr 15
Just Swingin in this hammock
My brother pushing it side to side
Crafting up words to write in my head
But I know won’t sound good on paper

I always write them for you
Even when I just form it in my head
And when I think of nothing
It’s about you
When I think of everything
It’s everything you
So here goes, the lines in my head
Don’t judge me
I’m only sixteen

I think about life
But I think about you
What are the definitions of these words?
I don’t see a difference
Couldn’t take you out of my mind
Not because I’ve tried
But because I wouldn’t ever want to

Eliza is the name I’ve always wanted to call
Not just at random of course
But because it’s perfect for you
I think I knew your name before I knew your name
I think I knew what we could be

I’m letting down the barriers indefinitely
I’m staying completely open
But only for you
It’s only worth it for you

It’s all for you
165 · May 21
Real
Sean Maloney May 21
It’s real
It always will be
But it will never be
I just can’t let go
165 · Jun 2
Immeasurable
Sean Maloney Jun 2
The harder things get-
The harder I’ll hold on to you.
And the furthest I’ll go-
Is an eternity-
Of the strongest love ever recorded.
Reports say-
Our love couldn’t be recorded-
It was immeasurable.
154 · Nov 2024
A Gaping Puddle
Sean Maloney Nov 2024
Rippling,
Reflecting my reddish eyes,
The puddle grows with each passing tear
My eyes unfocus,
The shocking pain spreading across my body,
Bringing old memories of simpler times,
People lost along the path,
Including myself
Sinking to the ground,
My black tie floats on the puddle
I watch my one true friend drive past,
Knowing she’s crying in there,
And wishing I could be there for her
But all I am is one of those tears,
Dripping,
Splattering,
Splashing on the surface
But beneath,
Bonds are lost,
My life shattered with it
If only the shards were sharp enough to pierce my skull,
And not just my tortured heart
138 · May 21
Still
Sean Maloney May 21
We wrote poems like promises,
paper hearts folded between the lines.
not always together,
but never apart in the ways that matter.

I chase music now,
like I once chased understanding,
and I finally feel found in it.
but there’s still a note missing,
and it sounds a lot like you.

I say I’ve let go,
but my hands never learned how to forget you.
I move forward,
but sometimes I wish you’d catch up,
or maybe I’d slow down.

I don’t want to need you.
But I don’t want to lose you.
And maybe that’s love,
or maybe it’s just what’s left of it.

But you’re still there.
And I’m still me.
And somewhere in that mess
we still link.
I can’t and I don’t want to and when I try it’s worse
136 · May 10
A Way Out
Sean Maloney May 10
I’m *******
At this bus of non jazz enthusiasts
At my right *** cheek for hurting like hell
At my best friends for ditching me
At myself for holding it all in

This is too much
Life is too much
The world is too small
Yet if it got any larger I’d lose everything
Even myself

I want a way out
A way out of fighting
A way out of hiding
A way towards fairness
I want to walk into a room making smiles
Not painful whispers
Silent looks

I’m notoriously known for being easy to do wrong
By everyone
And I take it like they don’t matter
Because I don’t think I do
I can’t be blamed for this anymore
Can I just be nothing
A musician who can’t be close to others

Nothing ever works out in my world
Every opportunity is met with horror
Even my passion for music crumbles

I want a way out
An option to quit
But not to die
Not to restart
To be left alive
132 · May 25
Fulfilled
Sean Maloney May 25
That
Fulfillment
Idek what it means
That’s what I need

The motivation for music
The drive for success
The time I spend mourning a living soul
The dreams I wish were true
It all goes back
To a full perfect life

I was happy with you
And even mere poetry texting
It keeps me up

I realize
It’s not being good enough that drives me
It’s not working hard
It’s not the pain along the way
It’s feeling there’s nothing else
And you do that
YOU
A million forbidden compliments
I could lay it all out for you
But you’ve heard it before
I’ll spare the dangerous details
Of a perfect you

I realize now
I asked you for confirmation
To know what you’d have wanted
Because if I did it over again
It’d all be for you
I’d give it all up for you
131 · Nov 2024
Once Was Ours
Sean Maloney Nov 2024
I need you,
I cry for you
I yell for you
I beg for you
But you don’t respond

I’ve waited for you
I’ve listened to you
I’ve worked with you
I’ve been with you
But you act as if we haven’t

It feels like yesterday,
When those blue eyes couldn’t part from mine
When those hands were mine to hold
When those lips spoke of love to only me

Now,
She says these words to someone else
She thinks this way about someone else
She gives those eyes to someone else

Yet here I am,
Feeling sparks whenever you’re near
Wondering if you feel them too
Reaching for your heart once more
Yearning the love we once had
The love I still hold within me

Answer me this,
Will you ever be mine?
120 · May 3
To my Audience
Sean Maloney May 3
Please tell me
Do I give up on her
Do I let her mom decide our future
Or do I put my foot down
Do I let myself have what I want

I either give up on something I-we can never let go
Or I stand patient and stubborn
118 · Nov 2024
Tortured heart
Sean Maloney Nov 2024
Day by day it beats,
Day by day it aches,
And day by day it breaks a little more,
Holding onto hope of a brighter future that never comes

He waits for a sign,
A person to tell him where to go,
Or for the final moment of his life,
But alas,
Nothing comes of it

Time continues moving,
Patiently destroying the tortured souls,
Amused by the cries of the ******

