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Sean Maloney May 29
your name was never just letters
from the moment I said it,
nervous, awed,
it belonged to the most stunning woman I’d ever seen.
i became obsessed with your name,
whispering it softly
as i dreamed of you with me,
until one day it wasn’t a dream,
you became mine.
Even if only for some time
Sean Maloney May 29
I have pain
Everywhere
The numbing wore off
Someone help
I can’t sleep
I’m trapped
I can’t talk
My mouth won’t stop bleeding
I hate it
The taste
The feeling
The pain from swallowing
Sean Maloney May 29
He was mid-sentence when a sharp pain cut through his body. His eyes dropped in confusion. A knife was sticking out of his stomach, the blade stained red. For a second, he didn’t understand. His mind tried to catch up, but the pain was too sudden, too real.

“W-what…?” he whispered.

Then the knife twisted.

A cry escaped him as the pain surged. It knocked the air from his lungs, made his knees weak. Breathing hurt. Thinking hurt. And then, just as fast, the knife was pulled out. The pain didn’t stop — it got worse.

He pressed a hand against the wound, trying to hold himself together. When he pulled it away, his palm was soaked in blood.

“Blood…” he said quietly, as if saying it would make it make sense. His head started to spin.

He turned, forcing his eyes to focus. That’s when he saw her. The person who had stabbed him.

Someone he knew. Someone he trusted.

His body gave out and he collapsed. The ground hit harder than he expected, sending a shock through him. Lying there, he struggled to keep his eyes open.

She was human, just like him. That was what stuck with him. Not the pain, not the blood — the fact that she chose to do this.

And he couldn’t figure out why.

He knew he wouldn’t make it. There was no one to help, no one to stop the bleeding. He was alone.

There was no anger in him. Just confusion, sadness… and a kind of quiet fear. Not knowing what he meant to her anymore. Not knowing why this had to happen.

He looked up at her one last time. His voice barely came out, but she heard him.

“Did you just twist me out of your life?”
I’m in so much pain right now, but instead of surgery pain I wrote about past pain, with an analogy.
Sean Maloney May 29
I have a lot of time
We have a lot of time
Maybe not the way I desire
But I’d rather be here
And help you
Having you here to support me
While nobody else does

I’d rather this
Than the pain of being without
Because alone is one thing-
Without you is torture
Why split up two people-
So right for one another

So I sit
Stationary
Here for anything
Here for nothing
Whatever you want
I’m ready to give

I don’t care what people think
What they would think
What can happen
I just don’t want us to be split up
Or to be hurt by being split again
Sean Maloney May 28
I’m scared
The iv doesn’t help-
My skin pinched over a needle
Blankets guarding the freezing air
But it doesn’t cover my pounding chest
All I can think about
Is how I have to get back to you
Just like last time
Sean Maloney May 27
She was my everything
From the moment I first laid eyes on her
All my trauma faded
Insignificant to that gorgeous babe

Creamy gold hair
Glowing in the sun
Strands swaying in the breeze

I so badly wanted to grab your sweet hands
To stop you mid count
Have you turn to face me
Our hands hit constantly
I wasn’t sure if it was on accident or I tried
I just wanted to keep doing it
By back against yours
Our heels colliding
There was nobody I’d rather be with

Waving in the hallway
Filled my heart with joy
I felt like the center of the world
Of course
Right beside you

And how soon that faded
I stopped seeing you
And my dream was left unanswered
I could’ve sworn you gave me a look turning the corner
Going to the library
It was the perfect opportunity
Us alone in the school
But I overthought it
You made me more nervous than the waiting room for my surgery

But then that miracle happened
I added you on snap
And within hours
Conversations
Of nothing
Of everything
The start to a fiery love
The kind that can’t be put out
Because it grows with each attack

I still remember
“Do you play?”
The start to it all
Was my piano
Back when I put your name into my moonlight
e-li-za
It more than worked
And let me tell you
That’s when I knew
You were the one

You loved everything I gave
I felt something I’d never felt before
Finally having someone who cared
Who saw me and didn’t run
You embraced who I was
I felt like a child
Giggling at stupid things
Grinning at my phone

That’s why that night I cried for six hours straight
My mom trying to comfort me
And giving up
Because it was everything
And saying it was nothing
Just broke my heart more

And I saw you move on
I saw you with someone else
I watched you ignore me
So I did what I had to
I bottled it all up

Yet I had the summer blues
All the while
I was missing you

Then band camp came
We were back
And somehow
Small talk
Subtle jokes
Became leaps of faith
And we were in one another’s arms once again
Until we got stripped away
Believing it was for the best
That was my worst era
Because I knew I couldn’t do without you
But I tried to

And she came along
Messed me all up
Gave me alternative sensations
Compensating for the pain in my heart
Until it was too much
She didn’t like what she saw in me
She couldn’t change who I was
And I was thrown out

But you
You scooped me up
Nursed me back to full health
And confessed

I know you’ve thought it
But it wasn’t stupid
Because it brought me to my knees
Everything made sense
I could finally figure out where I am
Because I had you again
The final time

I wished
I hoped
I dreamed
I cried
I prayed
I wondered
I thought
I loved

It wasn’t enough
And you were gone
Because we can’t decide our own fates
I can’t pick me for you
You can’t pick me for everyone else
I regret letting you go though
Even though I couldn’t have fought

Then my poem found you
And you reached back
And I pulled you right to me
Not letting go
But I didn’t have to
You grabbed back
Maybe even pulled me closer than before
Our bond feels like a single program
One soul building two lives

This is it
I have to leave us here
I can’t lose you
So I remain

Talk to me
Whisper to me
Invisible ink to me
Cry to me
Yell to me
I’m here for it
I’m here for you
And I’m never going

I was obsessed over you
I fell for you
I cried with you
I died with you
I returned for you
Girl
I love you
I figured, I’ve never given my side of it completely, so I’ll put it all into here. Missing some of my crazy memories that can’t be removed, like us playing Dexter Gordon or marching, but I did it anyway.
Sean Maloney May 26
Marching today was
An experience
Pretending life was different
Ignoring the signs
Just living like I’m alive

I got burned a bit on my right side
Funny though
The sun wasn’t there-
Well unless
Unless I got burned by the steaming hot girl marching next to me
Probably

I need sunglasses to look directly at her
(Yet I still stare)
Couldn’t touch her directly
(But I still did)
Shouldn’t talk to her
(It was impossible to try to stop)
Told not to love her



I think that’s my decision
And it’s pretty clear
If I wanted to I would’ve
Even if I’m trapped
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