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Jun 9 · 68
Love Quotes
Sean Maloney Jun 9
“She’s literally the hottest person I know”

“I can’t look at her and not want her”

It’s not just emotional, I’m so attracted to her”

“I know I’ll never feel this way about someone else physically”

“It’s not just that she’s hot, it’s that when I see her, I feel it everywhere. Like I need to be near her”

“She gets me in a way no one else even tries to”

“I feel seen with her, not watched, just understood”

“It’s like she knows the version of me that I’m still trying to become”
Jun 9 · 60
What is She
Sean Maloney Jun 9
Other girls are just people. Eliza is… her. She doesn’t leave my head. She’s the motivation for me to live, the reason I want to live my life, the source of my hearts love. Everything about her screams the most intense levels of attraction, and I wouldn’t spend a second trying to find something not scorching hot, I’ll take being in awe. She amazes me, how someone so perfect can exist, and I know I’m lucky to have met her, because she’s not that girl you dream of and forget…. she’s the eternal dream you can’t ever let go.
Sean Maloney Jun 9
Your voice,
it drips like sunlight over my skin-
not burning, just warm,
like a kiss that starts in the heart
and spills outward.

You say my name,
and it’s like fingers brushing the back of my neck,
gentle, like you always are when you mean it.
Every syllable
a promise without pressure,
a tether made of silk and intention.

We talk until the day folds in on itself,
hours dripping slow like honey,
and I want more-
of your thoughts, your hands,
your breath softening the air between us
as we sit close
in the hush of the car,
windows fogged by the gravity
of just being near you.

God, Eliza,
I see us in years we haven’t lived-
your laugh decorating a kitchen,
your feet on my dashboard,
your eyes asking nothing
but still saying everything.

Love is not loud with you,
it’s skin-on-skin in words and time,
in the way your touch exists
even when we’re not touching.

And maybe-
maybe one day I’ll kiss you
like I’ve kissed you a thousand times
in dreams I never wake from.
And it’ll feel like this:
not fireworks,
but a soft ignition.
Not a storm,
but a home.
Jun 9 · 47
Love is Ours
Sean Maloney Jun 9
I miss you-
But you just went to sleep

I miss you-
But you were here 4 minutes ago

I miss you-
But we were just day dreaming the future

I miss you-
But I feel your words like a delicate touch

I miss you-
But I know I still love you

I miss you-
But I can’t wait for tomorrow, for you

I miss you,
But you’ll wake up to this message

I miss you,
But even so,
When the sun rises,
While kids dread their final exams,
We’ll be here,
Soaking in our own rays of sun,
Like a hot tub of love,
For just the two of us to bathe in,
Washing us clean of our time apart

I miss you now,
I’ll miss you tomorrow night,
But I won’t miss you forever-
How could I,
Soon enough we’ll be together everywhere,
Unable to be split apart,
Unwilling to leave

I tell you it a lot, I know
But I love you so much
Girl it’s like an instinct
Your words leave me vulnerable
But it isn’t bad
And only for you-
Only for you would this be okay
Because I know deep in my heart-
Love is ours
Jun 8 · 65
What I See
Sean Maloney Jun 8
Something you ask a lot
Is how I manage to keep seeing you wrong
I don’t think that’s it though
I see you how you want me to see you
Everything is perfect
Even things you’d argue aren’t great
I love every inch I’ve seen
And I’d like to explore all of you
If that’s alright
Jun 8 · 71
My Dream
Sean Maloney Jun 8
I think I love you
More than you could ever know

It’s not a bad thing
It’s just

The way you make a room full of smiles
Your lips tempting me to kiss you
The most beautiful blue eyes-
Looking at me like I’m valuable

Everything about you
Is like a fairy tale
And somehow
You still exist
Choosing me

One day
We’ll give one another what we want
And we’re gonna be so happy
We’llcforget what sadness felt like

Yes
I’ll hold your hand
While you get allergy shots

Yes
I’ll kiss you
Anywhere
Everywhere

Yes
Eventually
I will marry you

I’m an overthinker
But with you
I lose that grounded approach
Because with you
My dreams meet reality
They have to-
You’re my dream
Jun 7 · 54
Band Love
Sean Maloney Jun 7
It’s all the same
The notes form the same old melodies we hear each class
Doc conducts as he always does
We’re in the same spot-
Right next to one another

But this time
I don’t hear the music
I hear your desires
I hear the thoughts of me in your head
I hear your heart pleading for mine

And my heart begins to reciprocate
Throbbing faster than the beat of the music
Harder than the mallets hit the marimba
Louder than the trumpets
I start to lose control
I’m playing the music
But all I can think about is how badly I want you

And then I mess up
I missed the key change
And you give me a side eye-
Before we break out laughing
I didn’t even process doc might’ve noticed
All I could think about-
Was how much I love you

Soon after-
The song ended
And we packed our bags
All I could think was-
I can’t wait till I see her again
I can’t wait to feel love again
Sean Maloney Jun 7
I hate the way you know when something’s wrong,
I hate that you always know what to say to calm me down.
I hate when you disappear at night,
I hate it when I wait for you to wake up.
I hate watching you hurt yourself,
And knowing I can’t stop the pain.
I hate how insecure I feel knowing you can read me like a concert band piece,
Which isn’t such a bad thing when I get quiet and silently beg for someone to notice.
Really,
I hate going through my day without you,
In fact,
I hate everyday I don’t see you.
But in truth,
I’m never going to leave,
Because maybe-
Maybe I hate the fact that I lied,
I don’t hate this,
No not at all,
What I hate is the idea of a world without us.
Jun 7 · 83
Silent Fate
Sean Maloney Jun 7
I face planted
Right through my bedroom door
Straight into the burning carpet
It was quick
But silent
As if I never made an impact
I wonder if my death will be like that
Will anyone be left to hear it
Or will I have to cry and wail
Scream and yell
Until someone listens
Would they want to hear it
Or see it
Would I matter to them
Or would they walk past
Like a half chewed rat left in the street
Do I belong on the street
Do I even belong anywhere
I’m not sure
But right now
I can’t get up
I’m glued to the carpet
Accepting fate
A silent fate
Silent fate is a good title for something else too… wish I thought of it before I made this, then again, I’m just a boy on the floor
Jun 7 · 261
Night
Sean Maloney Jun 7
I feel the tears slide down my cheek
Crossing the lines around my nose
And I know
It’s going to be a long-
Lonely night
Jun 7 · 48
Feeling Sentimental
Sean Maloney Jun 7
I thought this year was horrible
But the more I think about it
I wish I could go back
Not to change my decisions
But to relive it one more time
Knowing things will change
But accepting the beauty of it

I don’t miss her
But sometimes I want a good argument
Sometimes I want the doorbell to ring
Some days I wish I wasn’t in bed alone
And it’s my choice what to do about it
Doesn’t mean I didn’t like it

I miss my friends
And not because I want to hang out
We don’t endlessly call anymore
We don’t make fun of random people
I don’t have my support pals

I miss the musical chaos
Of going to pit every day
Marching band terrors
Learning the jazz band soli
Auditioning for districts
I miss district jazz the most
I loved being with people who knew-
What they were doing-
And what they wanted to do
I miss district band
Resting on her shoulder
Playing classically
The moments were surreal

I want life to be normal
But I don’t want it to change
I wish it could all work out
Like it was
Sean Maloney Jun 7
E. your laugh is a melody that i long to hear.
i’ve memorized how it feels to find you in every moment.