I wish for good days,
I live through bad days,
I work through the day,
I cry through the night,
Hoping for better days
104 · May 10
Not Like This
Sean Maloney May 10
I don’t want to die
I’d like a chance to improve
To prove my worth to everyone
I’m just not sure how long I can hold out
Not like this
101 · Apr 14
Easy to Love
Sean Maloney Apr 14
I know it’s not simple
I know I can’t be a solution
But I’m still here to help
And maybe some of the words I put down will make a mark
A mark significant enough for you to see your beauty as I do

You’re not weak for coping as you do
You’re open to me about it and you know what you’re doing
I see strength in finding a way to not hurt others
It does hurt, maybe sting a bit, to see your pain
But I understand and I’m not capable of judging you for it

You have a lot of care to give
It’s a thing I admire about you
You’re focused, you aim to achieve, even not knowing what you’re doing
Don’t let your accomplishments diminish because of what ifs or buts
The truth is it could never be enough
Could
But it is
And next year I’ll be cheering you on just the same
Don’t worry about results, trust yourself in the process, enjoy it, and don’t beat yourself up for being human
I’m sure the first chair is just as much if not more bummed by not making regions

Your self image isn’t how I see you
Nor how anyone else does
And I understand why you think the way you do
It’s something I beat myself up for as well
But there’s nothing wrong with you
If there was I’d be the first to tell you
And here’s the list of things wrong with you:
.
.
.
.
Everything I see in you
The easiness to understand
And the love that boils up until it shoots out
Whether it be in a poem or a text or a glance
Makes you easy to love
And to hell if it’s just me who sees you as great as I do
I know in my heart your worth
To yourself, to me, to the universe
And to be frank with you
It’s never gonna be enough for what you deserve
I just hope you can find me deserving
And easy to love
101 · Apr 18
Untitled
Sean Maloney Apr 18
For of all sad words of tongue or pen, the saddest are these: ‘It might have been.’
— John Greenleaf Whittier
Kinda sums up the past year for me
97 · May 4
I don’t even know
Sean Maloney May 4
Are we really doing this **** again
It all just clicked
96 · Apr 8
Against all odds
Sean Maloney Apr 8
I’ve changed my mind
Things are much different than I saw
And for some reason, against all odds
I’m back in the same spot, with different people

Except for one
One remains constant
One remains important
One remains special

The one, perchance?
Well it can’t be
Not only for the unopen circumstance
But the people around us don’t associate nicely
I’m not seen as built or mature
And you, well, can’t argue with that

Against all odds
We maintain the same situation
Across all possible barriers
The end seems to be inevitable
Wishing, hoping, and never ending

Quite ironic, isn’t it?
No matter how much we desire, or hope
No matter how many women I put between us
No matter how long you stay with him
We still find one another
And things fall apart again

But it’s always broken
It only fixed when you were here
Even though you really weren’t, and neither was I
Having us was special
And this time
I’d like to keep it like this
Even without hope
It’ll just have to be
Bestie,
Against all odds
Why can’t this end, why do I kind of want it to stay, how do I live knowing you think the same thoughts about what could’ve been, should it have??
94 · Apr 13
You and Inevitability
Sean Maloney Apr 13
Hours passed,
Turning into days,
Then to months,
Until it had been almost a year

I still remember
The days of sleeping on the couch
Haunted by my bed
My outlet
My tv

I thought that night would never end
The morning felt like a typical colorful day
We were talking about random things
You complained about your allergies
But then
In one snap
Everything darkened

I can’t remember the exact amount of time
Could be 7 hours 32 minutes and around forty two estimated seconds
I spent awake on the couch
Staring at the wall
Thinking of us
Or what used to be us
Probably what could’ve been us


And soon came a long era
Of lying to myself to create brightness
Of emotions I couldn’t contain
Thoughts that triggered me
Until it almost consumed me
And I was back in school
Surrounded by you

God I prayed that I would be around you
Even though I knew nothing would happen
I’d fight my best friend over standing next to you in the stands
But I’m glad I won every time

I know the story is you hurt me in the fall
But in truth,
You opened my heart back up
And although you took the hits from that
It made the inevitable make sense
If something is impossible,
And makes sense,
What you’ve got is something
And that’s not to give up on

I’ve always seeked approval from you
Wanting you to see me as something to keep
Or to obtain
Life just doesnt work that way though
I can’t make you want me
Which is why the inevitability is my second greatest ally
The first would be you
Note to self- don’t watch La La land before writing a poem
90 · Apr 15
Love Drawn
Sean Maloney Apr 15
Those gorgeous deep blue eyes
Stunning gold hair
Tempting lips I’ve thought of for over a year
And behind all of that, a person
One who understands everything I say
Who cares about me more than anyone else
And makes every moment impossible to not smile

This is the kind of person they depict in the movies
I thought it couldn’t be real
But then here you are
Smiling every time our eyes lock on
I’ve been calling it fate
But it feels more like purpose

I don’t want to be here if it isn’t to make you happy
I feel like there’s a necessity
To make sure you’re okay
And to do my **** best to do well beyond that
Whether it’s sitting in band talking about Dexter Gordon
Or late night texting about our future
I’ve wanted this
And now that it’s here, I want to be here to stay

Call me ignorant
The way I can’t be convinced you’re not everything I need
Call me a fool
For not giving up even when it gets difficult
Call me love drawn
The way I always come back to you
I really don’t care
All I care about is you
90 · Apr 13
Tortured Hearts
Sean Maloney Apr 13
You asked me if I’m in
Kind of silly if you ask me
Oh wait
You did

I’ve been wanting you since I first heard you speak my name
So sweet and innocent
The way you said it nobody could repeat
Except for the one

