All I want to do is cry when I think about you.
All I want to do is cry when I think about the life I really want to have.
All I want to do is cry when I realize I can't have what I want.
All I want to do is cry because I'm struggling to hide how I feel.
All I want to do is cry realizing I can't have my happy ending like I want.

I Lay in my dark room and read poems.
I Lay and let my cries out and let myself crumble knowing nobody can hear me.
I Lay and wonder to myself if I'm really happy with how my life is.
I Lay and think, "maybe my light isn't as bright as I thought maybe the light within me is actually dim?"

I Lay Here in my room in the dark.
I Lay here with the only light from my phone.
I Lay here, wondering and thinking "what if?"

There are wars happening within my mind and my heart.
A war of love within my heart.
A war of thoughts within my mind.
The Wars seem to becoming more and more occurring.
I can't help to ponder on the thought of which side of the wars will win in the end.

I Wonder What Life Could Have Been like if I hadn't been messed up at the young age of 5.
I Wonder What Life Could Have Been Like if I hadn't dated girls I dated.
I Wonder What Life Could Have Been Like if I didn't meet my friends.
I Wonder What Life Could Have Been Like if I always lived here.
I Wonder What Life Could Have Been Like if I had confidence.
I Wonder What Life Could Have Been Like if I didn't have ones around me.

That's what I Wonder What Life Could Have Been Like.

Your family one minute loves me, then one minute hates me.
Your family tries to use me.
Your family looks at me like i'm a bad person.
Your family hates me when I don't like what they like.
Your family hates me when I don't agree with them.

Your Family family makes me feel so many things.

people fear snakes.
people fear spiders.
people fear heights.

but my biggest fear is dying alone...