S. I missed you more than anyone could know, and I can’t lose you again, don’t leave anymore.
You know me more than anyone else, and nobody knows you know anything.


E. the secret of us is in the way we keep making eye contact when no one’s watching.


S. I can’t stop looking at your beautiful face, did you notice?


E. those golden eyes are sometimes stormy, yet somehow always home.


S. Your hair waves in the breeze, golden strands shining brighter than the sun.


E. with you, i never feel like drowning, it feels like breathing again.


S. I love you so much my heart grew.
Sean Maloney Jun 5
You’re the sun when the day feels gray,
burning gold through every cloud in my way.
When I’m lost in the silence of my own storm,
your warmth is the only thing keeping me warm.

Your beauty doesn’t beg, it just is,
a quiet kind of magic wrapped in bliss.
Like the light spilling over a sleeping town,
you don’t even try—and still, I drown.

Your eyes are oceans, deep and true,
not just blue—the blue I never knew.
Every glance pulls me out past shore,
makes me forget what I was hurting for.

Your voice is a hush the world can’t fake,
like angels resting in the breath they take.
It smooths the sharp edges of my mind,
like wind through the trees, soft and kind.

When you’re near, the world slows down,
like time kneels to you, lays down its crown.
Even silence feels more alive when you speak,
a whisper from you makes my knees go weak.

I don’t need answers, I don’t need signs—
I’ve already found all I need in your lines.
The sun, the sea, the voice I knew—
they’ve always been you, just you.
Jun 5 · 60
I Love You
Sean Maloney Jun 5
One day
I’m going to tell you I love you
And it won’t be a text
It won’t be in invisible ink
It’ll be to your face
Holding you
And until then
I’ll dream of it every night

I’ll whisper your name before I sleep-
Like a promise
I’ll respond to you first in the morning-
Because you’re the first priority
Just please
Please don’t go again
This time I’m not letting you leave
This time
I’ll be yours
And you’ll be mine
Jun 5 · 68
Wonders of You
Sean Maloney Jun 5
Your eyes whispered sweet dreams to me
Impossible to ignore-
Nor look away
Deep blue
But reflecting the treasures they store

I missed looking at you
Laughing with you
I missed that look you gave me
Maybe I just missed you

I desired to kiss you
And I’ll be honest-
That’s why I tapped you with my soda
Because if I can’t lay my hand on your cheek
I’ll settle with you knowing I’m there
Jun 4 · 55
Someday
Sean Maloney Jun 4
I’m going to **** myself
I don’t know when
I don’t know how
I don’t know why

Some random day
In a soon to be known season
I’m going to be so alone
Like I am right now
And I’ll have had enough

No more endless supporting-
Without any support
No more backlash drama-
While I try to live day by day

Nobody gets it
How hard it is
And I’m just done
I can’t handle the anger
I’m not even allowed to be angry
What a **** double standard
Jun 4 · 56
Dead Tears
Sean Maloney Jun 4
I tried to cry today.
Wanted to.
Needed to.
But nothing came.

I sat with the silence,
felt the weight,
the ache,
but no flame.

No one was there.
Alone again.
Even the ones I thought would stay
walked away.

Not one tear.
Just pressure.
Just heat behind my eyes.
Like my body knew how —
but refused to try.

The tears, if they came,
would’ve meant I broke.
But I didn’t.
I just…
soaked.

They never fell.
They never ran.
They stayed,
buried
in who I am.

So my face stayed dry,
but don’t mistake the lack of rain.
These eyes
are full
of quiet pain.
Jun 4 · 60
Torn
Sean Maloney Jun 4
I’m torn
My friends hate me
My name is being gossiped
I asked what I should do
I was instructed to stay quiet
“I was instructed to stay quiet”

This *****
How do I support a friend
Going through a really rough time
While people blame me
I don’t even care!
About the drama
The dumb band positions
It doesn’t matter

Why am I
Falling victim
Of others’ conflicts

Can I please get a breather
Can the hate texts stop
Can everyone look at me without disgust

I can’t argue
I can’t tell the truth
I can’t defend my friend

I’m torn
In all parts
Left to rot
Like I couldn’t matter
Like I don’t have a soul
Jun 2 · 109
365 Notes
Sean Maloney Jun 2
1.
I miss you, and I know you’ll never know, but I wanted to care for you so bad today.