I’m sure of it
Convinced

And right now
I’m not fighting alone with a tortured heart
I’m joining forces
One tortured heart to another
We’ll find our way through
We’re already together
And I won’t lose
You
You won’t lose
Me
You and Me
We work like peanut butter and jelly
I’m stuck to you
Best believe I’m not going

Can we do airplane arms on the 45 again
Can we learn Dexter together again
Can we do so many things we’ve dreamed of
Text me and kiss me
Call me and hug me

Girl I want you so bad
I got it bad and it feels so good
That’s how I feel for you

My heart won’t stop pulsating for you
And I don’t want it to either
You’re the one
I want you
Lizie 👩‍🍳🫶
89 · Apr 13
Beauty
Sean Maloney Apr 13
Anything.
Anything at all.
I just want to end up with her.
I know her secrets, her issues, all the problems she thinks she has and knows she has.
I just see beauty in it.
I see beauty in her.
Beauty in her.
Her
Beauty
85 · May 8
Want Hurts
Sean Maloney May 8
The days of doing airplanes on the 35
The ease of moving into depression
Hurting but wanting
Hurting from wanting

It was like clockwork
Each day I would fix everything
Only to make it worse
Wanting what I couldn’t have

Now I work harder
I do more than ever
Yet there’s still the hurt
Maybe it’s time to **** want
83 · Apr 18
Tribute
Sean Maloney Apr 18
The day I saw you play my piano
Making everyone smile
Singing like no one else was in the room
It changed my life forever

I started taking piano lessons
I think you graduated by the time I got anywhere
But I wish I could’ve told you

My sax started seeming like a goal
Not a thing I picked up to “practice”
What is practice anymore
It’s just for my enjoyment
It’s a hobby
A habit

Now I’m earning district medals
And it’s because of you
And I don’t know how to tell you
You created my life
Thank you
82 · May 1
Untitled
Sean Maloney May 1
I know you won’t stop
Just keep being careful
If I go to class one day and you’re not there
And I hear you won’t be back
We’re both not gonna be there
And we won’t be back
Maybe things could work wherever we’d end up tho
81 · May 27
Storytime
Sean Maloney May 27
She was my everything
From the moment I first laid eyes on her
All my trauma faded
Insignificant to that gorgeous babe

Creamy gold hair
Glowing in the sun
Strands swaying in the breeze

I so badly wanted to grab your sweet hands
To stop you mid count
Have you turn to face me
Our hands hit constantly
I wasn’t sure if it was on accident or I tried
I just wanted to keep doing it
By back against yours
Our heels colliding
There was nobody I’d rather be with

Waving in the hallway
Filled my heart with joy
I felt like the center of the world
Of course
Right beside you

And how soon that faded
I stopped seeing you
And my dream was left unanswered
I could’ve sworn you gave me a look turning the corner
Going to the library
It was the perfect opportunity
Us alone in the school
But I overthought it
You made me more nervous than the waiting room for my surgery

But then that miracle happened
I added you on snap
And within hours
Conversations
Of nothing
Of everything
The start to a fiery love
The kind that can’t be put out
Because it grows with each attack

I still remember
“Do you play?”
The start to it all
Was my piano
Back when I put your name into my moonlight
e-li-za
It more than worked
And let me tell you
That’s when I knew
You were the one

You loved everything I gave
I felt something I’d never felt before
Finally having someone who cared
Who saw me and didn’t run
You embraced who I was
I felt like a child
Giggling at stupid things
Grinning at my phone

That’s why that night I cried for six hours straight
My mom trying to comfort me
And giving up
Because it was everything
And saying it was nothing
Just broke my heart more

And I saw you move on
I saw you with someone else
I watched you ignore me
So I did what I had to
I bottled it all up

Yet I had the summer blues
All the while
I was missing you

Then band camp came
We were back
And somehow
Small talk
Subtle jokes
Became leaps of faith
And we were in one another’s arms once again
Until we got stripped away
Believing it was for the best
That was my worst era
Because I knew I couldn’t do without you
But I tried to

And she came along
Messed me all up
Gave me alternative sensations
Compensating for the pain in my heart
Until it was too much
She didn’t like what she saw in me
She couldn’t change who I was
And I was thrown out

But you
You scooped me up
Nursed me back to full health
And confessed

I know you’ve thought it
But it wasn’t stupid
Because it brought me to my knees
Everything made sense
I could finally figure out where I am
Because I had you again
The final time

I wished
I hoped
I dreamed
I cried
I prayed
I wondered
I thought
I loved

It wasn’t enough
And you were gone
Because we can’t decide our own fates
I can’t pick me for you
You can’t pick me for everyone else
I regret letting you go though
Even though I couldn’t have fought

Then my poem found you
And you reached back
And I pulled you right to me
Not letting go
But I didn’t have to
You grabbed back
Maybe even pulled me closer than before
Our bond feels like a single program
One soul building two lives

This is it
I have to leave us here
I can’t lose you
So I remain

Talk to me
Whisper to me
Invisible ink to me
Cry to me
Yell to me
I’m here for it
I’m here for you
And I’m never going

I was obsessed over you
I fell for you
I cried with you
I died with you
I returned for you
Girl
I love you
I figured, I’ve never given my side of it completely, so I’ll put it all into here. Missing some of my crazy memories that can’t be removed, like us playing Dexter Gordon or marching, but I did it anyway.
81 · May 19
Goodnight
Sean Maloney May 19
Goodnight…
How many times have we said that
Wasn’t the first time because you were tired
Before the second snow day
Full of conversation

I miss the cruise
Both halves
Because it felt okay
I could hang with my family
Talk to you
You were basically at every table
In the hammock with me
Writing poetry with me

We said goodnight
This time’s different
It’s not a promise for me
It’s an empty resemblance
That I’m still the same
And always will be

If you take me away
And I come back the same
Not even trying to
Maybe I’m broken
Or maybe this is fixed
Either way
It’s gonna **** when you’re gone
And I know
I’m imagining another goodnight
79 · Jun 2
365 Notes
Sean Maloney Jun 2
1.
I miss you, and I know you’ll never know, but I wanted to care for you so bad today.

