If I had a purple crayon
I’d draw us together

I’d erase all our problems
Creating a world for the two of us
A world we can be happy

We’d forget what our problems were
Living carefree in each others arms
All because of this crayon
It fixed our mess for us

But I don’t have a crayon
And we’re here now

I’d ask you for a crayon
But I think I have for years

Today felt real
And I know we’re real
But it didn’t feel like living off a chance
It felt like we were living now

I’ve been dreaming of us for years
Caring about you for months
Talking to you for weeks
But today was somehow different
You showed me vulnerable
And it clicked
You’re not talking to me
The weird kid
The boy who can’t do anything right
You’re talking to Sean
The projected confidence
The bundle of odd talent
And many things I personally wouldn’t call myself

But now I know
Who I really am
Because you see Sean for who he is
And I want to too

I’m running out of words to write,
But it’s not because I’m out of ideas.
I talk to you in poetry,
Each message containing a memorable line,
One that I could paste here,
But feels too personal- too real to record.

But I’m still here,
The Sean you fell for,
The Sean you can’t stop falling for.
I’m just adapting,
Learning to say the things I want to say,
Instead of posting them.

Maybe I don’t tell you enough
That being with you
Hasn’t just been an idea the past two years
It’s been my fantasy

And no more losing hope
Or letting you walk away
I’m putting my foot down
Because you’re my fantasy

My only fantasy

Can’t sleep
They won’t stop kicking and yelling
Why don’t they understand
Not everyone gets to live stupidly
I want to not feel pain for six hours