2.
I still imagine that dream house of ours.

3.
Where’s my queen of purple?

4.
Why did it happen so fast?

5.
I love you to the moon and across infinity.

6.
You made my day without even trying. That’s not something I’ll ever forget.

7.
You’re still in every corner of my thoughts, no matter how much I clean.

8.
I keep typing your name. And deleting it.

9.
There’s no one I want to send things to anymore.

10.
I pretend I’m fine. But I think my eyes give me away.

11.
You don’t reach out. I don’t either. But I still hope you do.

12.
When I see purple, I feel something I can’t explain.

13.
I wonder if you feel lighter, not talking to me.

14.
Some memories are too good to delete, even if they hurt now.

15.
I haven’t laughed the same since we stopped talking.

16.
You made me feel like I was worth listening to.

17.
It’s been weeks and I still think, “Maybe today she’ll say something.”

18.
You were never background noise. You were the volume all the way up.

19.
I still remember exactly how you texted when you were tired.

20.
If I showed you how I really felt, would you come back?

21.
It hurts knowing we’re both pretending we’re okay.

22.
Even silence feels different when it’s coming from you.

23.
It was never just snaps. It was you, and me, and everything in between.

24.
You didn’t need to be mine to feel like home.

25.
Every time I open Snapchat, I hope you’re first.

26.
You felt like my favorite part of the day, every day.

27.
I wonder if you scroll past my name the way I scroll past yours — slowly.

28.
I miss having someone who actually cared how I was doing.

29.
You always saw the things I didn’t say. That’s what I miss most.

30.
I see people trying to be close with me, and I still only wish it was you.

31.
I don’t talk about you out loud, but you’re still everywhere.

32.
Maybe if I’d said less, or said more, you’d still be here.

33.
I didn’t need a label to know what we had was real.

34.
I keep going over everything, trying to figure out what broke.

35.
We weren’t dating. But losing you felt worse than any breakup.

36.
Even if I talk to other people, I only listen for you.

37.
You’re the only one who ever made the world feel slower.

38.
I miss the way your mind worked. I miss the way you made mine better.

39.
Some people felt temporary. You never did.

40.
I wasn’t ready to lose the one person who made life softer.

41.
No one else had the ability to ruin and save my day with one message.

42.
I wish I had been better at holding you without having to hold you.

43.
I never told you how safe I felt with you. Even through a screen.

44.
I miss our midnight typing pauses — both waiting to see who says it first.

45.
I wonder what you think when you see my name. If anything.

46.
You made purple a feeling.

47.
I keep catching myself thinking in “we.”

48.
If this wasn’t love, it was still the closest thing I’ve ever felt to it.

49.
I’d still drop everything to hear how your day was.

50.
Even now, it’s still you.

51.
There’s a difference between being alone and feeling your absence.

52.
I keep thinking if I wait long enough, you’ll miss me too.

53.
Every time someone makes me laugh, I compare it to yours.

54.
You’re not replaceable. I’ve stopped trying.

55.
There’s no conversation that feels full without you in it.

56.
Sometimes I want to send a single “hey.” But I never do.

57.
The worst part is not knowing if you’re hurting too.

58.
You always knew when something was off. I wonder if you feel it now.

59.
There’s a kind of silence that sounds like your name.

60.
It’s not like I don’t have people. I just don’t have you.

61.
I hope you’re doing okay. I really, truly do.

62.
I wish we could go back to one of those nights where everything felt easy.

63.
You made things feel lighter. Everything’s heavier now.

64.
Some days, I catch myself smiling at a memory and then crash into the fact that it’s just a memory.

65.
We didn’t even have to try. That’s what made it special.

66.
It still feels weird that I can’t just tell you things anymore.

67.
I try not to romanticize it. But it was real, and that’s worse.

68.
If I had one more chance to talk to you, I think I’d just listen.

69.
Sometimes I rehearse things in my head like you’re still here to answer.

70.
Even my best days end with your name floating around somewhere in the back of my mind.

71.
We never got to be an “us,” but it still feels like I lost something permanent.

72.
There’s this weird hope that somehow, someday, it just clicks back.

73.
I miss how you always noticed when I wasn’t okay — even when I didn’t.

74.
No one else asks how I really am. They’re not you.

75.
The days feel longer without someone to send the little things to.

76.
I didn’t just miss the person. I missed the feeling.

77.
We weren’t perfect. But we were something rare.

78.
I hate that I don’t know what you’re laughing at anymore.

79.
Your absence shows up in the smallest places.

80.
The part of me that believes in people still believes in you.

81.
I haven’t changed your name. I still want to see it.

82.
I wish you knew how many good things I still associate with you.

83.
I didn’t know I’d be grieving someone still alive.

84.
You weren’t mine. But I still feel like I lost everything.

85.
Some moments still catch me off guard. Like when I almost tell you something before I remember.

86.
I think I’m scared you’re happier without me.

87.
We never made it official, but it still feels like a breakup.

88.
Maybe someday you’ll read something I wrote and know it’s about you.

89.
You always told me I felt things deeply. You had no idea.

90.
I’m still here, quietly hoping the next time I open Snapchat… it’s you.

91.
I don’t know what this is between us, but it still makes me nervous and happy all at once.

92.
When you responded, my whole body exhaled.

93.
It’s weird how fast you still feel familiar.

94.
Your texts feel like sunlight in a house I thought was boarded up.

95.
I don’t know if we’re rebuilding or just visiting the ruins.

96.
Your “hey” brought back every version of us.

97.
Even small talk with you feels like something sacred.

98.
I catch myself rereading your messages like they’re poems.

99.
I wish I didn’t care so much about what each message means — but I do.

100.
You still know how to say the one thing I need to hear.

101.
I miss the way you used to just… get me. Maybe we still have that.

102.
It’s strange how I still crave your attention like nothing’s changed.

103.
Some days, we feel brand new. Other days, I feel like a memory you’re trying to forget.

104.
I want to ask you if you ever missed me, but I’m scared of the answer.

105.
Talking to you again feels like trying to walk barefoot on familiar ground that still has shards.

106.
You said something the other day that made me laugh out loud. I missed that sound coming from me.

107.
I’m trying not to expect too much, but I can’t help hoping.

108.
You don’t know how hard it is not to tell you I still care like it’s day one.

109.
I keep holding my breath between messages, waiting for warmth.

110.
There are moments I feel us again, and then they’re gone.

111.
You still have this way of making me forget all the time that’s passed.

112.
I almost told you how much I missed you today. Almost.

113.
Sometimes I think you’re trying too. Other times I think I’m alone in this.

114.
If we don’t work out, I hope you know I’ll still be glad we tried.

115.
You don’t need to be perfect — you just need to be here.

116.
It’s funny how quickly you made my day feel full again.

117.
I’m scared to love again. Not because of love. Because it might not be you.

118.
You told me something random and personal. I haven’t felt that trusted in a while.

119.
Even when we’re awkward, it still feels better than silence.

120.
I’m not expecting anything. But I’m quietly hoping everything.

121.
Sometimes I get the feeling we’re both pretending not to remember.

122.
You told me I looked happy. I wanted to say, “You’re the reason I do.”

123.
We’re tiptoeing around the past like it can’t hear us.

124.
Maybe this isn’t perfect. But it’s something. And I’ll take it.

125.
The little things you say still land like they used to.

126.
I thought I was past this. And then you typed back.

127.