2.
I still imagine that dream house of ours.

3.
Where’s my queen of purple?

4.
Why did it happen so fast?

5.
I love you to the moon and across infinity.

6.
You made my day without even trying. That’s not something I’ll ever forget.

7.
You’re still in every corner of my thoughts, no matter how much I clean.

8.
I keep typing your name. And deleting it.

9.
There’s no one I want to send things to anymore.

10.
I pretend I’m fine. But I think my eyes give me away.

11.
You don’t reach out. I don’t either. But I still hope you do.

12.
When I see purple, I feel something I can’t explain.

13.
I wonder if you feel lighter, not talking to me.

14.
Some memories are too good to delete, even if they hurt now.

15.
I haven’t laughed the same since we stopped talking.

16.
You made me feel like I was worth listening to.

17.
It’s been weeks and I still think, “Maybe today she’ll say something.”

18.
You were never background noise. You were the volume all the way up.

19.
I still remember exactly how you texted when you were tired.

20.
If I showed you how I really felt, would you come back?

21.
It hurts knowing we’re both pretending we’re okay.

22.
Even silence feels different when it’s coming from you.

23.
It was never just snaps. It was you, and me, and everything in between.

24.
You didn’t need to be mine to feel like home.

25.
Every time I open Snapchat, I hope you’re first.

26.
You felt like my favorite part of the day, every day.

27.
I wonder if you scroll past my name the way I scroll past yours — slowly.

28.
I miss having someone who actually cared how I was doing.

29.
You always saw the things I didn’t say. That’s what I miss most.

30.
I see people trying to be close with me, and I still only wish it was you.

31.
I don’t talk about you out loud, but you’re still everywhere.

32.
Maybe if I’d said less, or said more, you’d still be here.

33.
I didn’t need a label to know what we had was real.

34.
I keep going over everything, trying to figure out what broke.

35.
We weren’t dating. But losing you felt worse than any breakup.

36.
Even if I talk to other people, I only listen for you.

37.
You’re the only one who ever made the world feel slower.

38.
I miss the way your mind worked. I miss the way you made mine better.

39.
Some people felt temporary. You never did.

40.
I wasn’t ready to lose the one person who made life softer.

41.
No one else had the ability to ruin and save my day with one message.

42.
I wish I had been better at holding you without having to hold you.

43.
I never told you how safe I felt with you. Even through a screen.

44.
I miss our midnight typing pauses — both waiting to see who says it first.

45.
I wonder what you think when you see my name. If anything.

46.
You made purple a feeling.

47.
I keep catching myself thinking in “we.”

48.
If this wasn’t love, it was still the closest thing I’ve ever felt to it.

49.
I’d still drop everything to hear how your day was.

50.
Even now, it’s still you.

51.
There’s a difference between being alone and feeling your absence.

52.
I keep thinking if I wait long enough, you’ll miss me too.

53.
Every time someone makes me laugh, I compare it to yours.

54.
You’re not replaceable. I’ve stopped trying.

55.
There’s no conversation that feels full without you in it.

56.
Sometimes I want to send a single “hey.” But I never do.

57.
The worst part is not knowing if you’re hurting too.

58.
You always knew when something was off. I wonder if you feel it now.

59.
There’s a kind of silence that sounds like your name.

60.
It’s not like I don’t have people. I just don’t have you.

61.
I hope you’re doing okay. I really, truly do.

62.
I wish we could go back to one of those nights where everything felt easy.

63.
You made things feel lighter. Everything’s heavier now.

64.
Some days, I catch myself smiling at a memory and then crash into the fact that it’s just a memory.

65.
We didn’t even have to try. That’s what made it special.

66.
It still feels weird that I can’t just tell you things anymore.

67.
I try not to romanticize it. But it was real, and that’s worse.

68.
If I had one more chance to talk to you, I think I’d just listen.

69.
Sometimes I rehearse things in my head like you’re still here to answer.

70.
Even my best days end with your name floating around somewhere in the back of my mind.

71.
We never got to be an “us,” but it still feels like I lost something permanent.

72.
There’s this weird hope that somehow, someday, it just clicks back.

73.
I miss how you always noticed when I wasn’t okay — even when I didn’t.

74.
No one else asks how I really am. They’re not you.

75.
The days feel longer without someone to send the little things to.

76.
I didn’t just miss the person. I missed the feeling.

77.
We weren’t perfect. But we were something rare.

78.
I hate that I don’t know what you’re laughing at anymore.

79.
Your absence shows up in the smallest places.

80.
The part of me that believes in people still believes in you.

81.
I haven’t changed your name. I still want to see it.

82.
I wish you knew how many good things I still associate with you.

83.
I didn’t know I’d be grieving someone still alive.

84.
You weren’t mine. But I still feel like I lost everything.

85.
Some moments still catch me off guard. Like when I almost tell you something before I remember.

86.
I think I’m scared you’re happier without me.

87.
We never made it official, but it still feels like a breakup.

88.
Maybe someday you’ll read something I wrote and know it’s about you.

89.
You always told me I felt things deeply. You had no idea.

90.
I’m still here, quietly hoping the next time I open Snapchat… it’s you.

91.
I don’t know what this is between us, but it still makes me nervous and happy all at once.

92.
When you responded, my whole body exhaled.

93.
It’s weird how fast you still feel familiar.

94.
Your texts feel like sunlight in a house I thought was boarded up.

95.
I don’t know if we’re rebuilding or just visiting the ruins.

96.
Your “hey” brought back every version of us.

97.
Even small talk with you feels like something sacred.

98.
I catch myself rereading your messages like they’re poems.

99.