I don’t know where this is going. But I’m walking anyway.

128.
I haven’t laughed like that in months. Thank you.

129.
You’re still the one I want to talk to last before I sleep.

130.
You apologized for something small. I wanted to say “I forgive you for everything.”

131.
There’s a version of me that only existed with you — I felt him again today.

132.
I’m scared we’re building something again without calling it that.

133.
It’s strange how I still remember the rhythm of our messages.

134.
I’m trying not to get attached again. I’m also failing.

135.
We’re writing something new over the same page.

136.
You said “lol” and I smiled like it was 2023 again.

137.
This is the part where we figure out what’s left between us.

138.
You still bring out parts of me I thought I lost.

139.
Every time you reply, I believe in something again.

140.
I’m scared to hope. But I think I am anyway.

141.
Even now, you can undo a hard day with one message.

142.
I wonder if you’re thinking about this as much as I am.

143.
Some moments feel like we never stopped. Others feel like we never started.

144.
I hope we’re not just a soft repeat of something we never got right.

145.
You told me goodnight, and it stayed with me until morning.

146.
I miss you. But in a quieter way now. A familiar ache.

147.
If this is just temporary, I still needed it.

148.
I can’t tell if we’re healing or reopening something.

149.
You still make me want to be softer with the world.

150.
This doesn’t feel like the end. Not yet.

151.
There’s comfort here. But it’s not you.

152.
I smile when I’m supposed to. But it never reaches the part of me you used to touch.

153.
She’s kind. She listens. But she doesn’t speak my language the way you did.

154.
Some nights, I still talk to you in my head first.

155.
The way you knew me — it wasn’t loud. It was certain.

156.
Even now, I catch myself imagining your reaction instead of hers.

157.
She tries to comfort me, but her healing power isn’t purple. Not like yours.

158.
I keep pretending this is progress. But healing shouldn’t feel like hiding.

159.
You haunt me in moments I thought were moving forward.

160.
There’s softness here, but not the kind you gave.

161.
I laugh sometimes. And then I realize it’s the kind of laugh I’d have sent to you.

162.
I used to feel known. Now I just feel understood.

163.
Every smile I give now feels slightly borrowed.

164.
You made silence feel safe. Nothing else does.

165.
It feels like I’m painting in grayscale when I used to paint in purple.

166.
Even if I wanted to forget you, the stars still say your name.

167.
I wish I could show someone else the parts of me I saved for you.

168.
Some nights, I wish I didn’t know what it was like to feel seen.

169.
I’m not comparing. I’m remembering.

170.
I never had to explain myself with you. Now I overexplain everything.

171.
I keep telling myself you were just a phase. But nothing else feels like the rest.

172.
I used to call you when I needed comfort. Now I just wait for time to pass.

173.
You weren’t just someone — you were the way I breathed.

174.
Some feelings don’t fade. They just find new places to ache.

175.
I tell stories and forget who I told them to first. Then I remember it was always you.

176.
Every time I feel safe, I wonder what it would feel like with you again.

177.
I’m not lost. But I don’t feel found anymore either.

178.
It’s not fair to miss you like this. But it’s honest.

179.
You never needed to try to make me feel important.

180.
I still think about that one conversation that made me feel human again.

181.
Sometimes I want to ask you if you still think of me, but I already know I wouldn’t believe the answer.

182.
If this is what peace looks like, why do I still ache?

183.
You were the only person who made me want to write again.

184.
This world feels fine. Yours felt real.

185.
We were never official. But you were the most real thing I had.

186.
I let someone else hold the space you left behind. It still echoes.

187.
You were my favorite part of quiet.

188.
You made me believe in things I don’t know how to believe in anymore.

189.
There’s nothing wrong with her. But she’s not you. And that’s the problem.

190.
You didn’t need to try. You just were.

191.
Sometimes I feel okay, and then I see purple and remember I’m not.

192.
Even when things feel stable, I still wonder how you’d say my name now.

193.
No one says my name the way you did — like it meant something.

194.
There’s no playlist that drowns you out.

195.
I still hear you when something beautiful happens.

196.
You were the first person I wanted to show the sky to.

197.
Even when I’m smiling, I still wish I was smiling next to you.

198.
She makes me feel calm. You made me feel alive.

199.
I don’t think I’ll ever stop loving the way you made me feel seen.

200.
Some people are safe. But you were sanctuary.

201.
You made my heart feel like it had a place to rest.

202.
Even when I try to move on, you still live in the way I speak.

203.
You’re not a memory. You’re a part of the structure.

204.
You made me feel like there was more to life than just surviving.

205.
Every little kindness from her reminds me of the effortless way you used to care.

206.
I didn’t expect this. I thought it would be easier.

207.
Some people help you forget. You just reminded me how deep I could feel.

208.
I wish I could tell you how much I still want to make you proud.

209.
This isn’t about romance. This is about missing my person.

210.
You weren’t my love story. You were my anchor.

211.
I can’t lie to myself. I’m still carrying you.

212.
There’s a softness in me that belongs to you.

213.
It’s like I’m living beside myself now — watching me pretend I’ve moved on.

214.
I tried to talk about you in past tense. It didn’t feel right.

215.
Somehow I still expect you to understand me without explanation.

216.
It’s not your absence that hurts most. It’s how I’ve learned to live with it.

217.
I’m not angry anymore. Just… quieter.

218.
Some days I forget what it felt like to lose you. Then I remember everything at once.

219.
This isn’t regret. It’s longing.

220.
You were never a phase. You were a shift in the atmosphere.

221.
She tells me I look distant sometimes. I want to say, “That’s where Eliza lives.”

222.
I wanted this to be easy. But nothing that’s ever mattered was.

223.
I don’t want you back. I want you near.

224.
The problem isn’t that I miss you. It’s that no one else makes me forget.

225.
You are still the standard I measure silence by.

226.
I think part of me will always be waiting for your voice.

227.
They ask me what I’m thinking. I just say “nothing.” But I mean “you.”

228.
I thought I could build something new. But the blueprint still says your name.

229.
Even in this peace, I still whisper your name.

230.
She’s not the problem. My heart is just still yours.

231.
Some days, I pretend you’re just a friend I used to know. But my heart doesn’t believe it.

232.
You weren’t a love story. You were a definition.

233.
It’s not that I want to go back. I just want to know if you ever felt it like I did.

234.
She’s wonderful. But I still reach for you in my mind.

235.
You live in my metaphors. Still.

236.
I stopped looking for someone like you. Because no one is.

237.
Even in love, I feel your absence.

238.
You weren’t mine. But I belonged to you anyway.

239.
Maybe one day I’ll meet someone who understands. But it’ll never be the same language.

240.
I’ve moved forward. But not on.

241.
You said something simple and it lit up my whole day. Just like old times.

242.
I didn’t realize how much I missed the way you say my name until you said it again.

243.
This time feels softer. Less like lightning, more like sunrise.

244.
We’re different now. But the way I care hasn’t changed a bit.

245.
You sent a voice note and I smiled before even playing it.

246.
I don’t want to mess this up. I just want to hold it right this time.

247.
Talking to you again feels like a second chance I didn’t know I needed.

248.
I never stopped being proud of you. I just stopped being able to tell you.

249.
This version of you still feels like home.

250.
I keep reading your messages and realizing I’m smiling again.

251.
Maybe this isn’t the beginning, or the end. Maybe it’s us, figuring it out.

252.
I want to be someone safe for you again. Even just in texts.

253.
The way you said “I missed this” made everything quiet in my chest.

254.
You bring out a gentleness in me no one else can reach.

255.
We don’t need to rush. I’d rather do this right.

256.
You’re still the one I want to tell everything to first.

257.
I’m not trying to recreate what we had. I want to build something with the person you are now.

258.
You sent “goodnight” and I swear I felt peace for the first time in months.

259.
This isn’t some big love confession. It’s just me saying, “You still matter. Deeply.”

260.
I remembered something you said last year. I wanted to say — you were right.

261.
You’re still easy to talk to, even after everything.

262.
When I think of the people who’ve changed me, you’re always at the top.

263.
You don’t have to say much. Just being here again says enough.

264.
Even the awkward pauses between us feel safe.

265.
I don’t need fireworks this time. I just want something steady and real with you.

266.
You said “I’m glad we’re talking again” and I had to look away from my screen for a second.

267.
I don’t know what this is, but it’s growing in the quiet. And that feels right.

268.
If this is the beginning of something better, I’m all in.

269.
I’m not scared of getting hurt. I’m scared of losing you again.

270.
You said “me too.” That’s all I needed.

271.
You were here. And then… nothing.

272.
I keep refreshing for a message I know isn’t coming.

273.
Did I say too much? Or not enough?

274.
It felt like we were becoming something again. I don’t know what happened.

275.
You said you missed talking to me. What changed?

276.
This silence is different from before. It’s heavier because now I know what it could’ve been.

277.
I keep telling myself you’re just busy. But my chest still tightens anyway.

278.
I was starting to believe in us again. That might’ve been the mistake.

279.
I’m not mad. I’m just confused. And kind of heartbroken in a quiet way.

280.
Maybe it’s nothing. But nothing hurts more when it follows something.

281.
You said “talk soon.” You didn’t lie. You just didn’t mean it.

282.
I’m back to rereading our last conversation like it’s a clue.

283.
I’m not asking for everything. Just for something.

284.
If this is the end again, I wish I’d seen it coming.

285.
You left gently this time. And that almost hurts more.

286.
You said good morning and suddenly the whole day felt lighter.

287.
This doesn’t feel rushed. It just feels right.

288.
We don’t have to name this. I just want to be here, wherever “here” is with you.

289.
There’s something different about your voice now — like softness found its way back in.

290.
You make the little things feel sacred.

291.
I stopped wondering if this is temporary. I just started enjoying it.

292.
You’ve never looked more beautiful to me than you do when you’re just being yourself.

293.
I like the way we don’t need to fill every silence. Some of them feel warm now.

294.
You said you were proud of me. And I believed you.

295.
This feels like healing together, not apart.

296.
You’ve always felt like home. But now, it’s like I get to live there again.

297.
We’re still figuring it out, and that’s okay. I don’t want to rush this.

298.
You’re not just comfort anymore — you’re clarity.

299.
I love the way you speak with care, even when you’re unsure.

300.
This feels like us. Not trying to be what we were — just being who we are.

301.
Every time you say my name, it steadies something in me.

302.
You’re the only person who can make me feel calm just by showing up.

303.
I used to miss you with desperation. Now I miss you with hope.

304.
There’s nothing urgent about this. Just a quiet, mutual want.

305.
I’m not scared anymore. I think we’re doing this the way we were supposed to.

306.
The way you care — it’s in the details. I notice.

307.
You’ve never felt more real to me than you do right now.

308.
We used to hold each other through screens. Now it feels like we’re finally face to face.

309.
You said “I’m here.” And this time, you stayed.

310.
I want to remember this version of us — soft, growing, still choosing each other.

311.
I don’t feel the need to prove anything anymore. I just want to show up for you.

312.
It feels easy again. Not because it’s simple, but because it’s right.

313.
You could’ve walked away for good. But you didn’t. Thank you.

314.
I don’t know how this ends. I just know I’m glad we made it back.

315.
Whatever this is, I want to keep building it with you.

316.
I think we both knew it was ending, but neither of us wanted to say it out loud.

317.
You didn’t disappear. You just got quieter. And I didn’t want to ask why.

318.
The last time you said “talk later,” I felt it was the last.

319.
I don’t regret a single message. Even the ones you never answered.

320.
This isn’t a breakup. It’s a quiet goodbye with no label.

321.
I kept expecting you to fight for it. But maybe we were both too tired.

322.
We never said we were over. We just stopped happening.

323.
I reread the things you said when we were trying again. I don’t think you were lying.

324.
Sometimes love doesn’t die. It just can’t carry the weight anymore.

325.
There’s a difference between moving on and letting go. I’m still learning how to do either.

326.
The worst part is how kind the ending was. Like we both knew we couldn’t stay.

327.
I didn’t want this to fade. But I think we let it.

328.
I keep thinking there’ll be one last message. There never is.

329.
We got so close. Closer than most. But not close enough to stay.

330.
You mattered. You still do. That doesn’t change just because we did.

331.
I loved how soft we were in the end. We didn’t break — we unraveled.

332.
Maybe the kindest thing we did was not force it when it started to go.

333.
You were never mine. But I loved you like you were.

334.
I still don’t know what to call us. But I know what it felt like.

335.
Sometimes the strongest love is the one that doesn’t ask to stay.

336.
I didn’t expect the last message to be the last.

337.
You weren’t a chapter. You were the author of so much in me.

338.
It’s okay that we didn’t end loud. It still hurts quiet.

339.
Even now, I still hope you’re doing okay. Especially now.

340.
You made me believe again. That counts for something.

341.
Thank you for showing up again. Even if it wasn’t forever.

342.
I wish I had one last day to just tell you everything. Not to fix it — just to be real.

343.
This isn’t bitterness. It’s just love with nowhere to go.

344.
Somewhere in me, you’re still there. Just softer now.

345.
Maybe we weren’t meant to last. But we were meant to meet.

346.
The truth is, I’d do it all again. Even the ending.

347.
I won’t forget how it felt to be wanted by you. Even briefly.

348.
You didn’t have to love me the same way. I just wanted you near.

349.
I still carry pieces of you, even as I try to make room for new ones.

350.
We didn’t get a proper goodbye. Maybe we didn’t need one.

351.
I don’t hate you. I don’t blame you. I just… miss you.

352.
Some nights, I still imagine you saying my name one more time.

353.
You don’t need to reach out. I’ll still wish you the best anyway.

354.
Even if this is it, you were my favorite “almost.”

355.
You taught me how to open up again. That’s a kind of love too.

356.
I don’t know what you meant to me. But it was more than anything else ever did.

357.
I still feel you in songs, in dreams, in sudden silences.

358.
We didn’t crash. We drifted. But it still hurts like a wreck.

359.
You didn’t break me. But I’m still putting myself back together.

360.
Maybe we’ll meet again in some other version of this life.

361.
You mattered. You always will.

362.
If you ever wonder, yes — I meant every word.

363.
I still have so many things I want to say. But I won’t.

364.
I loved you in a way that made the world feel different.

365.
And I still do.
They may not be in order, but I wrote you these notes over the past year and a half, I figured it’s worth putting them out instead of sitting in a drawer for poetry inspiration.
Jun 2 · 89
Paradox
Sean Maloney Jun 2
They say an old man said-
“Don’t let the love of your life go when you’re young, because I had to grow up and marry someone else”