I wish I didn’t care so much about what each message means — but I do.

100.
You still know how to say the one thing I need to hear.

101.
I miss the way you used to just… get me. Maybe we still have that.

102.
It’s strange how I still crave your attention like nothing’s changed.

103.
Some days, we feel brand new. Other days, I feel like a memory you’re trying to forget.

104.
I want to ask you if you ever missed me, but I’m scared of the answer.

105.
Talking to you again feels like trying to walk barefoot on familiar ground that still has shards.

106.
You said something the other day that made me laugh out loud. I missed that sound coming from me.

107.
I’m trying not to expect too much, but I can’t help hoping.

108.
You don’t know how hard it is not to tell you I still care like it’s day one.

109.
I keep holding my breath between messages, waiting for warmth.

110.
There are moments I feel us again, and then they’re gone.

111.
You still have this way of making me forget all the time that’s passed.

112.
I almost told you how much I missed you today. Almost.

113.
Sometimes I think you’re trying too. Other times I think I’m alone in this.

114.
If we don’t work out, I hope you know I’ll still be glad we tried.

115.
You don’t need to be perfect — you just need to be here.

116.
It’s funny how quickly you made my day feel full again.

117.
I’m scared to love again. Not because of love. Because it might not be you.

118.
You told me something random and personal. I haven’t felt that trusted in a while.

119.
Even when we’re awkward, it still feels better than silence.

120.
I’m not expecting anything. But I’m quietly hoping everything.

121.
Sometimes I get the feeling we’re both pretending not to remember.

122.
You told me I looked happy. I wanted to say, “You’re the reason I do.”

123.
We’re tiptoeing around the past like it can’t hear us.

124.
Maybe this isn’t perfect. But it’s something. And I’ll take it.

125.
The little things you say still land like they used to.

126.
I thought I was past this. And then you typed back.

127.
I don’t know where this is going. But I’m walking anyway.

128.
I haven’t laughed like that in months. Thank you.

129.
You’re still the one I want to talk to last before I sleep.

130.
You apologized for something small. I wanted to say “I forgive you for everything.”

131.
There’s a version of me that only existed with you — I felt him again today.

132.
I’m scared we’re building something again without calling it that.

133.
It’s strange how I still remember the rhythm of our messages.

134.
I’m trying not to get attached again. I’m also failing.

135.
We’re writing something new over the same page.

136.
You said “lol” and I smiled like it was 2023 again.

137.
This is the part where we figure out what’s left between us.

138.
You still bring out parts of me I thought I lost.

139.
Every time you reply, I believe in something again.

140.
I’m scared to hope. But I think I am anyway.

141.
Even now, you can undo a hard day with one message.

142.
I wonder if you’re thinking about this as much as I am.

143.
Some moments feel like we never stopped. Others feel like we never started.

144.
I hope we’re not just a soft repeat of something we never got right.

145.
You told me goodnight, and it stayed with me until morning.

146.
I miss you. But in a quieter way now. A familiar ache.

147.
If this is just temporary, I still needed it.

148.
I can’t tell if we’re healing or reopening something.

149.
You still make me want to be softer with the world.

150.
This doesn’t feel like the end. Not yet.

151.
There’s comfort here. But it’s not you.

152.
I smile when I’m supposed to. But it never reaches the part of me you used to touch.

153.
She’s kind. She listens. But she doesn’t speak my language the way you did.

154.
Some nights, I still talk to you in my head first.

155.
The way you knew me — it wasn’t loud. It was certain.

156.
Even now, I catch myself imagining your reaction instead of hers.

157.
She tries to comfort me, but her healing power isn’t purple. Not like yours.

158.
I keep pretending this is progress. But healing shouldn’t feel like hiding.

159.
You haunt me in moments I thought were moving forward.

160.
There’s softness here, but not the kind you gave.

161.
I laugh sometimes. And then I realize it’s the kind of laugh I’d have sent to you.

162.
I used to feel known. Now I just feel understood.

163.
Every smile I give now feels slightly borrowed.

164.
You made silence feel safe. Nothing else does.

165.
It feels like I’m painting in grayscale when I used to paint in purple.

166.
Even if I wanted to forget you, the stars still say your name.

167.
I wish I could show someone else the parts of me I saved for you.

168.
Some nights, I wish I didn’t know what it was like to feel seen.

169.
I’m not comparing. I’m remembering.

170.
I never had to explain myself with you. Now I overexplain everything.

171.
I keep telling myself you were just a phase. But nothing else feels like the rest.

172.
I used to call you when I needed comfort. Now I just wait for time to pass.

173.
You weren’t just someone — you were the way I breathed.

174.
Some feelings don’t fade. They just find new places to ache.

175.
I tell stories and forget who I told them to first. Then I remember it was always you.

176.
Every time I feel safe, I wonder what it would feel like with you again.

177.
I’m not lost. But I don’t feel found anymore either.

178.
It’s not fair to miss you like this. But it’s honest.

179.
You never needed to try to make me feel important.

180.
I still think about that one conversation that made me feel human again.

181.
Sometimes I want to ask you if you still think of me, but I already know I wouldn’t believe the answer.

182.
If this is what peace looks like, why do I still ache?

183.
You were the only person who made me want to write again.

184.
This world feels fine. Yours felt real.

185.
We were never official. But you were the most real thing I had.

186.
I let someone else hold the space you left behind. It still echoes.

187.
You were my favorite part of quiet.

188.
You made me believe in things I don’t know how to believe in anymore.

189.