I, for one, could never be so stupid as to do such a thing.
Jun 2 · 64
First love theory
Sean Maloney Jun 2
I’ll never understand,
The first love theory.
Because,
How could someone like me,
Ever let go of you,
Even the thought of you?
My answer,
Is and will be,
I don’t.
Jun 2 · 185
Immeasurable
Sean Maloney Jun 2
The harder things get-
The harder I’ll hold on to you.
And the furthest I’ll go-
Is an eternity-
Of the strongest love ever recorded.
Reports say-
Our love couldn’t be recorded-
It was immeasurable.
Jun 2 · 60
Old future memories
Sean Maloney Jun 2
I don’t want you to go
So I’m writing to you here

We said goodnight
We used our old emoji
I missed our old emoji
I miss you

The past few hours have been a dream
Imagining life in the far future with you
It didn’t feel like a wish
It felt like the probable outcome
And I for one
Can’t wait for what’s in store for us

Writing poetry in bed, hiding our screens
Not because we won’t see it later
But because we don’t want to spoil the surprise

Talking you down when you’re upset
Supporting you when you’re sad
Laughing with you when we’re happy
I never thought I’d find these things
But I’ve found them with you

I don’t want to lose the moments we have making music
I don’t want you to let go of who you are because it’s not what everyone sees
I see you
And I want to be the person encouraging you to stay you
The true Eliza I fell in love with
The Eliza I am in love with-
Will always be in love with

I miss you
But that’s alright
I’m just reminiscing-
Our old future memories
🫶
Jun 1 · 69
I don’t
Sean Maloney Jun 1
I don’t care about you-
In a way a friend does-
Or even a sibling-
I care about you in a way one would care about an extension of themselves.

I don’t like you-
In the way most exes would say they did-
Or even the way a boyfriend would-
I like you as if you’re the best thing I could ever find and nothing could change my mind.

I don’t think about you-
The way a child thinks about candy-
Or to the extent a mother thinks about her child-
I think about you in every thought, and with each my feelings deepen.

I don’t talk about you-
Like you hurt me-
Or you’re something gone far away-
I talk about you as if anything else isn’t worth mentioning when you’re an option.

I don’t love you-
More than anyone else-
Or to a depressing degree-
I just would only say the phrase to you, because it’s only true for you, and I never knew what love was until I met you.
Jun 1 · 58
The Start
Sean Maloney Jun 1
“Her eyes are gorgeous”
A real thought flashed in an instant,
As she looked at me,
Seeming eager to be partners.

I wonder,
“Does the hot sophomore want anything to do with me?”
But it’s not like I have a choice.

“Seannn” she says,
Like it’s a secret password to my heart,
And it worked.
I was open from then on.

And here we stand,
Back to back,
Me slowly pressing my back into yours,
Wondering if you notice.
And you step on my foot time to time,
Making me overthink,
“Is this really happening”
“Am I being stupid”
“What do I say”

And so I do the only thing I know how to.
I laugh.
And it makes you laugh.
And your laugh,
Sent me into spirals,
Resulting in lots of down the field stairs,
And who would’ve thought,
Love poems.
P.S. I love you
Jun 1 · 63
Dreamy
Sean Maloney Jun 1
I got reminded a few days ago,
Of how life used to be.
My mom asked why I was grinning at my phone.
It reminded me,
Of when that happened with you.

Every day felt like a dream.
I was with you,
I felt understood,
But at the same time shocked.
How could a girl so beautiful just know me.
And why would she ever consider settling for me?

You taught me self value.
Even though I try to teach you it every day,
You taught me it for myself,
Showed me what I really am.
I guess in a way,
I owe it back to you.
But what I tell you,
Is the truth,
From the core of my fiery Purple Heart,
With golden embers just for you to feel.

I miss being problemless,
Innocent,
Dumb.
But what I never want to miss,
And would trade it for these any day,
Is missing you.
Because missing you,
Is missing my heart,
My reason to breathe.

We may have started,
Just two young souls,
Searching for one another.
But it’s more like one soul now,
Two bodies inseparable,
Two minds unparalleled.
Jun 1 · 55
Purpleness
Sean Maloney Jun 1
Before I ever felt love,
There was purple.
Purple was the night we started talking,
Purple was each message we sent,
Purple was the infinite care you provided,
Purple was the time we had to talk.

Purple became my life.
Before I could think,
I was purple at home,
Purple with friends,
Purple at school,
Purple on a snow day,
Purple with you.

I gave up video games,
They weren’t purple.
Anything not purple no longer mattered.
Music wasn’t purple,
But I thought about purple,
Every note emphasized with purple.

And purple.
Baby,
Purple is you.
It was just my favorite color.
I never imagined it’d be the heart I sent 💜,
The contact color of my lover,
The color I see when I think of love.

But here we are,
In a world that doesn’t accept us.
But I see it,
Do you?
The purple light?
Girl,
It’s shining,
And it’s you.
May 31 · 52
Missing
Sean Maloney May 31
Something feels missing
Right now - it’s you
And in a few hours
Probably all my energy
Then in the morning
I’ll lose the calm of rest

I wish I could stay asleep
My mouth doesn’t hurt when I do
My brain imagines a world without surgery
And my heart puts you in every moment
It’s a nice touch
Just makes me go crazy waking up
Feels like that world is missing

I miss messages!
All the goofy things we’d send
I miss snap
The poetry, the drawings, the funny filters
Now it’s just insta
I don’t even use insta
But you’re worth it
So I use it for you

Yknow what’s missing
The ideal world
I don’t think everyone’s is the same
But I think ours is
And two is much better than one
So I can promise one thing
Whatever’s missing
I’m gonna make sure it isn’t missing forever
May 31 · 64
Hunger
Sean Maloney May 31
I can’t remember
The last time I felt like this

Sitting in my room
Nothing to do
But listen to my stomach growl
It wants food
Not pudding, apple sauce, or apple juice
I’m never having a milkshake again

And me?
I want to live my life
Play music
Eat meals
Not sit around
Covered in aching pain
Spitting blood into the sink

Why does life have to always hurt
Can’t we put a bandaid on it
I thought they fix all wounds
May 30 · 58
e-l-i-z-a (pt 2)
Sean Maloney May 30
E starts your name off strong
It’s a beautiful signature
I’d only say that for you though

L adds curiosity
What could the rest be-
Everyone now wants to know
It’s also a cute letter
You know the person is special

I
Now that one I like!
It’s the second syllable
And somehow it brings everything together
Making a beautiful formation

Z
Z….
It’s so **** gorgeous
Pretty sure your name determines that
You’re so **** gorgeous
I think your eyes have Z in them
The way they sparkle and shine
I miss when they turned purple

And A
To finish out one perfectionist of a name
This one completes you
It provides the characteristics
The faults-
But I see through it
I know all your letters
May 30 · 82
e-l-i-z-a
Sean Maloney May 30
Extraordinary
Lovely
Irreplaceable
Zealous
Affectionate
Sean Maloney May 30
we didn’t name this,
but we both know the shape of it.
soft i love yous
hid between poems and half-jokes,
tucked in between messages
that mean more than they say.

she says she can’t give me
what i deserve right now,
and maybe she’s right.
but i’ve never been the type
to count losses
when i already found
what i wasn’t looking for.

we’re not clean,
not easy,
not ready—
but we’re here.
still writing,
still hoping,
still stupid enough
to believe in something
even when we’re not allowed to hold it loud.

it’s not perfect.
it’s not public.
but it’s ours.

and there’s nowhere—
nowhere at all—
i’d rather be.
May 30 · 94
100
Sean Maloney May 30
100
Sometimes I can’t stop writing
It’s because I have so much to say
We used to message
On four platforms at once
Now messages is banned
We can only do everything else
I wonder what your mom would think
I don’t mean to disobey
I just mean to help
And I like this
I can’t stop liking you

Here’s to my 100
All these poems adding up
Almost all about you
One still about her
And the rest about my pain

Funny thing is
I can’t think of pain with you
I just think about getting better
That’s always been my problem until you
I wanted to fight
Now I just wish to settle
Tough times

Somedays I miss you
While we’re talking
It’s not because you aren’t you
No
It’s because every word going through
Has been said before
And in an instant
You could be gone
I’m not worried you might leave
I’m worried you might not come back
And I can’t ever lose you
I just want an answer
Can I know the future
All my secrets
If I knew-
I’d work as hard as I can
Not for mine
But for ours
May 30 · 49
Eras
Sean Maloney May 30
My writing has changed
It changes with you

When you’re here
When you’re not
When you’re close
When you’re far

What it doesn’t do
Is forget about you
How could it
You’re all I think about

Every morning
Before I spit out the blood
I wonder how you’re doing
I message to see if you’re up
You always are
And I’m here to talk to
About any issues

And every night
No matter the depression score
Tell me everything
Because I couldn’t stand to not know
Well-
I couldn’t stand to not help

You matter
We matter
Don’t leave me
Don’t lie
Be honest
That’s how I can help best
May 30 · 61
Lizie
Sean Maloney May 30
I always wondered
When you’d let me see your poetry account
You said it was too personal
I didn’t realize
That meant it was all about me

But now I know
I’ve seen it all
You have nothing to hide-
At least, from me

So where are you
How are you
I talk to you all day
We check up on me
I walk you through the darkest nights
But I don’t know what’s going on

Am I good for you
Am I helping with anything
Would it be easier
If you had one depressed person to worry
Instead of two
Is this fair
I’m not sure

All I know

Is I want to be there

For you


-Forever and always yours

Fornever and haven’t in title

Sean
May 29 · 262
eliza
Sean Maloney May 29
your name was never just letters
from the moment I said it,
nervous, awed,
it belonged to the most stunning woman I’d ever seen.
i became obsessed with your name,
whispering it softly
as i dreamed of you with me,
until one day it wasn’t a dream,
you became mine.
Even if only for some time
May 29 · 68
Night Pain
Sean Maloney May 29
I have pain
Everywhere
The numbing wore off
Someone help
I can’t sleep
I’m trapped
I can’t talk
My mouth won’t stop bleeding
I hate it
The taste
The feeling
The pain from swallowing
May 29 · 51
Twist of Fate
Sean Maloney May 29
He was mid-sentence when a sharp pain cut through his body. His eyes dropped in confusion. A knife was sticking out of his stomach, the blade stained red. For a second, he didn’t understand. His mind tried to catch up, but the pain was too sudden, too real.

“W-what…?” he whispered.

Then the knife twisted.

A cry escaped him as the pain surged. It knocked the air from his lungs, made his knees weak. Breathing hurt. Thinking hurt. And then, just as fast, the knife was pulled out. The pain didn’t stop — it got worse.

He pressed a hand against the wound, trying to hold himself together. When he pulled it away, his palm was soaked in blood.

“Blood…” he said quietly, as if saying it would make it make sense. His head started to spin.

He turned, forcing his eyes to focus. That’s when he saw her. The person who had stabbed him.

Someone he knew. Someone he trusted.

His body gave out and he collapsed. The ground hit harder than he expected, sending a shock through him. Lying there, he struggled to keep his eyes open.

She was human, just like him. That was what stuck with him. Not the pain, not the blood — the fact that she chose to do this.

And he couldn’t figure out why.

He knew he wouldn’t make it. There was no one to help, no one to stop the bleeding. He was alone.

There was no anger in him. Just confusion, sadness… and a kind of quiet fear. Not knowing what he meant to her anymore. Not knowing why this had to happen.

He looked up at her one last time. His voice barely came out, but she heard him.

“Did you just twist me out of your life?”
I’m in so much pain right now, but instead of surgery pain I wrote about past pain, with an analogy.
May 29 · 47
Stationary
Sean Maloney May 29
I have a lot of time
We have a lot of time
Maybe not the way I desire
But I’d rather be here
And help you
Having you here to support me
While nobody else does

I’d rather this
Than the pain of being without
Because alone is one thing-
Without you is torture
Why split up two people-
So right for one another

So I sit
Stationary
Here for anything
Here for nothing
Whatever you want
I’m ready to give

I don’t care what people think
What they would think
What can happen
I just don’t want us to be split up
Or to be hurt by being split again
May 28 · 74
Surgery
Sean Maloney May 28
I’m scared
The iv doesn’t help-
My skin pinched over a needle
Blankets guarding the freezing air
But it doesn’t cover my pounding chest
All I can think about
Is how I have to get back to you
Just like last time
May 27 · 88
Storytime
Sean Maloney May 27
She was my everything
From the moment I first laid eyes on her
All my trauma faded
Insignificant to that gorgeous babe

Creamy gold hair
Glowing in the sun
Strands swaying in the breeze

I so badly wanted to grab your sweet hands
To stop you mid count
Have you turn to face me
Our hands hit constantly
I wasn’t sure if it was on accident or I tried
I just wanted to keep doing it
By back against yours
Our heels colliding
There was nobody I’d rather be with

Waving in the hallway
Filled my heart with joy
I felt like the center of the world
Of course
Right beside you

And how soon that faded
I stopped seeing you
And my dream was left unanswered
I could’ve sworn you gave me a look turning the corner
Going to the library
It was the perfect opportunity
Us alone in the school
But I overthought it
You made me more nervous than the waiting room for my surgery