There’s nothing wrong with her. But she’s not you. And that’s the problem.

190.
You didn’t need to try. You just were.

191.
Sometimes I feel okay, and then I see purple and remember I’m not.

192.
Even when things feel stable, I still wonder how you’d say my name now.

193.
No one says my name the way you did — like it meant something.

194.
There’s no playlist that drowns you out.

195.
I still hear you when something beautiful happens.

196.
You were the first person I wanted to show the sky to.

197.
Even when I’m smiling, I still wish I was smiling next to you.

198.
She makes me feel calm. You made me feel alive.

199.
I don’t think I’ll ever stop loving the way you made me feel seen.

200.
Some people are safe. But you were sanctuary.

201.
You made my heart feel like it had a place to rest.

202.
Even when I try to move on, you still live in the way I speak.

203.
You’re not a memory. You’re a part of the structure.

204.
You made me feel like there was more to life than just surviving.

205.
Every little kindness from her reminds me of the effortless way you used to care.

206.
I didn’t expect this. I thought it would be easier.

207.
Some people help you forget. You just reminded me how deep I could feel.

208.
I wish I could tell you how much I still want to make you proud.

209.
This isn’t about romance. This is about missing my person.

210.
You weren’t my love story. You were my anchor.

211.
I can’t lie to myself. I’m still carrying you.

212.
There’s a softness in me that belongs to you.

213.
It’s like I’m living beside myself now — watching me pretend I’ve moved on.

214.
I tried to talk about you in past tense. It didn’t feel right.

215.
Somehow I still expect you to understand me without explanation.

216.
It’s not your absence that hurts most. It’s how I’ve learned to live with it.

217.
I’m not angry anymore. Just… quieter.

218.
Some days I forget what it felt like to lose you. Then I remember everything at once.

219.
This isn’t regret. It’s longing.

220.
You were never a phase. You were a shift in the atmosphere.

221.
She tells me I look distant sometimes. I want to say, “That’s where Eliza lives.”

222.
I wanted this to be easy. But nothing that’s ever mattered was.

223.
I don’t want you back. I want you near.

224.
The problem isn’t that I miss you. It’s that no one else makes me forget.

225.
You are still the standard I measure silence by.

226.
I think part of me will always be waiting for your voice.

227.
They ask me what I’m thinking. I just say “nothing.” But I mean “you.”

228.
I thought I could build something new. But the blueprint still says your name.

229.
Even in this peace, I still whisper your name.

230.
She’s not the problem. My heart is just still yours.

231.
Some days, I pretend you’re just a friend I used to know. But my heart doesn’t believe it.

232.
You weren’t a love story. You were a definition.

233.
It’s not that I want to go back. I just want to know if you ever felt it like I did.

234.
She’s wonderful. But I still reach for you in my mind.

235.
You live in my metaphors. Still.

236.
I stopped looking for someone like you. Because no one is.

237.
Even in love, I feel your absence.

238.
You weren’t mine. But I belonged to you anyway.

239.
Maybe one day I’ll meet someone who understands. But it’ll never be the same language.

240.
I’ve moved forward. But not on.

241.
You said something simple and it lit up my whole day. Just like old times.

242.
I didn’t realize how much I missed the way you say my name until you said it again.

243.
This time feels softer. Less like lightning, more like sunrise.

244.
We’re different now. But the way I care hasn’t changed a bit.

245.
You sent a voice note and I smiled before even playing it.

246.
I don’t want to mess this up. I just want to hold it right this time.

247.
Talking to you again feels like a second chance I didn’t know I needed.

248.
I never stopped being proud of you. I just stopped being able to tell you.

249.
This version of you still feels like home.

250.
I keep reading your messages and realizing I’m smiling again.

251.
Maybe this isn’t the beginning, or the end. Maybe it’s us, figuring it out.

252.
I want to be someone safe for you again. Even just in texts.

253.
The way you said “I missed this” made everything quiet in my chest.

254.
You bring out a gentleness in me no one else can reach.

255.
We don’t need to rush. I’d rather do this right.

256.
You’re still the one I want to tell everything to first.

257.
I’m not trying to recreate what we had. I want to build something with the person you are now.

258.
You sent “goodnight” and I swear I felt peace for the first time in months.

259.
This isn’t some big love confession. It’s just me saying, “You still matter. Deeply.”

260.
I remembered something you said last year. I wanted to say — you were right.

261.
You’re still easy to talk to, even after everything.

262.
When I think of the people who’ve changed me, you’re always at the top.

263.
You don’t have to say much. Just being here again says enough.

264.
Even the awkward pauses between us feel safe.

265.
I don’t need fireworks this time. I just want something steady and real with you.

266.
You said “I’m glad we’re talking again” and I had to look away from my screen for a second.

267.
I don’t know what this is, but it’s growing in the quiet. And that feels right.

268.
If this is the beginning of something better, I’m all in.

269.
I’m not scared of getting hurt. I’m scared of losing you again.

270.
You said “me too.” That’s all I needed.

271.
You were here. And then… nothing.

272.
I keep refreshing for a message I know isn’t coming.

273.
Did I say too much? Or not enough?

274.
It felt like we were becoming something again. I don’t know what happened.

275.
You said you missed talking to me. What changed?

276.
This silence is different from before. It’s heavier because now I know what it could’ve been.

277.
I keep telling myself you’re just busy. But my chest still tightens anyway.

278.
I was starting to believe in us again. That might’ve been the mistake.

279.
I’m not mad. I’m just confused. And kind of heartbroken in a quiet way.

280.
Maybe it’s nothing. But nothing hurts more when it follows something.

281.
You said “talk soon.” You didn’t lie. You just didn’t mean it.

282.
I’m back to rereading our last conversation like it’s a clue.

283.
I’m not asking for everything. Just for something.

284.
If this is the end again, I wish I’d seen it coming.

285.
You left gently this time. And that almost hurts more.

286.
You said good morning and suddenly the whole day felt lighter.

287.
This doesn’t feel rushed. It just feels right.

288.
We don’t have to name this. I just want to be here, wherever “here” is with you.

289.
There’s something different about your voice now — like softness found its way back in.

290.
You make the little things feel sacred.

291.
I stopped wondering if this is temporary. I just started enjoying it.

292.
You’ve never looked more beautiful to me than you do when you’re just being yourself.

293.
I like the way we don’t need to fill every silence. Some of them feel warm now.

294.
You said you were proud of me. And I believed you.

295.
This feels like healing together, not apart.

296.
You’ve always felt like home. But now, it’s like I get to live there again.

297.
We’re still figuring it out, and that’s okay. I don’t want to rush this.

298.
You’re not just comfort anymore — you’re clarity.

299.
I love the way you speak with care, even when you’re unsure.

300.
This feels like us. Not trying to be what we were — just being who we are.

301.
Every time you say my name, it steadies something in me.

302.
You’re the only person who can make me feel calm just by showing up.

303.
I used to miss you with desperation. Now I miss you with hope.

304.
There’s nothing urgent about this. Just a quiet, mutual want.

305.
I’m not scared anymore. I think we’re doing this the way we were supposed to.

306.
The way you care — it’s in the details. I notice.

307.
You’ve never felt more real to me than you do right now.

308.
We used to hold each other through screens. Now it feels like we’re finally face to face.

309.
You said “I’m here.” And this time, you stayed.

310.
I want to remember this version of us — soft, growing, still choosing each other.

311.
I don’t feel the need to prove anything anymore. I just want to show up for you.

312.
It feels easy again. Not because it’s simple, but because it’s right.

313.
You could’ve walked away for good. But you didn’t. Thank you.

314.
I don’t know how this ends. I just know I’m glad we made it back.

315.
Whatever this is, I want to keep building it with you.

316.
I think we both knew it was ending, but neither of us wanted to say it out loud.

317.
You didn’t disappear. You just got quieter. And I didn’t want to ask why.

318.
The last time you said “talk later,” I felt it was the last.

319.
I don’t regret a single message. Even the ones you never answered.

320.
This isn’t a breakup. It’s a quiet goodbye with no label.

321.
I kept expecting you to fight for it. But maybe we were both too tired.

322.
We never said we were over. We just stopped happening.

323.
I reread the things you said when we were trying again. I don’t think you were lying.

324.
Sometimes love doesn’t die. It just can’t carry the weight anymore.

325.
There’s a difference between moving on and letting go. I’m still learning how to do either.

326.
The worst part is how kind the ending was. Like we both knew we couldn’t stay.

327.
I didn’t want this to fade. But I think we let it.

328.
I keep thinking there’ll be one last message. There never is.

329.
We got so close. Closer than most. But not close enough to stay.

330.
You mattered. You still do. That doesn’t change just because we did.

331.
I loved how soft we were in the end. We didn’t break — we unraveled.

332.
Maybe the kindest thing we did was not force it when it started to go.

333.
You were never mine. But I loved you like you were.

334.
I still don’t know what to call us. But I know what it felt like.

335.
Sometimes the strongest love is the one that doesn’t ask to stay.

336.
I didn’t expect the last message to be the last.

337.
You weren’t a chapter. You were the author of so much in me.

338.
It’s okay that we didn’t end loud. It still hurts quiet.

339.
Even now, I still hope you’re doing okay. Especially now.

340.
You made me believe again. That counts for something.

341.
Thank you for showing up again. Even if it wasn’t forever.

342.
I wish I had one last day to just tell you everything. Not to fix it — just to be real.

343.
This isn’t bitterness. It’s just love with nowhere to go.

344.
Somewhere in me, you’re still there. Just softer now.

345.
Maybe we weren’t meant to last. But we were meant to meet.

346.
The truth is, I’d do it all again. Even the ending.

347.
I won’t forget how it felt to be wanted by you. Even briefly.

348.
You didn’t have to love me the same way. I just wanted you near.

349.
I still carry pieces of you, even as I try to make room for new ones.

350.
We didn’t get a proper goodbye. Maybe we didn’t need one.

351.
I don’t hate you. I don’t blame you. I just… miss you.

352.
Some nights, I still imagine you saying my name one more time.

353.
You don’t need to reach out. I’ll still wish you the best anyway.

354.
Even if this is it, you were my favorite “almost.”

355.
You taught me how to open up again. That’s a kind of love too.

356.
I don’t know what you meant to me. But it was more than anything else ever did.

357.
I still feel you in songs, in dreams, in sudden silences.

358.
We didn’t crash. We drifted. But it still hurts like a wreck.

359.
You didn’t break me. But I’m still putting myself back together.

360.
Maybe we’ll meet again in some other version of this life.

361.
You mattered. You always will.

362.
If you ever wonder, yes — I meant every word.

363.
I still have so many things I want to say. But I won’t.

364.
I loved you in a way that made the world feel different.

365.
And I still do.
They may not be in order, but I wrote you these notes over the past year and a half, I figured it’s worth putting them out instead of sitting in a drawer for poetry inspiration.
78 · May 2
Weight
Sean Maloney May 2
Layers
Of emotions
Depths
Of pain
The weight of the world
Resting on top of my heart