But then that miracle happened
I added you on snap
And within hours
Conversations
Of nothing
Of everything
The start to a fiery love
The kind that can’t be put out
Because it grows with each attack

I still remember
“Do you play?”
The start to it all
Was my piano
Back when I put your name into my moonlight
e-li-za
It more than worked
And let me tell you
That’s when I knew
You were the one

You loved everything I gave
I felt something I’d never felt before
Finally having someone who cared
Who saw me and didn’t run
You embraced who I was
I felt like a child
Giggling at stupid things
Grinning at my phone

That’s why that night I cried for six hours straight
My mom trying to comfort me
And giving up
Because it was everything
And saying it was nothing
Just broke my heart more

And I saw you move on
I saw you with someone else
I watched you ignore me
So I did what I had to
I bottled it all up

Yet I had the summer blues
All the while
I was missing you

Then band camp came
We were back
And somehow
Small talk
Subtle jokes
Became leaps of faith
And we were in one another’s arms once again
Until we got stripped away
Believing it was for the best
That was my worst era
Because I knew I couldn’t do without you
But I tried to

And she came along
Messed me all up
Gave me alternative sensations
Compensating for the pain in my heart
Until it was too much
She didn’t like what she saw in me
She couldn’t change who I was
And I was thrown out

But you
You scooped me up
Nursed me back to full health
And confessed

I know you’ve thought it
But it wasn’t stupid
Because it brought me to my knees
Everything made sense
I could finally figure out where I am
Because I had you again
The final time

I wished
I hoped
I dreamed
I cried
I prayed
I wondered
I thought
I loved

It wasn’t enough
And you were gone
Because we can’t decide our own fates
I can’t pick me for you
You can’t pick me for everyone else
I regret letting you go though
Even though I couldn’t have fought

Then my poem found you
And you reached back
And I pulled you right to me
Not letting go
But I didn’t have to
You grabbed back
Maybe even pulled me closer than before
Our bond feels like a single program
One soul building two lives

This is it
I have to leave us here
I can’t lose you
So I remain

Talk to me
Whisper to me
Invisible ink to me
Cry to me
Yell to me
I’m here for it
I’m here for you
And I’m never going

I was obsessed over you
I fell for you
I cried with you
I died with you
I returned for you
Girl
I love you
I figured, I’ve never given my side of it completely, so I’ll put it all into here. Missing some of my crazy memories that can’t be removed, like us playing Dexter Gordon or marching, but I did it anyway.
May 26 · 54
Burning Hot
Sean Maloney May 26
Marching today was
An experience
Pretending life was different
Ignoring the signs
Just living like I’m alive

I got burned a bit on my right side
Funny though
The sun wasn’t there-
Well unless
Unless I got burned by the steaming hot girl marching next to me
Probably

I need sunglasses to look directly at her
(Yet I still stare)
Couldn’t touch her directly
(But I still did)
Shouldn’t talk to her
(It was impossible to try to stop)
Told not to love her



I think that’s my decision
And it’s pretty clear
If I wanted to I would’ve
Even if I’m trapped
May 26 · 55
Sunscreen
Sean Maloney May 26
What a memorable smell
I don’t like it
Sunscreen is icky
Takes me forever to rub in
And it doesn’t really help
I burn and tan

But
This morning
Sitting in the car with my brother
It felt like freshman bandcamp
Standing in the sun
Staring you down as I covered my eyes with my arms
Pretending to be performing whilst I imagine what we could be

It reminded me of my exit from my Sophomore slump
Getting a month of peace
Of wonders
Of promises
Even if only temporary
It’s forever changed me
Because I can hold on to hope

But who am I kidding
I’m writing about sunscreen

Then again
I’d much rather write about you

It’s always about you
My mom said she’s sorry for interrupting my “flirting”
Crazy
May 25 · 59
Dream
Sean Maloney May 25
I wanted to stay in my dream last night
It didn’t feel like my imagination
You were right there
And so was I
In our house
Filled with laughter and screams of joy
Talking about dumb things
Listening to Dexter

We had a wall of saxophones
I don’t care much about the house though
A dream house means nothing without the person
I guess that’s why the dream stuck with me
May 25 · 139
Fulfilled
Sean Maloney May 25
That
Fulfillment
Idek what it means
That’s what I need

The motivation for music
The drive for success
The time I spend mourning a living soul
The dreams I wish were true
It all goes back
To a full perfect life

I was happy with you
And even mere poetry texting
It keeps me up

I realize
It’s not being good enough that drives me
It’s not working hard
It’s not the pain along the way
It’s feeling there’s nothing else
And you do that
YOU
A million forbidden compliments
I could lay it all out for you
But you’ve heard it before
I’ll spare the dangerous details
Of a perfect you

I realize now
I asked you for confirmation
To know what you’d have wanted
Because if I did it over again
It’d all be for you
I’d give it all up for you
May 24 · 42
Peace of Home
Sean Maloney May 24
Just occurred to me
I’m not home
But I feel at peace
Because you know where I am
And how I am
I don’t have a message to respond to
I can rest
May 24 · 42
Tears
Sean Maloney May 24
Tears won’t come
No matter how hard I try
The last time I could was in March
Since then I haven’t felt alone
Even when I am

I guess it’s what I get
The quiet peace of a falling world
Crumbled dreams
Fantasies destroyed
Oh and, I for sure can’t love you
Any more
May 24 · 84
Completion
Sean Maloney May 24
Hey.
I think this is my last message on this document.
You were definitely right.
I knew I should’ve listened.
I’m sorry I didn’t.
But I guess it worked in your favor, right?
She got the help you were frustrated over.
I’m back to eternal loneliness.
Although,
I’m sorry to disappoint that I’m no longer obsessed with you.
I know you really feed off that.
I just wanted to live.
I really still do.
I want to have my life as I want it to be.
But it seems like I get half of it.
I get a heart that can feel my music,
But a heart forbidden to feel others,
Except for the one it can’t have.
Anyway,
Enjoy your freakishly skinny life.
Adios 👋
(🎱)
May 23 · 206
Theory
Sean Maloney May 23
Just a theory
If I couldn’t look you in the eye
Was it because of your beauty
Or my fear of the pain to come
If it was
It was worth every gut wrenching moment
Even without my desired result, just arguably not as much you could say
May 23 · 63
Game
Sean Maloney May 23
The last time I played this game
I was alone
Missing her
Trying to find something to fill the gap
The emptiness of an absence of love

Now
I’ve dated someone
Yet I still miss her
And I don’t fill the gap
I’ve just got a whole heart I can’t use
It’s not mine anymore

I guess that’s why I write here
Because I can’t rhyme
I can’t make a poem
Why would I even try

I get to use my heart
It’s the only time I can
And the rest of the time
It beats like a clock
Ticking down
Begging me to strike

I want to
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