I don’t know why
I let myself get frustrated
How conveniently it maxed as soon as the moment came
If I had just begged
Listened to my heart
Then at least if it wouldn’t have worked
I could know it wasn’t me

But instead
I got mad
For my own mistake
I’m just frustrated with myself really
Because I say I can’t have anything
When I send it all away
At the first opportunity
Without even thinking

I don’t struggle with actions
Not at all
I just can’t decide
I never know what’s BEST
I just know that you are
Which makes me the worst
For everyone
For you
For me
78 · Apr 16
Untitled
Sean Maloney Apr 16
Hey twig
You’re a pretty hot twig
78 · May 2
Trailing Sand
Sean Maloney May 2
Looking out over the waves
My shoes making endless trails in the sand
Washed away by the thick foam
I realize nothing matters
We’re on a rock in space
Filled with billions of emotions
I’m not special
Nobody is worth a **** in the end

That’s how I realize it’s real
Because even when nothing matters
When I’m out here in the middle of nowhere
Far away from everything
I still think you matter
And I wish you were here
Or there
Everywhere
Just with me

Even if it can’t happen
I still want you to
Maybe there isn’t the one
Maybe some people don’t have anyone
Maybe some have multiple
I just know for a fact you’re the one
I’m not deciding
So it’s you or alone
Sean Maloney Apr 13
Why can’t I stop
Where am I getting these words from
Each line
Each sentence
Feels like a desperate cry
For dreams to meet reality
For your hand to be placed in mine

When does it end
When does the reality check land on us
When can I finally be done dreaming
When can I instead be living
A life I can built with you
Pure and genuine

We won’t give up
We won’t retaliate

We can’t fight non verbalized wars

My hearts stays pure to you

As it’s the only version of me that’s true

I’m sure you have the slightest clue

All I want is you

Girl you’re the only thing that makes sense in life

The only person who understands
Only one who listens
Only understander
Only listener
Only true lover

So the words fly to my beating heart
I’m wondering
Do yours flow too
And if so
May they speak to me
77 · Apr 21
Best qualities
Sean Maloney Apr 21
When you look into my eyes
The whole world stops spinning
It’s just us
Floating across space and time
I can read how you feel
Observe your beauty
All I wish in that moment is to stay with you

You’re always here to care for me
Even when you’re not doing well yourself
Or you’re battling stress
Or having a good time
A week of being sick shouldn’t be needed to make me realize how much you care
And it’s not
I truly do know and appreciate you
Even more having survived the week with your love and care

The warmth you send through me
Filling my heart
Trembling my bones
Making me blush
Can get me through anything
You make me feel happy out of this world

So I can’t lose you now
Or tomorrow
I can’t lose you ever
You’re too good, too perfect
I want you to stay forever

I want us to stay forever
76 · May 16
Dark Thoughts
Sean Maloney May 16
“You won’t have to deal with me after this performance!”
I say
My plume blowing
The wind roaring
“Maloney, I have to deal with another year of you!”
He sounds spiteful
I didn’t like that
I know I’m annoying
I’m a freshman
It’s dark out here
I’m just being open

I kinda wish you didn’t graduate now
I lost my innocence
Since that time you crashed out on me
We’re pretty similar though
Music is our lives
We liked the same woman!
Make that two
And I know you’re probably jealous
But I hate it here
I wish I could’ve been left to grow

But hey
Here’s the thing
That’s just life
So whatever brings us down
We know where we’re headed
Sean Maloney May 19
-I can’t do this alone
Not really, I can’t without you, but I’m trying

-And as the earth burns to the ground-oh girl, it’s you that I lie with-as the atom bomb locks in
Well maybe not but mentally, and I still feel the connection even if it isn’t there or if it’s not what I think it is

-This time, I swear I won’t find someone new
True. At least I’m still able to live, maybe indefinite love can be burned indefinitely

-That you’re the one I want to go through time with
This song was rough, but yeah it’s all eternal and that’s the message, I don’t feel heartbroken, I feel accepting I’m forever yours and also alone at the same time

-oh, pretty baby
Don’t bring me down I pray
Oh, pretty baby
Now that I’ve found you, stay
And let me love you, baby
Yeah it’s too late. But hey. Doesn’t make it any less what my heart is screaming alongside heath ledger.

That’s it, a lot of my fav songs, and the lyrics that most make me think about you. This is messed up but I still get those feelings I get talking to you, sorry if I scare you away.
I can’t lie to you, that’s why my poetry will always be my heart before my head. I apologize.
74 · Apr 27
Gold, Blue, Luring
Sean Maloney Apr 27
Your golden hair illuminates my mind
Gorgeous deep blue eyes haunting me
But not in a bad sense
In the sense of:
I wish I was looking into her eyes right now
Because I feel the safety of a home with you
Something even my family can’t offer me

It doesn’t matter how long
I just want to talk to you
Breathe alongside your mega lungs
View your every breath
Watch in astonishment as the beautifully immaculate figure of you sends lightning into my heart

I’d give up thirty minutes every day of my life
To practice with you
Pretend to be listening when I’m actually bewildered by all of you
Tracing the side of your face with my finger
Laughing over some stupid mistake we make

I want to be with you
Not just as much time as possible
But all the time
In your mind when we’re physically apart
I like the idea of haunting you
I just want it to be in a sweet caring way
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